Deck the halls with boughs of holly... ♥
This is, so far, my favorite one-shot of yours. I enjoyed your other Draco one so much, and when I saw that this was Draco/Pansy I clicked on with embarrassing haste. :D And you certainly did not disappoint. As before -- as in everything I've read of yours, come to think of it -- the emotions in this were very raw, and very real, and very believable. And I love it when someone can write like this. I've read a lot of fan fiction -- a LOT -- and sometimes it feels very shallow, as though the writer isn't very invested in their story, or doesn't really know what's going on. But I get the complete opposite reaction here. You knew Pansy very well as you were writing this -- or, at least, that's how it comes across -- and I am so pleased to see that!
The rain motif was so beautiful, though, and I kid you not -- while writing reviews, or my own stories, I listen to tracks of rain to get me focused. And so when I read the bit about the rain, I was actually listening to it, and it was so amazing. :D It made your story come alive, too, and I loved it more for that reason. But rain is such a lovely thing to write into a story, and I loved that here, it wasn't a cleansing sort of symbol, as it sometimes is. Especially true after this bit --
Falling to her knees, she hung her head low, ignoring the mud that had splashed up from the growing puddles onto her face.
That, I felt, was a stroke of genius, contrasting the water with the impure and filth of the mud. I don't know if you did it on purpose, but I was so impressed when I got to that bit. I sat back in my chair and pondered a moment before going on, actually. :) Love it!
What a great story -- one of your best, in my humble opinion. Pansy's mindset was fantastic, and the rain was, again, just so wonderful. I know I sound a bit machine-like now, just spewing out all these things that don't make a terrible lot of sense, and I do hope you'll forgive me. I'm so glad I got the chance to come by and read all these things of yours, though. I'm definitely getting exposed to some really good writing!
Happy Christmas!Author's Response: Fa la la la la, la la la la!
Heee. It's actually one of my favourite stories I wrote - I think I told you this before.
I was never a huge fan of Draco/Pansy, I guess I was influenced by her characterisation in other fics I read back then, until I came across one that painted her in a different light. If you like this one, you might also like ciararose's novel 'Motivation' - absolutely stunning. I do know what you mean, sometimes I think writing gets better as the years pass, at least it did with me.
Seriously? Wow! I love writing whenever the rain falls, it puts me in the mood as it did with this one. The plot sat in my head for a while, and then the rain fell, so I started to write it and actually finished it in one go. It tends to be overused, but to me, it really gives the story a mood. I agree, it doesn't just cleanse, but it can mean so much more than that. To me, I equate rain with heartbreak and tears, which is why she only began to /feel/ anything when the rain fell.
When I wrote that line, I was thinking how she sort of fell off her pedestal; people usually see her as such a haughty, and pure creature, but with this, she's a bit tainted now isn't she? Little things like that which I think would've bothered her, didn't - not then anyway. I love that this line made you react that way. I do that all the time when reading fanfiction, never thought someone would do that for me.
Thank you so much, Jane! Lol, they do make sense, don't worry about it :) I'm really pleased you're enjoying all my stuff. Your reviews make me smile!
Lia Report Review
This is eternalangelkiss from the forums. I am so sorry for taking so long to do your review, but here it is albeit late.
First of all, I absolutely loved the atmospheric imagery and the descriptions that were used in this short story. The language was beautiful and it pulled the reader in. What I liked was that, even though you never expressly said who the main character was, the reader knew or had an idea who your character was and the love that she lost. I liked how you left her name out of the story because it added an air of mystery to this story and it made the story more relatable to the reader. It could have been anyone who has ever lost a love.
Now I only wish that there had been more to this story. The beginning was so moving and beautiful, but near the end, especially when Draco comes into the picture, it seemed rushed. I wanted to see more of the story, of their relationship and what it was now. I just wanted more because I was so moved by the beginning.
