I can't wait to read Chapter VIII! I've been hooked on this story since the first chapter and hope that it hasn't been abandoned.
I love how detailed the passages are and I really love how I'm always wondering what is real. This is truely a treat! Please please please please please post again soon!Author's Response: Thank you for that! I just recently got back into writing (I have a new story up now) and I want to revise/revisit this one. I hope to continue. Report Review
Why haven't you updated this amazing fic yet? I love it!!Author's Response: Oh, thank you! To be honest, it's on hiatus for a bit. I might reconvene soon.
Argh! Cliffhanger evilness! Update soon please :-D xxxAuthor's Response: Haha. I will work on it. :) Thank you for the review! Report Review
Final chapter for me to review, though I think I might favorite this story and catch up when I can, unless of course you come back and request the next three chapters. :P
Once again, no issues with grammar or punctuation or anything of the sort - excellent, excellent job on that, really.
It's only the third chapter and I'm on the edge of my seat, heart racing, curious to find out what happens next. This is an excellent story so far and I absolutely love all your descriptions - they are truly great and make the story 20 times better.
I'm rather curious about who that face is, though something tells me it might be Draco because we've already got Zabini - but maybe that's just wishful thinking. :P Other than that, though, the main character is developing fairly well, I do believe. Of course, she's developing as well as one can with a memory problem, but either way, it makes sense and I'm very eager to find out more about her and whatever it is the people are, if not death eaters. :]
Excellent, excellent job so far!
Melizzle [10/10]Author's Response: Wow, thank you! You paid a lot of attention, I really appreciate how much thought you put into this. I'll probably re-request. Report Review
Back for the next chapter (much more quickly, too)!!
I don't even know where to begin, though that's meant in a good way. You're descriptions are absolutely fantastic. I really can not get over just how fantastic they are. I could see it all unfolding in my mind and as you continued on throughout the chapter, I could feel my heart racing and I was on the edge of my seat to find out what happened. I'm curious, though, as to what happened to Harry and, apparently, Hermione. Does that mean Ron's gone, as well?
Once again, I didn't see anything wrong with the grammar or spelling or anything. Excellent job so far, really!
Melizzle [10/10]Author's Response: Aww, thanks again! :) I'm really glad to hear that you liked this chapter. Report Review
It's Melizzle from the forums. I'm so sorry it's taken me forever and ever to get to your story - I've been super busy lately. I'm here now, though!!
I'd like to start off with the fact that I'm slightly confused, but I absolutely love this first chapter. You describe things very well and I really like that - I'm a sucker for adjectives and you used a bunch, especially in the very beginning. I could picture it all in my mind very well.
I didn't see anything wrong with this chapter, grammar wise. I didn't notice any punctuation errors, either, or spelling errors. So excellent job on that part!
It's a bit mysterious, but I like that about it. And I like how delirious the character truly is. Really, I just like the entire thing, haha. :P
Great job, really!
Melizzle [10/10]Author's Response: Thank you! I'm also sorry for getting back so late. Finals came around and HPFF took the back seat... but thank you! Report Review
Heyylooo (this is my last review by the way so if you want more feel free to re-request)
I didn't feel as though this chapter flowed quite as well as the last, maybe because a lot more happened in it and action is harder to write with such detail and description. Not to say it wasn't good, just the last chappie was superb :)
This story is really interesting and the plot is intriguing but I just really hope you start to give some more facts on what is happening soon because it has been vague for a bit too long and the characters can't really develop unless we understand they're background more.
I like the main character and can see her getting really interesting once she is more knowledgable. Also, you write first person very well (I know from my own experience it can be a bit tricky at times.)
