i really love it. and i cant wait to see more!! Report Review
I just loved this chapter, and the one before it. Your writing was lovely and flowed very smoothly.
I loved your character. She has a wonderful, unique voice that is shaping up to be very funny and real. As for Harry and Ginny, they were definitely recognisable. They were, in fact, in character (at least in my opinion). They are how I could imagine them to be and it seems as though you have experience with young boys. James and Albus were great and Harry and Ginny were the typical frantic and over-stretched parents.
Your OC's background is great- the fan-struck, worried mother and more traditional father... I just love how you're including more details about her subtly, through conversations with her parents (especially in the "helpful" conversation with her parents just before the interview).
All in all, I really hope that you are able to continue writing this. It has such great potential to become a hilarious novel, one that I am looking forward to reading! Report Review
Hello, I'm here with the review you requested one million years ago. I'm so sorry that it's taken so long, I'm en epic failure at organization of my time and things haha.
BUT ANYWAY, review time (:
I really really like the plot so far. It's rare to see a story where the nextgen kids are little, and I love that it's from the perspective of someone who was born in between the trio's hogwarts era and the next generation. The whole nanny thing is also a cool concept. I haven't read any stories on here like that, so I love that this is orginal (:
I'm no grammar expert but from what I do know, there was no glaring errors. I didn't see any typos either, but if you're worried about all of that I'm sure you could find a great beta on the forums!
I'm in love with your characterization. From the get go you've made penelope very relatable. You've given her qualities that make her so real, like she could be an actual person. It's not an easy thing to make characters come alive off the page, so you should definitely be proud! Of course this is only the first chapter so there's plenty more characterization to come and I'm excited to see that.
Oh and I love the show the Nanny, so that made me smile to see that it inspired you to write this.
Wonderful read (:
-ronsgirl29Author's Response: Oooh, thanks so much for your review! And seriously, don't worry about the delay ... I mean, I'm replying in April. Sorry about how long this has taken!
Anyway, thanks for your comments - I'm really glad you enjoyed it. :) Report Review
I totally Author's Response: I know, I'm speechless as well. ;) Report Review
First of all, I want to apologise for the tardiness of this review. You requested it in August. It is not December. I am so sorry!
But putting that aside, I have to say that I absolutely adored this. I was just smiling the whole way through it and I really think that if you continued writing, it could easily become one of my favourite stories.
What I love the most is Penelope and how normal she is. I love her and the way you have developed her. You have perfected the art of creating an OC and you should be extremely proud of her. I absolutely adore her. I also love the subtle humour you put in here. The advert for the male models for the calendar. The way you described the public telephone and how so many people travel to London just to see them. Her worry over her curtseying. They are all really small things. But they just add something to her character. I can instantly tell the type of person she is. And what I love most about these little added extras is that it isn't the type of humour that is there just for the sake of there being humour in the story, they are just part of her character. And that is really strong characterisation.
You asked if there were any spelling or grammar issues. Nothing glaring, but I would revise comma placement, particularly when to add it in sentences where you are adding extra information. It is annoying, I know, but, once you get the hang of it, it comes naturally.
One thing I would consider is changing either the story or the summary so that they match. I know that the word in the story may not fit the rules at HPFF that summaries must be 12+, but maybe change it so that both say "drat"? Just a thought, you know, consistency and all that. But that is me being really nit-picky.
Harry and Ginny seem to be in character. Harry is a bit awkward, a bit shy and you can tell that they are a bit frazzled. I like that and I think it suits them. One thing, though. You described Ginny as being "tall". That is contrary to canon and I would consider changing that, but, again, that is me being really nit-picky. I also absolutely adore Albus and James. Any stories with Harry/Ginny and their kids when they are young have me hooked from the first sentence, and this was no different!
In terms of plot, there isn't much to say so far because I think it is too early to tell. I love what you have so far and I can see it going somewhere really special. The summary also indicates some fun and interesting times ahead, so hopefully you do have a plot! Just make sure that you have the normal tension and climax, etc., because I would hate for this story to flounder since I love it so much!
Keep writing! I would absolutely love to read more!
Joop :)Author's Response: ... And a response in April. I'm so sorry it's taken such as a long time!
Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed Penelope's characterisation - I tried to make her as real as possible, and hopefully those flaws will come through soon enough.
Thanks for your suggestions, and for such a lovely review! :) Report Review
Really neat plot line, can't wait for the next chapter!Author's Response: Thanks! :) Report Review
I love it!
No, really, I do. And I can't wait to read on and continue. It's got such promise, and your writing style is lovely. Really.
10/10Author's Response: Thank you! :) Report Review
Hi me again.
I think you kept everything in character really well. I mean you do have free reign with next gen characters but with Harry and Ginny you did well.
I also like how you did the bit with her family and her mothers constant fussing. It seems realistic.
