Fred. My boy, my light child. Dead. His thread cut far before his rightful time, his life stripped away by twisted men who see children as threats to their own existence.
This is your first piece? You are one powerful writer. I felt like this was so poetic and just kind of heartbreaking. I felt Molly's emotion and I actually felt like crying with each person she name. First Fred, that's where it started to read poetically and then when you named Harry, and then Ginny, the repition was just wonderful it packed such a powerful punch and that scene at the end is a huge one in Harry Potter that I'm amazed at how you were able to connect Molly's feelings to it. She's really a complicated character to write in my opinion because she's such a strong woman.
Excellent job!Author's Response: It was my first HARRY POTTER piece, but yeah, it was one of my early fan fics. It was completely random that I was writing Molly but I am rather proud of how it ended up. Thank you so much for this review! Report Review
Hey dear! I'm here again from the review tag!
For me, this piece was very emotionally powerful, and I'm not sure why. I'm literally on the verge of tears right now... no exaggeration. I could feel the anguish and fear, the disgust... all of these emotions are wonderfully well-written and described flawlessly. I feel as though I were there in the battle with Molly... I can almost feel the pain in the wand arm you described so clearly.
I'm really surprised to find out this was your first HP fanfic! It's very original and absolutely amazing... this is another story that'll have to go in my favorites! Another amazing job, dear! 10/10!Author's Response: Thank you! I wanted to bring Molly's pain and emotions to the forefront and I'm glad that it seemed that way to you! Thank you so much! Report Review
Char, this was so good. I really think you captured Molly very well, and for your first fan fiction, that's even more impressive! The first thing I ever posted here was a really horrid little Romione, on another account. I wish it had been something more like this. :D
I can't believe I've never stumbled across this before! Usually I'm a sucker for all things Weasley. ;) I definitely hope to get the time to browse your page a bit more in the future, too. Loved this, it's really quite good. You should be proud!
The emotions in this story were quite powerful and hard-hitting, all the more so because of the length of the story. There's no room for digression or wandering, and yet you manage to convey exactly the right sentiments -- a mother's thoughts, a generation's impact. Her emotions are just so dead on, it's incredible.Author's Response: Thank you! Though I have to tell you that it wasn't really my FIRST fan fiction, just my first HARRY POTTER fan fiction :) You don't know how much I poured over these 500-odd words so it's always good to hear that it wasn't done badly!
I was initially worried about the amount of feeling I was putting into this because I felt that it may be seen as OOC for Molly. But I've gotten pretty good feedback so far and coming from a vaulted writer as yourself, it does wonders to ease me more! :) Report Review
Well done I really like this especially as it is your first Harry Potter fan fic!
Molly is an extremely difficult character to write particularly because she is quite a complex character and that her love for children overrules all sense of reason within her mind.
You did a good job in this showing how she is grieving for her son but at the same time grateful to Harry for dedicating his life to ridding the world of Voldermort which is exactly how she would be feeling.
The emotion in this is raw and the words you use really enhance the description of these emotions and their surroundings.
Well done!Author's Response: Thanks!
I'm not a mother myself so it was just a character I had to create feelings for and I'm glad that I showcased her correctly.
Molly is such an awesome person that it makes me happy to know that I added to her rather than detracted!
Thanks! Report Review
Oh my goodness. This was a very short piece, but it really packed a punch! I can honestly say, it never crossed my mind to read [or even write] a story about Molly Weasley, so this being your first, I’m amazed. You have her characterization so intact, so instant. Her hatred, her anger, her pain all come across so easily with your choice of words. You bring the chaos she’s in the middle of to life in the first paragraph and then throw in the raw emotion she fights with a couple paragraphs later as she talks about Fred. And then Harry on top of that…it’s great! You really bring her character to life and bring emotions to her that are intense, and not the usual ‘Molly Weasley’ ones you’d think of.
