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26 Reviews Found

Review #1, by marauderfan Confessions of a Marrying Murderess

19th December 2015:
All of your stories sound really cool but I had to go to this one next as you said on your AP that this is your fave of your stories, so I had to check it out! And wow, what a totally original story. This one is really cool, and I can see why you're so proud of it - I would be!

The character development in this is really wonderful. I mean, if she lived her whole life just marrying and then killing one husband after another, it wouldn't be that interesting or understandable. But here, her journey from innocent young bride to jaded murderer makes sense. She started out with no desire to kill anyone, but was abused and neglected and unloved, and her first three husbands died while she was still young. And with that kind of background, death of a husband is almost commonplace for her! And the changes in her reaction to each death were subtly different each time, but she gets to the point where she's killing them just because she can. It feels like just... boredom - that and the fact that she's used to the idea of a husband only lasting a short while because of the first three.

And then the last one, Tyron, that was so sad! By this point she's so used to killing husbands, as she herself says it was no longer innovative :P And she actually falls in love, and doesn't want to kill him, but it's kind of like she's too far down that path now. I wonder what would have happened if he hadn't gone snooping into her past? Would she have killed him? Hmmm... definitely an interesting question. But that was a great twist at the end.

I think the sixth husband was really interesting too, and how you portrayed it such that she by this point sees her past in phases, each marked by a husband. Each husband was a different era of her life and there's just nothing for that phase when she was raising a young child, a phase she has trouble thinking about just because it doesn't fit with the cycles of husbands. it's just it's own phase, so she has the nonexistent sixth husband. It shows kind of how she's starting to form an obsession at this point, but I can totally understand her thinking of that period as a husband, given her character.

This is such a brilliant story! It's so original and fresh and I love the spin you put on this minor character I'd never really thought much about. She must be mentioned only one or two times in the books, and all we know is that she married a lot of husbands who later died and she inherited money, but you made it so much more than that. She's so dynamic, and kind of a victim of her circumstances but she doesn't see herself that way. All in all such great writing, well done!

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Review #2, by BookDinosaur Confessions of a Marrying Murderess

11th September 2015:
Hello! Pretty much two weeks after your Throwback Thursday review swap, I am here to review your story. I am the definition of "worst reviewer ever" - I'm so sorry about the lateness of this!

Okay, I have to admit that from the get-go I was super interested in what you were going to do with this story. Mrs Zabini was only given a passing mention in one sentence in canon, so to explore her story and her character is an amazing idea. I am always, always a sucker for expanding on minor canon characters like this, so this story appealed to me right away.

It's so fascinating how a single sentence in canon, about how her husbands mysteriously left her with loads of money, expands into this immensely interesting oneshot. I love the way that you explored her character in this story. I really really liked that she didn't kill her first few husbands - I mean, it's possible, but I found it so much more realistic that she suffered through a handful of awful husbands before snapping and just starting to kill them all, you know? I really love how you developed her character from the very beginning, where she was putting up with a lot of terrible things nobody should ever have to put up with, to marrying people in a cold, sort of clinical way and murdering them after a while. I loved the transition from innocence to jaded murder, and I love how you pulled it off so that it appeared so natural.

I really enjoyed how blase she was about so many deaths, honestly. Like, most people would probably be kind of damaged after nine husbands had died around them, but not Carla Zabini! Nope, she just carries on with her life and marries the next guy, and the next guy, and the next guy.

The last quote, oh my goodness, that was so powerful. It kind of makes you wonder whether she has a plan to kill him or whether this is just her going a little off in the head. It's fascinating that the last husband, her ninth, was the one she fell in love with and the one who brought about her downfall.

You writing in this piece was really well done. I loved the short sentences and sot of cut-off lines and repetition that went on throughout the story, it really made Carla's voice come through and established a narrative for her.

I'm so sorry (again) for the lateness of this review! I enjoyed this oneshot immensely and the way that you managed to expand on a canon character who was only mentioned once in the books was really well done.

