Reading Reviews for In and Out of Love
  
7 Reviews Found

Review #1, by confusedlover In and Out of Love

25th November 2011:
very lovely.

i thought this was an adorable little one-shot. very sweet, possessing some sad and happy qualities all in one! great job. i enjoyed this read very much. keep up the amazing writing!! (:

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing! I really appreciate it. :D This made me smile. I'm happy you liked the story. Feel free to check out any of my other fics if you would like. Have a spectacular day and thank you again!

--Emily


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Review #2, by Lady of Tears In and Out of Love

2nd September 2011:
Hello dear! I'm here with your review! I'll start off with my suggestions, then tell you what I loved.

There were two things that I found to be lacking, but both can be remedied with either more/different information, or slight tweaking of the plot. First, some things just didn't fit into character for me, and not even into normal human reaction. I mean, it's ok that fanfics aren't 100% in character, because it's fanfiction, but some things didn't make sense. If Ron is so upset about breaking up that he's sobbing, it doesn't seem like he's come to the point where he'd not even be willing to give it a shot. And Hermione seems a little too shocked by it all. If they've reached this point, it seems to me like there'd be more description from Hermione about how things have been drifting apart. Also, I didn't picture Ron as much of a crier, especially if he's gotten to such a numb point where he'd breaking up with not a single chance at reconciliation. So this can be fixed, I think, by giving more dialogue in Hermione's head, or making Ron less sobby. Or both. I hope that makes sense.

The second thing is almost the same. It's fine to have Hermione and Draco become friends, but all the "sweethearts" and "honeys" were not Draco at all for me, even if they were friends. I would give more background into what happened to make them such good friends, instead of just "time heals all wounds" kind of thing.

Now for the good stuff! Your dialogue was great, and realistic. It fit the situation, and the mood. Your grammar was pretty much spot on, and I couldn't really find anything wrong. I thought, other than the instances above, the characters were great and rich in detail and it was moving to read. You really got the tone right. I also think you worked in the lyric very well.

I hope I helped, and I really did enjoy reading this!

Author's Response: Hi there!

Thank you so much for this review. I'll definitely take what you've said into account and try to fix up those parts that were bugging you. :]

I appreciate your feedback so much. Thanks again for this review. It helps a lot!

--Emily


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Review #3, by Roots in Water In and Out of Love

14th August 2011:
It's Roots in Water here with your review!

First, let me just say that I have never read a Draco/Hermione before, but this was a great beginning!

First of all, I'm happy to read that your Ron and Hermione just fell apart. It's natural, it happens. I've heard horror stories about abusive!Ron in Dramiones and it's nice to read that this was not the case here. Their reason for falling apart seemed very natural too- we already know that Hermione works a lot (remember third year?) and it would make sense that she would continue to do so, even at the expense of her personal life. As well, I thought the breakup was well written- Hermione just didn't give up, kept suggesting remedies...

The only thing I really noticed that seemed out of place in the situation was the line "Ronís voice broke with a sob as he put his face in his hands" - I can't quite see Ron doing this. I would think that Ron would avoid her eyes, but not physically hide his face. It seems that he would try to face her- he is a Gryffindor, after all!

It was also a nice touch that Hermione knew Draco from work and that by the time of this story they were good friends. It made it seem less out of the blue. I don't quite know if Hermione would drown her sorrows in alcohol, but then again perhaps she's changed since her Hogwarts years.

Draco's sorrow as well worked very nicely- it gave him a plausible reason to be at the bar that night (less of a coincidence) and a reason for us readers to see their friendly relationship. I was slightly startled to see Draco call her pet names, though. It was a side of him we never saw during the Hogwarts years (he was typically a "bad guy"). That always seemed more of a Pansy thing to do- he was more the refined pureblood and wouldn't lower himself to "silly" names. It also made their relationship much more romantic than it was supposed to be. That could have been a hint on your behalf, though (I forget what the more "literary" term is- wait, foreshadowing).

As for mistakes, I only noticed two. The first was in the sentence "reach out to her: that would only make". I'm no queen of grammer, but I think either a dash (-) or a semi-colon would work better- help it flow more. The other was in the sentence "give up on your ambition for me" and it was more personal preference. I think "goals" would work better than "ambition"; I feel that ambition is more of a drive (more of a quality, a feeling)- I don't think you can give it up, but goals are a more tangible thing, easier to quit or give up. Other than that it flowed very smoothly and was very well written.

My last comment, more of a suggestion, really, is about their confession of love. I'm not sure (I've never been in this sort of situation) but I don't think you'd confess love to a person immediately after you broke up with someone else. Perhaps if you added a short interlude of a sort or even just a bit more conversation, helping them over their individual break ups, it would help to lengthen the time inbetween the breakup and the confession of love. But that's just my opinion :)

This was a lovely read, very smooth. I hope you do well with your challenge and I'm so glad you requested with me!

Author's Response: Oh my gosh! I absolutely ADORE this review! It really made my night. I absolutely love it.

Thank you so much for reviewing. I really appreciate it.

So I'm incredibly happy that this was the first Dramione you've ever read and it wasn't disappointing. :] I'm definitely going to request more reviews from you and open your world to Dramione, haha.

Thank you so much for your compliments and comments about my story. I'm glad you like how Hermione behaves most of the time, and I'll definitely change the part about Ron hiding his face. I agree that that's wrong.

I'll check out the thing about pet names...I'm so fond of them, sometimes I slip them in unnecessarily, haha. I'll see if that's the case. And I'll check out that love-confession. :]

Thank you so much for your review. I really appreciate it!

--Emily


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Review #4, by alice In and Out of Love

9th February 2011:
This is a really sweet story :)
I stumbled across with the random story thing, I'm a fan of the draco/hermione paring, this story made me think of them in a completely different way =]
x

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing! :D I'm so glad you liked it! Hopefully this will inspire you to read some more Dramiones. I have several others up if you'd ever like to check them out.

Thanks again!

--DracoFerret11


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Review #5, by MidnightBlue_x In and Out of Love

7th August 2010:
Hey, This is ElysiumJayne from over at the Forums first of all I'd like to thank you for your amazing entry. And now I will dance around like the crazy Draco fangirl I am. *dances*. I really love how you fitted the lyric in there, just perfect. And the entire one-shot is just so amazing. Once again, Thanks for entering.

x Ely

Author's Response: No problem, it was so much fun!

Thanks for taking the time to review this, I'm really glad that you liked it. :]

Thanks for the challenge too, I had fun. :D

--Emily


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Review #6, by Ramona( the forums) In and Out of Love

28th July 2010:
Sorry for the late reply.But...here I am!
I really liked it!
You structured really well the story:the separation, 2 broken hearts, together in a bar and a love hidden for so much time, revealed at the end.
You made a good choice with that lyric.
The plot is really good.
And, I thought you read that, but I'm a very big fan of Dramione!
Good luck in the Challenge!
9/10

Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review! :D

I'm glad that you liked the story. I had a lot of fun writing it. :] I appreciate you taking the time to give me some feedback. Thanks again!

--DracoFerret11


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Review #7, by Amy Alden In and Out of Love

27th July 2010:
Oh My Merlin that is proberly one of the sweetest things ive ever heard xxx and if i could i would make it an 10 out of ten and i have no idea why

Author's Response: Aw, thank you so much! I'm so glad you liked it! Your review really means a lot to me. It's the first one I've gotten for this story. :] Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review. :D

--Emily


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