You have a brilliant wit as a writer.
As for your worries about getting the age part right. You conveyed them accuratly in my opinon and I have a four year old brother.
Ginny45/RandomRed xxx Report Review
Hey RandomRed from the forums. Sorry for the late review my computer is on the fritz.
Good first chapter. Nice set up and it was a smooth flow.
This is such a great idea and I can't wait to read everything that happens to penelope and the children. You have the start of a great story.
Ginny45/RandomRed xxx Report Review
Ok, so I'm a bit tardy, but back for a review for chapter two :)
Really, really had a good feeling with this story since you wrote Chapter 1 and you definitely didn't disappoint with Chapter 2.
All the things I really loved about your writing in the first chapter were the things I absolutely loved in the second :) You have such a knack for these cute details!! Like what her mom said to her before the interview (totally a mom thing) and how Ginny would be forced to coo at the slug that young James brought to her as a gift...and slugs are just so disgusting...haha.
Those are the tiny details that really bring our your writing, I think.
I love your characterization of Harry and Ginny. I find Ginny extremely hard to write, personally, because of her lack of interaction with Harry in those very Trio-Centric 7 books...I think Ginny is certainly a bit fiery and stubborn, but I do think being an adult and mother took away the edge, it usually does :)
I also loved the detail about her eating at the table with the rest of the family, it was a pretty big deal in the Nanny series too ;) Although, I think Frank invited herself to the breakfast table...haha.
Whatever the case, great job. Can't wait for the next chapter. Just post when its up (Even if the queue is full).
-Schoenemaedchen Report Review
I really enjoyed your imagery! Your characters have a nice feel that helps me to relate to your story in a way. It's a good story and the grammar and spelling are minly up to par with only a few small errors. I really love the idea and I think you're doing a great job so far! Report Review
Hey, sorry it took me awhile to get here to review! I enjoyed the beginning quite a bit. It's got a solid jumping off point and I think it's a nice original idea. It always amazes me when people can come up with something new. Nice job! :) Report Review
Hello! Sorry about the wait. :D
Yay to see Stan again. I'm glad Azkaban didn't break him down. I think it's cute that she thought about the curtseying thing. It really sets the tone for what she expects the Potters to be like, big surprise coming on, obviously. We only ever get to see things from the views of people that know the Potter family, so it is nice to see how they are perceived to the non-members of the inner circle.
Hmm, one thing I noticed is that I shamefully forgot her name until it was mentioned there. I like her name, but maybe try to work it in a little sooner for a few chapters? I'm not really sure, just an observation.
THANK YOU for doing your research on what JK said Ginny's career was. :D I know that it wasn't in the stories, but it shows more dedication to your work when you add in little bits from her interviews. It just gives your story a bit of something extra.
I love the boys so much. I know we didn't really see much of them, but you laid it out so clear. James is the shyer one, Albus is a cutey. I can't wait to see them in 4 year old wild mode (I have a 5 year old, so be prepared for me to LOL at their antics and a lot of 'oh yeah, that happens').
I think you wrote Harry and Ginny quite well. I'm very picky about their characters and I didn't find anything to criticize about them. They seemed an Adult variation of their book characters. Very well done. I like this chapter a lot, but not as much as the first. I tend to prefer a first chapter to the others in most stories though. :D --Jenna
Feel free to come back with Chapter 3 :DAuthor's Response: Thanks so much - I'm really, really glad you liked the little details! I'll have to work her name into the story a bit more, but there's a lot more dialogue coming up, so that should help!
Ooh, you're a mother! That's fantastic ... d'you mind if I PM you if I need a little help? I haven't really spent enough time around toddlers, and my mum only ever had girls, so a bit of "yes, that's right" or "no way, they'd never do that" would really be appreciated!
Thanks again - I'll be sure to rerequest :). Report Review
Still great... same stuff as before. Good work, keep writing.Author's Response: Thanks! :) Report Review
Grammar- Little things that i didn't see, nothing major
Flow: Smooth but a little too smooth add a twist in there.
Characterization: Hmm, nothing really to be concerned with it is so far only an OC
Plot: Intriguing, i'm reading more.Author's Response: Thanks so much! :) Report Review
Hello, it's me again.
This chaper was quite enjoyable. I think Harry and Ginny turned out just right. I would've loved to see more of Ginny's spunk.
I caught a few small mistakes. It was nothing too major or glaring. Just some little errors a slip of the eye could easily miss.
I liked you portrayed James and Al. I find some children are very accepting and welcome of strangers (like Al) but others shy away (like James). So I think you did a good job of writing toddlers. ;)
Just like the first chapter, this was very funny. I espcially liked how you mentioned it's Harry freaking Potter. I'm a huge AVPM fan.
Overall, I think this is a great story. It really sets the mood for the rest of your story. I know it will be funny and lighthearted.