♥ Emily

Author's Response: Hey Emily!

No worries at all about the delayed review! It was a nice surprise to see it pop up, and I'm glad you put time into it. I have a lot of respect for your writing, so I definitely appreciate your feedback.

I really like what you said about the deterioration of Carla's mental sate throughout the timeline of the story. I really enjoyed playing with how each of her marriages contribute to the unhinging of her mind. Because she is narrating this story from the point at which she is the most crazed, it lends that crazed tone to the entire story, making her a less than reliable narrator.

I'm glad you particularly enjoyed the ending!

Thanks so much for the swap

Sam.


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Review #3, by TreacleTart Confessions of a Marrying Murderess

5th September 2015:
Hey Sam!

I'm here for our throwback Thursday review swap! Sorry it took me all the way until Saturday to get to it. Life got a bit hectic.

Anyway, on to the story!

Mrs. Zabini is one of those incredibly interesting characters with an amazing backstories. I'm always sad that there isn't more written about her, so when you asked for reviews on this I was really excited.

I like how you listed out each of her husbands and a few details about them. The little glimpses you gave were enough to sort of get a feel for who each man was and why she grew to hate him. It worked really well.

I was also happy to see that you didn't have Carla murder every single husband. It makes things much more complex and interesting to have her only have murdered a handful of them. I thought it seemed realistic that it took awhile for her to build up the courage to actually kill one of them.

The ninth husband was interesting because he actually seemed like a decent person. I thought for a moment that maybe Carla would enjoy him and spend the rest of her life with him. Apparently, she did too and she made the mistake of forgetting that he might not love her in the same way.

It was kind of sad to see how she ended up in the end, but she certainly deserved it. After all of the men she'd killed, there was no denying that she should be locked up and it was a nice piece of karma that the man she loved the most was the one to do it.

This was a nice read, Sam. I'm glad you decided to do this throwback swap.

~Kaitlin

Author's Response: Hey Kaitlin! Again, thanks for the swap =) It was really fun to read something older of yours and see how your writing has changed.

I'm glad to hear you also are interested in Mrs. Zabini. We only get a single line about her in the books, but it's a fascinating line, so I couldn't help but want to explore more there!

It was really very fun to play with the deteriorating mind of Carla in this story. I thought of this story very much as a spoken monologue, spoken by Carla as she rocks back and forth in her cell, so it was very fun to slowly reveal the instability that is there from the beginning.

The fact that she had such horrible experiences with her first few husbands was definitely a major factor in what led her to becoming unhinged and killing the others.

I'm glad you enjoyed this!

Sam.


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Review #4, by moonbaby11 Confessions of a Marrying Murderess

4th September 2015:
Hey -- I'm here for our TBT swap!

God, this was so good! (are you sure you weren't in a challenge for hooking last sentences because that was so great too!) You certainly accomplished what the challenge was looking for -- I was drawn in with the first sentence and you held my attention until that wonderfully delicious (does that sound weird?) last sentence.

This was so interesting because I don't tend to think too much about the parents of canon characters that we don't meet in canon, but you took an idea and ran wonderfully with it! This is unlike anything I've ever read on the archives and, honestly, I'm surprised this is from all the way back in 2010! It seems so much more recent than that, but maybe that's just me thinking about how bad my own writing was way back when? Anyways, this piece certainly holds up over the years!

I just loved everything about this, honestly. The plot was so great (and original!), Carla was such an interesting character, and just the way you wrote the story was brilliant! I loved how apathetic Carla seems to be now about the deaths of all her husbands. She just sort of brushes it off like it's nothing to worry about, and that gives this story such an interesting spin. I loved reading from her voice!

Overall this was great (I feel like I've said that a lot??). It's definitely stood the test of time! I'm really glad we did this review swap so I had the chance to check out this story!

Author's Response: Thanks for taking part in my throwback swap! This twisted story has such a special place in my heart, and I couldn't help but want to give it some more love after it's gone unread for a while.

