Reading Reviews for Seriously Confused
  
16 Reviews Found

Review #1, by WildFlower Chapter Three: Dream

21st February 2012:
OMG WhatAbout! I hope that you find inspiration for this ASAP because I'm loving it! I absolutely adore Dana, she is so cute! I'm curious about everything and I would love to see where you take this! Great job!

10/10

WildFlower!

Author's Response: You are my favorite person ever on here WildFlower. Honest to gods. I really really REALLY want to continue this story! But my plot is poorly thought out and my writing style isn't set so it keeps changing on me! Getting rather frustrating. I'm determined to write on though. I just need to set it up better, you know?
I might end up changing a few things.

I really really appreciate you reviewing :) If I ever wanted a review from a favorite author, you'd be easy top 3. EEpp!!

Thank you

WhatAboutRegulus


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Review #2, by shapeshifter98 Chapter Two: Threat

20th March 2011:
please add more for me! methinks you might beh abandoning this amazing story. SERIOUSLY THIS CHIZ IS AMAZING! 10+o45iuoiu5o4i85960584/10

Author's Response: No no!! I'm not abandoning it! You know that time in your life when you just keep getting writer's block? Well I have that! And I love this story and am determined to finish it! I love it >:(!!!

Thanks for the review! I will update asap!

WhatAboutRegulus


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Review #3, by shapeshifter98 Chapter Three: Dream

7th March 2011:
OMGWTF ONLY 3 CHAPTERS?!?!?!?!?! UPDATE FASTER!

Author's Response: I'm sorry!! :P I'm really trying to write the next chapter! I know what I want to happen, but the words keep getting jumbled up :( I literally have 5 chapters that I wrote and then stopped bc I didn't like where it was going >:/ but I am not abandoning this! I love this idea, and I am really trying to write it! Thanks for the review, I'll update ASAP!

WhatAboutRegulus


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Review #4, by Breezy Chapter Three: Dream

14th November 2010:
I've enjoyed reading your story so far :) It seems rare to have the Hufflepuff common room described so well, I think this is the second fan fic I've read which is from a Hufflepuffs point of view.

Eagerly awaiting the next chapter :)

10/10

Author's Response: eeep!! A review :D! Thanks so much! I have a strange obsession with Hufflepuffs... I absolutely love them. Get a lot of respect haha. I had a hard time at first describing the Hufflepuff common room, took me ages to find good words of describing it! I'm glad you liked it though, my hard work payed off!!

Thanks so much for the review!

WhatAboutRegulus


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Review #5, by Lady Fulula the Forgetful Chapter Three: Dream

2nd November 2010:
Really liked this. Can't wait for more. :)
With lots of love,
Lady Fulula the Forgetful

Author's Response: Ahhh!!1! A review cool!!! Thank you so much! You might have to wait a little longer. I am correcting chapter three... major editing right now. Where I was going with the story was leading me down a ditch so I rewrote the first and second chapter and am in the processes of fixing chapter three! Chapter four will follow shortly after that though! Thanks for the review Lady Fulula the Forgetful!

WhatAboutRegulus


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Review #6, by Elizabeth_Black Chapter Two: Threat

29th September 2010:
Hello! Here with your next review :)

I like how this sets the scene a bit more than the previous chapter, other characters are being introduced and Dana's personality is really coming through.

Also, I just love the way Dana thinks! Like deciding that the teacher was getting her back for all the late arrivals; honestly, that brought a smile to my face.

I really liked the characterisation of the Black brothers so far; Regulus in particular, despite him only making a brief appearance. I think you have really captured the "Black" and "Slytherin" part of him perfectly, and I can't wait to find out more about him :)

I'm not sure about the flow of this chapter, though. It's a bit hard to explain, but I felt in some parts, the description just went on for a bit too long because there were just so many sentences rolled into one paragraph which just made it seen a bit slow. I do hope that made sense...

