Very good, can't wait to read more.
Keep up the good work!!
padmoonyfoot7: over and out!! Report Review
I really like this story.
I have never read a story where the Teddy and Victoire pairing was unrequited but I think you've done this so well with him being almost like James Potter. For some reason I kept flicking back to the situation of James and Lily which I thought was quite nice.
I'm interested to see why she hates the name Vicky so much though because she seems to just shut off when it's mentioned. I wonder what's gone on with her life. I'm also interested to see what she actually is writing if it isn't a story!
I love how you made James be the annoying child who gets everything wrong but the fact that Harry was there too also made it just a more cringey situation as we all know that it would probably be all around the Weasley family by the next day!
Well done with this 9/10
GinevraMollyPotter Report Review
So, I've worked out what I like so much about your writing. It's the metaphors and similies. For example, "unicorn on a rainbow is scarier than you" is just gorgeous. "I have a sticker on the back of the aforementioned ego labelled "Wide Load."" is similarly awesome. They really add depth and humour to even serious points in the story, which is a great touch.
I did at odd points get a little confused as to who was talking at certain points in this chapter. This could be me being a rubbish reader, but I'd recommend using more tags when there are so many people in the action. Of course, I'm usually lazy and just have less characters, but given the breadth of your piece, you've cut that option off!
Anyways, great original story so far, and thanks for sharing it with us!
CapellaBlack, GryffindorAuthor's Response: Hehe, thanks again for all your help with this and I'm glad you like my hit and miss humor! And I have the feeling it's me, not you perhaps I need a better phrase for that :P) so I'll be sure to add those in to make it more clear! I really appreciate these so thank you again,
Annie Report Review
Yay - love your Lily. The one who seems like the innocent little sweetheart of the family, but actually has a lot more going on. And I really love how she's been looking up to Victoire all these years, even when Victoire wasn't particularly keen on herself. Hopefully that'll give Victoire the confidence to be a good role model and take her life into her own hands.
Good to see the ditching mentioned in this chapter - still seems irresponsible, but the fact that she's acknowledged it makes it a lot better. And she's at least taking care of the family members who really need her - that's nice. Overall liking Victoire quite a lot more in this chapter.
CapellaBlack, Gryffindor.Author's Response: Hehe, I love Lily and how she isn't perfect. Still not sure about what I was thinking with having her disappear, but we can straighten that out (and Victoire's issues with not being very likable... I'm not too keen on her myself :P) in an edit! Thank you so very much for all your helpful reviews,
Annie Report Review
Hiya. So, while I really liked the Teddy and Victoire interaction, I am a little confused as to what happened with him turning up and then them going out for the evening without checking on the younger kids. Did I miss something? Still, the dinner out was fun, and I love Victoire's jealousy over Teddy flirting with the waitress.
One Britishism I kept noticing - British people don't call it orange soda. It's orangeade over in the UK, and normally orangina in France, so one of those two would have been the more normal request. Normally, that wouldn't matter, but given the number of references, it just kept me noticing, and thus made Victoire seem very American, which otherwise she generally doesn't at all!
Lorcan and Lysander were very cute, though I was a little confused as to why they were in France - I guess they do globe trot a lot as a family though. Was it a popular wizard restaurant?
Anyways, a generally good and intriguing chapter - can't wait to find out the truth about Vicky, and what really happened.Author's Response: Oooh, you're the first person to point that out to me, about the orangade, so thank you so much! *hides* That.. wow, I hope I've gotten better about my Britishisms since then! And yes, I think I had better put in there somewhere that it was a restaurant that magical people often congregated! It's been so long since I've touched this story that I can't remember the details of that restaurant, but I have it in my notes that it was! Thanks again,
Annie Report Review
The mystery thickens! So far I'm liking this Vicky character. She seems more than a little zany, but as a four year old that's what makes her cute. Still, she leaves more questions than answers. Who is she? Why does she wear her mother's perfume? Where has she gone? You're really good at the art of answering questions with more questions, so that reader want to keep going!
I love the description of the smell as warm. There are definitely smells I can remember that smell "warm" to me - usually smells connected to sunny days on holiday, or sitting my the fire in winter! SO yeah, I found that really evocative.
On to see what answers you'll be letting us in on next!
