I'll admit, I was stalking your page to look at your pretty CIs on SA and the spawns of SA >:D Then I thought I'd take a look at your angstier stuff and it's the point of no return. Basically. SHOW ME THE WAYS OF WRITING ANGST. :"
If you wrote this is in 2 hours flat, the thought of writing something similarly themed for, say, a whole day breaks my mind. Don't feel guilty about taking the banner (I've creepily read the rest of the reviews because I'm creepy like that) because it absolutely deserves the pretty graphic it has.
Besides, I think a couple of long reviews > lots of short reviews that only says "Love it!" "Write more!" ^_^
OH, THE PAIN OF EVERYTHING.
When he died and she kept berating herself for not apologizing to him and be friends again beforehand, Draco not being able to fill Astoria's crater of a heart ugh THIS GLASS CASE OF EMOTION HAS ENCOMPASSED ME And Colin being sorry for trying (random line right there but I just have to say it. Reading it is like putting my heart in a paper shredder and/or blender.)
Keep on being awesome angst writer. This world needs more awesome angst writers. Yes, someone like you.Author's Response: The hipster CIs! Haha. Oh, me and my angst. I can't stay off the angsty stuff.
How to write angst: wait until it rains. then put a smiths record on, press your face to the window, and unleash your inner mope onto lined paper. Okay that's totally not how I write because it's hard to balance on a windowsill when you're holding a laptop, but, still.
Eee thank you so much~ yeah, I agree. Long reviews are far, far better (but when I wrote this I was all ~woe nobody likes it~ and felt really insecure about what I'd just posted. Ergo the review angst.) Thank you so much for stopping by to review it, by the way!
So much pain. ('I'm not crying, it's just raining on my face!' etc etc). I think I wrote this after coming across a ship discussion thread or something. Or maybe I requested the ship. Idk. But they're two pretty minor characters that I adore for different reasons (Astoria because...er...I ship Drastoria like nothing else, and Colin because he's hilarious) and for some reason it made sense in my mind for them to know each other and stuff. And then this thing happened~
Thank you so, so much ♥ this review pretty much made my day! Oh, don't worry, I'll keep up the angst ;D thank you again! Report Review
Hi there :)
So, this ia kind of a really interesting idea - Astoria and Colin? I don't know if there has ever been a fanfic written about that pairing.
I have to say, I really enjoyed it though. Your descriptions are lovely - the say a lot, without being too wordy. The whole premise of the story is believable as well.
My critique would be that it's too long, and feels to choppy. I like the dual perspective, from Colin, and then Astoria, but I feel like they don't fit well together, and that certain sections don't flow well to the next section. (Part of this i a simple formatting fix - use *** or something similar, instead of an actual line. It's less distracting to the reader that way.)
Otherwise, I commend you for making such an odd couple, rather believable :)
-LilyAuthor's Response: I know, yes, Astoria and Colin - the most bizarre pairing since bizarre pairings began, except maybe Uncle Vernon/Squid or whatever. I found it in the ship discussion thread and felt like I really had to write it, because I'd never seen it before.
Thank you very much for saying so - I'd worried that the prose might be a little, ahem, 'purple'. I have a tendency to get too wound up in explanations.
I agree, I do think, when reading back, that it is a little long, and it is a bit stop-start. It's probably those stupid line breaks I put in. I don't have extremely epic plans to re-write this, but I'll bear that in mind for future stories, as flow is a really important thing and I need to sort it out.
Thank you very much for being so prompt - honestly, that was one of the fastest review requests ever! Also, thank you very much for your comments. I'm glad you liked it, but I'm also glad for that concrit (:
PS. Report Review
Hello, here with your review. Okay, first off when I saw your pairing, I was intrigued because I've never thought of Colin as anything other than the goofy camera kid.
Okay, I just love it. Truth be told, I didn't expect to love it. I'm not fond of Hogwarts Era stuff, but this piece was great. It was real and I love real. There was no fairy tale ending and riding off into the sunset. You didn't romanticize Draco being a former Death Eater and make everything drawn out and lovey. It was harsh and cold and I loved every word of it. The beginning was a wonderful lead in. It set up the characters enough to get you invested. Of course, I knew that Colin would die, but you wrote it in a way that I was still hit hard by the event. The gradual distancing of the friendship was written realistically and the flow was very nice, I believe.
ONLY thing that bothered me, and I do mean ONLY thing was that you used 'words' to set speech instead of "words".
You said that it didn't get much attention or reviews and I think the reason is simply the pairing/character choice. A lot of people search the pairing they want to read and breeze past stuff that they think looks odd and this is just one of those that probably gets scrolled over without a thought. Stinks, but it happens. I would just suggest putting it out there more. Linking it in your signature, things of that sort. If it were a full chaptered fic, I think you'd get more attention because it would show up at the top of the recently added every time you put a chapter.
