Do I take it Peter transformed into a rat before he hit the ground? Of course, this is the last chapter so I can't find out, but I think that might be what happened. This chapter was certainly action-packed, wasn't it? I think you did it very well - action isn't always easy to write and can often sound contrived, but I think you nailed it here.
Nice from Aurora's POV that the bad guys were in masks and the good guys weren't - made it easier for her to know who to trust. I bet she's wondering who she's been harbouring now, though, to cause this sort of disturbance. Not to worry, she'll find out soon enough.
I've really enjoyed reading this story -it's AU but a good AU in that the good guys are coming out on top and the innocent released, and it's alwyas nice to see Harry get away from the Dursleys. Excellent job!
melian (gryffindor)Author's Response: Uh, he might have ;) Next chapter is written, but not yet edited.
And I'm relieved to hear the battle scene came across okay; I really didn't want it to sound forced. Aurora will soon find out a little more.
So glad you enjoyed this, I had fun writing this - the first plot bunny that proved strong enough to be written down; even with the plot holes.
Thanks so much for the nice feedback!
~Leo Report Review
Poor Electra! It hadn't occurred to me that she didn' t know yet that Sirius was innocent, and it's a cruel twist of fate to have Remus called away just as he was about to tell her. Then again, if they're going to find Harry then I guess its' just as well.
I also really liked how Harry was comparing Aurora's treatment of Alyssa to the Dursleys' treatment of him, and finding it coming up short. I think he might have compared it with how they treated Dudley as well, but then again he's five and at that age they don't have the same mental processes as we do, do they? It's true though that it was all he'd known so he didn't question it. Nice one. :)
melian (gryffindor)Author's Response: Hm yes, Remus is quite busy in this part of the story. She'll learn about it soon, though.
And although it may have been safer for him with the Dursleys, it definitely wasn't happy.
Well, thanks for reading and reviewing!
xox Leo Report Review
Nice to see Sirius released - and Remus' quick thinking about the missing rat was good, too. So Wormtail was unmasked years earlier? Excellent. Nothing's too bad for that guy. (Yeah, I like him a lot. Can you tell?)
I liked Harry spotting the man on the street pacing back and forth, though it's frustrating that if Aurora had approached him rather than hurried away they could have had the whole thing sorted out so much sooner. I wonder that she has'nt asked Harry his last name yet, because it'd have to be everywhere in the wizarding world ... but maybe she figures it doesn't matter, due to his parents not being alive. Nice touch that his glasses were too weak, too, it really fits that the Dursleys wouldn't have had his prescription updated more than absolutely necessary.
melian (gryffindor)Author's Response: Lol, I like the idea of a young, true Peter; but not anymore after Hogwarts. There I agree with you :)
They could have sorted it out right away. But Aurora has her own reasons for running away, which will come up later.
Lovin' the feedback :) ~Leo Report Review
Poor Sirius. I think that Azkaban would be a lot like you described it, though to be honest I'd never thought of a visting area before. It makes sense, though, that he'd be chained to the chair - he is, after all, supposed to be Voldemort's second in command. :(
Curious that we're getting the tale of Wormtail's betrayal here, rather than eight years in the future. Not to worry - if it means he's going to be released, then I'm all for AU. :D
melian (gryffindor)Author's Response: If it didn't have an AU tag before, it defintely should now :)
I don't know how far I'll continue this into Harry's Hogwarts years, for I already changed too much to keep to the original plot. Maybe wrap it up before that point of time.
As for Azkaban, I don't know if visitors were ever intended. But if they were, it would probably be kinder to them (Actually, that makes me think of Mrs Crouch. I never stopped to look up where she visited. Hm.)