CapellaBlack, GryffindorAuthor's Response: The warm smell is one of my favorite things about the chapter, and answers maybe? I'm not sure I can even keep them straight now! All so crazy! Thanks for the review,
Annie Report Review
My favourite bit of this chapter has got to be the ending. I adore how they repeatedly set each other up while continuing on the story - it's like the round robin from hell! The final two lines are a really nice way to end it - after everything before it seems impossible, but the bluntness of them suddenly makes it work. Everyone certainly going to think they've had an unusual relationship!
Overall a nice chapter, as we get to meet more of the Weasley children. They mostly seem very true to form, but I like how you have made each of them unique and individual, which often gets lost. My inability to remember all the Weasley next gen held me back for a bit, but I think I have them all straight now, which your characterisation really helped with.
On to read the next chapter!
CapellaBlack, GryffindorAuthor's Response: The next gen Weasleys always confuse me, but having the family tree JKR wrote up helps me a lot! Hehe "the round robin from hell" has to be the best way anyone has ever described that scene, but I love it! Thanks for the review,
Annie Report Review
Overall, another fun chapter. Your Teddy is really growing on me. I wasn't sure at the start, but I just loved how he completely fails to help her out of the situation, and continues on with his crossword etc when she's almost losing it. I also love love love James - and all the tricks he fell for. That part really added some humour to the story.
Yensi's growing on me too. I like how you've given her such a strong character in this chapter - logical and blunt but still supportive at the same time. In fact the only character I don't get is Tori. Victoire clearly hates her, and doesn't hide it in any way, and yet Tori still seems bothered that they weren't sitting with her. Why? Also, given that Tori starts off politely, Victoire's reaction to her seems unfairly harsh and bully-like, and so I'm surprised that Yensi didn't pick her up on it. I just feel like we haven't had enough time as readers to get to know this character, and so Victoire's reaction reflects more on Victoire than Tori. Then again, they don't need to be perfect, but it does make me like her less.
Still, a fun chapter, and one that makes me want to find out how things do go once the family's all together...
CapellaBlack, Gryffindor!Author's Response: Again thanks so much for the review! Hehe, I really love how crazy James is and everything he fell for! I really appreciate the CC on the Tori thing and everything in general, so thanks for the review,
Annie Report Review
Well, I'm certainly asking a lot of questions at this point. Why is Cecelia the only one she shows her writing to? Why does she hide that she writes? And most importantly, what on earth is the Vicki thing about? Very intriguing!
I love your James - every bit the busybody we get shown in the HP7 epilogue! I look forward to reading more of him, because he seems like a fun character to get to know! Yensi seems very American - is this on purpose? Guess there's only one way to find out!
CapellaBlack, GryffindorAuthor's Response: You have inspired me to go ahead and try to edit this into being readable, and this has to be some of the best CC I have ever gotten! Definitely helpful, and as painful as it is having to go and read this story, the things you've pointed out are... all I can say is thank you! And James... my dear James! What can anyone do with him?
Annie Report Review
Hi! :D A Ted/Vic eh? I don't read these very much so this'll be fun!
Ah the quiet beauty looking for her own space in the night. It does seem to fit Victoire's image. Wants to be Head Girl too! You don't often see the good girls of fic anymore, really.
Tip! When Teddy first meets her and tells her all those "Why..." things. It's a lot of talking if you think about it! You might want to cut some of it out.
Sometimes you use more words than necessary. Like: "resist the urge to swear a lot of things loudly " can just be "resist the urge to swear loudly". It flows a bit better :) It also helps shorten sentences that can be run-ons.
Ah Victoire has a past! :) And she writes! Sticking those little details in there is always a good thing.
Hahaha, my first essay kits!
Woops, looks like James caught them! Harry seemed to appear out of nowhere. You might want to describe why he's there first, since readers probably won't expect it. :D Little James hehehe, always a trouble maker.
Hope this helps some :DAuthor's Response: Hehe, I do love me some Ted/Vic! :)
I missed goof girls. She's far from perfect, but I'm glad that you like how she does want to do some good at Hogwarts.
Ohhh, okie dokie, I will work on cutting somethings out! My biggest problem is those monster sentences, so it was super helpful to know where a few of the problems were.
Hehe, the little details are my favorite part about writing something!
Okay, I'll try to explain that part a bit better.