We only get like one sentence of reference to Mrs. Zabini in canon, but it is a very interesting sentence, so I can't help but want to play with her!

To be fair, I started on the archives in 2007, so if you want my cringe worthy writing, that's where to go looking (please don't).

Thanks so much for the awesome review and for taking part in my swap!

Sam.


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Review #5, by Unicorn_Charm Confessions of a Marrying Murderess

3rd September 2015:
Hey there! I'm here for our TBT swap!! :)

Wow. Wow, wow, wow, wow. This was so fantastic! I literally hung on to every word and completely devoured this! I just loved it. The way that she spoke of her husbands and their deaths, the ones she had a hand in and the ones she didn't, was just so blasé and it worked SO well! I can't get over how well done this was.

To be honest, I was kind of thinking that all the deaths were going to be accidents, or something that she did not do. But then you get to the fourth husband and it's just like, "whoa!" She was so cold! So I killed him like it was nothing!

It became more and more creepy as you read on and saw just how much she actually enjoyed killing her husbands. And some for the most ridiculous reasons. She was the definition of mentally unbalanced. Poor Blaise... Imagine growing up in that environment? Yikes.

I thought that last husband was going to end up killing her. But it does seem fitting that when she finally fell in love, it wasn't exactly real. That the husband was just biding his time, like she had with men she killed, until he could lock her away. Such a great ending!

This whole thing was remarkable. I loved every single word of it. The writing was flawless, the pace was perfect and it just had me glued to my screen the whole time. Great work on this!! ♥

Thanks for the swap!

xoxo Meg

Author's Response: Hey Meg!

Thanks. Thanks, thanks, thanks, thanks. Haha, couldn't help myself. But really, thanks. I really love this story, and it makes me kind of sad that because it's such an old one-shot it doesn't really get any love. Hence TBT!

I am really glad I was able to twist things around and surprise you with this one =)

Carla was kind of the beginning of my love for writing mentally unstable characters. I kind of went all out with her, and haven't really come back since!

Thanks again!

Sam.


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Review #6, by Shadowkat Confessions of a Marrying Murderess

18th May 2015:
Wow...that, that was something else. I love how you didn't just have her start out as a black widow, and how it wasn't for the money. It ties in nicely with the ending as well.

I didn't see any glaring errors,and the flow was impressive. Though, I would have liked to hear more about Blaze.

All in all, well done. I really want to give you a longer review, but I'm not sure there's much to fix, and all I can really say is well done. The characterization was realistic, the thoughts reflected her slowly slipping mentally, and everything about it just seems spot on. I'm favoriting this. So favoriting this.

Author's Response: Hehehe, you chose to review my favorite thing that I've written! =D

Really, no worries about the delay or the short review. I totally get what a crazy week it's been for you. Ultimately, having somebody read something that I love and have them love it as well is really wonderful, and the kind of validation I need right now. Thank you!


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Review #7, by VoldyWantsAHug Confessions of a Marrying Murderess

16th March 2011:
I love it! I've read it like a thousand times! Oh my God it's great!

Author's Response: Thank you for the review.

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Review #8, by Miss MarlaG Confessions of a Marrying Murderess

10th November 2010:
wow. this was.
no words. Too dazed. cant type more. seriously.
anyways, 10/10

Author's Response: Thank you for the review!

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Review #9, by mrs_scorpiusmalfoy Confessions of a Marrying Murderess

12th October 2010:
Hello :) I finally came around to review! Senior year and GLEE have me all tied up. xD

I did not kill my eighth husband.

I took him out of his misery.


Hilarious.

This mere One-Shot gave a lot of insight into Mrs Zabini's life. When I first read it, I completely forgot not even her name was mentioned in the books. You utilized her many husbands and this was the result. Brilliant.

