Reading Reviews for Zoo
  
9 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Pretense Of Perfection C'mon, C'mon!

8th July 2014:
Hi there!!

I love reading about the older generations, and this story was no exception. I think it was very well written, and proved to be super interesting.

I too, have seen that episode of Friends, although I'll admit I didn't make the connection until I read your author's notes. I'm not sure it translates as well into the HP verse as it did in Friends of course, but you still managed to do it justice. I did find myself laughing at a few points, particularly when Abeforth ducked under the table to try and evade the crowd.

I really like how Dumbledore and Grindewald's friendship begins here, I can see something exactly like this happening. What with them fighting over the book and pulling their wands out on each other, to making up and sharing a mutual respect for one another's talents. The scene just fits both of their characters so well.

I didn't really notice many, if any at all, spelling or grammar errors, which is always a good thing. My only suggestion for your story would to maybe find a beta or a friend to give it a once over and help clean up some of the sentence structure. I stumbled over a few of the sentences, in the beginning I believe, and had to go back over and reread them. Definitely nothing big, and it doesn't detract from the obvious quality of your writing, but I always try and point out some sort of helpful criticism, since that's what most of us are here for.

Great job, and keep writing!!!

---House Cup 2014 Review---
Pretense of Perfection, Gryffindor

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Review #2, by True Author C'mon, C'mon!

7th January 2013:
Hello! I'm True Author from the Ravenclaw review battle!

So, I've never read any Dumbledore- Aberforth one shot before, but this was certainly enjoyable. I liked to read how Dumbledore could've met Grindlewald. Aberforth was perfect and his nickname "Abe" is nice. ;)

a nice fic! =]

Ashwini

Author's Response: Thanks for the review, I'm glad you liked it. I've always pictured Albus and Aberforth as Al and Abe, I'm not sure why-- I guess they're names are a mouthful after typing them out so much.

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Review #3, by What Nee Style! C'mon, C'mon!

24th December 2012:
I absolutely adore stories written for the Every Word Counts challenges, and so when I saw that this story was right above Uncage (and had such a pretty banner, too!), I immediately clicked on it to read it. This was great!

I think one of my favorite things about this story in general is that you've really managed to tell an actual story, with actual plot, in exactly five hundred words. A lot of the other entries to this challenge that I've read are start-stop moments in time, and rarely have dialogue in them. I think it's easier that way, and so it's doubly appreciated that you've managed something that reads just like any of your other one-shots. I'm very envious of that ability!

I haven't read a lot about the relationships between young Albus, Aberforth, or Grindelwald, either, and I loved reaching the end of the story and finding out that the mysterious book-snatcher was Gellert himself (a fact, I admit, I did not consider up until that point). The idea that the two of them met at a bookstore is a very interesting one, and for Albus, very believable. I wish I'd seen more of Friends now, so I knew which scene you were referencing in this one-shot! I've only seen through the first season, I'm afraid -- my roommate has seen them all, and has been pulling me into watching them in fits and starts.

But I think you did a really great job with this story! And congratulations on fulfilling the five hundred word requirement, too -- I've done it before, and it's really not as easy as it looks from the onset. I'm really enjoying reading these stories of yours. And I'll be back soon!

Author's Response: I'm not going to lie, I saw the banner for this in the UFG section and did everything I could to make sure I had a story that would even remotely fit it. It was too gorgeous to pass up.

It's interesting that you like the fact that this story has an actual plot, a beginning, middle, end. I'm beginning to think that might be a weakness of mine; often I insist on even the shortest of stories, such as this one, having a definite story arc. Sometimes (like in this story) it works, but other times I feel like I'm incapable of telling something without that shell. It's something I've been working on lately. But either way, I'm glad it worked here. ;)

Watch Friends! You won't regret it! This scene remains one of my favorite scenes out of the ten seasons, and in my humble opinion seasons 5, 6, and 7 (or so) are the most enjoyable. If you get there, you'll find a lot of hysteria! Anyway, it's nice to hear that the situation works in the HP world as well. It was a bit of a stretch at points, but I really wanted to work with this particular Friends scene.