This was incredibly helpful and thank you so much for doing this for me! Have a wonderful day and good luck with riddles! :)
-ginger Report Review
Here is your long delayed review:
I really am enjoying the comotion of the Burrow right now! I forgot how much of a tomboy Victorie is. Poor Victorie! Her life is so cunfusing. I like the point giving for being a moody teenager. Why, why does everyone have to come spoil Victorie's day out in Paris? Ten points from them all! No! Teddy can't come! He's being a jerk cause he flirted with Isabelle! That Metro trip must have been Hell. Al recording it the whole time does not make it better. I know how the stomach-growl-in- public is. Embarrassing. I really want to hit Teddy right now. I love this story. It makes me laugh so hard sometimes. Oh My Gosh! What is up with Fluer? Something, something deep... Oh my gosh, seriosly Ginger! What's going on with Fluer?! It's starting to freak me out! Dom is a bit of a control freak. But what is going on?!?!?! Why does Harry tense up at the mention of Gabrielle? What are the doing?! What is the card? Gah, I'm so cunfused, but amazing chapter! Who is Isabelle, really? Why is the place so small? Who is Mauve? Why have Vic, Dom, and Lou never met her? Another amazing chapter, I need more of this story, like now! Congratz Ginger, one of the best next genaration fan-fics I've ever read.
TashiAuthor's Response: Hello Tashi!! =D
Eeep, I squeed when I saw this, and no worries about time; I've been really slow at updates, so you are nothing compared to me!
I've always imagined the Burrow as being insanely hectic, so that was a lot of fun to get to write! Sometimes I forget too, but I don't think she remembers to be a tomboy sometimes, so it's a bit difficult to portray that mix, but I think it ended up going well. Haha, thanks! I did too! I was a bit reluctant to put him in too because I'm still mad at him, but I *sigh* sort of had to to move the plot along! Pesky thing, that plot is! Hehe, my stomach kept growling when I was writing that, so it seemed fitting to have her face the same horrendous problem. And she skipped breakfast, so she must have been a bit hungry by then! Hehe, I do feel bad for how mean I was to her though! :C YAY! I actually just clapped and my grin is growing at supernatural rates! I was a bit unsure of how the humor would go because over all of the crazy things that have happened, so I just had a wave of relief crashing over me when you said it made you laugh a lot! YAY! I can't tell you, I can't tell you,. I can't tell you, I can't tell you, and I still can't tell you! I really want to, but I sadly don't want to spoil it! On the bright side, I have a one-shot to put in the queue, and then I can post Chapter 8, which I hope you'll like! :D
Thank you so much, you've absolutely made my week, possibly my month, I'm not sure, but I'm super dooper happy!
-ginger Report Review
I read that author's note I did (I gave myself a pat on the back) and it was nothing compared to the ramblings I stick on the end of my chapters :P
Firstly, overall (I think overall effect should go last but ohwell) it was really enjoyable. I liked the whole family arguing and generally being a family bit at the beginning and also the list she made! It was quite daring because sometimes a list could sort of halt the flow but yours fit in well and was tres amusant :D
Teensy weensy bit of nitpciking- when she sais her mum said something in a "Do I need to have Uncle Neville give you a detention?" voice I got confused by the speech marks because I thought her mum was saying it and had to read again to clarify what it meant. It's not a big deal it just halted the flow for a second or two and meant I had to get myself back into the story. Maybe you could put it in ' ' instead to make it different, or put - in between all the words because that's 'the-cool-thing-to-do' (little sample of how it would work for you there...)
Random pointless thing- when her mum's talking about her getting O's I was literally jumping around hoping she would use the phrase " 'O' so funny ". Kind of odd suggestion but I find stuff like that amusing... mwehehe :)
I liked Victoire a lot better in this chapter but I felt a bit like that was because you were coming out a lot more... I don't know if you're trying to make her more likeable or if you're doing that by accident :/ It felt a lot more like something you would say then Victoire some of the time. Not really sure if this is good or bad thing just thought I'd tell you the impression I got.
A few spelling mistakes here and there but overall (I've done two overall's now :/) it was funny and felt like a bit of light relief from the slight sinisterness of the whole Jack talk from last time.
Ohhh and I can't wait to find about these knew people and why they havn't talked to Gabriel in so long (did she have an affair with Harry or something?? No idea why I had this idea but I remember her fancying him in the books and she mentioned Harry and Fleur not liking to talk about her specifically so I thought it might have been to do with him.)
This has been a slightly odd review, sorry (mainly because I'm writing it at 2 in the morning so am a tad sleep deprived.)
Let me know on my thread when next chappie's up if you want it reviewing :))
Lily ^_^ xAuthor's Response: Hello! =]
I'm really glad you thought the list worked, because I didn't get much feedback on it, but I am quite relieved you thought the list fit in well.