I like the Blaise character you have introduced and really hope their is more about him in later chapters because he seems really nice and interesting! :)
Overall, so far I am intrigued and haven't been able to come up with much criticism so well done :)
Hope my reviews have been helpful,
Lily ^_^Author's Response: Alright, thank you for that. It's good to know which chapters are my strong points and which aren't as much, so I'm glad you were honest with me! You give great reviews. Thank you. Report Review
Heyyy again, sorry there was a bit of a break between this review and my first! :)
Anyway, on to business. Firstly I just NEED to compliment you on your writing style. All your words seem to have been chosen for a specific purpose and there's nothing that doesn't fit or sounds right. Every paragraph flows perfectly into the next. The way you create images in the readers mind is wonderful and I am being pulled in by this story.
As for the plot so far, I still don't really understand what is happening... but I don't mind! It's a pleasure to read even if afterwards I'm just like "what is going on". This also really really makes me want to read the next chapter... no *slaps self mentally* I must finish this review first.
The main character is interesting and the way she commentates on everything is good. The fact that she can't remember things makes the story much more intriguing but I hope she starts to remember stuff soon because it's hard to relate to a character who doesn't even know who they are...
The characterisation of the other characters also seems good but I can't really comment on that very much since I don't really know anyone very well yet.
Sorry this review didn't have much CC in, I couldn't think of much to say. Will try to be more helpful next time!
Lily ^_^ *scurries off to read next chapter*Author's Response: Haha. Thank you again, especially for the enthusiasm! :)
I'm really happy to hear that you enjoy my writing style, and that the confusion is balanced well. Two of my major concerns are now behind me! Woo! Report Review
Heyy, InspiredL from the forums here :) Sorry it's taken sooo long!
It seems like a really good start! It flows well and your writing style is very easy to read and get sucked into. I will admit I am rather confused right now, but I guess that's probably what you wanted to do- to confuse and intrigue.
I aslo like the confusion because it made me connect with the main character more, because neither of us knew what was happening. I don't know if you tried to do that on purpose, but it was good anyway :)
I liked the hints of things to come, like Hermione's books :) Also, the bit at the end where it said "lacing my fingers through red hair" a lightbulb literally went off above my head like 'PING! George Weasley! Duh!' I think that was a nice touch as you give the reader a teensy bit of info but not enough to tell them anything important, just enough to make them want to work out what on earth it is they are reading :)
You could easily have included too many hints, or too few so it was just annoyingly confusing rather then interestingly confusing. So well done because you balanced it out just right (I have no idea what's happening but know that I want to know.)
Can't really comment on much more as I don't really know much about plot or characters yet. If I had to give one piece of CC it would be that with fanfic I expect it to be set in Britain (and if it isn't for their to be an explanation) and their are no big deserts in Britain. I'm sure how she got her will be explained later and that there is a good reason, but that was the only bit of CC I could conjure up :/ (The fact that it's a bit pathetic is a good sign for the story though)
Hope this was good. Will try to do next chappie soon!
Lily :)Author's Response: Wow, what a great review! Thank you for really taking the time to think it over. I definitely appreciate the thought you put into this.
Hello and here's the third review I offer you.
Amazing work, I have to say. You are a really great writter; compelling, intuitive and original in every aspect. I already mentionned how much I love the rythme you have, how you write in an almost poetic sort of way.
Now that the story moved forward a bit, I can officially say that you write dialogues with ease. All of your characters have a slightly different way to express themselves which gives them personnality; something hard to achieve with so little written.
I also have to point out that you write in a very clean way (i.e. practically no mistakes or grammar errors). I really enjoy that. The flow of your writting is slow but even; may it be action scenes, dialogue or inside dialogue, it doesn't feel rushed or overly described.
Well this is it, my last review. You are welcome to re-request if you wish and it would be my pleasure to do so. You are a very good and interesting writter, keep up the good work!
AkussaAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! I honestly appreciate what you've had to say. Your reviews have made my day! :) Report Review
Another very interesting chapter. I really love your writting style, it's almost poetic. Once more you did a great job at keeping the mystery alive and adding more layers to it. I like that you take your time, slow chapters that give the reader time to accept the new mystery that just unfolded; you do not drown the reader in too much at a time and taht is a great strenght you show.