Anyway, feedback is always appreciated :) Thank you! Report Review
Missing rat??? Hahahahah. Sorry, got a bit distracted there by your last sentence. Actually the whole last paragraph was a stroke of brilliance, you seem to have those Weasleys absolutely down pat. :)
I loved the irony of Aurora showing up at the Ministry about Harry, and being told that unless she could produce the Boy who Lived then she should come back later. Again, brilliant, and uber frustrating for both Aurora and Harry. I als liked Alyssa's continued requests to have Harry live with them ... I bet he'd love it, and the Dursleys' probably wouldn't mind either! :)
melian (gryffindor)Author's Response: The Percy bit? Yeah, it just seemed so fitting, and for him at that moment far more important than some missing boy.
Hehe, glad you enjoyed it :)
The Dursleys probably wouldn't mind, no. And the kids would definitely enjoy it, but things won't be that easy.
Thanks for the review :)
~Leo Report Review
So Aurora makes a reappearance! I was wondering when that would happen. It's nice that Harry and Alyssa bonded like that, and I'm deathly curious as to how Harry was able to make magic happen with the stick he pulled off a tree. Again, I'm sure it'll come up eventually. :)
Again, you've got kids down pat. Bonnie is a little old for her age but with her background that's to be expected. I liked that she remembered Remus as Moony, but they've put him in a bit of a tricky situation here, both with begging him to stay and asking about Sirius. It'll be interesting to see what Electra has to say about it all. :)
melian (gryffindor)Author's Response: Ah well, yet another case where I jumped ahead of myself! I really slhould write every detail out; it seems clear when I come up with it in my head.
Thanks so much for the feedback, I really need to find the time and get back to this story!
Leo :) Report Review
I really enjoyed this chapter. Yes, it might have been filler (I've had chapters run away from me like that before, don't worry) but it was a lot of fun. I liked the idea of a 7-year old Fred finding Harry and having George distract Arthur so he could talk to him. I also liked the twins' reactions to the "wand" and the hat. Totally right for a 5yo, though - if this is a dream, he was supposed to get on the bus, so he did. Absolutely makes sense. :)
Onwards I go!
melian (gryffindor)Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed it, it was fun writing them as young boys! Thanks for another lovely review :)
Leo Report Review
How cute! I love that Harry coloured the stick red, but didn't know why he liked it - clearly a true Gryffindor at heart. :) I think you captured life at the Dursleys' really well, and doing ti from the POV of a 5 year old is certainly challenging but you pulled it off. Well done!
As for the start of the chapter, I think it's curious that Electra and Remus don't know where to find Harry ... how did Sirius know where he was when he got out of Azkaban then? I assume that they find out at some stage - maybe you'll cover that in this story. I'll have to read on to find out then, won't I? :)
melian (gryffindor)Author's Response: Haha, I imagine with a proud Gryffindor like James as his father, there would have been some Gryffidnor-themed decorations in the house in Godric's Hollow, and the colour at least would have stuck :)
It's been quite some time I wrote this chapter, so I'd have to check myself if I've covered that it already why they don't know. But yeah, that's something I've come to realise tthroughout the last year, I need to cover my plot-holes :better ) Thank you for pointing it out.
xox Leo Report Review
Yeah, I figured they were Sirius' kids. The description of black hair in the previous chapter was enough of an indication. I liked that she managed another Apparition to get to Remus so he could help them, but then again we know from PoA that fixing broken legs isn't something he feels very confident about. Does she have enough in her to get to St Mungo's? I guess I'll find out. I liked the description of the wand, too ... though I admit I'm kinda curious about whether her kids have seen one before, and if not, how she was able to Apparate without one. Guess I'll have to read on to find out!
melian (gryffindor)Author's Response: Still chipping away at those review responses. Though, it's a thankful task, so far :)
Okay, you raise some valid points. It's something I realised, mostly through HPFF and my reviews here. I have the story in my head and all those details are clear to me, like that she has a wand, only had an accident - which will be explained later on - that drained her of most of her magic. Putting it all down in words was something I had to learn and still struggle with, sometimes.