Thanks for the suggestion, now that you mention it I see how off that sounds and will fix that when I get around to updating it all. I've got a beta reader now, so hopefully my spelling and grammar mistakes won't be as bad as they currently are.
Hehe, I like the way you think! =]
I felt like this chapter she came out more because before we haven't really seen her with any real problem, it's all just been how annoyed with teddy she is. I've wanted to show her like this for a while, but it never really fit in. I'm glad you thought she was opening up and becoming more likable, as that was something I really tried to have in this chapter.
YAY! (And don't worry, overall in my reviews, i often overuse the word overall :P) I'm glad this was funny, because I was getting a bit depressed writing about all the sinisterness from the other chappies.
Hehe! You'll have to wait and see! I love love love this subplot line thingey, so you won't have to wait too long for another mention or so of Aunt Gabbie! :P
And fear not, I write the majority of m,y reviews in the wee hours of the morning, and am nearly always somewhat sleep deprived, so I completely understand.
I most certainly will be back for another review as soon as it's up! =]
-ginger Report Review
That was a nice Chapter but not as good as some of the others I've read. I have to admit I didn't really like how she told them everything, I would have found it more believable if she just told them the Teddy-based stuff. I don't think she'd tell them that she suspects her best-friend was murdered, that just seems a bit more, serious, I don't know. Just ignore me if you like but I think that would be more realistic.
Another thing I didn't think was realistic was that Lily had been going there since she was 4, that just seems a bit too young, even for a genius. If it was like 6 I would still be impressed by her maturity but wouldn't have questioned it as much. Also, a 4 year old would be asleep late at night and I think parents would notice that a 4 year old disappeared.
Just so you know the only reason I'm doing this nitpicking is that I think you have an amazing story and don't want little details like this to put other readers of or spoil the rest of the story, which is amazing!
I really like the characters you've made out of Heidi and Hannah, they seemed really nice and I can really imagine Hannah being like that. I also like how you add more believability to Heidi by making her related to someone we know form the books- it gives the story that extra bit of credibility :)
I think this encounter may also make Victoire realise that the rest of them also have problems! And I can't wait to see how her and Teddy work out!
Re-request if you like! Happy New Year!
Lily ^_^Author's Response: Hello,
Thanks for the review! (And I'll get you the reviews I had written on paper- bad idea-and misplaced them soon, plus a few more tomorrow morning or afternoon, depending on how long the New Years brunch lasts.) I will be rerequesting your reviews, because they are incredibly helpful!
Now, onto the chapter, and I'll be the first to admit that I can't stand this chapter. It's all fairly necessary for the plot, but I really didn't think any of it was done very well (I think I had a pile of drafts each about a page long and all worse than this.)
Anyway, thank you for telling where the biggest problems of this chapter are so I can really focus on working them out! It's unbelievably helpful! =]
And you've hit on exactly what this chapter was supposed to do, which was show Victoire she's not the only one in trouble and I'm glad to know that at least the message of the chapter came through with this!
Happy new years, and I'm heading over to the thread right now! Report Review
I liked the conversation at the beginning, it was really interesting and I definitely want to find out what happened to Vicky! One bit I thought was really beautiful was when Jack said 'See I think we were wrong to just close our eyes, let her go, and not ask questions.' I don't know why I just thought it was a beautiful idea, phrased beautifully.
I thought it odd how Teddy found her and then she asked how and I thought I was going to get an explanation and he said he followed an 'orb of light or something'. This really confused me and I was staring at the screen for a while like WHAT? If someone told you a orb of light appeared and led them to you, you wouldn't shrug it off. It means something special and I didn't get why you didn't go into more explanation. Sorry, but I found that really strange... :/
Eminem, hehe, love him, love that song! Though I thought the way you fit it in was a tad confusing and the phrasing was just a little confusing.
I really like the stuff with the Scamanders, it was really cute you showed their characters exactly right! It was like exactly how I would expect Luna and her family to be! I bet they were fun to write :)
Awww, I felt sorry her when Teddy was being all silly and going all gooey over the waitress! :'( It's a bit of a cliche but a good one that always tugs on girls heartstrings. You did it well and the fact that she was so annoyed by it showed me that she definitely likes him. I just can't wait for her to realise it!
Off to next Chappie Chap :)
Happy New Year
Lily ^_^Author's Response: Hello again! =]
Oops, I stuck the response to the orb of light thing in the last review. Hmm... well, the response to that is down there!
I think that's one of my favorite things he said, and I'm glad you liked it too. I was really unsure about how that conversation was going to go, but I really think it's a strong conversation and it's so helpful to know that it is.
Hey! I know my reference wasn't great, but I wrote this in the wee hours of the morning. Silly plot bunnies and their inability to strike during normal hours. =/
Oh they were a blast! YAY! Oh it's incredibly inspiring to know that I did that well, because I want to be able to drag them into the story again, but I was a bit worried about them since they are so strange and a little difficult to get done.
Hehe, cliched it is, but I was going for something she would get to realize was cliched once she figures it out. Poor Victoire, she must be getting really tired of Teddy and we're only on Chapter 5! :P
Go forth and read on!
-ginger Report Review
Awww, this chapter was really sweet, the memory was written really well and I felt myself being taken in completely. How old are they meant to be in it though because I thought they would be pretty young and some things they said (Vicky mostly) seemed rather old. These are the phrases that stood out most- "not even a butterfly could dance among the clouds as gracefully as you" and "falling through the air in the autumn breeze." They are nice phrases but I can't imagine like 5 year olds saying them, maybe you could work them into the description.
While I'm getting the boring CC bits out of the way I'll mention the fact that you she says "Teddy gives me a smile that makes me melt like it always does", I was a bit confused by this because I don't remember her ever saying Teddy's smiles made her melt before. I liked that you were giving the reader a hint that she actually does fancy him but I don't think you should include "like it always does", or maybe do something more like "I felt a strange melting/warming sensation start in my body." Just suggestions though! :)
On to the important stuff (the compliments!) I thought Rose and Doms conversation was insanely annoying and confusing, which was good because I'm pretty sure that was how it was meant to be. Also I've heard many girls having conversations like this when boys are involved :/
Can't think of much more to say except that I can't wait to read about her and Jack's conversation, and that this story is really intriguing!
Happy New Year!
Lily ^_^Author's Response: Hello!!
They are 4 or 5, but Vicky... she's different from other people, and I think it rubbed off on Jack a bit. I know they aren't very realistic for her to say those things being that she is so young, but I don't want to explain much more than that just yet.
And the orb of light happened to be the deluminator, which was at the Burrow with Teddy. When I wrote that, I had assumed that Teddy had probably seen the deluminator before and wasn't too surprised by it.
Ahh, the melting smile. I wasn't sure about this myself and have been meaning to explain this more, but I see Teddy's smile as sort of like Heath Ledger's smile. You can't help but smile when you see it, even if you don't fancy him. I should probably explain that more when I go and edit these up.
I love Dom and Rose, even if Victoire doesn't. her reaction to them just cracks me up, even if she is a bit right about how silly Dom and Rose can be.
Hehe, I'm glad you think it's intriguing! YAY! =]
-ginger Report Review
another interesting chapter character-wise. If I'm honest the fact that she seems to moan a lot is a bit annoying and I didn't really like how she dealt with Rose at the beginning. I thought she might be a bit nicer to her since you've mentioned before that she loves her cousins and such, but I guess that you can still love someone and find them annoying.
Urgg, I really hate the character you've made for Audrey! Well, I like how she's done and all but wow she's annoying, and very very rude!
So, is she like in love with this Jack fella then? I can't wait to see what they're meetings like and what Teddy thinks of it.
I liked the way you showed the mother-daugther dynamic and how they argue a lot but show a united front against common enemies (cough Audrey cough) which I think is how a lot of family relationships do work.
The fact that she wants to 'uncover forgotten things' was interesting and I thought it showed a lot about her character and how secrets intrigue her. But I thought it also showed a darker side because it suggested that she also tried to ignore the not-forgotten things and wants to know lots of secrets and uses things to stop herself thinking about the important stuff. Not sure if that made sense, sorry :/
Loved, loved, loved the bit with her and Teddy talking about how they met and how everyone else thinks they're telling like a cute story but they are using it to annoy/ have a got at each other. I can't wait to read more about how their relationship grows.
Hope you liked my reviews. This is my last review for this story but you can always re-request if you like! :)
Lily ^_^Author's Response: Hello again!
I think Victoire almost sees Dom and Rose as the same person when they are together, so she isn't very nice towards Dom and I think that carries over to Rose sadly. She really does complain a lot, and it's a pain to write in how much she complains, but she does have a lot on her mind. That doesn't really make up for the complaining, but I think she does at least have a reason to be so annoying.
Audrey certainly is rude and very annoying! And you've hit exactly what I was going for with the family relationships! It's not all perfect, but it's close enough that there are fairly strong ties within everything and everyone. =]
Love would be one way to put it. Jack's interesting, so I guess I can't put it into words what their relationship even is. Well, I guess I have to being scenes and chapters are made of words, but I cant really describe it.
Yes! It made perfect sense and I was going for exactly that! Secrets are an interesting thing, and she is very interested in things no one knows so she can run from things everyone knows, which would be what you said. =]
I think that story is one of my favorite parts of Misled so far, because Victoire is so eager to get back at Teddy, while Teddy is just having a lot of fun. =]
I do! I do! And I'll be rerequesting right away! =D
-ginger Report Review
Heyyy again :)
I liked this chapter more then the last one because the characters came out more and they all seem pretty interesting. I really like James's character and he is very much like some annoying little boys I know.
Victoire is also growing on me more as a person and she seems quite witty and funny and suchlike. I loved the stuff with the M&Ms and the thesaurus :) It made me chuckle. But despite the fact that it's funny there are more hints about bad stuff and I really want to know what's going on with Vicky and Jack and I hope it'll become clearer how The Annoying One (AKA Tori) knows so much about whatever it is.
I wasn't completely convinced at first as to the reasoning for them pretending to be together but I guess what Yensi said made sense (urrgg, the rightness sickens me ;P).
One character I don't really feel like I know is Teddy, I hope you'll expand more on him because I feel like I'm getting little glimpses of this very interesting and deep character but it's never really expanded upon.
I feel like I need to give some CC so I found this one bit that James says that I thought didn't really fit with his character. He says 'someone of interest' which sounds quite posh and he's a 11 year old boy and everything else he's said has been childish so I think just saying 'someone interesting' would be better. But it's not a big deal, I just wanted to put in a bit of CC.
Hope this was helpful!
Lily ^_^Author's Response: Hello! *waves*
James is pretty annoying, but I really love him and Ana! They just make writing chapters so much fun! =]
I know you want to know, that's the whole point! :P Well, I really hoped you wanted to know, because otherwise I may have some problems with grabbing readers' attention.
Hmm... the rightness? I love Yensi, okay, I don't think I have a character who I don't love including Tori, but I know my reasoning isn't great for their being together. Oh well, Victoire wants to be a beater really badly, but now that you mention it, I think I'll have to drag some of that into something else because it is pretty weak right now.
I don't like him much either, but I think he opens up a lot, especially in some of the later chapters. Well, I hope he does at least.
Thanks for the CC, and someone interesting does sound a lot better than someone of interest. Thanks for pointing that out for me! =]
It was indeed very helpful! Thank you for your time and for the wonderful reviews so far! =]
-ginger Report Review
Hellloo, here with your review! And it is also my first proper requested review so I hope you find it helpful :)
Well, this seems like a good intro and I'm intrigued to see what's going to happen next, Teddy and Victoire's relationship seems a bit like James and Lilys so I don't know if you slightly based it on that or anything? Just interested to know :)
I like the characters your creating so far and some of the dialogue was quite amusing, though a times Teddy seemed pretty stalkerish to be honest :/ The flow of the dialogue was a bit on-off and I thought some slightly different phrasing my help now and then.
I liked the replies in her head and thought they helped me get a better idea of her character.
Also, I don't know if this is meant to sound like this but when she says "I hurt myself much too often for that." I got the feeling that she self harms or something? Maybe that's just me but if it's just because she's clumsy or something then I thought you might like to know it sounds rather sinister...
I liked the way she talked about Vicky and it's got me very interested to know what's going to happen in next chapters, I thought you balanced the good/bad well here. I can tell that some bad stuff has happened in her past but it was all just hinted at so didn't take anything from the main plot line and funny moments.
One bit I didn't really like was the last bit of conversation with her friend, I didn't really get why it was there and the big paragraph where she is telling her friend what happened was a bit strange to read. Maybe you could just put something along the lines of 'She sat trying to take in the rubbish I was spouting out at her' or 'I was stressed from the events and was having trouble explaining them well'. You could then have the little bit about him possibly making her go along with the charade if you think it needs including.
Hope you found this helpful! Please reply as I'm not very good at reviewing yet and want to know what you thought of it :)
Lily ^_^Author's Response: Yay! I get the first proper review! Whe!
Yes and no. See, yes, she does reject him many times like Lily and James, but no because she rejects him because she knows him, not because she doesn't really know him. I imagine that they knew each other pretty well in their childhood because they were together so often, being that there's a massive age gap between Victoire and all of the other cousins (7 years? I haven't got any of my notebooks with me right now) so I think Victoire found legitimate reasons to not like him, and Teddy found legitimate reasons to like her.
Yeah, Teddy can be a bit stalkerish, but not only is this from Victoire's perspective, so she sometimes takes comments the wrong way, but I'd like to think Teddy is just a bit nervous and Victoire's mind is elsewhere so she sort of tried to put him in the worst light because she really did want to be alone.
Not sinister in any way, she's just clumsy. That was meant to show that she's not perfect and very ladylike, but upon rereading it I can see that it does sound really sinister.
Glad you thought the good/bad stuff was hinted well! I'm really relieved to know that you liked that. I went through like ten drafts of redoing that before I thought it worked, so knowing that it does is so helpful!
Thanks, now that you mention it, that last bit does need some attention on my part. I think I'll change that to your suggestions when I go back over these in my drafts, so I can update this poor story when I get the chance. :)
I think you're pretty good for a reviewier who's just starting, well, better than pretty good, but my thesaurus isn't with me, so I can't think of a better word on my own. :)
-ginger Report Review
Okay, so I've reviewed this before, but I'm going to review again according your areas of concern. No problem! :P
I think that the plot has been, so far, pretty good. You've got a really good pace. I mentioned this before, but the fact that we don't know what's going on with Jack and Vicky is a an effective way to pull in the reader, so I really like what you're doing in that sense. :)
I find that the balance between romance and the darker plot lines is pretty good. There's a really smooth transition, and in ways, they blend really well because Teddy's always comforting her when she's crying.
I'm following this story, so when you update, I'll review the new chapter. I honestly really love it. Great job! :)Author's Response: Thank you so much for taking the time to rereview this for me! I've really been wanting to find someone who has been following the story because there are a lot of small details in every chapter, but also someone to give me some CC, and it really means a lot to me that you would do this for me! *squees a bit, then remembers to act professional*
I've been a bit worried that the transitions between the Teddy stuff and the other plot lines have been a little rough, and this is so helpful for you to point out where the good points are and where the writing is effective.
Again, thank you so very much for taking the time to do this, and I should probably ask for your forgiveness in taking your time for something you've already read. Next chapter will be in the queue as soon as it opens; I finished writing it last night! =]
-ginger Report Review
I think the story is quite good. But there are some parts in this chapter missing and some mistakes ( no serious ones though). Maybe you could read through it again and make sure all the missing parts are filled in and the mistakes are gone. Sorry my English is not so good. So if anything doesn't make sense I'm sorry. ^.^Author's Response: Thank you so much for the constructive criticism, and I see what you mean, with my little mistakes. This is very helpful, and I'll see if I can fix the problems. (And don't worry, You make perfect sense :D)
-thanks, ginger Report Review
gingersnape: Hello again! Another little Laurie review. hehe. I'm really beginning to like this fic, I can almost feel the enjoyment that Teddy's getting from the whole situation. Makes me wonder if Teddy's in on the whole thing, hm?
Anyway. You were worried about humour, REALLY? (Lol. That was on purpose)
Some lines in this chapter really did make me giggle!
- "that a thesaurus was a book when everyone knows they've been extinct for years"
- "that the “W's” in the M&M's are defects " - (by the way, I might use this one on my little sister)
- "I should give them to you so I won't eat the poisonous ones"
- "You mean all these years the W's haven't been poisonous! And I thought you were being nice by taking everyone's W's!"
- "Miss I'm-proudly-made-of-plastic" - Love this ;D
anyway yes. after those amazingly... amazing quotes I think we can both settle on the fact that this chapter was filled with sarcasm and humour. It was brilliant, I think its really bringing out Victoire's character.
And also, The dumb-ness of James really makes him seen so innocent and I've never seen him portrayed this way so congrats to you! hehe. for your unique-ness, once again! I think thats why I like this fic so much.. Because it's unique.
Laurie.Author's Response: Thank you so much for taking the time to review these chapters for me; I really appreciate how well done reviews are and how quickly you are able to get to them!
I've used the M&M one before, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but it will always make people laugh!
hehe, I think my favorite line is "Miss I'm-proudly-made-of-plastic" from the whole chapter!
I think her sarcasm is really who she is because it's more of rebellion from dignified and proper Fleur and I'm glad it did what I had meant it to do; to show who she is and make readers see her with a few lines.
I'm really honored to have my story be called unique, because there are a ton of Next Gens out there and it's really hard to separate characters from their usual presentations while still keeping something relatable as a Next Gen character.
Anyway, I think I'll be rererequesting as your reviews are very helpful!
ginger Report Review
gingersnape: Hello! Laurie here with your requested review. I'm just going to review your first chapter of this, If you wish me to carry on and review other chapters you will have to re-request a place on my reviews thread. Anyway, down to business..
He has lifted me up so I can get through the window; Teddy jumps in through the window then leans down to help me up. - This part confused me a little, Did I just read it wrong?
"He seriously needs to stop stealing them from Rose when he's bored" - This made me laugh, James reading Rose's gossip magazines thats quite hilarious.
One question; Why is Harry there?
"Girl, you are in for one hell of a Christmas" - Aha, So true. I actually want to proceed reading this I’ve quite enjoyed it. I've never read a story where Teddy and Victoire don't just passionately fall in love strait away so I found this lovely and refreshing.
Apart from my few ponders, I think that this overall is a great fic!
Laurie.Author's Response: Thank you so much, and I think I will be rerequesting, so you'll see more of me soon!
Ack! I had this chapter done twice and that part must have gotten messed up in the editing. *facepalm*
And James was scared of the thunderstorm, so he did that head-in-fire-floo thing to talk to someone because neither Teddy nor Victoire could be found to help him out.
Thank you so much for taking the time to review and I'm glad you like how their relationship isn't love at first sight; I just don't think anyone raised by Fleur without a rebellious person to really look to could be accepting of a sweet romance right off the bat and I'm glad to see I'm not really alone.
-ginger Report Review
Oh my gosh, Ginger!!! Amazing! I love Hiedi, and Hannah and Lily, and... how Lily knows everything about every one and Heidi's cat stuff and how Hannah is, like, the woman go to when your upset and how she has all the ice-cream and how Lily is kind of the baby to the extremes of the Potter-Weasly clan, and just amzing! Another great chapter! !0/10! Can't wait for more!
p.s. Try not to spoil it...Author's Response: Thanks Tashi!
Lils is definitely one of my favorite Weasley-Potters because she is a little younger than the rest of her family, but she is still a Potter so she does have the traits that make her have a little bit of a temper but a really big heart.
P.S. You have not been spoiled; stress not :) Report Review
First off, why were the Scamanders there? I love them too! Espeisly Ly and his obsurdness. Jack, is well, I love Jack! I just love Jack! Teddy, Teddy, Teddy, Teddy, what is wrong with him?! He can't be flirting with a waittress! He has a girlfreind! So what if it's just not real, it still counts!!! And Victore! Those two can be so immature! I bet Dom and Lor would make the cutest Next Gen. ship in the world! Dom is probably at the leaky because, she and Jack's little brother are on a date and Rosie is going to be crying and stuff. 10/10 as always!
TashiAuthor's Response: They were just having dinner there because it's Rolf's favorite restaurant. Lysander is so funny! Just like his parents! Jack isn't so good either, as will be revealed, but there is more to Isabelle and Teddy than revealed, all will become apparent soon enough. I think Dom and Lorcan would be a great ship! They could just be so absolutely adorable! We do meet some people in the Leaky Cauldron, but not Dom or Rose yet.. but I will have to work them in there!
Thanks for the wonderful review, and ave a great week,
Hugs, ginger Report Review
Oh, this is so sad, I actually had tears in my eyes. And you're right, I'm really at a loss what to say, I can't put my feelings about this chapter into words, but I want you to know that it was beautiful!
I think I know what you mean about smelling warm, there's a smell I can't really describe, it's probably a mixture of different smells actually, and it reminds me of my grandparents in England. Occasionally, I smell something similar here in Germany and I immediately think of Christmas with my grandparents in England. It makes me feel warm, content, snug, safe and secure :)Author's Response: I am so glad this chapter worked out the way I was hoping it would. I don't know how to phrase that feeling, but I can tell it is there.
I guess it isn't really a smell in the sense that rosemary and chocolate chip cookies are, but it does exist in the sense that it is an emotional connection between smells and feelings... at least that's what I think it is from what people have said. Report Review
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