It was a sweet story. I liked it. I also love this song now
Author's Response: Thank you, I'm glad you liked it! Haha, and that's good to hear as well :)
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This is a great story. It's hard to find one shots like this any more. Have you considered writing a sequel to this story?Author's Response: Thank you, I'm glad you liked it! :D I must admit, I did consider writing a follow-up for this, but I doubt I will - I fear it wouldn't do this justice :S sorry..
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I liked it, even though there wasn't much substantial content. It was sweet, had a happy ending, and was fairly well-written without obvious grammar and spelling mistakes, therefore I enjoyed the read. Thank you!Author's Response: Thanks, I'm glad you still liked it :) I know there wasn't that much of a plot :P
It's good to hear you enjoyed the read.
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that was a good story. I like the way you planned it out and it was well writen. good job and keep up the good workAuthor's Response: Thank you, I'm glad you liked it! I'll do my best :) Thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
Sorry it took me so long to get to you with this review. I loved this! I liked your portrayl of Elisa and James and I thought the whole idea was just too cute for words. The song really flowed with the story and who can resist a Lily/James-esque story? I loved it to bits!Author's Response: Oh, that's alright! I felt completely stupid for posting in your thread hours after seeing your status update - I'm horribly slow sometimes :S So thanks a lot for reviewing anyway!
I'm glad you liked it, thank you! That's great to hear :)
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That was really good, I'm looking to do a song fic with the same characters so I'm trying to find a format I think readers will enjoy. I liked this...you could even strech it out and make it a few chapters longer (not in songfic form but the plot and story line are quite good!)
~K.K~Author's Response: Thank you, that's great to hear! Okay, good luck!
Thanks! I know, and who knows what'll happen in the future. But for now, this will remain a one-shot. I'm glad you liked the plot and story line!
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Aw, how sweet! As soon as I started reading this I was like "Hmm, this remindes me a lot of Lily/James (I)!" and then you go on about how their relationship is very similiar, haha I let out a little laugh.
I thought this was a completely adorable love story. But, it was a little confusing that she went from dissing him and calling him immature to loving him just like that. It's easier in multiple chapters stories to show the change in a relationship because there's a greater time span.
So, since this is only a oneshot might I suggest you start off laying hints that she might return his feelings towards the begining. Instead of her saying how immature he is, maybe she could notice that he was starting to act like a man and not a silly boy. That way, when he hugs her and it finally hits her that she likes him, the change won't seem so out of the blue.
Sorry if it seems like I'm being harsh, I actually very much enjoyed reading this and I was just putting in my opinion on how it could be even better. Obviously you can ignore what I said and I won't mind!
Okay, on to praising!
I thought James love for her was super cute. He obviously cares about her a lot, she just couldn't see that. I also thought it was beyond adorable that he wanted the whole common room to witness Lizzy saying yes to him!
(even if it didn't work out that way, haha)
I also appreciated Lizzy's love for history. I thought that a good way to tie everything together. It worked well with both the song and the idea of repeating what happend with Lily and James.
Very nice job!
-Ronsgirl29Author's Response: Hi!
Thank you! Haha, I'm glad you did. That was kind of the purpose of this story - show two similar relationships (so it would fit the song), even though that might not always happen in real life.
That's great to hear, thanks :) Oh, right, I get it. You're right, the change would've been easier to portray in multiple chapters, and I considered doing that at one point, actually. So I changed a couple of things, but not quite enough, it seems (the change was even more sudden in the first draft). Thank you for pointing that out, I'll try to hint at her changed feelings more when I edit this :) It seems rather out of the blue indeed, the way I wrote it now.
That's okay :) And it's good to hear you enjoyed this!
Haha, I'm glad you think so :) He cares about her a lot indeed, but she didn't realise it. And James has some strange ideas every now and then - I'm glad you thought his plan was adorable, even though Elisa spoiled it by saying no again.
That's great to hear, I thought so too :) Besides, not many characters like HoM so that might make it a little more original as well (I figured it might anyway).
Thanks a lot for your review! :D Report Review
(Prize review #1)
Ahh, what a relief to read a male/female story after five Remus/Sirius slash ones! But on to your writing!
