This is heart wrenching. Incomparable. I love this! You made me cry. I'm ashamed to admit it, because I never cry, but it's true. Seriously, I'm speechless. This story is just so lovely. Report Review
This was.. breathtakingly beautiful. I completely and utterly enjoyed it. You have perfectly captured the true spirit of their relationship, poignantly culminating in that final, heart wrenching scene. Quite possibly the best one-shot I've read on this site so far. Honestly, it was wonderful (you made me get tears in my eyes at the end... I *never* cry). Report Review
Breathtakingly beautiful. Report Review
So subtle yet so powerful. What a unique description of the growth of the relationship between James & Lily. I found it so impressive that you could take something so common place as holding hands and make it such a poignant and significant symbol. Such a great job! Report Review
Oh my God. Perfect.
No grammatical/spelling errors, beautiful word choice, amazingly described settings, adorable idea, sweet and believable simplicity, and heartbreaking finality at the end.
Instant favorite. Report Review
this is beautiful. :) i love its simplicity. and the way you write james. he was lovely. :) thank you so much for sharing your work! Report Review
Absolutely adored it!
Usually I find that fics about Lily and James which end with their deaths ruin the feel of the story, but I think yours flows nicely and the last act complements the other three. I like it how the falling sky contrasts the beginning and the end, but also highlights the similarities and ties the story in nicely.
Favourite line: "I love you, you know." Absolutely gorgeous!
Well done :)Author's Response: Thank you so much for your kind words :) I'm glad you didn't think the ending was too disruptive to the flow of the story! I was a bit worried that including James and Lily's deaths would feel a little out of place, but I really felt compelled to write that last act. Again, thank you! :) Report Review
Delectably simple, without unnecessary floundering around. It's sweet, very amiably to the point. Filled with a gentle delicacy that makes my heart squirm a little, in the pleasant way.
A thousand congratulations to you on your beautiful story.
Bravo.Author's Response: Thank you so much for your thoughtful (and eloquent!) review :) I'm happy to hear that your heart was not squirming in an unpleasant way. It's always a bit of challenge to write in this style, without the "floundering around," as you say, because I can often be a bit too wordy. So I'm glad you felt there was none of that here! Thanks again :) Report Review
That was... beautiful. I very, very nearly cried. I could go on about how brilliant this was, but I seem to be at a loss for words; so simply beautiful it will remain.Author's Response: You are too kind :) I'm so happy the story was able to move you like that! It's reviews like these that encourage me to keep writing, so thank you very much :) Report Review
This was gorgeous! I think the first act was my favorite of the four. It was the most descriptive and had the best imagery in my opinion.
I absolutely love your portrayal of Lily and James. Not as characters, but people. People who have regrets, triumphs, and pain. I really like that. I adore the fact that your Lily abides by the rules but isn't shrieking at James or the rest of the Marauders to behave themselves.
That happens far too much in my humble opinion, as a matter of fact, and gets extremely tedious.
I like your descriptions, too, as I noted before. I absolutely loved the first act. Even without anyone speaking it still conveys so much emotion and feeling.
This is quite beautiful!
Thank you for me giving me an opportunity to read this, I really enjoyed it. This is probably one of the best L/J pieces I've read (and I've read quite a few).
All the praise, aside, I do have a criticism.
The first three acts seem to focus on their last years at Hogwarts. However, the fourth focuses on Voldemort's attack. I do appreciate the sentiment, though, and it does slip easily into canon. However, with this piece it seems jarringly out of place, and doesn't seem to tie in well, at all.
Aside from that, however, I didn't stumble upon any glaringly obvious grammar hiccups, so those must have been fixed already. :)
LindersAuthor's Response: I'm a little bit speechless right now, so forgive me if my reply lacks in eloquence! First of all, thank you so much. The first act was my favorite as well - I've been itching to write that scene for more than a year! - so I'm incredibly pleased that it came across well.
I've been working a lot on my J/L WIP recently, which is much more ridiculous in nature/playing with cliches, so it was sort of refreshing for me to step outside of that box for this story and convey a different mood. So I'm really happy you enjoyed the way Lily was characterized here; I tried to stay as far away from the hysterical banshee archetype as possible, as entertaining as it is to write!
Thank you as well for providing me with some valid criticism! I'm a little dissapointed that it came across as so jarring, as I tried to incorporate elements of the first act into the last act (sky is falling, brilliant flash of light) to ease the transition and kind of bring it full circle, but I can definitely see how that scene comes across as disjointed from the rest. I don't really want to delete it entirely, but I'll definitely keep what you said in mind and see if I can tweak it to make its incorporation more seamless.
Thanks so much for your feedback! :D Report Review
This was, in one word, perfect.
The first three parts made me grin like a madman, but the last had me in tears. Such sweeping emotion, but it's not overdone. It's subtle, but impacting. Just...words cannot describe.
Very good job, Jess! As in absolutely stunning!Author's Response: I'm not sure I can respond to this with more than unintelligible squeal! This review made ME grin like a madman, Molly :) Thank you so much. I'm glad you didn't think the ending was overdone - writing in sparser prose like this is sort of a stylistic experiment with me, so I never quite know how it will come across.
Oh, and thanks for making this awesome challenge in the first place! :D Report Review
awww IT WAS SO SWEET! :) it makes me almost want to cry at the end :'(Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you were moved by the ending - although I do feel a bit bad about almost making you cry! Report Review
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