First off lemme say I usually avoid stories with an American protagonist just because in my opinion they don't fit in with the whole Potter world but I actually love this story.
I love the way you've brought in a whole law against telling muggles about magic and the whole marriage thing.
One little teeny bit I didn't like much was the idea of the Ministry in Wales being taken over just because I always felt the Death Eaters would have only ever overthrown the Ministry that one time in book 7.
But I do really love this story :) xAuthor's Response: Pleasant surprise is what I was going for with this story and the whole American OC thing. I know that most people don't think it can be done, but I wanted to try and make it plausible. I'm very glad that I was able to change your mind even a little!
JKR didn't give us much on the laws about telling Muggles other than you can't do it, but I figured that it is rather like those countries that grant you citizenship if you marry a citizen.
You're probably right about the Wales situation. Maybe I'll change that to "severely attacked." I needed something so serious to happen that they would panic and tell Wendy. But maybe that was bit extreme. I did want the danger of something beyond a Cold War to start looming in.
Thank you so much for your kind words and your constructive criticism. I appreciate them both greatly. I do hope you'll return to read the rest of this story. Report Review
I was meant to finish reading this last night but I fell asleep so. yeah I like this a lot! I love Wendy's personality, much better than the usual American-moves-to-England fanfiction. Also, you have impeccable music taste. That is all. I hope to see more soon!Author's Response: I understand the falling asleep. I was entirely too tired yesterday. With Wendy, I tried to write around the usual types of OCs. I wanted a more realistic reason for an American in England than the standard transfer to Hogwarts story.
I'm glad that you liked the music choices! I actually give a lot of thought to what works for the chapter. Thank you for the thoughtful review. Report Review
I really like this so far and I've been reading through it, then on this chapter I realised your pen-name is Abhorsen! Awesome, a fellow Garth Nix fan :) anyway, off to read more!Author's Response: I'm glad you've been enjoying the story! And it's always great to hear from another Garth Nix fan. When I first got this penname, no one ever commented on it, but I'm hearing from more and more people now.
Thanks for leaving a review! Report Review
Omhomhokajjsj; please update!
I LOVE YOUR STORY!Author's Response: I'm working on the update. I've had a crazy year.
I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thank you! Report Review
Haha - I looked at all your chapters and I can pretty much sing along to all of the titles. Cool idea!Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you appreciated it! Report Review
I just found this story and I love it!! I'll be adding it to my favourites as soon as I finish this review haha. You have really good pacing and all of your dialogue is very realistic. Aw ... Sirius is just so sweet ... and the last line was perfect. Truly, honestly perfect. I can't believe they're getting married though!
I'm trying to come up with some constructive crtisism here but I really can't think of anything. So I guess that can't be a bad thing :) Anyway this review is getting very repetitive but I can't say enough how much I enjoyed this!
The reason I found this is because I think (and I'm probably wrong) but I read a story of yours years ago before I had an account. I think it was something about Fatima? Anyway if that wasn't you I'm sorry and it probably seems really strange. I have the memory of a goldfish just about when it comes to remembering names let alone pennames :D
I'm glad I found this story anyway. I'm not sure if you're still updating or if you're even going to read this cos it's been a little while but I hope so.
Oh & your banner is gorgeous!!Author's Response: Hello there,
I'm really glad you're enjoying the story! I love writing dialogue. It's my favorite part of the process, so I'm so happy to hear that you enjoy reading that particularly.
You read "My Name is Facetia," perhaps? I wrote quite some time ago. I'm surprised that there are any people around who remember. Yes, I'm that Abhorsen. Your memory's doing well for itself today.
I am still updating. I'm just slow. I had a really rough couple of months, but hopefully, I'll be able to carve out some time soon.
Thank you for your kind words,
Abhorsen Report Review
I loved those two chapters! Really, really well written; I have so many good points to tell you!
Radio, Radio: The only sort of negative thing I have to say is just to watch your tenses as they seem to waver between past and present. I really love how the boss kept the girls in the waiting room: it reminded me of the Mysterious Benedict Society. I am so jealous of Wendy getting so many days off and I love the boss! My favourite line is "Wednesday is Classical Day."