Other than this one critique, I thought this was a nicely written one-shot. It was short, but it had so much emotion and beauty in it. Excellent work!
eternalangelkissAuthor's Response: Hey eternalangel! I'm really sorry for the late response but uni has been ridiculous.
I'm glad you enjoyed this story. It's the first one like it that I have written...at least with the language and tone. Perhaps that was how I felt on that rainy summer afternoon.
I really didn't think that including names was necessary though I did leave subtle hints as to who they were. Maybe I was channelling a bit (or maybe a lot) of myself into my character. Like you and the rest of my reviewers have said, the character could have been anyone. I think people experience this kind of loss at least once in their lives.
I understand what you're saying about the ending being rushed. What I was trying to do here was to create a snapshot of the moment in her life where she lost her 'love'...nothing more or nothing less. I felt that at the end, when she is reassured that she still has him but not in the form she would want, sort of sealed it for her. I really don't know what would have written after that, to be honest. If you feel up to discussing this some more, drop me a line!
Thank you so much for your review and I hope you enjoy your weekend!
^_^ Report Review
This was beautifully written. I felt desperately sorry for Pansy and I loved how Draco came back, it really made his difference in feelings for her absolute. I loved the whole last paragraph in particular, it was ended on such a sad note and I felt like Pansy may move on but she would always resent having to be Draco's "friend".
Overall, I really enjoyed this!Author's Response: Hey electricfeel!
I felt sorry for Pansy too! I was never a huge fan of her before but I began to see differently. I wasn't planning to have him come back at first, I was actually going to have someone else try to help her but in the end, Draco was the only one who could mend what he broke, if you get what I mean.
I figured this could have been her reaction to finding out about his engagement to Astoria (I swear, JKR pulled her out of thin air!).
Yes the ending was sad but necessary. He couldn't lead her on, he had to specify where they stood. I really hope she moved on, she deserved it.
Thank you so much for your review!
Lia Report Review
here to review hun - sorry i took so long to get here!
okay i am typing as i read:
The lightning, she was sure, came before it, somewhere across the moor, prolonging the day a bit more before the darkness swooped in and swallowed them all.
that is one of the best lines i have read in a long time. seriously, it's just gorgeous. the imagery and personification is excellent!
this was a lovely piece. i could see everything that happened and i could feel it too. pansy's pain (she is one of my fav characters btw and i think you wrote her wonderfully in this) and i loved how she stood out in the rain, waiting for the sky to cry before she could. i always like those metaphors - how nature is so closely aligned with our emotions. dark sky - dark mood, sun - happiness etc etc. you used that really well.
a few very small grammar errors at the end:
“that you left me for her,” - needs a full stop
He sighed, his hands dropping from her face, - needs a full stop not a comma, and i think with this one:
She was still on the outside looking on at his new life - it should be 'in' not 'on', to carry through with that image of being on the other side of the glass/window.
this was really great! i enjoyed it immensely. feel free to request again hun!
Maji xxAuthor's Response: Hey Maji!
I'm really surprised at the response this has gotten! Thank you so much, I'm glad you love that line!
When I wrote it, the rain was falling and I thought it somehow fit. I've never really appreciated Pansy's character until I read Motivation. So I guess this is something to do her justice for how I've seen her. I always thought Draco would have married her so imagine my shock when I discovered Astoria Greengrass.
Nature in relation to our emotions is frighteningly true. I love to see authors use that in their writing as well. I guess there was a bit of me in this fic too but truth be told, a lot of people can relate to this idea of unrequited love and how painful it is.
I'll go fix those mistakes, thank you for pointing them out.
Ahh, I'm so glad you enjoyed this! Thank you for reading and taking the time to review :)
Lia =] Report Review
Oh my holy snap! I just came by to check on your stories and I found this one. And then I got to the bottom and found your author's note! That is the sweetest thing, I can't even tell you. Especially because I thought this story was so beautiful. It is very much in your own style, and the descriptions were very vivid, and so suited to the idea of the story- Pansy left alone in the rain. It has a wonderful simplicity to it.