I also adored the imagery you had in this! You talked about the cancer of evil spreading, in which the detail around that was so excellent. The imagery there flowed easily. This goes for describing Bellatrix’s hair too! I like the connection you made to Medusa. :D
I think I did mention this at one point already, but I’m going to say it one more time: I loved your word choice and the way you stylized the writing. I like how you put small sentences at either the start of paragraphs of in the middle of them. It really breaks down the writing and makes it feel like thoughts. It felt as though I was reading what was going on in Molly’s head at that point in time.
Great job! I loved this!
~GrimmerzAuthor's Response: Oh!! You make me want to squee! (And I'd totally do it if my husband wasn't right next to me--he already thinks I'm weird). This is such an awesome review! It does me heart good to hear that I've got the characterization down. I also love that you like my style. It's just how I roll! Report Review
Boy oh boy oh boy, thsi was just amazing, absoultley amazing!!!
I adored reading this. The emotion that you prtray for Molly and the final battle is grand ^_^
I liked how you said she couldn't greif at that moment for her son, I thought that was ture but sweet. I also liked how you described Bellatrix as the Lieutenant, That was really clever Ma'am!
I think this as a whole is a really good piece! and I loved it ;)
TRICK OR TREAT!!! xxAuthor's Response: Thanks! I'm glad that I was able to capture her perfectly for you (and me to be quite honest)! Report Review
Probably not the first story you would want me to review but after I realized how many stories of yours I had already reviewed, I found this one hidden at the bottom and the summary sucked me in. I've loved everything I've read by you and this is no exception. It's short, but you convey SO MUCH through your choice of words and the character that you have chosen.
There's something powerful and magical about Molly Weasley. She's such a strong woman, a mother and a protector. I think you did a wonderful job with her here, describing not only her sadness at the loss of their children (because they really were only children fighting in a war against adults and people hardened by a life of Dark Magic) but the strength she has to persevere, even when she's lost one child already. The fact that she draws from Harry's strength is a nice addition too - it proves that she's still human and she needs to rely on someone else once in a while to give her that extra push.
The imagery and descriptions in this are fantastic - the rage that runs through her vein and all I can imagine is that tiny spark and an inferno that pulses and shreds its way into the curses that she speaks and the movement of her wand. I don't know, it's just really, really nicely written. Your description of Bellatrix! How her hair is like Medusa's snakes - I loved that, especially because of the snake idea and her loyalty to Voldemort.
I just really loved this entire story. You did such a fantastic job in so few words. Adding this to my favorites list!Author's Response: Aw geez, you've read practically all my stories now! I guess that means I better get writing!!
I LOVE Molly Weasley and your own take on her is exactly what I think of when I think of her. She's a bit underrated by others but one has to realize that she shaped the seven Weasley children AND Harry and Hermione.
I spent a lot of time thinking over these words and I'm very happy that you thought so highly of it!
xChar Report Review
Gah! I want more! I hate that it stops right there, but I can completely see why you made that choice.
I think you captured Molly pretty well here. It's so awesome to see this side of Mrs. Weasley.
I love this part: "We may not survive this next hour, but we will prevail and hate and revenge and greed will no longer have the audacity and temerity to raise their ugly heads ever again."
Woot! It makes me want to pick up my wand and run head long into battle! It really speaks to her determination and drive at this point in the battle. She's seen to much to have full confidence that she can get out of this battle alive, but that just means that she's going to try that much harder, and put in that much more effort.
I love how you describe Ginny and Bellatrix's battle by describing their hair. It just fits so well.
(Ravenclaw)Author's Response: ::beams:: There's a lot you can tell from a girl by just their hair :D
Thank you very much reviewing this story too!! I kept vacillitating between adding and not adding and have just decided to keep it to where it is.
I love Molly Weasley. She's so hardcore and isn't seen or appreciated enough in that light. I mean, come on, she's a red head! Them people ain't always about baked goodies and healing boo-boos, you know?
Thank you again for the review! Report Review
This was incredible! The way you wrote it was gorgeous. All the similes and imagery...just wow.
I can barely believe this is your first fanfic. It's amazing. Just the way you described Molly's thoughts was so brimming with emotion. You took me to The Battle of Hogwarts once more. I felt like I was standing in the Hall, watching everything you described. I could feel Molly's rage. And then this setence-"Oh the rage, the hate that pours through my veins like spilled gasoline touched by a spark." was fantastic. It's the kind of sentence that just stays in my head for a long time.