Your descbritive style is excellent; how in so little words you manage to give the reader a good idea of the scene, the characters and the environment. The way you described the two new characters, with only their voices, small features and, mostly, their behavior was really interesting; it is true that we learn a lot more about a person by looking at the way he holds himself than how he dresses himself.
I greatly enjoyed this chapter and will read with gret interest the next one.
AkussaAuthor's Response: Wow, thank you! Thank you for commenting on the way I introduced those two, I've been curious about how it reads. Thank you, again. Report Review
Hello! Akussa from the forum with your long awaited review!
First of all, sorry for the delay, I couldn't get enough time to really give your story my full attention but now that I managed, I have to congratulate you for suche an interesting First Chapter. You've set a mood that is extremly original and let's forsee a very interesting story.
This chapter flows effortlessly. The descriptive moments are in perfect completion to the mental dialogue of the character; it has the same feel, the same sense of distance between what is and what is understood by the character. You also have a great ability with words, playing with them and structuring your sentences in a way that is entirely yours and original.
There isn't much I can say about the character aside from th fact that you did a great job. You kept the mystery surrounding her when it could have been so easy to step into the trap of giving too much information about her and I really loved that. It seemed perfect the way you played with this memory loss as well as the crazyness at the end, great work!
I'm going straight to read the second chapter; you got me curious!
AkussaAuthor's Response: Thank you for the feedback! I hope you like the next chapters... Report Review
Very cool story. Well written, good flow. Can't wait to find out who Joselyn really is!Author's Response: Thank you! Report Review
Wow! This was very very VERY impressive! I wasn't sure what to expect but even with one simple character I was pulled in! Beautiful! I love it, and Im going to continue reading! :DAuthor's Response: Thank you! Love the enthusiasm. Makes my day. :) Report Review
Hello, Reyes here from the forums,
This was an excellent start. Like you said in your areas of concern, the plot holes are there for a reason and I can totally get that. They work. It is a mystery after all; these kinds of stories shouldn't just up and explain everything detail for detail in the first chapter or it wouldn't be interesting.
This is great, really. Your description is wonderful and the point at which she goes a bit...off is perfect and amusing. Her seriously trying to summon death? Great! It shows what a lack of memory and heat can do to a person.
Really, there isn't much to critique. It's an opening and a good one at that. Good work with this,
-Reyes91Author's Response: Thank you for the review. And thanks for the detail to the summoning death part, I've gotten reviews saying that they didn't understand it... so I was confused. I'd like to think I can go with your critique though... haha. :) Report Review
Yey! Fantastically written :-) I really enjoyed the update of what's been going on since the books finished, it was nicely done, not too heavy on the detail but I still feel I understand everything better now. And Blaise is great, I love him, but George seems so lovely - oooh what's going to happen!! xxxAuthor's Response: Yes! I think this is the first review I've gotten that concerns the Blaise/George conflict. Thank you for another lovely review. I was so excited to see that these were on my last chapters, not the first two. : ) Report Review
Lovely - I really enjoyed the dreaminess and the effortless way the two lines of narravite flowed together. Great job! xxxAuthor's Response: Thank you! This was one of my main concerns in this story. I'm glad to hear that it conveyed well to you. Report Review
Hey there! Back again with another review! :D
So... wow, this is a very intense chapter haha, yet it's so... I dunno, basic sorta, with not a lot going on, yet there is so much more than what meets the eye. The writing's beautiful and I think your idea is simply marvelous! Good job on another well written chapter. (:
I really have nothing to criticize on this chapter, like the other one. Because you did say you have an idea of where this is going. If that's the case, then you're all set. (: Very good on the mystery/creepy factor. I can tell that this will be brilliant!
You don't need to re-request again, because I'll be reading on. And I'll be happy to tell you what I think of it as the story continues.
But thank you for another request!
dream_schmeanAuthor's Response: Wow, thank you! I'm really happy to hear that you're going to be reading on your own now... I find that hugely complimenting. Thank you for the uplifting review. :) Report Review
You managed to tell the readers what changes you made to canon well. It's perfectly understandable. I am also glad that you gave us a bit more information about Jocelyn so that we can start to build/collect the pieces of her "character" in our mind.