Anarchy in the U.K.: This chapter was brilliant as well! Again, I love how you used dog and bear words to describe Sirius. The only negative thing is my character potrayal alert kicking in AGAIN. Sorry. I just thought that Peter could have been a little shyer - when the Marauders were in school Peter was descibed as a timid looking boy who followed James and Sirius around in awe, and I just felt that he seemed too brave. This chapter was really, really good and I'm going to repeat that (really, really good) because I know you were worried about not getting enough feedback.
So overall (and I mean overall overall), I really liked your story. You added some real personal flair to it which really made it different than other stories. Fantastic, brilliant job. Well done.
Thanks for letting me review your wonderful story,
GAuthor's Response: Thank you for this kind review!
I will go back an take a look at those tenses. I have always had an issue with that when I write a chapter in multiple sittings. I'm glad you like the boss - he is a joy to write. I wanted him to be the opposite of what one expects.
I get your point about Peter. I will probably fix that in rewrites. I just want so hard to give you a reason to like him, since the Marauders must have a reason to like him. Yeah, he's timid but there must've been some quality in him that made him friendship material. Maybe I'm crazy though.
Thank you again for all of these lovely reviews! I'm very glad for your honest feedback and I will give it my best-faith effort to pull in all of your thoughtful suggestions. Report Review
Okay, those two chapters were even better. I keep saying that everytime, don't I? Anywho...
Lily Is A Punk Rocker: This chapter was great; I liked it. In a sentence at the beginning you used the word 'head' twice, and in the line "And I may be a slob, but you, you are a neat freak." you should have used a semi colon instead of the second comma. When they were in the car and Wendy told Lily that she ran away and Lily got angry, I thought that it didn't suit Lily to do that, but that's just me. I loved the nickname Lilac and the line "Why do your friends have such funny names?" Hilarious!
Hong Kong Garden: In the first paragraph, "bloody" and "bleeding" weren't necessary, but maybe that's just because I don't like bad language. Lily performed magic in front of Wendy to get the toolbox out: even though Wendy didn't see, shouldn't Lily get a letter from the Ministry for a hearing or something?
I love how through the whole story you use dog-like words to describe Sirius's actions and stuff, that really clever! Great job on these two chapters again. 8/10.
GAuthor's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you think I'm getting better, at least! I'll go back and fix the grammar-y things. Again, I'm going to have to respectfully disagree with you about Lily getting angry. It's not that she's mad at Wendy. It's righteous anger. She's mad because she wants what's best for Wendy, and she feels that Wendy did something unsafe. Almost like a parent getting mad because the kids went swimming when there wasn't a lifeguard around. I think that protective streak is very much in her character.
I felt that those words fit into the mouth of Sirius Black. He does say them in the books and I figured he'd be grouchy at 3am. And yes, Lily should probably have gotten a letter. But I figure the Ministry has bigger and badder things things to worry about.
Thank you once more! Report Review
Alright, I've decided to do 2 chapters at a time to make it easier for you and me.
I'm a bit confused about this Wendy character. You haven't said why she moved to London and I thought it quite odd that she didn't bring any clothes, but that's your decision.
I think you wrote Lily and James really well and they are exactly what they're like in the books, so good job. Sirius and Remus still aren't portayed correctly but I jut havea habit of pointing thse things out.
There was a few grammatical errors; in the beginning of London Calling you could have fixed the grammar and one sentence you used "very long" twice, I think it was in Wendy's letter. Just watch your spelling, too.
So, these two chapters were better and I liked London Calling more. Does the old lady from the plane come back in it somehow?
Well done, again.
GAuthor's Response: Wendy is a bit odd. I think I'm doing my job there. I think my reasoning was she couldn't afford to have the records, the guitar and her clothes. Something had to give.