In a disturbing, illogical way, I sympathize for her. It's easier to kill people through magic and I have no patience whatsoever. xD

I really, really loved this. I loved the many one-liners you slipped in and Carla's voice was so natural in my head. It frightens me to think you might share some of her views. :P

Congratulations!

Jaz

Author's Response: Thank you for your review!

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Review #10, by Kayla Lay Confessions of a Marrying Murderess

18th September 2010:
I don't understand why you didn't get first place with this one, it was amazing. You have so much talent in making a story that is truely interesting and has so much caracter in such a small space. I absolutely loved it.

100,000,000/10

-Kayla

Author's Response: Thank you for the review.

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Review #11, by Blissbug Confessions of a Marrying Murderess

23rd August 2010:
Hi, BB here from the forums -- at long last -- with your review :)

So I was a little intimidated by this piece. Nine husbands to go through and I wondered if you could manage to keep my interest. You did though, for the most part. The voice of your protag was very distinctive. I liked that she is powerful, decisive. The repetition of phrases really drives this home, and continues to keep the protag anchored in the story.

If I had one bone to pick, it would be that this whole story is full of telling, versus showing. This is something of an obsession of mine, showing versus telling. What I mean by that is the different between telling the reader that the between telling us that she married an older man, and showing. Description, conversation, gestures and the like are all great means of showing something, but we get bare details, truncated summaries and an almost rushed pace through the story. I understand that in depth development would be the wrong approach for this particular story, but even a few words here and there could really make a difference.

Besides that, I'm impressed with the writing. It was clean, the character voice was very vibrant and the POV choice was really interesting to read from. I'm glad I had a chance to look at this piece :) 7/10

BB

Author's Response: Thank you for the review.

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Review #12, by nitenel Confessions of a Marrying Murderess

18th August 2010:
*speechless...* That was... interesting... Have you ever read Mugshot by Lord Sophiemort? Yours and hers are very similar.

I think I'm never going to marry now...

10/10

Author's Response: Thank you for the review.

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Review #13, by keroberros Confessions of a Marrying Murderess

17th August 2010:
Wow this was amazing. I love that you took something so untouched on in canon and just invented the details around it so believably. I Loved the tone of the piece as well and the little twists and turns that you supplied. I was thinking that you were going to show how she hadn't killed any of her husbands until BAM! she killed one. Surprisingly I was shocked and yet it gripped me all the more to the piece. The starting line definitely had me hooked as like many I always thought that there was something dodgy with Ms. Zabini and all her husbands so this opening line definitely grabbed my attention and urged me to read on. The ending line too was brilliant and sent a little shiver down my spine. You've written this very well and really brought to life the smallest of characters. Not only that, but you've made her appear so human, not the cold and callous money-grabber that she is assumed to be. You've really given a a thorough and believable back story. Love! 10/10

Author's Response: Thank you for the review.

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Review #14, by DemetersChild Confessions of a Marrying Murderess

14th August 2010:
Hahaha, I loved this story! It reminded me a lot of the Cellblock Tango from Chicago, which is definitely an awesome song.

Just a couple critiques:

"I met him at a ball hosted by my family in honor of my coming of age." -- I kinda feel like him should be replaced with something more definitive. My first husband, perhaps. Or even his name. For some reason, with the pronoun, it seems very jumpy from the paragraph before to this one. But with the others it sounds fine to me.

Your paragraphs are broken up a lot when they don't need to be. I really wanted to make a point of this because you have a lot of one-line paragraphs that I believe you intended to stick out, but since there aren't many paragraphs more than two lines, they aren't as powerful as they could be.

Other than that, I really enjoyed reading this story. It made me laugh. I loved the character of Carla. How straight-foward she was about everything. There was definitely a strong voice in this piece.

And the end was, of course, magnificent. :D

-Dem-

Author's Response: Thank you for the review.