Aside from that, this is still a very interesting story; you've got interesting characters which are developing well, good humour and the beginnings of a good plot, so you're doing very well so far :)

Keep up the great work!
~Lizzie

Author's Response: Yeah the flow is a little messed up in this chapter :P. I am fixing that right now as we speak! My description has never been that great because I don't know when to stop! I am glad you like the characters so far! It took me a while to figure out just how they are and how they should act. The easiest thing I could think of for a main character was someone like me. So that character is based of of my way of thinking! :D

Thanks for another review! Reallly appreciate it!

WhatAboutRegulus


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Review #7, by Elizabeth_Black Chapter One: Meet Dana: Prologue

27th September 2010:
Hey there! It's Elizabeth23 from the forums, here with the review you requested :)

I really liked the starting to this chapter (I'm a huge Bond fan). It sets a really nice, light mood and grabs your attention, and gives a bit of an insight into Dana's humour. So that was well done.

So far, the flow seems ok. It's a bit fast, but I think the pace really fits for this story if you get what I mean.

Dana seems a really fun and bubbly character, and just one of those people who is a joy to be around, which makes this story even more inviting.

As for what you could improve on, it's too early for me to give a decent opinion, but so far this seems great! Cute and funny, which will never grow old :)

Great start!

~Lizzie

Author's Response: Yes! Haha first chapter down then. I was really trying to find a good hook for the beginning of the story when I started writing months ago and it just came to me! Thought it would be an interesting start! The second and third chapter are up right now, but I am warning you, they are not edited yet so you would find lots of mistakes and things that don't totally make sense. I am directly in the middle of the second chapter. Thank you for reviewing Lizzie! I am really glad you decided to read it :P

WhatAboutRegulus


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Review #8, by AbbeyAndEleanor Chapter One: Meet Dana: Prologue

26th September 2010:
Okay, it's really hard to criticize this like you asked me too, so, I'm just going to be really picky:

Quote - "I got to get out of here, I can't stand being in this room anymore," I said, turning to leave. I bumped into a Slytherin who knocked all my stuff onto the ground.

"Watch where youíre walking mudblood," he said coldly, another Slytherin laughed next to him.

"At least I donít make myself throw up after every meal," I smirked, glaring at them.The term mudblood wasnít really an insult anymore. I'd been called it too many times for it to have an effect me. I bent down to get my books, but someone had already stacked them up and picked them up for me. - End Quote

In this bit, the first thing i noticed was you said 'I got to'. Shouldn't it be 'I've got to'?

And, secondly, on the last bit of the quote, you used 'up' twice, which muddled up the sentence a bit in my opinion.

Next thing, make sure, unless it is the end of a sentence, you ALWAYS use a comma in speech. There was a good thing on the forums about speech the other day, perhaps you could try and find that? I can't remember the name of it, sorry.
For example:
"I'm sure it will be fine. I'm late to my classes all the time." Sirius said nonchalantly.

"And look where that has gotten you,"

You've got the comma and the period mixed up here. Just swap them around and it's perfectly dandy!

One final thing: You said "See yeah later" instead of "See you later"

Other than that, there really is nothing to complain about. This story is a perfectly good story, and I wouldn't mind reading more chapters (but I can't at the moment because I'm really busy)

Author's Response: Ah haha! I was right haha. I was talking to my beta about this, because my sister says that you use commo's some places and periods in others :P I am completely confused abut which goes where and how it is used and such. Still a new writer! Not completely caught up on the tricks and writing styles yet! I think I need to go through this chapter again and fix a few things. . . switch a few things also! Thank you so much for reviewing! I will definitely look over that stuff right now and fix it all up! I'm happy you want to read more :P!! I recommend waiting though. You won't have to be picky reading it!! Once again Thank YOU!!

WhatAboutRegulus


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Review #9, by SeverusLove Chapter Three: Dream

13th September 2010:
Dear WhatAboutRegulus,

Mmm.a lot of mistakes here So I'll start with pointing out all of them.