Favorite line: "She was still on the outside looking on at his new life"
Perfect description :]Author's Response: Hi Ciara =]
I've been meaning to tell you about this but I never got around to it. After that epic chapter (7, I believe), when Pansy found out that Draco was with Daphne and their confrontation, I just got to thinking and this plot came to me one afternoon so I just wrote it out quickly. And you're welcome, I really enjoyed your story...it gave me a new perspective on Draco/Pansy and Pansy too!
Simply because I felt for her so much and I think the situation is such a painful one for any girl.
I'm really glad you enjoyed it and thank you for reviewing.
Lia. Report Review
I'm finding myself feeling sorry for Pansy more and more often lately. I wouldn't have so much here had Draco actually told her rather than wrote a letter. Ouch. I do like how he didn't just leave her though, and how he does value the friendship he had with her for god knows how many years. I can see that he probably would've wanted to move on from his Hogwarts days though, and leave that part of his life behind.
I love her bitterness about it all, despite it still being raw. That's very like Pansy. I love her standing in the rain like that, and you wrote it so beautifully.
Well done on writing such a beautiful piece. I'm envious of you. -shakes head-
LorrenAuthor's Response: Hey Lorren
Haha, me too. That's one of the reasons why I wrote this fic in the first place. I blame ciararose for writing a likeable Pansy. I don't think it would've hurt her as badly if he hadn't written the letter so I get where you're coming from there. At first, I planned for someone else to bring her in from the rain but then, having Draco do it sort of re-established himself as a person in her life who actually cares for her.
Thank you so much and don't be envious, please.
Hi lia. Just wanted to return the favor; I'll respond to the review you left me within the next week.
I'll admit that I didn't read the summary or anything. I just clicked on the first thing I saw on your author page. That means I don't know who the characters are, and I didn't figure it out from the chapter. However, this piece isn't character-centric. That is, it doesn't depend on specific characters. It's more about the circumstances.
This story has a dream-like quality, which is simply the closest way I have come up with to describe a certain affect that I like a lot. Celestie and Axjion are the two writers that come to mind with this style. Your writing reminded me a lot of Celestie's in particular. With a site this size, I'm probably blathering on about writers you don't know; sorry about that. But rest assured, I mean that as a compliment. :-)
It's not exactly rare to have anguished characters go out or stay out in a rain storm, but I think that's because rain, for some reason, helps convey or reflect the grief or other negative feelings a character may be experiencing. The character's feelings came out very strongly in this piece. Indeed, they almost became the setting and atmosphere, if that makes sense.Author's Response: Hey Alopex. I certainly didn't expect this! Sorta makes the little review I left for you so insignificant so I shall leave another one so we'll be square. You are right about it not being character-centric, it's something anyone or any character can relate to I suppose, that's one reason why they are no names. I did try to hint at who the guy was, with the grey eyes and pale face. In any case, they were Draco and Pansy.
Dream-like? Hmm. Well, I know who Celestie is but I've never read much of her work. I have heard people say that her writing is almost musical, if you can call it that but since you've given me that comparison, I will go read her stuff now so I can understand better but thank you for the compliment =]
There's always something about the rain...it always makes everything so much more dramatic and meaningful. I was almost tempted to go out in it and stand up like Pansy, however I can't bear my mum's shrieking. And yeah, that does make sense. For the reviews that I've read and replied to so far, other people thought the same though not in those words.
Thank you for reviewing =]
Hello! Right of the bat, your summary is really great. :D Pulls you in and makes you wonder. Not too vague or too wordy. Nice. The lead in was fantastic. Never have I read standing and getting rained on so lovely described. I really liked it. I could see her, it was very well done. It was short, but let me tell you, it was powerful. Who hasn't been the friend looking in? Really? You wrote it so well and deep, it was moving. I really can't give you the length I normally do because all O can say is that it was wonderful! :D --JennaAuthor's Response: Jenna!!! Slytherin House represent!
