I've always thought Andromeda must've had a pretty difficult time after the war, and you've written all of that so beautifully here. It never crossed my mind that it was her idea for Ted to go into hiding, but I find I like the idea better than him just running off because he wants to.
That first flashback scene was really touching. I'm always so terrible at writing emotional dialogue like that, but you've managed to get it to be believable and real. Andromeda seemed really desperate too, which was probably the most upsetting thing; she had to get Ted to leave, but without knowing if he was coming back, and without knowing if she'd even be there for him to come back to.
I like how you wrote everything that happened with Tonks and Remus in one paragraph. That really helps show how quickly it all happened, which is a nice touch. I also like how Tonks ninja'd off on the day of the final battle, rather than trying to fight her way through her mother and out of the house. I can't imagine how horrible it would've been for Andromeda to be told that the closest people to her are dead, and now she essentially has to be a single mother. Wow. What a strong woman.
I like the progression of Andromeda's memories of Tonks. They go from good to bad, to good again, to completely heart breaking. It was a little overwhelming actually. One moment I was squeeing and a chubby cute baby, the next I'm tearing up because Tonks is dead.
The ending was so beautiful, and I admit I cried. I love how you didn't write that she was carrying on for the sake of Teddy, but you made it clear that she was and how much he meant to her despite him being somewhat the cause of her pain. He was also the solution too, huh?
So, very beautiful story. I got lost in your writing and I adored the use of your flashbacks. How you characterised Andromeda was fantastic. Tonks seems a lot like her, which is how I always pictured it to be.
Lorren. Report Review
Beautiful banner. It really matches your story. Both have an air of eery, sad beauty to them. It was so tragic to read the exchange between hr and Ted and know that was the last time she saw him alive. You put a lot of emotion into this, a lot of pain, it really comes through in your writing. I LOVE the paragraph where she thinks about her daughter's name - wishing she could show her acceptance, regretting what she sees as her failures as a parent. I really enjoyed reading this. Great job!Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review!
The banner is gorgeous, isn't it? The artist at TDA really outdid herself.
I'm so happy that you found this emotional, because I did try and put a lot of effort into that part. And I always felt that Andromeda would regret not accepting Tonks 100% in every way she could, once she'd died.
Thank you again for the review! :-) Report Review
I loved it! Andromeda's story is so sad and you got that through perfectly. All her pain was so tangible here and at the same time you’ve showed here just how strong Andromeda is. She has gone through so much and still she manages to get through it all somehow. I'm glad that you showed that there was some little happiness in her life at this time too.
I loved this line especially:
"There was something about walking and walking and walking, her feet stepping into the same footprints every time, watching the plants grow by the week, that was calming."
Maybe that's partly because I identify with that too. I like to go out for a walk too when I have too much going on in my mind. It often clears up my head and is calming, like she thinks too. :) I think you also put some beautiful imagery into that and the little descriptions of where she was walking.
I also liked the way you wrote her memories. The one about Ted was a really sad one and the one about Tonks was like seeing little pictures fly through her head, a bit in the same way as they did in one of the HP movies with some of Harry's memories (was that occlumency maybe?). I by the way liked also the way she thought about Tonks and "Tonks" and you explained why. First I thought it was a bit out of character that she would be thinking of her as Tonks, but then when you explained it, it was perfect.
The way you wrote about Andromeda's realtion to Remus, and the way you mentioned Harry coming to visit (as they probably would be getting somewhat close through Teddy) I was wondering how their relationship would have developed if Remus had survived. Probably they would have become close in time, but there might have been some resentment in the beginning because of him surviving instead of Tonks.
Anyway, I really, really enjoyed this story and found it to be a very good read!Author's Response: Thank you so much for this fantastic review! :-)
I'm so happy that you liked Andromeda, and that line as well. I wanted walking the rows to be theraputic for her, I'm glad you found that realistic. Also, I'm thrilled that you liked the descriptions! Her walking the field night after night was the plot bunny I "adopted" for a challenge, and I wanted to get the description right--I'm glad you thought I did. :)
I'm glad you liked the memories, as well. They were a spur-of-the-moment thing I thought of while I was writing, and I just decided to go with it. I do think that Andromeda would feel a lot of resentment with herself for not calling Tonks by her chosen name--I'm happy that you thought it fit. And yes, I think that there definitely would have been resentment on Andromeda's part towards Remus if he survived...I think that probably would have been more difficult for Andromeda, in the beginning at least, rather then when both Remus and Tonks died.
Thank you again for this wonderful review! I'm so happy you liked the story. :] Report Review
Hello, fellow 'Claw! :) I'm here to deliver that review you requested (and get us points in doing so, too)!
All right, so: I don't read many songfics, so I can really only go off of my own impressions about whether the song lyrics work well or not. (I did write a songfic once, but it was awful!) I will say, though, that I would always prefer a songfic that uses a song that's lesser-known than one that uses a hit song or something of that sort. I think it's much better to come to a songfic without even having heard the song before, actually—you can appreciate the lyrics as words rather than part of a piece of music, which is when (for me) songfics are at their most powerful. So, anyway, that was a rather long-winded way of saying that I was glad that you used a song that's lesser-known (to me, at least).
Truthfully, though, my instinct is to say that this didn't need to be a songfic. I don't know if the challenge required it to be, and I did think the lyrics were nice and related well enough to the story, but I didn't feel like they were necessary to create the emotional impact you wanted to; I think the narrative did that all on its own.