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Review #15, by Cherry Bear Confessions of a Marrying Murderess

12th August 2010:
Wow. This was really incredible. I have to admit that I'm in a bit of a lazy mood right now, but I felt obligated to review this and not keep you waiting too long; when I saw the length of this, I almost groaned out loud, but once I started reading I honestly couldn't stop. Not only did your hooking first sentence do an excellent job of catching my attention, you definitely managed to hold it throughout the entire piece. And if this had been a hooking title challenge, I can swear that this would have gotten first place. Even if this had not been submitted to my challenge, if I had seen it around the site somewhere I would have been tempted to read it by title and summary alone. I really can't say enough about how fantastic you are because of this.

Anyway, like I said, I liked your first sentence a lot. Death - even the mention of one that hasn't occurred - is a surefire way of grabbing attention. I feel like each one of your sentences packed a special punch with it; they were all so well-written and just flowed so smoothly that I feel as though they imprinted into my mind the second I read them. I rather adore powerful sentences, so good job with that. And, I know this is a weird thing to comment on, but I also really love how you formatted the whole piece. I hate reading huge giant chunks of writing in pieces, and I think the way you split all these sentences up made it easier to read, more enjoyable, and a hundred times more memorable.

Another thing that I really liked (just so you know, this review is pretty much just going to be one huge flattery fest) was how you repeated certain lines of the story for emphasis, to really drive the point home. I adore repetition, and I think that having you repeat the first sentence so many times throughout the piece - and then alter it for each additional husband and circumstance - worked really well. Besides emphasizing her denial of it, it also made Carla seem a wee bit crazy and passionate about her innocence in certain circumstances. It's only really good writers who can have such awesome characterization in a first person monologue-esque piece, when there's little opportunity to do so without outright telling the reader what the character is like. You really showed who she was, instead, and I appreciated that a lot.

And another thing I really liked (you're probably sick of reading that phrase, but I can't think of any other way to tell you everything I love about your writing) was how you managed to make this humorous, even though the idea behind it is dark. You didn't go for outright humor, but I noticed certain lines and parts of the story that just seemed slightly funny or ironic, and I thought that was a nice and interesting touch. It definitely made the story a lot more adorable (: I think my favorite thing was when she compared her husband Ethan to a house elf...that made me laugh out loud!

I really liked how you ended this, as well; I definitely didn't see it coming. I was going to criticize you if you just listed all her husbands and how much she hates them, because that's boring, but then you added in that twist of her loving her ninth husband and it made me ridiculously happy. I thought you might leave it off at a happy ending, so I was pleasantly surprised when you added that twist that he was spying on her. It actually made me feel bad for her and, somehow, despite the seriousness of everything, I found myself laughing at her last declaration that she couldn't wait to kill him. Especially since it so contrasts with the previous line about how she tells him she loves him every time he comes to visit her.

Anyway, in case my ramblings and compliments didn't tell you enough, I really absolutely adore this story. It's very unlike anything else I've read on here - it's definitely a topic and character that not many (or, you know, any) fanfictions deal with - so I give you major kudos for originality. I'm glad that you went out of your comfort zone and wrote something different than your other pieces, and extremely proud that my challenge is the one you did that for. Thank you so much for entering, and be sure to check back after the deadline to see if you've won! (:

Cherry Bear

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the challenge and all o your wonderful feedback.

This was a really fabulous challenge, and I am so happy with the work that it pushed me to create.

Much love!

Sam.


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Review #16, by spreaddapoo93 Confessions of a Marrying Murderess

9th August 2010:
TOO BRILLIANT! AH, this is such a clever write; I love the consistency and rhythm, the huge surprise at the end and just... everything.

Bravo!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review.

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Review #17, by flyingpigwidgeon Confessions of a Marrying Murderess

7th August 2010:
I must say that I really enjoyed this one-shot. It gave a real insight into the mind of a minor character and in doing that also looks deeper into the workings of Blaise and why he's so cold. Then again, who wouldn't be with a mum who had mysteriously dissappearing husbands?

I like how you've given Carla a real personality of her own and not made her someone who's just utterly evil. You can see her motivations for starting to murder through the tragedy earlier in her life which made her character somewhat sympathetic.