Reviews really help with that! Especially this story, being my first, still has a lot of plot holes; and I hope to go back and fix them at some point.
Thank you for the review :)
xox Leo Report Review
The pedant in me has to point out that you spelled Electra's name with a K at the start of this chapter, and then with a C later on. And I'm afraid that I'm going to have to treat this story as AU. I know you didn't intend that, but I'm enough of a canon nerd to point out that Sirius died childless and was single at the time Harry was Christened. Sorry if this bothers you but I'm more likely to enjoy it if I do this. :|
Anyway, another good chapter. You could feel Sirius' desperation at the start, and we all know that Azkaban would be enough to drive anyone crazy. As for Electra, well I'm intrigued by the fact that she lost most of her magic, and hadn't Apparated in years. I hope that the story for this will come out later in the fic? Because I'm certainly curious. I liked the conversation with Dumbledore, because it seemed very in character for him - and this must be harderthan it sounds because I see him OC a lot.
Anyway, I'm enjoying this. Have to dash for now but I'll be back to read the rest later. :)
melian (gryffindor)Author's Response: Huh, I was sure I had ticked the AU option? Maybe not, but it turns AU for sure as soon as Sirius gets out of Azkaban early (and as I've seen there are more reviews waiting from you, I'm not spoiling anything here ;) )
So glad you enjoyed it! I'm not sure how I feel about Electra, because I don't want to make her too Mary-Suiesh.
Thanks for the feedback :) Report Review
First person is clearly Remus - the eyes changing at that time of the month made it clear. Second, well clearly I have no idea, though I want to know who Aurora's ex is. This is a really good start to a story: you've got some intrigue, some really well-written scenes, and even if it is a bit depressing it's good enough for me to want to click onto that next chapter. I don't often read Marauder stories any more becaues I'm pretty fussy about characterisation, but this has piqued my interest. Onwards I go!
melian (gryffindor)Author's Response: Hey there!
Yes he's Remus! I'm glad you liked it, and that I could pique your interest :) that's really encouraging.
Thanks so much for the review! Report Review
Hello again! :D
This chapter was just as good as the first! I am so intrigued, and I want so badly to know more about each of the characters. I loved the way that you described the Azkaban scene, it was very clear, and very true to canon! I got chills when I was reading Electra's description of he father, and mother and sister. It got to me, and made me feel for this poor girl. I love that she is fighting to get Harry, because that is a trait that any friend of the Marauders would have. They would be loyal, and strong headed beyond all belief!
-Chanel (SlytherinPrincess55) (Gryffindor)Author's Response: Thanks so much!
The Azkaban scene was hard to write, so the comment is sooo appreciated. I have plans for Electra as well, and it's nice to know I got some of her traits across, so far. Now I really hope I can get back to it!
Cheers, Leo :) Report Review
Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. This was amazing! The way you portrayed Remus in the first part of the chapter was spot on, how I imagine he would have felt after leaving Hogwarts. I am fascinated with the angle that you are taking on this story, and I want to know what is going to happen so badly! I can't help but find it entertaining that this is the first story you wrote, and it's the one I ended up clicking on when I came to do your review! :P Anyways, I love the ideas and possibilities surrounding your OC and her daughter, and I can't wait to see where you go with it!
-Chanel (SlytherinPrincess55) (Gryffindor)Author's Response: Happily chipping away at my review responses!
Lol, I kind of hit a dead end with this one, but finding new reviews on it makes me want to pick it up so badly! Especially since it's the first I felt confident enough to publish.