As a whole, you write very well. Your grammar and language are impeccable (there may be a mistake here and there, but I wasn't particularly looking) and I think you came up with an exciting idea for a plot. I am really looking forward to reading more of it, when the real action starts. ;) Don't worry about being confusing - you've done it in a fun way! You've got a nice story on your hands, I hope you continue in this manner.
Good luck with writing,
KailAuthor's Response: Thank you, really. I'm not thanking you as much because I feel very complimented (which I do) but because you have been very in-depth in your reviews. I feel like I can trust your opinion more than the average reviewer, simply because you have given me a little more to work with.
Thank you, so much, again. :) Report Review
Ohh, that was very nice. I really like the idea of the dreams being mixed with reality (I have to ask, were you inspired a bit by Inception, since you named your character Eames? If not, ignore this :D ).
We also learn (maybe?) a bit about her past with George and of her Hogwarts years. It's good that at this point, you're starting to "ground" the story a bit, because the reader needs some hooking points so that he/she can start unravelling the story from there.
I am really interested,
KailAuthor's Response: Thanks! Yeah, I've definitely seen (and enjoyed!) Inception, although I didn't really have it in mind when I started writing this. Interesting coincidence, haha. Report Review
Wow, interesting. I am a bit confused about what exactly is going on but that makes it all the more interesting! You said in the forum that you were concerned about plot holes, but plot holes are such only when you have a finished product and it doesn't make sense. You are just providing the reader with limited information which he/she is supposed to interpret and bang his head what's going on. Which is great! I really don't know what's going to happen and that makes me more interested to read on.
KailAuthor's Response: Haha. Thank you for that, I'm glad to hear you feel that it's working out. And the head-banging image makes me laugh a bit. :) Report Review
Hey, here is HarleyQuinn from the forums.
I am a bit late with the review, but I've been feeling a bit under the weather these days.
So. I really like how your introductory chapter starts. You are great at descriptions - "The road was long and narrow, and it cut through the hardpan of the desert like a scar on dry, cracked skin." This was pure genius.
The flow of the story is also very good. Everything proceeds nice and logical and that makes it easy to read and pulls the reader into the narrative. All in all, a great introduction.
Moving on to the next chapter,
KailAuthor's Response: Thank you for the review, and no worries about time. I definitely get that. Report Review
Hey, there! It's dreamschemes from the forums!
Wow. No, seriously, wow. This is really good, and I enjoyed it. I'm dying to read more!
The mystery factor really adds to the sort of creepy-ness and I find it highly intriguing. Your MC is very interesting and makes me want to know more about her. I'm just going to throw out my thought about her and say that her memory's been modified possibly? Or completely gone?
I don't think there's anything wrong with the plot holes, because it just adds to the mystery. And, plus, I'm sure it will be cleared up in upcoming chapters, especially with the whole MC-identity thing and who's come for her. But that's the whole point of a mystery, isn't it?
Thank you for requesting and feel free to re-request. (:
dream_schmeanAuthor's Response: Thank you for the review! I was hoping as much for the plot-holes. It's really nerve-wracking, not knowing if I'm getting across to an audience or not.
I will certainly re-request, thank you very much. :) Report Review
Okay, I'm really confused. Was this whole chaper a dream??? Did Blaise turn into Voldemort???
Keep the story coming!
10/10Author's Response: Yes, the entire chapter was a dream, but I was trying to convey that it was switching back and forth between dream and memory. I realize that I didn't quite master the technique - I mostly wanted to update the story so I could get into it again. Now that it's up I'll edit a little and try to clear that up.
Thank you! Report Review
Okay, maybe i was wrong, Draco doesn't remotely care about Jocelyn.
On to the next chapter...Author's Response: Hahaha. Well, we'll find out eventually just how Draco feels, don't worry. And thank you again for the many lovely reviews. Report Review
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