Hello it's patronus_charm from the review battle again:)
I thought your use of vocabularly was great and it really fitted the founders era genre as you could really imagine it being in medieval Britain.
I thought Rowena's thoughts before she was died were great, as you imagine her being deep and philosophical, so when she accepted death as something which must be done, it seemed very fitting of her.
I thought Godric's emtion over his beloved dying was excellent, and it almost brought me to tears over his pain of her dying. You could tell how deep and emotional their love for one another was from the part which said 'the life of Rowena wailed for him'.
One part I was a bit confused about was Godric saying he must tell Helga and Salazar about her death. I thought that Salazar disappeared when the other three were all alive, so I was a bit confused about him being there.
Overall I thought this was a great chapter, as you the raw emotion of the characters was really on display and you couldn't help but feel their pain as well. Kiana :) Report Review
Back again! ;)
Iíll reveal to you straight off that this was a lovely Founders-era for me to read. I find that stories of this time period lose a little life in trying to grapple with the gigantic task of founding the entire world that we have come to know and love, thousands of years later. But this story is refreshing, and is real. Ironically, it is full of life.
I stick to the belief that people are people no matter when they live. We view people from the past, often, I believe, either as barbarians or a species very separated from ourselves. I donít think I agree, though itís admittable that no one can know.
You had some really stunning lines in this piece. They were simple, yet declarative. Gnomic present, thatís what weíre taught that itís called :) I donít know if you did that intentionally to provide us readers a common link with someone so historical, but it served that purpose for me. As well as generally alighting the old neurons and heartstrings at once.
Which is really something that I think good poetry does. Your pieces all taste of a certain poetic aspect in the way that you wield phrases; the way you string together thoughts; the way that your statement-driven narration gives way easily to changes in pace, and says more than one thing at once.
I love the idea of love in this way. Not just romantic love, but love in the connection to and appreciation for kindred spirits.
And on top of all this, I have to admit that Iíve never thought about how Ravenclaw died; it was original, and I love that her last attempt was to see the stars. Itís all very fitting. And lovely.
With that being said, I just have to thank you for adding something so piquantly original to the archive. I feel very lucky to have received you as my Valentineís day recipient!
--lilyAuthor's Response: Founders is so daunting for me! I feel like there's just too much time to account for, and no way to do everyone justice. This just kind of snapped into place for me though, and luckily it's short enough that I didn't need many explanations.
I've always been a fan of simple statements. As a reader, I love eloquent writing, but I also appreciate the way a single-sentence paragraph can hit home so solidly. Admittedly, I think I overuse this particular device, as it only works if it really stands alone in a piece. But you could just call it simple writing and leave it at that. ;)
Haha, I've never been much of a poet. Then again, I think some poetry is absolutely stunning, so I'm more than flattered to be compared to one. Sometimes you read more into my writing than I do, which is exactly what a great reader does.
I don't remember thinking of a way for Rowena to die, but I do recall thinking that unless she died in some epic manner (which would have taken up my 1,000 words just to introduce), she had to have died by accident. Anything in between would be too easy for someone as intelligent as she was to defend herself from. So accident it was. ;)
Once again, THANK YOU for the stunning reviews! They are detailed and deep and you clearly put more than a little thought into them, which can be tough when you're staring at a little gray box. ;) Report Review
Wow, I think you've just made me fall in love with the Founders. This is amazing. One of the most meaningful things I've read in ages. Thank you so much for writing this! 10/10
x ElyAuthor's Response: Thanks! It's definitely not the most meaningful thing I've ever read, but I am proud of it. Glad you like the founders! There're lots of great stories about them floating around on the site. Report Review
Oh my goodness. This was really quite lovely. The founders era is so rarely done well, if at all, but you have definitely succeeded in crafting a story that makes one sit back and truly think for a moment. I love the fact that Rowena is so very unafraid, that it's obvious that she thinks of death as another unanswered question. Some of Godric's monologue was a bit stiff (in fact, it was downright jarring when he used the phrase "positive aspects"), although I suppose that we can let that slip by because his speech isn't really the point of the piece. But rest assured, there were plenty of beautiful lines in here, and the one that made me literally want to cry for the gorgeousness of it was the part that says, "Life, after all, longs to live." I just about keeled over.