Feel free to re-request once you update again.
-LizaAuthor's Response: Thanks so much - I'm definitely working on Ginny's attitude! I'm glad you liked it ... and I'm an enormous AVPM fan as well :).
Thanks again for reviewing - I'll be sure to rerequest! :) Report Review
This story was actually in my To Read list, so I was pleasantly surprised to find you posted in my review thread.
What's a quid? Sorry, but I'm Canadian. ^_^ I assume it's money, or a slang word for money.
Anyways, your writing style is very easy and pleasant. Quite enjoyable. The flow was well-paced. Nothing seemed to break the flow.
There weren't any glaring mistakes I found. Nothing that will make your story completely unreadable, anyways. Seeing as this is only the first chapter, I can't comment much on plot. However, it seems fairly interesting.
I enjoyed your characterization of Penelope. I can just imagine the funny things she would get into, being the nanny of the Potter children.
It was a good start to the story, very enganging and funny. I liked it.
Off to read the next chapter!
-LizaAuthor's Response: Aw, awesome. I'm glad you got to read it then! A quid is slang for a pound, so yeah, a monetary term. Thanks so much for your review! :) Report Review
Hi! Me again!
I think that this chapter was very good also! Harry and Ginny were alright, I did sort of connect with your Harry, but Ginny seemed a bit too much like her mother for my liking. I think she has a bit more spunk in her, but that's just my opinion :D Actually your Ginny may have softened through adulthood and motherhood, so just ignore me XD
Again, Penelope was very well written and developed, she seems like a perfect narrator for us, very reliable :) However I think the pacing is just a little too fast, and it would be better to just drop a little bit of observational description in there, of appearences. In my experience the five senses cannot fail- when she steps into the Potter home, what can she see, smell, hear, feel? Taste isn't really appropriate at that moment, but hey ho. Hope it's a good tip for you :) I hope I'm not being mean!
The kids seem great, can't wait to see how they turn out later on :)
So overall, very well written, you have nothing to worry about really, I still find it believable and easy to read. I like this story very much, so be sure to let me know when you update :DAuthor's Response: Thanks so much for your comments - Ginny's characterisation is what I'm finding quite difficult at the moment. Trying to find the right balance between her motherliness and typical feministic attitude is a little daunting!
Thanks again for reviewing, I'll be sure to let you know! :) Report Review
Hi! I think this opening episode is a very solid beginning to the story. Your character seems nicely developed although I would like to know more about her past, her friends, is she single? etc, but it's only the first chapter so no worries :)
She seems very kind, funny and patient- be nice to see how the kids affect her :) Good description, very readable, and very nice ending!
Well done!Author's Response: Thanks very much! I didn't want to write her biography in the very first chapter, but don't worry, it'll come in time!
Thanks for reviewing :). Report Review
Oh. My. Gosh.
Brilliant.Author's Response: Thanks! :) Report Review
You did a great job in keeping everyone in character! I really do like the start to this story and am so glad you asked me to review it or I would never have found it! I'm eager to read more and I'm currently going to take a look at your other things!!
--dark markedAuthor's Response: Thanks so much! I know it's a pretty obscure topic that not many people would look for ... probably why I spend so much time in the Reviews Offered/Wanted forum! Thanks again :). Report Review
This was another really great chapter. I'm really liking this story so far! Also, I loved your mentione of 'Harry-Freaking-Potter'. That was really funny! :)
I think that your Ginny and Harry seem rather in character right now. There's just something about them that you just know that they're Harry and Ginny. I also like how you have James being shy, since most people don't seem to make him that way.
I noticed one thing, 'for her too handle by herself.' It should be 'to' not 'too'. Not too glaring, buyt I felt I should point it out nonetheless.
I can't wait to see how that plot moves along in the next chapter! This story seems really good so far. Good luck with it! :)Author's Response: Haha, thanks! A massive AVPM fan right here :).
I'm glad characterisation was okay, and I'll fix up that spelling error - thanks for pointing it out.
Thanks for reviewing! :) Report Review
Hah! There's something so fun about a normal Harry/Ginny and being frazzled over normal stuff. Little James is so cute! I suppose I'll have to wait for the later chapters to see the fun begin, but it's looking good so far 8DAuthor's Response: Thanks very much! The fun will begin very soon, promise. Thanks for reviewing! :) Report Review
Very in characther :) Not to worry! I like it so far and I'm looking forward to reading more :)Author's Response: Thanks very much! :) Report Review
Great job XD Very well written. Ginny, I'd imagine however, is less amiable and more bad ass feministic XD Maybe that's just me. Write moar, this was epic ^^Author's Response: Thanks very much! Yeah, I realised that a few days after I'd submitted the chapter ... but just wait until the hormones kick in. Thanks again! :) Report Review
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