And, oh...my heart literally dropped when the flashback scene came, and I realized that it had been Andromeda who had urged Ted to leave home. How awful for her to feel that guilt. I really liked how honestly you portrayed Andromeda, too. I'm sure there are many people who would be horrified at the thought of her being willing to trade her grandson for her other loved ones, but I actually liked that you wrote her that way. She lost her husband and daughter—really, the only family she had—and people's secret thoughts can be selfish and horrifying, but they're real and truthful, and I liked that you didn't necessarily try to go the "acceptable" route of Andromeda being a loving grandmother.
I was also really impressed that you took something so simple as Andromeda's refusal to call her daughter "Tonks" and made it into a much bigger issue of acceptance, and of being stuck in a cycle of disapproval. Once again, you didn't go the expected way of making Andromeda nothing like her family before her, but instead showed what family traits she had not been able to escape.
I only noticed one spelling error: "self-depreciating" should be "self-deprecating". Other than that picky little comment, there were reall only a couple suggestions for improvement I thought of. The first is that the last line felt a little too sweet, rather than bittersweet, like the rest of the piece had been. It did tie to the quote well (which I assume was part of the challenge), but maybe it would have worked to just have Andromeda return to that idea of living and seizing the moment, but not sure if she would be able to? That idea was there in the second-last line, and I think that tone fit more with the rest of the story.
The second is that, while I think you did surprisingly well with those quick snippets of flashbacks (because something like that could very easily be written poorly, and you managed to avoid that nicely), it would have read just a little bit better if there was more of a balance between dialogue and description of these meemories that Andromeda was going through. The description could have ben choppier and had more of a feeling of being very fleeting and overwhelming, although it was just fine the way you had it, in my opinion.
Well, I think that's about all I can think of! Great job—this was such a wonderful and emotional portrayal of Andromeda's situation, and I loved how willing you were to write her emotions so honestly.Author's Response: Wow, thanks for such an incredibly long review!
This is pretty much my first venture into songfic-land, too. I've read one or two before but that's about it. When I went into writing this, I totally intended to make it a full-out, lyrics-every-few-paragraphs kind of fic, but I was honestly lost as to where to put them. I really, really wanted to include the ones in the beginning and I felt like I should wrap it all up with the ending lyrics. I am happy that you found it had an emotional impact without the lyrics, though, because I didn't want it to rely solely on them. :)
And I'm so glad that you liked Andromeda...or at least liked the choices I made for her character. :) The flashback idea was a sort of idea-and-go-with-it sort of thing, so I'm glad that you liked it as well. I didn't want to make Andromeda the usual, loving grandmother-type--and I was afraid that making her so detached from Teddy would make her seem heartless, I'm glad you didn't think so.
Hmm, I do see what you mean about the ending being too sweet. I sort of felt that way when I was writing it, but I didn't want to make the ending too sad. :P But I'll definitely take your suggestions into thought and see how I can shut my happy-ending-side up. ;)
Oh, I'm so relieved that the flashbacks worked somewhat well--at least, understandable because that was a main worry of mine with this. I'll definitely make the description choppier because I do see what you mean about that. It didn't even cross my mind before, because what you're saying makes perfect sense. :)
Thank you again for this wondeful review! It was lovely and amazingly helpful. :) Go Ravenclaw! Report Review
Wow, this was beautifully done!
One error I noticed was when you spoke of Andromeda and the apologizes she had left to make. I think you meant apologies. Easy enough mistake to make, I just thought I should point that out to you. As far as other spelling or grammatical errors go, I didn't pick up on anything so kudos there.
Your characterization of Andromeda, I believe was spot on. It would be tough getting back to life after losing one's daughter and husband. I also thought you touched on something most people don't - how detached Andromeda might have felt about Remus and how she may have worried about her daughter's welfare through her pregnancy.
I also like that it was Andromeda that pushed Ted out of the house, and she did so with the best intentions. Yet it hadn't helped. It made the irony painful, in a woman who has gone through many strife's in her life.
I do like that she has some flashbacks, because I feel it's natural. Especially when one is deep in thought as she is.
I particularly loved the flow and language of this piece. I especially enjoyed this paragraph: "A ghost. She was not a ghost, however, and neither were her husband nor daughter. They had moved on and were likely laughing and having a great and grand ball of a time elsewhere in another universe. And here Andromeda was, walking the same path and thinking the same thoughts night after night."
I thought it was a good summation of what Andromeda felt at the time, and I thought the descriptiveness in it was quite enchanting.
I also like that throughout this tale, Andromeda seems angry, depressed, and resentful. Yet at the end, the very thing that seemed to inspire bitterness, inspired hope. It was a full circle, but one that I thought was well done. I really liked it. :)
Thank you for participating in my challenge, I really enjoyed this piece. Sorry that I'm getting to it so late. I was working all weekend.
LindersAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for this lovely review! :)
I went and fixed that typo right away, thanks for pointing it out.
I'm so happy that you liked Andromeda--I really enjoyed getting into her character and writing her. I'm glad that you liked the flashbacks, too--they were a little whim I went on when I started writing this piece.
I'm really happy that you noticed that paragraph because it was my favorite to write. :)
Again, thank you so much for this!
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