Thanks for the feedback, it means a lot :)
xox Leo Report Review
Keep writing I love the storyAuthor's Response: Oh hi! I almost didn't see this *shame on me*
Thanks for the encouragement, I see what I can do ;) Report Review
I am really enjoying this story. I was a little disappointed that Harry did not cast a spell in the battle. Oh well.Author's Response: This really means a lot :) Thanks for your review! Report Review
Yes, I like it so far especially Harry fashioning his own wand. The first couple of chapters were a bit awkward because of some of the new or unfamiliar characters but its the same when you meet new people.Author's Response: Thank you for taking the time to leave a review :) That was actually my first story, so that might play into it as well. But I found I like writing (little) Harry! Thanks again for the feedback. Report Review
Ooh.. suspense! Once again, great chapter! So glad I got to be your Santa so I could discover this story! Can't wait for more!Author's Response: Hey again!
Yes, suspense! I have to say, the next chapter is probably my favourite so far, I hope everyone else'll think so as well ;)
Thanks for that lovely review! Report Review
LOVE it! More, more more! :-) And in case you hadn't already figured it out.. I'm your Santa!Author's Response: Haha, hey Jayde! I thought it might be you, nice to know for sure now :D
Took me a little longer to update, I hope this won't be the rule for 2011 :(
And thanks for the review and the enthusiasm :D
xxx Leo Report Review
I like the suspense. please post more soonAuthor's Response: Thanks for the review :)
Glad I managed to pull the suspense off. Expect an update soon!
xxx Leo Report Review
YES! *Pumps fist in air* This is what should have happened all along! Yay for Sirius getting out!!
The suspense is so well built-up in this chapter! I'm still on the edge of my seat waiting for more, even though I know there's nothing else to read right now. I Siriusly (haha) can't wait for an update! Amazing story! And since this will be my last review until the next chapter's up, Merry Christmas!!!Author's Response: Yay, I'm glad I managed to put this one up before the queue closure :)
So, I guess the next one will actually be with your account, can't wait to see who you are! I can't say how much your reviews made me smile :D
Thank you and a Merry Christmas to you as well! Report Review
Bum Bum BUM! Sorry, I don't have time to leave a review right now because I MUST read the next chapter NOW! The suspense is killing me! *Scurries off to Chapter 8*Author's Response: Haha, Santa, there's more where that came from :) Report Review
Ah-ha! The plot thickens.. I love it! If I weren't your "Secret" Santa I would have already added this story to my favorites!
You've got the emotions and actions of the children explained sooo perfectly; it feels as though I'm there, watching this very emotional scene. Because of it's serious tone I'm sure this chapter was a bit more difficult to write, emotion-wise, but you pulled it off beautifully. I can tell you really put your heart and soul into your work, because even for professional writers it can be difficult to convey emotions sometimes.
I'm literally hanging on the edge of my seat, ready to move on to the next chapter! Great Chapter!Author's Response: Woah, hold on! I need to read that again! Such an awesome review :D
Yes,this story's been spooking around in my head for some time, before I started writing it down (I'm still in denial; Sirius lives!)
Thank you! Report Review
Awww, such a cute chapter! I really love this! I often wondered about what else happened in Harry's childhood, aside from the few things Rowling mentioned, and to me, this fits perfectly! And Fred and George are so cute, too! I'm curious to see what happens next!Author's Response: I just couldn't resist bringing in some Fred and George magic :D Thank you so much for the feedback! Report Review
AH! Sirius *cue fangirl scream* Sirius!
I love Sirius, you possibly guessed that though. I really love how you've characterized him but now I wish there was more to read and review!
Please, Please, Please update soon!
x ElyAuthor's Response: Join the club! Sirius is such a genius character, even more so because he had such a tragic life in the books!
More to come, and also some action for Remus!
Thank youuu! I'm glad you like it :D Report Review
Let me kill that pathetic no good rat, I swear I'll-
Oh, Hey again. Sorry about that, I really dislike Percy's 'Rat'. I'm really interested to see how this goes from here, I love Aurora and Lyssie- my god little Lyssie is so cute! I'll see you in the next chapter then :)
x ElyAuthor's Response: Haha, yes Wormtail comes out of hiding too.
Your reviews always make me smile, thank you so much! (Forgot to mention that in the last response lol)
xxx Leo Report Review
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