500 words can be rough, can't it? Looking back at this story, I can't believe I wasted so many of the 500 on various adjectives and adverbs; if I went back, I'd definitely change that. But I recall spending a lot of time cutting down, and I agree, it takes a lot to make something coherent out of 500 words. It's a great challenge.

Thank you so much for the reviews, and merry Christmas!

(Oh, and I'm currently trying to puzzle out the "What Nee Style" business... You'll have to tell me after this is all over, because I'm afraid that if this is a clue to something, I'm not getting very far :P)


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Review #4, by Aiedail C'mon, C'mon!

14th February 2011:
Ah I was wondering the whole time if it would be Gellert! I like your use of the title, here, too, as stampedes easily bring to mind pictures of animals :)

I admit that I havenít ever really watched Friends (cringes, imagining loud gasps and tones of disbelief), but you got across the manic/panic of the scene here very well! It was slightly humourous to me once I detached myself from Aberforthís discomfort.

Iím seeing that youíre doing lots of one-shots where you watch your word count. I think these are really great, good enough to make me wonder why normal people like me seem to need almost twice as many, or more than that, to make a story when it can be done so excellently in so few.

Thatís probably why, in addition to your good writing/thoughts/insight anyways, your stories are distinctly poetic to me.

I love the way that you portray Dumbledore here--itís hard to imagine him as a kid because, well, I donít think I need to explain why--but this is a credible image of the older man we all know and love. I like that heís sweet but also can snarl; just like a regular little boy. Itís hard not to want to see him as a little sage, but we know that he was just a kid at one point, and he admitted himself that he was immature at some points in his life. I feel like this fits in with the Dumbledore we know, and I love that!

Another brilliant one-shot ;)

--lily
(sprinkles fairy dust...!)

Author's Response: No loud gasps here, just a little pang that you haven't experience the hilarity that is Friends. :P I won't hold it against you, I promise. I think Al's discomfort is exactly what removes it from a comedy TV show and into a snapshot of a fanfiction story.

I think I just like the challenge of word counts. The five hundred word ones in particular are lots of fun, because it's so hard to pack anything of any weight into so few words! I learn from these each time I write them, and I've done about half a dozen.

As for Dumbledore, it's hard for me to picture him as a child too. Old bearded men just don't translate back to children for me. But once I watered him down a bit, I was able to find a bookish teenager that absolutely NEEDED that one book on the day that it came out. And thus, Zoo was born.

I'd like to point out that this particular review is 265 words, which is more than half the length of the story. Very impressive! Thank you for another-- need I say it?-- flattering review. :D


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Review #5, by hpgrl C'mon, C'mon!

14th February 2011:
haha! that was ingenious! Poor abe is always somehow stuck in the middle. I loved the surprise ending-really didn't see that coming. Albus dragging abe to get a book and fighting over is so in character, I love it. I also love how you adapted this from a scene from friends but still made it your own.

great job, and excellent writing!
-hpgrl

Author's Response: Thank you! It's hard to get any sort of closure in such a short story, but I tried. As for the Friends scene. . . it was hilarious on the show, I promise! In this is turned more into a display of Al, Abe, and Gellert's characters.

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Review #6, by HopelessRomantic_x C'mon, C'mon!

22nd September 2010:
Ah, so I'm really sorry about I haven't reviewed this yet after like a billion years but I'm here now! (':

'Kay, first of I really love the whole concept of this and how it was very limited to 500 words. I love that you've made Grindelwald & Dumbledore's meeting so competitive about something because that's who they are. They were boys who were competitive and wanted what they wanted and got it too. They loved that power of having something and both of them needed that power so that they could rise to do the best of their ability. I love the whole situation because it's so small and casual and it's those factors that lead to a strong friendship and the planning of 'the greater good'.

I think you've expressed the emotions of Aberforth very well also, seeing as he was so uninterested in what Albus did and in the end when he was fighting over the book he was trying to stop it a perfect visual of the fight that would inevitably happen but with bigger consequences. It holds good representation that Aberforth has stayed the same in that respect and it's a good way of showing it too with a smaller situation.

