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Reading Reviews for Kari and gift of magic
  
8 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Steven Cash Kari gets magic

25th September 2010:
Needs a little more detail ben and make it were the reader wants to imagine a picture in there head. It's like playing the movie in your head. But it sounds great and keep it up, ok.


Steven Cash, Your Cousin

Author's Response: it edit i wait for the edit version to get that have more detail

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Review #2, by Potter_Princessx3 kari first bloom ride

24th September 2010:
Love it, but it was rather hard to read.
For example: 'Kari get her wand starting using attack spell it the attacker. Kari ask ďWhy are you attack us?Ē'

This seems like broken English which makes it hard for me to understand. The first sentence SHOULD BE:

'Kari got her wand and started using attacking spells towards the attacker. (you repeat the word "attack" alot-try to stop that too) "Why are you attacking us?" Kari asked.

Hope that helps with your future chapters! (:

Just wanted to let you know that chapter 3 of "Nothing is perfect" is validated and waiting for a review from YOU. (; You can check it out if you want.

Keep writing,
~Autumn

Author's Response: get a new bata reader. so the whole story is going to be rewrite.

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Review #3, by Potter_Princessx3 kari and magic girl scouts.

30th August 2010:
R.I.P Kari.
This is a great fanfiction so far. Can't wait to see whats comming next. (:
I just wanted to let ya know that my next chapter for my fanfiction: "Nothing is perfect..." is up, you can check it out if you want. (:
Keep writing and leaving amazing reviews,
- Autumn

Author's Response: thank you i will

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Review #4, by LilyFire You'll find it within you

28th August 2010:
Hi, LilyFire from the forums here.
Youíre story seems to have a decent plot, but I find myself confused quiet often. I donít mean to offend you when I ask this, but is English youíre first language? I get the feeling itís not, but I could be wrong. There are a lot of mistakes in there. I would defiantly try to find a beta, it would help so much if youíll give them free reign to fix it (as long as the story stays how you want it). Like I said, the plot is okay. Iíll tell you what I tell myself all the time: Keep it up, you can only get better.
~LilyFire

Author's Response: thank you i get a bata as soon as possable trying to find one right now ps i going to read any story i can find that you writed

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Review #5, by Dracolovergirl5000 You'll find it within you

27th August 2010:
Okay- You have a slightly good story here, but it needs much more detail. I suppose it was hard top understand because the flow wasn't the best. It was like a choppy river of lines jumping all over the place. Grammar wasn't too bad that i noticed.

Author's Response: thank you for your help
i need a bata reader to help make a good flow one that long term


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Review #6, by What? You'll find it within you

7th August 2010:
Eh, what just happened? Why does a 5 year old have the worlds most powerful wand? Isn't that the Elder wand? Another good thing to do in stories is uses these " " symbols when saying someone is speaking. Use everything you can, don't have plot holes, and please, explain! I will give you a good example on how to make the story a bit better.

From this: Kari your back thank the gods.

To this: "Kari, your back! Thank the gods!" Mrs. Weasley exclaimed.

Not trying to be harsh, but you need to put a bit more work into your stories. Sorry.

Author's Response: sorry the most powerful wand that you can buy.

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Review #7, by DemetersChild You'll find it within you

7th August 2010:
So, there are a lot of holes. Why was she kidnapped? Who kidnapped her? How did the Ministry find her? How is she doing magic with a wand at 5 years old when you're not supposed to get a wand until 11 years old?

I think if you answered these questions, the story could have a much more founded plot instead of just a bunch of things happening for no reason.

-Dem-

Author's Response: i modify underage laws so a five year old can use magic. the Ministry of Magic. harry potter change the law so any witch or wizard no matter how old the are can use magic. in my story kids go to magic school it age 5.

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Review #8, by DemetersChild Kari gets magic

7th August 2010:
Hmm, what to say.

I think the plot, or rather the idea that giving a Muggle a potion that can make them Magical is a very interesting idea. I've never heard of it before, so it's unique as well.

Obviously, there are a lot of issues with grammar. Is English your first language? If not, I think writing in English is a great way to try to learn the language.

There's too much to say about this story to really do it any justice in a review, so I will be sending you a PM on the forums. ^^

Magically Yours,

Dem

Author's Response: thank you.
your are the first one to ever give me a review. i do need a beta reader. also english is my first language i can read it but my spelling need some work as you can see.


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