I find the idea of Next Gen repeating Marauder Era situations quite annoying and cliche. The likelihood of the same exact thing happening to James I and James II is VERY small. The saying "history repeats itself" didn't have to be used in such an obvious way - you could have surprised us by writing a post-Founders' Era fic about two students in a similar situation to show how Lily and James weren't the first love-hate couple in Hogwarts.
But moving away from the believability issues and on to characterization: I thought that Elisa was a copy of Lily at first. And that is NOT a good hint to give us when the rest of the story is pretty much a Next Gen cliche. She developed later into a pretty good character, but there wasn't a freshness to her. Except for her love for History.
Now to the compliments, as to re-inflate your ego! ;)
I like your writing style. You use the right words, but you might want to watch your synonyms for 'said' - and I congratulate you on using any other form of the word - because every third or fourth line, someone mutters. And with all that muttering, we'd barely be able to hear a thing!
And I drifted away from compliments. I really would like to say nice things (and you gave me enough reasons to do that), so let's try again!
The lines of the song fit this piece perfectly. You wove them in at just the right moments and it helped the story's flow instead of disrupting it (which often happens in song fics).
I really like the biased third person narration you used here. It shows Elisa's thoughts and feelings in a better, more understandable way than if you wrote in first person - her thoughts were probably a jumble!
On to the next story: "Exam Stress"!Author's Response: Haha :D I can imagine!
I have to admit, I'm not usually a big fan of that either. For just one story, I figured it wouldn't hurt though. That's a good one, I hadn't even thought about that. The Founders' Era is pretty hard to write (in my opinion), but it would have been original indeed. I don't know, I think I wanted to make their situations as similar as possible, even though, as you say, the chances at that are very slim.
You're right, Lily is often written rather similarly to how I portrayed Elisa - once again, this was (partly, at least) intended (yes, I know it doesn't make much sense to willingly write a NextGen cliche). On the other hand, we don't know a lot about Lily's days at school - we've seen her yell at James once, we know she didn't like him much, but we don't know much more than that (as far as I remember). For the purpose of your argument, it doesn't really matter though, I suppose. I'm glad she turned out to be a rather good character anyway :)
Oh, thanks for pointing that out, I honestly hadn't noticed. When I'm editing this, I'll make sure to change that. You're right, too much muttering isn't good.
Thank you! I'm glad you think so. It's good to hear the lyrics didn't disrupt the flow :)
I guess you're right about the first person; it wouldn't have been a good idea to use that here. Thanks!
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Aww, this was so cute (:
I really liked how you adapted the lyrics to the plot and it flowed really well - there weren't any breaks were it was awkward or anything and it was consistent. I really liked how you've written this (:
I think the song suited it well because it was true about history repeating itself and I like that it had really developed in just one chapter!
I especially like the way you've characterized Elisa and how she comes about her emotions and her thoughts when she's feeling so mixed up - also that she loves history and that it was relevent to the plot and not just as an accessory type of thing either (:
Also with James starting to grow more mature and even confronting Elisa and showing that he has grown up and he's done it because he's trying to show his love for her in a different way.
I actually really want to read more but it's really nice and complete just by itself anyway.
I think you've done an excellent job in this and especially by making the emotions come alive in this as well (:
xAuthor's Response: Thank you! :D
That's great to hear, thanks! I'm glad you thought the flow was good and it wasn't awkward or anything, and that you liked the way it was written, of course!
Haha, yes, I'm glad you think so too. I was listening to that song when the story idea hit me - and of course, it had to be a James II story ;) It's good to hear you think it developed well in one chapter, so thanks a lot!
I (felt that I) had to incorporate something about the history thing, and History of Magic isn't such a generally liked subject, so I thought this would be nice :) I'm glad you like Elisa's characterisation too.
James is really growing up, isn't he? :) And so is Elisa, I think, in a way.
Aw, sorry! I suppose it's a good thing that you want to read more, though, thanks! I'm glad you think it's nice by itself as well :)
Thanks a lot! It's good to hear the emotions seemed real :)
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