Thank you so much for coming by and feel free to drop back in. :D --JennaAuthor's Response: Ahha! Me too, so it was a bit of fun to stretch my legs and write him as something a little more.
I hate fairytale endings. I'm one of those horrible people who likes to rain all over the parade. I'd tried writing happy endings in the past, but it just feels so false or something, so I just kind of stick with my angst and drama. Suits me better (:
I'm glad you like it (: as for the use of 'speech' instead of "speech" - I dunno, I've kind of got used to doing that, but I'm glad that you're actually looking deep enough to find something like that to comment on (:
I know, I know. I think that's probably why. Maybe I should just label it as a Dramione, and then people will flock to it? No, I'm not that mean. It wasn't a case of being angered by the lack of reviews, but more of a need to get some opinions of it that I was lacking because there wasn't so much in the way of reviewing. I felt kind of bad for taking this banner off TDA as well, because it's been one that's been squee'd in the squee thread about five hundred times and I took it for something hardly anybody is going to read! Ah well.
I do agree that making it chaptered would put it out there a bit more, ahha! Only thing is that I can't see how this might ever work in chapters. I mean, their friendship kind of dies once they turn about eleven or twelve, plus Colin dies so young that there couldn't be any sort of post-Hogwarts thing either and it's inevitable that Astoria will marry Draco, so, hmm. But I'll take your advice and throw myself all over the forums with this and try and boost the readership (:
Thank you very much for such a lovely & helpful review and for such a speedy response! (:
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Sloppiness? Poor quality? I don't know if we've been reading two different stories (pardon my cheesiness), but they definitely aren't the words I would use to describe this! Honestly, I thought it was fantastic!
I usually avoid chapters as long as this because I lose interest too quickly, but this had me gripped right up until the end. Obviously there was a certain predictability in it because Colin was always going to die at some point and Astoria would marry Draco, and all Gryffindor/Slytherin stories have a certain similarity, but there was still a sort of suspense and mystery in this that kept me wanting to read on because it's such an unusual pairing and I could never be quite sure where you were going to go with it.
I have to admit, I love the idea of Astoria/Colin. It's cute. It's unique. It's very, very unlikely, and therefore totally brilliant :D In this you made them the kind of couple that I really wanted to work out and live happily ever after, which made it so much sadder that I knew they never would :( But I thought your characterisations of both of them were brilliant, and you did a great job of making them grow up and develop in their different ways as the piece progressed. It was really effective how you started it from Colin's point of view and then went into Astoria's instead of having it from hers all the way through - it really emphasised that he was dead and gone *sob* I also liked the character of Mrs Creevey - though she was only ever in the background she was really interesting.
Something else I liked (it's a pretty long list) was your take on post-war Draco/Astoria - she's often portrayed as the totally together one, somehow unaffected by the war, who is desperate to pull Draco back together, but here I thought you wrote her really well. The whole thing about the scar on her face was a really good idea, and I found it strangely moving, actually - a visual reminder of everything that happened, along with the invisible reminder of Colin haunting her...
On top of all this, your writing was just beautiful. Your descriptions are to die for! I loved this: She wasn't surprised to feel tears blossoming in her eyes, budding like flowers and bursting into life as they spilled down her cheeks like vines or creepers, the sorrow taking root in her heart until she felt the sob burst through and choke her.
Anyway, in case you haven't worked it out already, I love love loved this! Sorry for this slightly long review :D And you wrote it in TWO HOURS??? That's insane and I'm completely jealous of your writing ability. A massive 10/10 :)Author's Response: Can I print out this review and stick it to my wall and look at it every morning? Because, oh my days, it's one of the best reviews I've ever had. Forget making my day, you just made my month, that was so lovely! (:
And yes, an unusual pairing indeed, ahha! Astoria is one of my favourite characters, so I'm always keen to write her in various guises. This is, admittedly, a very different Astoria of mine. I was browsing the ship discussion thread when I saw 'Astoria/Colin' and was a bit like 'That's an odd one!'. I also wanted to write Colin as more than the Harry fanatic, make him a bit of a deeper character, if you get me.
And, of course, I wanted to show their relationship from both sides because, obviously, they felt pretty differently about each other (here anyway!) I'm really pleased it worked out well (: the transition was also probably to reflect the way that Colin died, ergo his voice ended, and Astoria's life kind of ended too, but in a different way. Plus, I imagine, that after she'd lived next to Colin for so long, she would be pretty spooked by the fact that he'd been killed in front of her.
Yeah, I know, two hours! I was originally browsing for a banner in UFG for another fic, but saw this one that I've requested and just fell in love with it, it was beautiful.
But, wow, thank you so much! This is such a lovely review! Report Review
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