I guess I'm trying to show Remus and Sirius on their way to becoming who they are, if that makes any sense. Lily and James are stopped about a year from now - frozen until Harry encounters them. But Remus and Sirius have fourteen years before Harry meets them and we learn who they are. I was trying to show them as they might have been.
I will address those issues with grammar.
Thank you for your thoughts. I really do appreciate seeing how what I've written seems to the reader.
Great job, I liked it. Very interesting.
You know how I said I was obsessed with characters being written right? Well, Sirius didn't seem like... Sirius. He shouted a lot more than I would have thought he would. And I can't imagine Remus working in a Muggle mechanic's office; he should be out in the wizarding world as a spy or an Auror or something along those lines.
On a pleasanter note, I liked the scene with Wendy and the old woman. You could have probably died down on the 'dear's a bit and maybe described them both better, especially Wendy's story. Grammar: the line at the beginning "It was a beautiful day outside the garage; the songbirds were chirping in a summery tone and the trees swayed..." I think a comma would be better suited than the semi colon after garage. Another thing, "...which made him more cantankerous that an old man who'd misplaced his false teeth at suppertime - with hunger pains." The correct grammar would be "which made him more cantakerous THAN an old man...".
I liked it, and I am curious to read more. 7/10
dobbys_socksAuthor's Response: Thank you for your very prompt response!
I will absolutely fix those grammar issues! I had no idea that I'd any big ones left. Thanks for pointing those out.
I'm very glad that you enjoyed Wendy's talk with the old woman. I will say that I wanted to cultivate the mystery of why Wendy is coming and who she is really.
I did have my reasons for the Sirius and Remus choices. Perhaps I took it a bit far with Sirius, but I wanted to capture the fact that he's really under pressure in this new venture. He doesn't have a way to support himself if he can't make this business work.
As for Remus, I remembered that the books mentioned that he had a hard time finding and keeping a job because of his furry little problem. I figured that Sirius offered him the job to help him out.
Thank you again! Report Review
So she knows. And she's marrying Sirius? Unexpected...
I can't wait to see what else happens. I have so many questions about what will happen, but it's always better to wait and see, because you can't tell me anything anyway!
Bravo to you. (Gryffindor)Author's Response: I hoped it would be a serious twist. I'm all for a good twist.
I should be updating not to long for now. Thank you for all your reviews. Report Review
The magic has come in to play now! Is the serious problem having to do with the war? Oh, I can't wait to find out!
(Gryffindor)Author's Response: Yeah, the war is definitely in it now. I hope you continue to enjoy.
Thanks for the review! Report Review
There's the war! Chinese for breakfast? No offense, but bluck.
(Gryffindor)Author's Response: Well, I guess it's not for everyone. But I'd totally do it.
Thanks! Report Review
When is Wendy going to find out about Lily (and the rest) being magical? Because that's going to be an exciting chapter, and I'm really looking forward to it.
(Gryffindor)Author's Response: It won't be too much longer. And I think it's pretty exciting!
Thank you! Report Review
I appreciate the sentiment about Remus and Sirius. That was a real nice touch to find stuffed in there. Their friendship seems indestructable. Is the war itself going to come in to play soon?
(Gryffindor)Author's Response: The war rages in silence for the moment only because Wendy doesn't know that it exists. Wait for it.
Thank you! Report Review
Penpal... That makes so much sense now. And I love the dynamic between James and Lily; it's so sweet and endearing.
(Gryffindor)Author's Response: I'm glad you appreciated Lily and James. I tried to make them as true to the books as I could manage.
Thank you! Report Review
This is really quite interesting. I'm curious to see how you put them together, and what it was like a year ago for Sirius.
(Gryffindor)Author's Response: I'm glad you're intrigued! That was the goal :)
Thanks for the review! Report Review
I didn't think she'd learn about magic that soon,but I guess it had to happen.And Sirius is embarrassedAuthor's Response: You bet he is. But I think, rather happy. And I debated with myself whether they should tell her. But I wasn't sure I could move the plot without it. It may change.
Thank you for your thoughts. Report Review
Hi, Firefly910 here from the forums :)
I really enjoyed this chapter, I love Wendy's character.