The piece flows well and intices you from the very first sentence and the humour just hooks you; it's so casual and dark. My favourite part had to be, "But I could not stand him. And so I killed him." It's just so blunt. I feel guilty for laughing at something as sinister as that but I just couldn't help it. :D

Bleugh. I wish I could give you some good critique but the other reviews have mentioned it all. All i've got to say now is to carry on writing! :)

Author's Response: Thanks for the review.

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Review #18, by Elinor Confessions of a Marrying Murderess

7th August 2010:
This is really, really good. This was an interesting read-I love your writing style. I always wondered what Ms Zabini was like. Anyway, keep writing.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review.

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Review #19, by Jane_Volturi Confessions of a Marrying Murderess

5th August 2010:
The tone came across as quite casual, almost passive, which I felt really contributed to the dark humor of the story. Normally, I wouldn't be so swift to overlook a story's lack of detail, but in a case such as this, I found it to be more beneficial towards the tone of this particular one-shot.

I like the fact that you chose to take this slant on Carla Zabini's life, she was only briefly mentioned in the books, so the fact that you’ve chosen to write about such a minor character is good because it gives the readers a much wider view of the Harry Potter universe.

You've taken her character on and you've focused on an element of her life that can really define her as a character. I only read three thousand words, yet I discovered so much about her. Whilst reading this I noticed she isn't very attentive to her surroundings; it's almost as though she's wrapped up in her own little bubble, aided only by this mental obsession with killing her husbands. This is good because it invites the reader to question her true motives. Perhaps her struggle to find love would seem the most obvious, but the way you write her leaves this doubt in the reader's mind, which I think is a very good achievement considering the fact that this is only a one-shot.

Your structure, for lack of a better word, was perfect. By the end, the story remained unresolved, which I found really fitting to the dark humor genre. I think you used the one-liner periods very effectively, their presence almost added a rhythm to the tone, and the repetition highlighted the significance of that one sentence (which I think defined the entire story).

I think you were wise to make that one-liner your first sentence. It sums the story up in a few words, and for that reason I belive it was very hooking. You don't need to read the story to know what it's about, that first sentence basically says it all; it defines the tone, the humor, the character and the plot.

By this point I'd usually offer the author some constructive critisism, but I honestly wouldn't know what to comment on. Usually it would be the lack of detail, but the tone really made up for that. There was a typo at the beginning. 'Zambini' should be 'Zabini', but that can very easily be corrected.

Overall, this was a flawless piece of work. Great job!

10/10

Katie (Jane_Volturi)

Author's Response: Thanks for the lovely review.

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Review #20, by schoenemaedchen Confessions of a Marrying Murderess

28th July 2010:
Hi there! Schoenemaedchen here from the forums...So you wanted me to cover quite a bit in your review.

Before I do the run down, I wanted to say I had a very positive first impression of your story. The first line WAS indeed hooking and to me, this story is a great model for the "perfect one-shot". Not too long, not too short, a great amusing story, and the flow is wonderful.

First things first: The hooking first line. Um yeah...you don't get much more hooking than starting to talk about murder :-P

The effectiveness of the tone was great. I like how it was told by the narrator in such a way as though it was completely normal and not a big deal. Exactly how dark humor is supposed to be ;) To add to this thought, I also think there was a lot of personality in the story, which signals that you're coming though with creativity.

The structure of the story is not bad, like I said, it really flows great. Usually I kind of groan by 3000 words when I read the first paragraph and it feels stuffy, but this was fluid movement from start to end.

I especially like all these "one liners" periodically throughout the piece. They all have something in common, but are just slightly changed, which an excellent creative technique. Awesome!!

If I have anything along the lines of CC to say...I actually think you could have added a bit more detail of the wizarding world. It felt a little bit too much like I was watching the play Chicago sometimes...which is just too real and not Harry Potter-esque. I definitely think you could subtly add in a few things without having to make HUGE changes. I.E...when you mention depositing money into Husband Number X account, just throw in Gringotts, or something.

