Another wonderful chapter! The only thing I'm not sure of is Astoria's actions. It seems a little... not quite right. But other than that, I love it! Report Review
I love it! I love how (so far at least) this is so cannon, yet little things are here and there. Especially since 19 years is a long time, and there's no telling what happened in those years). Thank you for bringing Neville in. He's one of my favorite characters. Report Review
I love the way you've written the characters! THey are so cannon. Harry reminded me just of his character in HBP and Hermione is still Hermione :) Report Review
I really liked this. I love how everything came together and all of the characters fit in so seamlessly with the cannon characters. Great job! Report Review
Love! I'm usually kind of iffy on new people, but I really like Angela. At least so far :) Report Review
Hey hun, how're you going? Man its been so long since I've read some of your stories hey, since validating on TDM... I'm so slack lol. Sorry its taken a while to review this though, Lily poured water on my laptop and I think it's ruined the circuit for the charger cuz I'm having a lot of trouble with it... I do love her, I do love her, I will not hurt her for hurting my laptop. haha. Anywho! :)
First chapter down and guess what? Loved it. It was such a different way to start a story, with a break up... Very different, but I liked it cuz it was different :) I could see what you were seeing very clearly in it too, nice description work. There were a few typos tho - I know you havent gone over it, so thought I'd help out lol :)
All his believes [beliefs] had seemed to be a lie and he no longer knew what to believe in, who to believe in.
Slowly she opened her eyes and saw him step out of the bed and collecting [collected] his clothes.
The sun just began to show itís [its] rays, far away, only just reaching above the mountains.
I'm curious to know how their relationship happened in the first place and I hope in the following chapters we're told how they got together, given Draco's a wizard and Angie is a muggle, and how long they were together etc... Could be interesting. Hoping it unfolds as the story does :) Looking forward to the next chapter - I will get around to reading the rest of the story, I just have one other person with a one shot on my request thread so I'll do that first then come back ok :) Loves ya hun! xxAuthor's Response: Thanks for reviewing! You know I always really appreciate your input! Ever since the TMD days :D. And really, don't hurt Lily...she's far too cute! I bet she even looked adorable while pouring water on your laptop!
I'm really glad you liked it :) I've been going back and working on the other chapters, but I never really dare to touch that first chapter. So I'm glad you haven't found any major mistakes in it.
Thanks for pointing out those mistakes! I'll change them asap.
About Draco and Angela getting together. I did touch on that story. However, I am working on rewriting it a little bit. The back story of their relationship needs some love and attention, but I hope you'll like it!
Thanks again Darling! With the kind words this chapter has gotten, I'm all inspired to edit it again :D
Hello there! Iím here with your requested review!
Wow that was quite a powerful start to your story. I liked how you kept the couple ambiguous at the start, and how you didnít really know who they were, as that was a really strong thing to do. You could also tell how in love they were, and how close they were, due to the intimate gestures that had with one another, and that was great as well, as when you found out who the couple were it shocked you even more.
I think it was interesting that you paired Draco with a muggle, as Iíve never seen that done before. As it was the prologue, I know why you couldnít really expand that much on why they were together, as itís best to keep the excess details down to a minimum in it, but I hope you explain it fully later, as it is shocking to find that Draco is dating a muggle. I really hope that itís a believable explanation, and doesnít follow some of the Dramione ones, because I can tell this is a good story.
I liked how you started with direct speech, as it jumped you straight into the action; however, there were a few issues with it. For example you clumped all the speech together, when there should be a line in between when a new person starts speaking. There were also a few capitals missing and here for example - ďWell, just tell me before you goĒ she said, wishing he could stay forever. You always need a comma after the last word in the direct speech, so in this case it would be after go.
I liked the ending to it as well, as you never really thought you would see a muggle have such a strong emotional for Draco, and vice versa. It was a strong ending, as it made you want to know why they were breaking up, as you could tell how clearly they were in love, and it made you want to find out why.
There were a few spacing issues, with different paragraphs not having a line in between them, but there werenít that many major grammar issues, other than the ones I pointed out.
I thought this was off to a very interesting start, and thereís only a few things which really need to be fixed :)
-Kiana :DAuthor's Response: Thanks for the review! I truly appreciate you took the time!
And you're so kind! I'm glad you liked how I kept their identity from the readers. I hope that would work out. It was harder then I thought to write and not name them at any point.
I never thought of Draco with a muggle either, before starting this story. I wanted something different in a writing style and figured a completely new take on a character would fit that.
Also very glad you could tell how in love they were. That's what I hoped for.
I'm hoping you will like the explanation I'll give. But I will wait to request more, because I am going to spend some time looking over the first few chapters again myself. It's been too long since I wrote them. I will come back for later chapters though :)
As for the grammar and punctuation. When I read someone else's work I notice that, but when I write I sometimes stop paying attention to it. Therefore I am so happy to have finally found a beta for this story. I'm hoping to improve on that part soon.
As for the spacing! Good thing you pointed that out. I always write without using too much spaces, but never remember to bring them back when I post.
Thanks again! This helped me remember some vital points I need to pay more attention too for myself! Report Review
This is a good story I don't get why no one has reviewed yet. Well, I'll pride myelf in being your first fan.Author's Response: Thank you! Hopefully you'll be the first of many reviewers ;)
The next chapter is up for validation and I hope you'll like that one as well!
Thanks again! Report Review
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