Just a note, and maybe I'm being overly canonical here, but I would have thought that there would be some mention of Rowena's daughter, Helena, if Rowena was dying. Now, I can't quite remember if Helena (later known as the Grey Lady, the Ravenclaw ghost) outlived her mother, but if she had, I think Godric would have promised to take care of his friend's daughter. Or, if Helena had died before Rowena did, perhaps Rowena herself would have a fleeting thought of her daughter as she felt herself slipping into death. Or maybe I'm simply so pathetically married to canon that I'd better just shut up before I make a complete fool of myself.
Anyhow, I must admit that check your author page quite frequently in the hope that you've posted a new story; I'm being quite honest when I say you're one of my favorite authors on this site. Keep up the good work!Author's Response: I completely agree about Godric's speech, and the absence of Helena. You're right, I think there would be at least a brief mention of her. Next time I get a chance I'll see what I can do with those. About the life longs to live bit, I think that actually may have been added in at the last second to get the word count up to 1,000 for the challenge I joined. But I'm rather fond of it too. ;) Thanks for the review! I'm flattered that you think so highly of me. Report Review
Hi, it's boysof_p0tterfan509 from the forums with the review I've promised :)
First, I would like to say thank you for taking on my challenge, and although you were two words shy of 1,000, I still think you did a beautiful job writing this. The description flowed quite nicely, every feeling sort of blending in to the next. I could really feel how Rowena was feeling here, how unafraid of death she was and, in her last moments, how much her body wanted to hold on to that last bit of love for as long as she could. I thought that the way you had Godric interact with Rowena was gentle, though at his first line it seemed he hadn't realized yet that Rowena was dying, but rather thought it had been an accident, almost? But then he was crying, so maybe he had realized it and didn't want to sound too mournful? Whatever the case, I thought that you adapted the picture provided into words very well.
Thanks again for giving the challenge a go :)
NadhiraAuthor's Response: Haha, my word processor told me it was 1,000 words, and hpff clearly thinks it's 998. I'm not going to stress, but perhaps I'll add two more, to make it official.
I'm very pleased you like my description! It's as far from a strongpoint as you can get, and much closer to a weakness. No, it IS a weakness. So I'm glad you liked it in this story. :D It was also written all in one sitting, so I didn't even stress over it as I normally do.
The way I pictured the dialogue was this: Godric appeared, and assumed Rowena was dead. He was shaken, but she can't see that and thus the fact doesn't appear in the narrative. He tried to keep cool, telling her what had happened (I also needed a way to explain it had been an accident by a student, probably in DADA class) and once he got a hold of himself, felt for a pulse. He found none, and once more tried to hold it together, and say some nice words over his friend's body. However, as you can see, a few tears were shed. So the whole time he thought she was dead, but Rowena couldn't see the anguish he felt, and he had "proof" she was dead just before his long speech. Make sense?
Anyway, thanks for the quick review! Report Review
Aww, I love this. It's beautifully written and definitely something different. Your last line was incredibly strong and brought the whole piece together. I loved your description of the things that Rowena could no longer recognize and how her life faded from her.
I didn't quite understand Godric's speaking with her until I realized he he thought he was talking to someone already dead. And I loved how you brought her knowledge into it all!
The way you included the image was very nice. Just a moment, really. Well done. ^^
There are a few missing words in places, I believe. A quick read through would probably make them evident to you.
This was a lovely read!
DemAuthor's Response: This story was written in one sitting, at that time in night when I'm not tired enough to write well and too tired to write properly. I rushed through some parts and paused over others, so I'm not surprised that there are errors. I'll go back and check. I usually find plenty of things to fix when I read it on hpff.
I gave little thought to Godric's spoken bits; they just flowed out. I was only thinking that I had to make them sound like they were actually from their time period, because I've had problems with that before. After Godric's first line, I had to scramble to make the rest fit because I rather liked it. ;) Thanks so much for the review! Report Review
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