One spot where you very creatively referred to HP was when you compared the über-devoted husband too a house elf. Stuff like that is great and kind of what I mean about subtly adding details.

Otherwise, was really a joy to read and gave me a smile. The humor was well done!!!
-schoenemaedchen

Author's Response: Thanks a lot - that's all very helpful.

I'm glad to hear you say that it worked well. I've never been able to do comedy and never thought to try my hand at dark humor before this. I think the only way I pulled it off this time is by writing this almost entirely in the dead of night, a point where I almost always become overly snide and snarky. Apparently it worked!

And I definitely appreciate what you're saying about subtly adding more HPverse. After writing this, I almost felt like it was almost not a fanfiction. That is to say, I could show it to people with only minor changes and they wouldn't know any better. But I like your idea, and I want to keep it in mind so that I can keep by stories well grounded in the Potterverse.

Thanks a ton!


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Review #21, by long_live_luna_bellatrix Confessions of a Marrying Murderess

28th July 2010:
Well, that was a very amusing piece. Highly enjoyable, and not quite like what I'd ever seen. The best part was that you kept each husband new and exciting, different reasons and personalities and murders each time. It was the kind of good idea that can be easily ruined by unimaginative writing, but you had no problem with that there. Mrs. Zabini killed so casually, it was funny and not funny at the same time. I liked how you said her wardrobe consisted of only wedding and funeral clothes. You broke things up with the nonexistent 6th husband, taking one out of his misery, and so on.

My favorite line, perhaps, was this one:

It was high time to fall in love and wed the bloke.

And so I fell in love.

And I wed the bloke.

It was just a great style of writing, all through. The first and last lines were something to think about as well; the first was like, ok, so what about the second husband? And the was, ok, haha, I get it.

What was both good and not so good about this was lack of detail. It added to the overall mood of the story and did very well, but I almost feel like you could write nine one shots following this story, each about the adventures of killing the husbands. Am I making any sense?

Overall, it was quite good, the most laughs I've ever gotten out of a story about death and murder. The style is interesting and suits the story; it's almost the kind of style that's very limiting in that it's only funny with murder stories. But I'm sure you can do more with it. So yes, your tone was extremely effective.

You mentioned you were still looking for a beta, but I honestly found only one true error as I read: towards the beginning, you spelled Zabini with an "m" before the b, and it was incorrect. Otherwise, it was great.

~lllb

Author's Response: Thanks for the very helpful review.

I'm really glad that you thought it was pretty unique. That means a lot to me.

I'm also really thankful that you think I did such a good job with the different husbands, the tone, and the style. That makes me very happy!

I totally understand about the detail thing. There is so much that can be explored here, but part of what I was going for when I decided to write this was Carla's blatant indifference to much of it, and to just kind of narrow it down to the most elementary facts seemed to better service my purpose of establishing her unique mental attitude. I'm also afraid that if I flushed it out too much it would lose much of the abruptness and choppiness that is key to maintaining the tone.

I'm very glad you enjoyed it and found it amusing. I personally laughed out loud while writing it, but I was unsure if others would react in the same way. I'm glad you did.

And yes... the Zambini thing... I realized that the moment I got it in the queue and was so frustrated with myself. Although you are the first person who has caught it.


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Review #22, by HopelessRomantic_x Confessions of a Marrying Murderess

28th July 2010:
Hey!

Amazingly enough I really loved reading this despite it being something I would definitely not read. xD
First, I love the first sentence - it definitely makes me want to keep on reading more to find out the rest of the story and that consists throughout the whole story.

You've made the tone of voice sort of casual, formal and factual but again it's like hearing someone telling a story in a sort of monotone, casual voice. I think that helped with the dark humour because of all that has happened to Carla she can still tell the story in that particular voice and even though she's not really telling many jokes you can still capture that dark humour through her telling of the story.