Personally, I love it and I really enjoyed reading this so thank you for requestion I don't even know how many weeks ago. But still, thank you (:

Keep writing beautifully,

HopelessRomantic_x

Author's Response: No problem, I get to review requests so late and I understand it just happens sometimes. Gellert and Albus (their last names are so much shorter than their surnames!) were definitely on the same page as teenagers, but once their paths skewed off in different directions their competition grew into something bigger. They started out both wanting the same thing but then things moved on. It is fitting that they would have met each other fighting over something good and innocent as a book, and end it fighting over something bigger. And then Aberforth was the odd man out of the equation but he was definitely there, always dragged into the mess. Anyway, thanks so much for the review, never mind the belatedness.


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Review #7, by alicia and anne C'mon, C'mon!

20th August 2010:
I really enjoyed Albus in this, It seems like something he would do in a bookstore and poor aberforth having to hide. I did find this funny and liked how Albus snuck to the front and how this was how he met Gellert :-D I wonder what the book was about?

Author's Response: Oh, you know, any big title published by a well known author. I can't decide whether it's fiction or nonfiction, but it's something Al would definitely have devoured as soon as it came out. And since he and Gellert had such similar ideas in their youth, Gellert would've been attracted to the book as well. Thanks for the review. ;)

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Review #8, by Cleopatraa C'mon, C'mon!

19th August 2010:
Seeing as I never read a story about Aberforth Dumbledore and I love minor pairings I had just had to read this. It was really odd reading about a young Albus Dumbledore because old people are so old ( I know that makes alot of sense) you forhet they also were young once ( a very long time ago). I loved the way Dumbledore and Grindelwald met. Itís something I think could have happened.

Author's Response: Yes, old people are so old does make perfect sense. :P I've never had that much trouble imagining Albus as a kid, actually, but only after DH and we were introduced to his brother and his childhood and all that. I'm definitely a minority. :P I'm glad you think this could have happened; it came from an interesting mesh of unrelated inspirations, including the banner from the UFG at TDA.

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Review #9, by Jazzeh Turnip C'mon, C'mon!

7th August 2010:
It's really odd for me, reading fics where Albus is young. It's really difficult for me to picture in my head. I just see a 10 year old with a long white beard and half moon glasses.

I loved that episode of Friends though. I thought the whole thing seemed familiar when I was reading this and when I read your A/N it made sense haha. As for if it translates well into words, I don't know. It's still brilliant because you write well, but something about it doesn't sit well with me. It might be the characters, it might be that I still only picture it as a Friends episode, it might be because it all happened too quickly. I don't know. I'll figure it out though. I will.

It did have me laughing at the end though, when I realised it was from Friends.

I love how Albus is dragging Aberforth around with him, and acting like an excited little kid. Albus' character always seemed childish to me with that glint he always had in his eye and his obsession with sweets, so I can really see him getting so over excited. Now I'm just trying to imagine him on Christmas... woah. Haha.

That ending with Gellert reminds me a bit of Draco Malfoy. Hmm... That just got me thinking that Dumbledore and Grindelwald was like a reverse of Harry and Draco. Friends to enemies/enemies to friends. Ew, no, wait. Drarry -shudder- Sorry, haha.

Your awesome writing skills mean that there's no mistakes that I spotted, so I love you for that (and the whole Friends thing -gives cookie to you and challenge creator-) and I think it is definitely that the hilarity of that scene just doesn't/can't translate into words, so aside from that this is fantastic. I've read very few Dumbledore fics, so this is really interesting. I love how Dumbledore and Grindelwald met through arguing over something they both like, making them enemies with something in common haha.

-looks up at review- Sorry. This is what happens when I haven't reviewed in a while. All those podcast reviews messed me up. Apologise. 8/10 though :)

Lorren.

Author's Response: Haha, thanks for the review. I agree that it doesn't quite translate into writing, especially if you know how hilarious the episode is. It was a good exercise, to try and fit the scene into five hundred words, so it was a good challenge. I don't in any way think of myself as a comedy writer, I was just hoping to get a grin out of the reader and perhaps have them leave thinking it was well written. From what you say it sounds like I pretty much accomplished that, so thanks.

I can totally picture Al as an excitable little boy, getting all worked up over a newly released book. I can also see him getting into a fight over said book, so his character came together pretty easily. Thanks for the review! Oh, and go claws!


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