Hi Ilia :]]
Interesting perspective, to be sure. I like the characterization of Scorpius - it's a nice change from the cliched Quidditch god scenario or whatever it is these days. Of course, the piece reflects your lovely diction and descriptive abilities.
Shelby Report Review
Hello there! It's Broomsticks from the forums. I'm sorry about the horrendous wait, I really hope it wasn't a problem :/
I really like the narrator's tone. Adelaide was not too bitter, which made it easier to like her and see the downfalls of Scorpius. I thought it was also entirely befitting to the piece that even she herself doesn't talk about herself much here, mostly it's Scorpius' story. I really liked the idea of it all and how you wrote it. Adelaide's voice was cool and collected and that really highlighted the eerie-ness (let's pretend that's a word) oh the whole situation.
It had some really dark aspects to it. The constant neglect, the way he dragged her around... eugh- it was very unnerving and sinister, which made it emotional too.
One thing that slightly confused me was their parent's emotions. When they first had Adelaide, though they used her to calm Scorpius, they seemed to show some signs of affection, which were mainly repressed by fear of Scorpius. And then they thought they had raised her better, and they were ashamed of how Scorpius had turned out. I felt like their emotions were a little unclear, but perhaps you intended that. I still liked that they left him everything regardless of his lifestyle though... suggests they never really got over their fear/love of Scorpius. But that is really a tiny comment, just something that muddled me slightly.
If you were ever to make a change to this, the only suggestion I would make is to perhaps make clear why their family was famous? That part confused me. I would have thought pureblood families like that were less publicly loved after the war, so maybe you could have given a reason for it?
Gramatically I thought it was perfecto ^_^
Overall this was really unique to read, and the tone and the ideas were seemingly 'weird' like you said... but you pulled it off very well and I enjoyed this!
Sorry about the lateness again! Report Review
I had to sit for a moment or two to process this once I had finished reading.
Even now, it has been some minutes since I typed that last sentence.
Don't fret. I'm not struggling to find words because this was bad, not in the least. I'm struggling because it was so good and so personal that I don't really know what to say.
I could say so much about this. So much. But, again. I don't really know what to say. Other than this was absolutely brilliant.
I can relate to Adelaide. A small, dark, hidden part of me knows exactly what she is going through. To be perfectly honest, I almost feel like I went through a small bout of therapy as I read this.
I won't go into too many details about me, but please know two a few things:
i. This was amazing.
ii. This almost... healed? a tiny part of me.
iii. Thank you for writing this.
Joop :) Report Review
I quite enjoyed the story - mainly the ending, as that is what he deserved. I typically am opposed to OCs, but I found Adelaide's character very plausible. I also liked the fresh perspective of Scorpius. I have seen him as the opposite of his dad - polite, quiet, reserved, even kind. However, this Scorpius is very likely; I doubt Draco and Astoria would want to deprive their "little prince" of whatever he wanted. While overall, it was depressing and disturbing, I liked the point of view. Well done! :)Author's Response: Thank you! I'm so glad you liked it. It's great to hear that my OC was plausible. OCs are my favorite =P
I'm not very well versed in Scorpius, so I didn't actually know how he was often portrayed, but I had a feeling this was quite different from the way he's usually seen. Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it and I appreciate your review ♥ Report Review
Oh, my goodness.
So... I was drawn in by the banner, and the summary, thinking it'd be romance.
As you may know, I was extremely wrong. ><
Wow. This was... it was chilling. Horrifying.
The way Scorpius dragged her around, like a doll, like something useless... it was terrifying. I wanted so badly for her to leave, and when she did, I breathed a sigh of relief.
I loved the ending. Kudos to her for ignoring him--he deserved it. In the end, he set up his life, and he sent everyone away from him. He deserved it.
Brilliant piece. I loved it.
-JasmineAuthor's Response: Thank you! It's odd to say this, but it's really encouraging to hear you call this story "chilling" and "horrifying." It makes me feel like I did a god job. =) It was my intention to sort of weave in the creepiness of this story without coming right out and saying it. Thank you so much! I really appreciate your review =) Report Review
Even though I'd never imagined Draco to be that way with his son, somehow it seems plausible because of the way he was raised.
Scorpius being a rude and spoiled seems canon, but WOW I never imagined him to be such a bastard. I was shivering as I read what Scorpius did to his sister when they were children, and I smirked when he did need her, she simply turned away, like she had been all her life. Great job!!!
I loved that she was a Muggle, and I can imagine how that would make Draco and Astoria ignore their child, but I liked how she knew that this wasn't normal parental behavior and finally left them behind for a life of happiness (or maybe that's just my mind :-))Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad it seemed plausible =)
I was worried that what Scorpius did with Adelaide would be so graphic that it would be unbelievable, but I'm glad you liked it =)
Thank you so much! I really appreciate your feedback ^-^ Report Review
I'm speechless, perhaps for several reasons. The first is the writing, emotional and raw it gave insight into a life of Draco and Astoria I've never seen before. Particularly and equally as shocking was Scorpius who I have never seen portrayed in such a way, someone so caring and heartless that he rivaled even that of his father in his youth. It was your writing that brought this story to life, this sad and emotional tail of a family torn apart by a son who took everything from them.
The second reason as to why I'm speechless is perhaps the overall storyline, I was unsure of what to expect, drawn in by the beautiful banner and interesting description, yet nothing prepared me for this story, and I think in a way that was a good thing. Perhaps it's the shock that comes with such a moving and different piece that makes you wonder what if the the Malfoy's had a daughter or a son who was a Squib and how would they treat the child. Adelaide provided a potential answer for this, and inevitably the almost fairy-tale type tie in you've used worked amazingly with the story.
Scorpius's brutality and heartlessness came as quite a shock, generally he's portrayed as a pleasant child, yet at the same time not too many are actually entirely sure where he shall fit as a character. Your Scorpius however was something else entirely, almost inhuman in his actions, yet at the same time in the end he needed someone else and by that stage he had driven everyone else away from him. It was a very interesting and intriguing take on Scorpius that's for sure.
I'd just like to say that the last line was very chilling and left me thinking about this story quite a bit. I really enjoyed this fic despite the darker manner behind it and it was something a little unique and different to what I'd usually read. Thank you for writing such a brilliant piece and keep up the good work!Author's Response: Thank you so much! Wow, what a compliment! I'm so honored by your first compliment. To hear that my writing has captivated you is the best thing to hear. Thank you so much. And I'm also glad you liked the plot! This is a story that sort of popped in my brain at the last minute. I didn't really know where it would go. I knew that everything was vague, but I hoped that the underlying story that I didn't write would come out clearly between the lines. Thank you!
I tend to try and write characters in ways they're normally not portrayed. =P I'm glad you weren't put off by my version of Scorpius.
Thank you so much! I really appreciate your review. =) Report Review
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