Hello Eridanus! This is notreallyblonde44, a fellow Slytherin from the forum, just doing a little reviewing :)
Fangirl squeee! I am an avid Dean/Luna shipper. I'm not sure why, but also saw so much potential in their relationship from DH. I was sad that JK killed that thought, but I was more than excited to read this missing moment even if it isn't explicitly shippy/romantic.
For the most part I think you really captured the essences of these characters in such a short amount of time. I think Dean would be realist and I like that he doesn't think Luna is all that sane -you're aren't forcing a connection, but they just have one. It's like real life and not fanfic life! I think this is great. This is only enhanced by the fact that Luna "doesn't think much" about Dean, which was funny to me. I do think she wouldn't be interested in romantic relationships in the same way most people are. Great characterization here!
Some questions/things I caught:
"circumstances had dictated that Luna and Dean would go to the beach on this particular afternoon." -Lol. Circumstances brought to you by a writer? Perhaps?
Not sure I'm sold about Luna disliking goblins...this is probably just a me thing, but are they that icky?
' The Wrackspurts were after you, so you sat down.' -you? The ending seemed off, even though the Wrackspurts were a nice touch, along with the contrast in Dean and Luna's approach to sorrow.
Onto some more praise:
I think that in the short amount of time, you succeeded in capturing their characters in a well-written and perfectly described manner. I think this one-shot was sweet, short and to the point. Nothing overtly romantic and I loved the setting, which would be romantic, except for the fact they are in the midst of war. I totally think this missing moment is plausible and I could only hope that this one-shot has inspired you to write more on Luna/Dean...of course this is just me forcing my love onto you haha. Like I wrote above, the ending seems odd and slightly hurried in comparison to the gradual/almost consistent tide-like pace of the rest of the one-shot. As a whole, this was very nice.
(Random question though: what is TGS?)
9/10~ Report Review
I love the differences in the two characters that you point out almost immediately. Sometimes when people write a (possibly) non-canon ship they try to force the two characters to be extremely similar, thus making them OOC, but you didn’t! And yay for that! I loved the way you wrote them, and all the detail you included at the very beginning. It was a very nice way to start and did not feel at all forced. The way you described some things was perfect.
“Dean’s forehead crinkled up like discarded wrapping paper.”
That really made me smile, I could picture it so clearly and there is simply no other way to describe it.
A few (and I really only mean 2 or 3) of your sentences here and there were a bit off. I was able to understand what you were going for in meaning, but I couldn’t exactly follow the wording of it. I feel as if they were okay sentences, but you could have fixed them a bit to make them a little less awkward. I think it was partly comma usage that made them confusing.
I think that writing Luna/Dean in your summary is a bit of false advertising. I do think they could make a good/believable ship during DH, but I don’t think that came through enough for this to be labeled that way. Just a thought.
On another note, I really do see this as a missing moment, I think you pretty much nailed Luna. And I don’t think Dean was far off himself, though, honestly there wasn’t much of him to be able to tell one way or another. I reallyed enjoyed reading this, and I cannot wait to read some more of your fanfic pieces!
Great job! And Happy Holidays!
:)BaletGir Report Review
I admire your brain! LOL but yes, I always thought it would have been cool for Dean and Luna to end up together. I don't know why, it's just appealing to me. I think you've caught the feeling of them quite well. I feel like jabbering on and on about the awesomeness of this story and how you absolutely are so great at portraying both of them exactly as they should be portrayed but I guess that might turn out to be annoying after a while. But I must say, I absolutely love coming across a story (like this) that I totally love and find no fault in. And you're totally brilliant, just for the record. :) Okay, I'll shut up now I guess...
Smiles~Jen Report Review
I love the idea of Luna/Dean, what with all they've been through together and all, though I was always a bit disappointed with DH when there wasn't more of a suggestion of something between the two. Regardless, this fit in with the book very well and was a true missing moment. I liked it--the simplicity of both of their characters were captured perfectly, and Dean's and Luna's musings on each other was just great. It was a sweet piece, I really liked it. Great job! :] Report Review
It's easy to believe this scene could have happened in canon, especially since Dean and Luna are so in-character! Even without a straightforwardly romantic approach, it's so sweet to see them just together and talking and comfortable with each other, even though it's unlikely as anything that they should feel comfortable.
The insight on how Dean views Luna, and also the way Luna wants to help anyone who's helping Harry, are my favorite parts. Basically, the whole thing was beautiful and I loved it.
Sami Report Review
This is perfect, Jane! Plain and simple :) Actually, the simplicity of the story makes it even more of a missing moment. ♥
‘You’re not,’ she said, carrying on with her task, ‘but you will be.’
That is such a Luna thing to say! She's so honest and blunt, argh, I just love her!
As you said, not particularly shippy, but lovely all the more because of it!
xxAuthor's Response: You big eejit. Thank you so much, Georgia ♥. I am a missing moment fiend and I was ridiculously disappointed when it turned out Luna/Dean didn't happen. THEY COULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH MORE.
Yes, I definitely have some Luna love going on.
Thank you for taking the time to review ♥ xx Report Review
I love Luna/Dean, and even though, as you said, this wasn't particularly shippy, their interaction was still really cute and I loved it :) A lovely missing moment.
I'm really impressed with how well you wrote Luna - she's so difficult! But here she was pretty much perfect, all sweet and odd with her comments about wrackspurts and her stating the simple truths plainly and innocently: 'You're not,' she said, carrying on with her task, 'but you will be.' Dean was really good too, and I thought both their personalities shone through even though the piece was fairly short. Great stuff :D Report Review
Hi! I really think that this is really well written! What pulled me in to the story was the summary, plain and simple that made me go "Yay! Is this a DH lost moment?". The rather rare pairing also pulled me into this story.
I have to agree that the story wasn't very shippy and after reading it I wasn't really feeling the whole Luna/Dean thing as I didn't feel that the characters in your story seemed to have any (romantic) feelings for each other. But maybe it's just me who missed something.
Anyway, good story all in all, and I definately love lost moments!
-Johanna Report Review
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