She's very realistic and all of the background information you shared about her Gramps and classical music grounded her in the story.
Your writing is really good. The story flowed and I didn't notice any grammar mistakes. I love the description of the type of job Wendy's dad wanted her to get. It's spot on, that's how I guess most people feel about boring 9-5 jobs.
The end of the story was very tense, poor Wendy doesn't have a clue what's going on. Something serious must have happened if Lily is showing her magic!
To be honest I didn't really find anything wrong with the chapter, it's really good and has made really excited to read the next one!
Keep up the good work!!Author's Response: I'm very glad you were satisfied that Wendy seemed like she belonged. I've really been working to make her fit with them.
Something serious did happen. The war may be making an early appearance! Again, I'm so pleased that you liked it.
Thank you for your thoughtful review. Report Review
Ooh, a cliffhanger!
So she finally got a source of steady income; how long will it last given, what I assume to be, a new threat toward herself and her magical friends?
Time will tell...
Can't wait for the next chapter! :)Author's Response: Yes. I love cliff hangers. They are the most wonderful way to spice up a chapter. I'm very glad to hear that you enjoyed it. Thank you for the review! Report Review
Hello! This is TenthWeasleyWriter from the forums with your requested review! (I've decided to read all six chapters for you, because I had the time. ^^)
Overall, I quite enjoyed this story. Your OC Wendy is very unique (she reminds me rather a lot of a Joan Jett-esque person!) and I think you've written her personality very well. I've never read an OC quite like her, not your average HP OC at all! ^^
Your writing style is also quite nice, and very easy to read, which I like. I do agree with some of your other readers when they say some chapters seem to be more 'filler' chapters than others. That's not necessarily a bad thing, and I know the struggles of writing those 'filler' moments well from my own novella, so no worries, hun! Every chapter can't be action-packed. ^^
I really like your plot, too, and I can't wait to see where it leads. You have a very nice control over all the characters you've written here, and it will be interesting to see where you take him.
Thanks for coming by and requesting a review, I hope it was satisfying enough for you. ^^ Hope to see you around on the forums!Author's Response: First, thank you for taking the time to do that! I really appreciate it!
I'm very glad that you liked Wendy. I've tried very hard to make her both believable and unique. But I think the concept of the character was a little out there to begin with.
I'm glad you understand the filler-ness. It just needed to happen. I guess I was just nervous because there were two filler-type chapters right next to each other.
Thank you so much for your comments! They are very much appreciated! Report Review
You updated! Oh my gosh!! I loved it so much even though, no offense, it was kind of boring. But I sense something really important for the next chapter.
Update again!(:Author's Response: Okay. I get it. It was kind of a filler chapter. But it needed to happen so that the excitement of the next will be balanced out.
Thank you for the review! Report Review
Okay, so this is very interesting :) I really want to see where it goes. I really want Sirius to get with wendy although it is a tad unlikley... But they do share the love of punk bands. Also I think Lily has a nickname for Wendy now (Lilac). Can't wait for an update, this story is so original and you are a fantastic author. 10/10Author's Response: I'm glad that you want to know what's going to happen. That's a good sign. And I'm not going to comment on the Wendy/Sirius situation.
I guess Lily could use Lilac for Wendy, but I don't really know if it's going to catch. After all, Sirius was the one to make it up.
Thank you for the compliments and the review! Report Review
Wendy kinda knows they're not normal.And Wendy seems like she's reckless kinda of like Sirius.
And I kinda agree with you this isn't my favorite chapter, but all of the stories i've read have chapters that either the arthur and/or the readers don't really like;so don't be too upset,at least you have wriiten a chapter!Author's Response: She's a whole lot of reckless, actually. She does way too many things that she shouldn't do at all.
Yeah. I think this just kinda needed to fill in space. I needed her to get the job and I needed her to fix the car. It all sort of made sense, though.
Thank you for the review! Report Review
Update again!Author's Response: You reviewed!
Thank you! Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection