I really like this. I love James and Lily and I especially LOVED the FRIENDS quote.
I like how you charcterised them especially with Lily being sarky. Something we don't normally see with her.
You could tell Lily was annoyed by James because all she wanted was peace. But then they came along and ruined it.
It would have nice to see Remus in it as well, maybe he would have added calm ness to James and Sirius.
"on was short" -I think the 'on' should have been one.
"had watery eyes he followed two tall boys." - I think there should have been a comma between 'eyes' and 'he'
Even though it's short it's really good. And you got straight to the point. The quote fitted in nciely and the whole thing flowed well.
-Potterfan310Author's Response: Thank you for the review!
I think this was one of my first challenges :P Plus I've never written anything for the marauders era after this.
I wrote this so quickly that I didn't think about Remus, but it's true it would have been interesting to see him.
Thank you for the tips :) And I'm happy you enjoyed the friend's quote :) Report Review
This made me smile... I am fairly positive I have a Lily and James obsession and this wonderfully sweet and humors story just helped feed it. When it isn't my bed time I am going to start your novels. If this is any indication of your writing style, I am going to love them as much as I loved this one shot (which was quite a bit)!Author's Response: Thank you I'm happy this made you smile. Lol it's the only Lily/James thing I've ever written I don't write marauder's era.
I hope when you get reading my novels you enjoy them :) Thank you for the review. Report Review
Hi! You're tagged!
Such a cute little scene, I liked it! James had absolutly no clue what happened; it just did! Aside from the pontuation problems (it gets a bit hard to read a times and feels like the rythm of this piece is often broken) I had a good laugh at the end. It's an easy fix and would help improve this already good piece. Good work!Author's Response: I'm it! :D
Thank you, I've never edited this one-shot and I probably should XD hopefully I'll get around to it soon. I'm glad you think it's a good piece when actually I sort of hate this one shot XD
Thank you :) Report Review
Awww, this is so cute! Of course, I'm sure Lily wouldn't agree with me! Poor Lily, not being able to get proper rest! I think you did a great job of portraying all the characters here, particularly James and Sirius. I loved the comment about Lily looking like a hippogriff stomped her! And I think my absolute favorite part is the last line. "Whatever you say Prongs." This is a great job, dear, and glad I read it!Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you enjoy the one-shot, I love the last line too :P Report Review
This is so incredibly cute. I love how you set the scene, with Lily being as tired as she was. Not caring where the other students were as long as there was peace. I also liked how she reacted to the boys disturbing that peace. The sarcasm was just priceless. And the fact that Sirius told her she looked like a hippogriff had stomped on her was an image that sounded rather good. I liked that Lily stormed away and James seemed to think that he was actually getting somewhere with her.
All in all really cute and well written.
(Hufflepuff)Author's Response: Thank you!
I find cute too! The idea just came out of nowhere for the challenge :) James was pretty clueless huh? lol
Thank you for the review :) Report Review
This was a cute little one-shot. Poor Lily. All she wanted was some peace and quiet and who should ruin that for me? Of course, James Potter. I can imagine her snapping, being all exhausted and stressed, and the bit about the days of the week was funny. I liked the irony of James's statement "We might even get married!" and Sirius just humoring him by saying, "Whatever you say Prongs." There should be a comma before Prongs, by the way.
I did notice some missing commas and periods too but those could be fixed up with a quick read-through I should think.
I liked this little snapshot. I can really imagine it happening to them. It was cute!
forsakenphoenix (Ravenclaw)Author's Response: Thank you for your review :) I'm going to submit the changes as soon as I can ( I edited over the weekend but I haven't had time to submit any changes.)
Thank you for your input. Report Review
I thought this was a cute piece! I felt so bad for Lily because all she wanted was some rest and then the three loudest boys happen to come in. I liked the way that you had Sirius all casual-like to me that was perfect. The ending was great too I think we might get married someday. whatever you say prongs.. It was really good and fun to read. also the quote about the days is pretty cool i have never heard that before so that was really fun for me to read. I can really imagine this piece happening for them Lily relaxing and the boys being loud and James just mooning over Lily. Great Job.
~Slytherin~Author's Response: Hello!
Thank you for your review :) It was intended to be cute and I'm glad you enjoyed it :) Report Review
This was cute! I like that they didn't get together yet, it was just 'progress' (of course, it wasn't really progress, but, as Sirius says, whatever James says. . .). I really liked that they interrupted Lily's resting and she exploded on them, and her teaching James the days of the week was funny. Even this, you can see the bond of the three boys, with James being humored by Sirius and Peter being the tag-along who took things too seriously. I loved how he was concerned for Lily though! That was nice. :D Great little piece of work, it was adorable.
-Katherine045 (Slytherin!)Author's Response: Thank you! I like the Lily and James pairing. I'm glad here you can actually see the bond between the three boys :)
Thank you for your review. Report Review
Hello, Lirate above me! Here's your review!
Oh, the ending was so funny. Haha! I don't know if James was talking seriously or was just ironic about it. The great irony is how none of them knew they were really going to get married one day.
There was some comma missing at the beginning. It's not big deal. It just confuses you a bit at the first lecture. Re-reading the first paragraph and putting it would be just enough.
I really enjoyed reading this!
GryffindorAuthor's Response: A lirate *hugs*
Thank you for taking your time to review. I look at that first paragraph thank for pointing that out.
Nope. James was just being ironic lol It is a great irony isn't it :D Report Review
Awwwh! well hi there ;) Even thought it was short, this was a really nice story. Don't know if I sound crazy for saying this, but it was also really sweet! hehe I just LOVE Lily/James stories, and I have to say this is one of the best ones I've read in awhile. The way you could tell that Lily was tired of James and all his antics AND her prefects duties was great. And your lovestruck James was just perfect! Loved it! :)
(Kat1394 - Gryffindor)Author's Response: lol it's the only thing in the marauder's era I've written. I liked writing this and I'm glad you enjoyed it. Report Review
This story made me laugh so much! You have to love Lily! I couldn't stop grinning while reading how she explained what day it was to James, on her fingers. Her mock words and gestures were brilliant :D
If you would be so kind as accepting my suggestion, I think there are some parts in the story where a full stop would work better than a comma. For example, instead of using a comma in "Honestly Potter!" yelled Lily finally bringing their attention back towards her, she had her hands on her hips and her hair suddenly had given her the look of an overgrown tiger." I think it would flow better with a full stop. So it would go something like this: "yelled Lily finally bringing their attention back towards her. She had her hands...". Doesn't that sound a bit better?
All in all, I really liked your story! You have good humour!
House Cup 2011, End of an Era Review Extravaganza
Forum name: Debra20
House: GryffindorAuthor's Response: Thank you! :P To think I don't really like writing humor, and yes that would seem to sound better. I will go an edit that a.s.a.p
P.s: Go gryffies! Report Review
lololol I love that last part :) I thought you did such a great job with all their characters! There was one part where you said "on was short" instead of 'one was short..'
I am wondering where Moony is during all of this, but I did like how you had Sirius laugh so hard at Lily's sarcasm.
I'm glad she also didn't seem too testy. So many people over do the uptight personality for her. I'm sure she was, but only in extreme condition, and often, but just enough lol.
Great short but brilliant story :)Author's Response: Thank you :D Now I noticed that error lol thank you for pointing it out. Yes I agree people make Lily to be this angry version of Percy when I don't think she was. I think she was a bit like Hermione just a tad more sensitive and probably a bit proud. Report Review
LOL hilarious :) Love itAuthor's Response: thank you :) Glad you laughed ;) Report Review
I loved how you used the quote it came out justs as if it was really coming from Lily not a quote from Joey. I love how clueless James is.
This is write wonderfull and has that abilty to make you laugh the whole way through, its great.Author's Response: Thank you! :) I was sooo scared it might sound stupid lol! Report Review
:) I love it. That's adorable!Author's Response: Aww thanks :) Report Review
Haha I don't get it, the days in all. What was that all about! I liked the ending though, I thought it was funny. Good job!
WhatAboutRegulusAuthor's Response: Glad you laughed... I usually stink at humor! Hey I made someone smile :)
Anyway thanks for you review! Report Review
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