I love your writing, and this one shot is one of my favorite of everything you've done!
-NaidatheRavenclaw, RavenclawAuthor's Response: Thank you! The imagery is something I worked hard on for this fic. I was amazed at how this fic turned out as well but it was something that struck me as very much needing to be written.
I worked on that one line the most out of the whole thing. I just had to get it right!
Thank you! Report Review
Lovely story. You captured this moment of Molly's really nicely. She is such a homely and motherly type and you never really see her fighting. You can see the change in her, a hardened attitude, whilst still maintaining the essence of who Molly is.
I love your use of language and the similies that you have used. The tragedy of the whole war really comes across through the eyes of a mother, watching her children fight.
You chose a good place to end this story, basically at the point where Molly launches herself back into the battle. It seved as a nice colcusion.
I've read so much of your work now and even though this is an early piece, it is still really good. Well done.Author's Response: Hey Jacqui!
I'm happy you got a chance to review this!
I have been in such an indecision about continuing the story into the fight but after this and some other reviews I think I'm happy where I ended it, so thank you!
:) Report Review
I loved this. It was very well-written and in character for Molly. :DAuthor's Response: Thank you! :) Loved Molly in this scene! Report Review
Very nice! You know I had to come read anything from Molly's POV ;) I think you did well. Very emotional writing, your description is really evocative. It has a very World War 2-ish-ness to the description, the word choice, that I have always thought fits well with the second Voldywar. I absolutely believe these could be Molly's thoughts during the battle. I love the descriptions of Ginny's and Bellatrix's hair, actually, and I hardly ever like discussions of appearance so that really is saying something ;) It's as if Molly is superimposing her knowledge of the two personalities onto their hair. Neat idea.
I know this is your earliest piece (my first HP fanfic was a Molly POv also!), and having read your later stuff, I can see how you've progressed as a writer. This is good, but your writing has gotten a bit smoother with practice. I think you did a great job with this, I really liked it. :)Author's Response: Yes, a Molly story. Loved writing this and I'm so glad that you enjoyed it! Heh, glad you liked the hair descriptions too. Like every girl knows, hair does have a life of it's own :)
Thanks for reviewing this! It is one of my faves. Report Review
I really liked this. I've never read a Molly-fic before and this one is great. I love the flow, or sometimes lack of, the sentences which shows all her emotions and hurt and anguish. It seems fitting that her brain would be all over the place at such a moment.
Also the description of Fred as 'my light child' was really moving. Great one-shot (although I would have like it to be longer - because I didn't want to stop reading).Author's Response: Thanks! Funnily enough, this really was my first fanfic that I ever wrote. When I decided to start, for some reason, I started with Molly. I felt an instant inspiration into what she must have gone through as a mother. Which is weird because I've never been one.
Thank you for your kind words! I keep being for and then against making it longer so I guess I'll keep being indecisive! :) Report Review
This was written fantastically. The concision of the style of this one-shot is perfect. The words flow together easily, the diction sets an accurate mood for the reader, and the vague descriptions create a brilliant picture of how Molly would really be visualizing and digesting the horror that is unfurling around her.
All in all, I really loved this little one-shot. For a first fan-fic, it's actually rather excellent, though it is quite apparent that you've been writing for a long time. I'm glad you decided to strike an interest in HP fanfic! It really is lovely and fascinating and extremely fun. :D
As for the ending, I like it the way it is now, yet if you did decide you wanted to add the battle between Molly and Bellatrix, I don't suppose it would hurt anything. Either way, it's a great story giving insight and perspective to Molly, who rarely gets the honor of having a story all to herself.
I'm favoriting this. I think it's brilliant. :D
And I have nothing else to critique - it's an excellent one-shot!Author's Response: Thank you very much for taking the time to review this!
Yeah, I've been writing different things for a while though never completing them. What I like about fan fiction is that I have to finish them!
OK, I guess I'll contemplate more on whether or not I'll expand on the ending.