Just one thing that stood out a little to me, the third time writing 'I did not kill my husband' then gets tedious and throws the story off a little so just be careful of not repeating too many things because it can get in the way of the reader. Other than that the rest of the story flowed tremendously well.

I especially like the turn of the story when the ninth husband enters, where it's shown that Carla is capable of loving someone so passionately. That's where the story changes for her and you've done this amazingly by keeping it running along and not letting it get disturbed.

Carla seems to be a woman, who has obviously been through a lot in her life but despite this, is strong enough to be able to tell the story again in such a matter-of-fact way. I have this clear image of her where she's sitting mindlessly at a table and retelling the story in that same voice to an acquaintence.

I've loved how you've written this and it completely captivated me from the first sentence.

I hope you go on to write more amazing pieces like this.

HopelessRomantic_x

Author's Response: Thanks a lot - I'm glad you liked it!

Thanks for the note about the repetition becoming a little distracting. I saw it as key to the story, but I was a little wary about it causing the story to frag at all. I'm glad you think that the flow for the rest of the story was okay.

I also find your comments on her voice to be helpful. I see her as decreasingly, well, sane throughout the story, and the disconnect between her casual way of speaking and the kinds of things that are happening are key to that.

Thanks for the feedback, and I'm so glad that you found it captivating.


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Review #23, by katebabelovesharrypotter Confessions of a Marrying Murderess

27th July 2010:
I definitely like the first sentence! :)


I really liked this story. It was a very darkly humorous feel (which I think you were going for). Well, I did enjoy it, it felt a little dull. It kind of felt as if she was saying the same thing over and over again, but in different words.

I understand the connection to Harry Potter with Blaise, but I feel this is better suited somewhere else.

Your writing was exsquiste and for all the faults of my waning entertainment, I really enjoyed this and I'm glad I had the chance to read it. :)

Author's Response: Thank you.

I'm glad that you liked it and am also thankful for your honesty. I was a little concerned that it would drag a little, and I appreciate the feedback. I am also glad that you think the dark humor worked.

Thanks for the review.


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Review #24, by ob sessed Confessions of a Marrying Murderess

26th July 2010:
wow! i was really hooked to your character, she's very well developed for a one shot and completely engages you into her life... it's interesting and dark, i really like it. the character's voice is very prominent and although it's short, you really get who she is and what she's been through. you love and hate her or well i did, ha. :) your structure is also very well-written, i don't see anything in here that i would like changed... maybe you know, tell me what happens later! i love the last few lines. you're left just going... but whaaattt happpeenns??? hehe anyways, great job!

Author's Response: Excellent!

Pretty much everything you just said is exactly what I was trying to accomplish with this story. Assuming you represent the typical reader, I have succeeded. And that, let me tell you, is a very good feeling. :D

Thanks a lot for the review and feedback.


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Review #25, by ronhermione4evr Confessions of a Marrying Murderess

25th July 2010:
ronhermione4evr here with your review!
As the challenge you wrote this for, this certainly is a hooking story. When I first read the summary, I was a little doubtful on how I'd like this story, but I had to keep reading as soon as I'd started. It was a well-written story, dark and slightly scary, but admittedly well-written. And you're last sentence was a perfect wrap-up to it. THe only thing I don't understand was how the sixth husband died, and the whole idea of the seventh. Other than that, great story!
-ronhermione4evr

Author's Response: Thank you very much.

I'm still a little anxious to see if people will appreciate this one or not, but I'm glad that you found it compelling.

As for your confusions, the sixth husband did not actually exist. She made him up and therefore also made up a death for him. I'm not sure what you didn't get about the seventh, but pretty much she tricked him into marriage so that she could kill him. By that time she was a little off her rocker. The point of some of those later husbands was to show how she was gradually losing her marbles, and I hope it worked okay.

Thanks for the feedback - I'll consider cleaning those bits up if/when I edit it.


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