I liked how you approached this, with Peter feeling lonely and Lily upset. It seemed so natural.
I do agree--Lily would've been kind to Peter.
I can't wait to read the rest.
Bravo to you.Author's Response: Thanks so very much! :) Report Review
It was sweet. Ever since book seven, the idea of Lily/Snape has taken this weird hold on me, although I couldn't write it because I'm too much in love with James/Lily. I think you did this well--having it be short kept it simple and charming.
Bravo to you.Author's Response: Yeah I agree. I prefer James/Lily, but Lily/Snape has always fascinated me. I'm glad you liked! Report Review
wow!! i almost wish this happened!! keep it up!!Author's Response: Thanks for the review! :) Report Review
Yeah, I always though Lily would be close with Peter, Remus and even Sirius. Is she going to be called "my Lily" in every chapter? That's cute (:Author's Response: Yes, I'm going to have someone say 'My Lily' in each chapter. I'm glad tht you liked this! :) Report Review
I kind if don't like Snape+Lily, but I think this is cute. I feel bad for Snape though ):Author's Response: Thanks for the reiew! I agree, I do feel bad for Snape. Report Review
I really love your look on Lily and Snape! I like the idea of her and Pettigrew being friends too, i love all of it, you're an awesome writer!Author's Response: Aw, thank you. :) I'm glad that you enjoyed it! Report Review
I like your perspective on this chapter...I've never thought about a friendship between Lily and Peter lol i like it tho keep it up :DAuthor's Response: Thanks for the review! I'm glad you liked this. Report Review
awww!!! how sweet!! i love it :DAuthor's Response: Thanks! :) Report Review
Another fantastic chapter! I'd personally never thought about Lily and Peter being friends, but your story made me take that seriouswly into account. Update soon please?Author's Response: Thanks for the reviews! :) I'm thinking about the next chapter, though I don't know when it will be up. The next chapter will be about Frank Longbottom, though! ;) Report Review
You wrote this very well. You really captured the fact that they're children in this. Looking through Snape's eyes was what made the story unique. This really is a brilliant story, and I really hope you update soon :)Author's Response: I'm glad that you liked it! Thanks. ;) Report Review
So sweet! I really loved this; it was such a flawless little piece and all the portrayals were really bang on. I can't wait for more!Author's Response: Thank you for the review! Report Review
Awww, so cute! It really painted a picture of the young Lily and Snape in my mind, and you made the ship into something more than a "ship" really, which I thought was great:)Author's Response: I'm glad that you liked the way I wrote this! Thanks. ;) Report Review
You know, I knew Peter had to be a good guy on some level, but I've always kind of hated him, with what he does later and all, but somehow you seem to have made him kind of likeable.
(But I will always hold a grudge.grrr haha)
Lovely story.Author's Response: I agree, I will always hate Peter for what he did to Lily and James, but their must have been reasons for it, and I don't think he was evil his whoel life! ;) Thanks for the review. Report Review
I am a Lily/Snape fan! Their relationship, whether it's as friends or something more, has so much background and meaning and is on a whole different level from Lily and James. Moments like this from Lily and Snape's childhood are really important, and you showed their innocence and trust nicely here.
One thing you could work on in this chapter is a teacher's favorite phrase, show not tell. A few times it felt as though you were blaring Lily's thoughts in our faces when you could have shown us her thoughts instead of telling us point blank what they were. Like here, for instance: "Lily sighed, imagining all of the brightly coloured shops selling wands, broomsticks, potions and books full of spells that would do things beyond her wildest dreams. She just couldn't wait to get her Hogwarts letter so she could finally enter the world of magic." That felt kind of obvious, and a little awkward the way you inserted it into the story. You could have said something along the lines of, "Broomsticks and magical potions floated across Lily's vision, and she sighed wistfully, her impatience creeping forward." That sentence would do the same thing as your's, but in a subtler way. Working on that would improve this chapter's flow and make it more engaging to the reader.
That was the only thing I saw that really needed improvement, however. Your dialogue was natural between the two kids, and I could see the bond they shared that had grown, as we know, in a relatively short period of time. Lily's promise kiss was cute, and added that extra touch of originality to the story. This was a good first chapter, and an enjoyable read.Author's Response: Thanks for the review! :) I agree that this chapter needs to be touched up. I've recently gone into 'I need to edit up some of this stuff!' mode, which is strange since I'm not really that into editing.
Anyways, I'm glad that you liked it. I agree wiht what you said abotu their relationship being on a different level. Thanks for the input! :) Report Review
Hello :) You came and requested a review for this, and I just couldn't resist, even though I really should get to sleep!
The first thing I noticed, was a typo in the very first line. It should be "severus sitting alonE" :). There are a couple elsewhere as well,..."in the trees", rather than AT, and "to lay" rather than the. You want to be most careful with your spelling and grammar at the beginning, because otherwise, it will distract the reader from the get-go.
This is a really cute little piece - I enjoyed it. I find it a little difficult to picture, because it seems they are so young, but I suppose it is quite realistic. This kiss is cute - I was all set to say "no way, she would not have kissed him at eleven", but when you went on to explain about how she saw her parents do it, it made sense, and made it innocent, so it worked.
It is really short, as you said, so I think in general, it could be improvved by adding more details - a bit more description between all the dialogue, a bit more set up for the scene, a bit more closing before the last line (which is beautiful, by the way!)
Overall, I really enjoyed reading it. It's a nice little peek into their childhood relationship. I adored the part where Severus said they'd always be friends :)
I might pop back to read the other seven stories, this is interesting :)
-LilyAuthor's Response: Thanks for the review! :) I'll have to go back and fix those typos, and see where I can add more description. I'm glad you enjoyed the last line. :) Report Review
I LOVED this! I'm totally tearing up at how sweet it is! Awesome!Author's Response: Thanks. :) Report Review
I liked this very, very much. I personally like Lily/Snape when done well (like this is). I'm a bit soft-hearted, so I feel for Snape. Though I do like Lily/James. Anyhow, enough of my rambling. More, please?Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I completly agree with what you said about Lily/Snape and Lily/James. ;) Report Review
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