Thank you again for reading and for your fantastically awesome words! Report Review
I love it. You often see something on TV or in a story and think about what might've been going on inside that character's mind. This is Molly through and through, the sweetest woman pushed too far.
Excellent writing and wonderful flow, she's like a geyser building steam and even without the book I doubt anyone could fail to guess about what happens when she erupts on that very evil woman.
Molly's scene is a personal favorite of mine and it never fails to give me pause when I read it, I only hope the movie does it justice. You sure did :)Author's Response: Yes! I know totally what you mean about Molly! Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
I love Molly's character and I liked how you showed us a little glimpse of what could have been going through her mind in the final battle. I comptley agree with you that she would be physically and emotionally drained from all the problems that arose prior and during the battle. I like the way that you told us that she really didn't have time to mourn the loss of her son, because she wouldn't have which is heartbreaking. I really enjoyed this one-shot and the line that really stood out to me was this one- 'A being who spreads his cancer throughout the wizarding world'. It just showed the disease that Voldemort spread, hurting people and hurting all those involved.
SilversatrletworldAuthor's Response: Aw thanks! This was actually my first HP fic and I don't know where the idea came from but I thought it was a story that needed to be told :) Report Review
Well after reading your Dramione story, I had to stop by and read your other fics too! And they don't let me down either - your writing is brilliant!
I love the way you write. I can't think of how to say that in any other way. The feelings and thoughts of Molly were also so realistic, and it was interesting to see inside Molly's head during the last bit of the battle.
A well written story :)Author's Response: Thanks Twin! :)
I'm going to expand on this one in the near future so, keep posted please Report Review
I almost thought I was looking through Molly's eyes. Very well written. 10/10 can't wait to see what you have left. If you get some time, check out my story as well.Author's Response: Thank you for reading! I'll def take the time to read a story! :) Report Review
This is such an interesting one-shot. I really, really like it. Your characerisation of Molly is just spot-on. I don't think it's random that you chose Molly as your first MC. You did a wonderful job with her, you clearly know her well (well, as well as you can know a fictional character).
Your writing style has wonderful potential. You've got good sentence structure, and I particularly like your imagery and your use of metaphors and similes. Your description of Bellatrix - especially likening her to Medusa - is incredible.
It is a short one-shot, and though I would have liked to see perhaps more build up and more of Molly's emotions, I think it works. It paints a picture of just one moment in time, and it is a beautiful picture.
Well done.Author's Response: Wow thanks! :*) I'm thinking about adding the last bit of the battle scene to it but also don't want to ruin what I've already put down. Report Review
interesting, not the normal fanfic, nice to see a short spin on the duels and all that and then molly killing bellatrix.. and your similies/metaphors were fantastic!Author's Response: Thanks! This was actually my first HP fic. I didn't mean for it to be so intense, but...when the muse calls, one can't ignore it! Report Review
I really like this story. Being a mother myself I can totally relate to the feelings that Molly is tortured with. I think that you did a Brilliant job in bringing out Molly's feelings as well as the nature of the fight and how she had to put her own personal hell on hold to deal with the immediate threat at hand. Molly intrigues me and I wonder just how I would handle going through the same trials that she has been put to test in, and you seemed to have summed up exactly how I picture myself behaving and feeling in the same situation. Very Well Done, I Say.Author's Response: Wow! I love that you took the time to write all of that and I totally do get where you're coming from! I'm not a mother so I had to imagine what it was like but if you actually look at it, Molly had to endure much during the times her family was out putting their lives in danger. The lady honestly probably kept a lot bottled up! Report Review
Whoa. That was intense for such a soft little lady. But it was good!Author's Response: Thanks! I agree :) Report Review
I had a really good time reading this. The emotion is so raw and the way you describe Molly's feelings was just perfect. I would have loved to read more though, keep it flowing!!Author's Response: Thanks so much!!! You get the honor of being My First Reviewer EVER on HPFF! :) I would keep it flowing but the next line in the book kind of ruins the whole emotional thing. Report Review
I really enjoyed this, very poignant and interesting take on events! Nice one.Author's Response: Thank you! I appreciate your viewpoint and the use of the word "poignant". Report Review
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