"jumping on his back and rapping my legs tightly" change rapping to wrapping

"detention I had on Monday will Plumber." change will to with

"someone had to come a ruin the peace for me." change a to and

"Your right Malfoy," change Your to You're

"just as bad a calling me a filthy muggle," change a (1st) to as

"Muggle's are better than your strict wizarding families," change Muggle's to Muggles

"still shock at what just happened." change shock to shocked

"He has detention to;" change to to too

"I heard Sirius laughing and bark like laugh next to me." change and to a

"although I felt him starring at me" change starring to staring

"towards to Gryffindor table with a cold look." change to to the

"I saw will give me an are-you-kidding-me look." Capital W in Will because it's a Proper Noun

And that's pretty much all I can spot.

This chapter went well except for the mistakes of course. But that can be easily corrected. The happenings were believable but to be honest, I'm not sure Sirius would show that mirror to just anyone. And the Hufflepuff and angry part was a bit overreacting and cliche. And Lucius just looked too weak. (he's supposed to be a bit stronger than that...) But the rest of the story went well enough and btw, thank you for replying so quickly to my reviews. *glomps* Sorry I'm a bit late in this though, I procrastinated a bit. *sweatdrop*

Anyway, keep up the good work and I'll be awaiting your response,
SeverusLove

Author's Response: Wow that is a lot of mistakes :P. Dang it!! I got a beta for my story so they shouldn't have mistakes in them anymore. . . I hope. Yeah it is a bit cliche, but it is the easiest way to get something I want done. (I think I finally understand cliches!!) I never really thought about Sirius not showing it to just anyone hmmm... I will have to look that over!

Thanks a bunch SeverusLove I really appreciate it!

WhatAboutRegulus


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Review #10, by SeverusLove Chapter Two: Threat

12th September 2010:
Ok, I correct myself. It's a MRS. Plumber. LoL.

Oh, and it's not Sirius it Regulus and Sirius...but I still say it's too coincidental.

The second chapter went well. Regulus is in character enough.

I don't understand this part though; "But we just have to get through this one essay and were home free. Alright?" What do you mean, were home free?

Oh, and "and even your breathing to loudly" I think is supposed to be "you're breathing too loudly".

And "how to make Draught of Peace the effects it has." should probably be "how to make the Draught of Peace have the effects it has".

And for all my knowledge about Sirius, I'm not sure if he actually goes to the library, much more borrows a book. But that's not really important because it is possible.

And that's pretty much about all. The chapter was light with humor so it was alright.

I know I said "I'll Read The Next Chapter as soon as you Reply to This Review," the previous chapter. But I had to correct some mistakes I made. So, I'll say that again here instead.

I'll Read The Next Chapter as soon as you Reply to This Review,
SeverusLove

Author's Response: Ahh thank you so much for pointing out the mistakes. People always tell me them and then I go hunting for them! Never get the chance to actually fix them.

Haha yes it is in fact MRS. Plumber hahaha!! But that is alright common mistake :P

Sirius is sirius who actually knows why or how he ends up in places. I was going to have him be somewhere else, but this is after all a story and that was the only thing that fit at the moment!

Uh oh my story is becoming coincidental! Ughh dang it! Know I am just going to have to write a few chapters where I completely surprise people! That might be kind of hard. I was going for a, actually possible plot line. If you know what I mean?

Thanks so much for reviewing again. I know you don't like OC stories, so I am glad you actually read it :) Thank you!!!

WhatAboutRegulus


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Review #11, by BellaFan202 Chapter Two: Threat

12th September 2010:
Pretty dang good, girl! The only thing I had issues with are the few sentences that don't make much sense, and the couple of spelling/grammatical errors. But that's about it! :D

9/10

~BellaFan202~

Author's Response: Ahh man, I seriously always think I get the typos and then BAM! A review saying I missed them :/ But I am happy you pointed them out to me! I am trying to get a beta for my story so hopefully I don't run into this problem anymore!

Thank you so much for reviewing it BellaFan202!

WhatAboutRegulus


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Review #12, by xoxostarstruck Chapter Three: Dream

6th September 2010:
I know what you mean about school! I started a couple weeks ago and it's so hard to get chapters written!

So I thought this was a great chapter. I like how it shows Dana's conflict with Sirius and you kind of have insight to her life more with the dream. Will was pretty funny too :) I just wish the detention had been longer! But the incorporation of the two-way mirror was nice. So many people forget about those, but they were so important during their school years.

Loved the chapter, loved Sirius, loved Dana, loved Will. Can't wait for next update :)

~xoxostarstruck~

Author's Response: School may be the stupidest idea someone ever thought up :(. They torture you with essays and due dates bleh! But alas I have no choice but to be there.

Sirius and Dana. How should I describe there future relationship. How about crazy?!!? There is going to be an exciting twist to my story soon, I think. But I don't want to give it away! My lips are sealed! I wish I made the detention scene longer to, I mean after all the name of the chapter was detention! Gosh I am so stupid ughhh, I just couldn't think of anything else to say. It was frustrating me haha! The two way mirrors should be back in the story soon I would think!

Thank you so much for yet another review xoxostarstruck. I always wait for yours because you give me great criticism! PS: If you love Will a lot, you might kinda hate me next chapter :/

WhatAboutRegulus


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Review #13, by honeybunny777 Chapter Three: Dream

6th September 2010:
YAY! AN ANNOYING SIRIUS MEANS MORE CHANCES FOR REGULUS! And I am staying tuned 24/7 for the next chapter cause it is a Regulus Zone. -insert loving sigh here- Fantastic chapter, and a great plot.

Author's Response: Hah I am also excited for the next chapter. Although I am still undergoing some miner plot issues. I am just trying to figure out the best way to do something. It is getting really frustrating!!! :P But never fear, updates should be near (wow I just rhymed awesome!) Regulus Zone here we come!!

WhatAboutRegulus


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Review #14, by Lady Fulula the Forgetful Chapter Two: Threat

3rd September 2010:
I really enjoyed this story. :) Write more please.

Author's Response: Thank you so much! The next chapter should be up today... Love your story by the way!

WhatAboutRegulus


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Review #15, by xoxostarstruck Chapter Two: Threat

24th August 2010:
Haha I just realized your author name "WhatAboutRegulus' is because not a lot of people include him... lol sorry for that.

So I really loved this chapter :) I like how both Sirius and Regulus are coming more into play now. You've been doing it at a great pace I think. And I love the elbow swear! Probably not a whole lot of people think of unique little names like that :) props! Oh and I love how both Sirius and Regulus had a little encounter with her in one chapter so you really see the contrast between the two boys. Especially with Sirius bugging her :) That was funny. Sorry if I overuse smiley faces, that's a bad habit.

Also, I noticed a few mix-ups with words and a couple confusing sentences. Nothing major, but you might just want to read through and edit the mistakes. That's the great thing about this place, editations (probably not a word, but now it is) don't count as chapters and you can have more than one!

So this chapter was terrific! I can't wait to see how their relationships progress and how everything happens! :) 10/10 definitely! I really don't see how you don't have more reviews than what you do, this is a great plot and the summary was very intriguing! I also love Regulus :) Update soon please!

Author's Response: Alright I originally had a huge response for this... and it won't send it for some odd reason, so I guess I will do the not a good short version >:(. I LOVE REGULUS! ;). You will find that through out the story I add random things that just come to mind while writing like...(elbow swear!) haah. I wanted to slowly get Regulus and Sirius into the story becuase I read some stories and they move them in there so fast and I don't know how some characters got there!! :P. Sirius annoying Dana is a way of me showing you what little patience Dana has on certain days. I think I know what scene you got all the confusing sentences on... I will fix that as soon as the next chapter it done which should be soon!! I am no good with words but editations makes perfect sense to me! Smileys rock by the way I use them a lot to :D

WhatAboutRegulus


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Review #16, by honeybunny777 Chapter Two: Threat

24th August 2010:
You know, if Dana happens to like both Sirius and Regulus, I hope she picks Regulus. Maybe if he was loved, he would't be so cruel. Plus, I think he is cuter than Sirius. :D

9/10 (just because I hate Sirius. Nothing personal)

Author's Response: Blah!! OMG I totally LOVE this review! I absolutely love Regulus, nothing personal to Sirius of course though haha. But you never know, heck I don't even know who Dana is going to pick. I guess it all depends. Thank you so much for the review!

WhatAboutRegulus


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