Aw, thank you so much. And yeah, I'm sure a lot of people have been there at one point...maybe even more. It's one of the worst feelings in the world. As mentioned in my author's note, this was inspired by ciararose's story - Motivation. When I wrote it, it was raining, believe it or not and I was in a mood. The kind that comes with stormy weather. So whatever Pansy was feeling, a little of that came from me.
Thanks again, my love!
Oh, well.. This was lovely. :) I mean, really, really lovely!
And I really don't have anything constructive to say, so I'll just leave it at that.
- RinAuthor's Response: This is the first time I've written something like this and so far I've gotten a pleasing response. Thanks a lot Rin! I really appreciate it ^_^
Lia Report Review
Very nice. I am often a fan of such short, succinct pieces, and this one was wonderful. I thought the imagery at the beginning was beautiful. It really managed to convey the pain she was feeling.
I liked the idea of the somewhat unrequited love that can never be because Draco is moving on. Surely, at some point, Pansy will be able to do the same, but if we trust canon we know that she wanted him for a long time. To have all of those schoolgirl hopes and dreams pushed aside for another would be crippling.
I did like how Draco came back at the end. You can really see how deeply he feels about Pansy as a friend. It is a really delicate situation, and you have managed to put all sides of the tale on display. My favorite line was this: “I would never abandon you, you’re my best friend.” It really just gives a whole other depth to the piece, rather than it just being a story about an angsty, heartbroken girl.
Overall, I loved this piece. I hope this review helps you in some way!Author's Response: Hello Lady Kyra!
This is my first time writing something that is so short. Usually my lengths are 2500+ and if I really get going, the length becomes painful, lol.
That is exactly what I told the reviewer before you (propertyoftheHBP). Unrequited love, in my opinion, has to be the worst. You can do and say what you want but the other person either remains oblivious or their feelings for you won't change. Like you said, hopefully she would be able to move on, just for now, I think she's allowed to grieve.
At first, he was never meant to return to her. Someone else was supposed to come just to show her she won't be alone but in the end, I let Draco come. I think it would serve as some sort of closure for him and perhaps even for her when she looked back on it. The note wasn't just sufficient and it was cold. You're the second person to mention that line you know. Even though it sort of sealed her fate in terms of anything relationship wise, it still reassured her that she will always have him as a friend. Even if it wasn't enough at the time.
Thank you so much for your time and your review!
Pansy was written so heartbreakingly here. I could really feel the betrayal and hurt that she felt, it was very emotional--especially near the end. The "I would never abandon you, you're my best friend," line was so sad, knowing that Draco simply doesn't feel what she does. I usually see Pansy as someone Draco left connected to his school life--he moved on as fast as he could and then married Astoria, in my mind. But I really like how you've put this here. I can definitely see his side, as well as hers. This was wonderfully written and so tragic. You did a great job. :-)Author's Response: Hey propertyoftheHBP!
After reading ciararose's novel-length, I became a bit more in-tuned to Draco/Pansy, a ship which I never really cared for before. The plot itself popped up one afternoon after reading a few more chapters so I got up to actually write it out. I imagined they would've been something during their days at Hogwarts and I always thought that he would've married her. I was shocked to see he married Astoria instead. I understand what you're saying though, he would have wanted a fresh start after the war.
Hmm, that sentence seals her fate, doesn't it? It puts her in her place, so to speak. Unrequited love is the worst kind, I think, especially in a situation like this. But I'd like to imagine that she moves on. My original intention was to have someone else bring her in out of the rain but it worked better that Draco came instead, to reassure her that she isn't completely gone from his life.
Thank you for your review!
Short and sweet, very descriptive, and in the end I felt sorry for Pansy(what good writers are supposed to do). Wonderful job!Author's Response: Hi Quill Writer! I felt sorry for her too. Thanks for reviewing =] Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection