awwwh. this was so cute! like your other piece, it's so realistic as well - TANGIBLE. that's the word that really describes this piece. Hestia's emotions are right there, and they make sense, and she's so normal and sane and brilliant that it really made me love her despite the shortness of the piece.
Sirius was too gorgeous as well - you got that across without that usual cringeworthy 'OMG HE'S SO HOT I'M GONNA DIEEE' thing a lot of Sirius/OCs have. the whole 'better underwear than Snape' thing was adorable as well - funny, smart and also quite tender, in a way. he was making her feel better without being so obvious.
all in all, it was absolutely gorgeous. i loved this piece so much, and i'm jealous of your writing ability. seriously.
Hyenni101, Slytherin! (:Author's Response: Hey Hyenni!
I'm really enjoying your reviews. Hopefully my responses will answer/address everything.
It's one of those things that sort of made my inner cynic squirm when I read it and then re-read it before responding to this review. In such a short space of time she managed to find herself lost - maybe that's not a bad thing but I suppose I'm speaking for myself and not for her. It's not at all something you can easily fight off.
I'm really glad the subtlety shone through for you. He's quite the smexy fellow and I enjoyed writing him. His characterisation is something I was worried about because I wanted to do it right. That line about the underwear was supposed to carry a whole lot more connotations than expected, one of them you picked up really well - tender. And from that tenderness along with his lingering looks and hand holding should speak volumes for Hestia - most of which she already picked up on and it terrified her.
I'm really glad you liked this! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing :)
Lia Report Review
I very much like this oneshot! I think your character are very well developed, and I love your descriptions. Hestia/Sirius is lovely when written by you :) I would love to know what happened next! Very well written, well done! 9/10.Author's Response: Hey Illuminate!
I'm glad you like it especially since these are two characters I've never written before. Hestia wasn't very difficult but Sirius was a task and a favourite of a lot of people. I'm actually working on a sequel to this, but it's during Hogwarts Era. I just hope I have enough inspiration to actually complete it.
For this one-shot, I prefer to leave it with the unresolved feel - did he come back? did they end up together or did they just go their separate ways after grad? Take from that what you will ;)
Thank you for your review!
Lia Report Review
Hey Randomred here sorry for the late review. My computer broke.
First things first. Sirius. I adore him as a character to read and write and you have portrayed him so well. He sounds so gorgeous. Same for the Marauder era, well not the gorgeous part.
You flow is really well paced, I honestly couldn't flaw it. I never felt like I was getting parts ripped away from me in the middle of reading like I do in some stories.
Hestia is such a little known character I like that people write about her although I have not seen many at all.
The graduation scene. Many people may see the falling in front of everyone a cliche but I think it is very realistic as lets face it, it happens. I also makes the reader connect with Hestia.
All in all I think this is an amazing story and I cannot find a flaw.Author's Response: Hiya RandomRed. I do remember you mentioned in your thread that you were going to be absent for a while so that's no problem.
I'm glad you like Sirius, seems like everyone did, lol. I usually prefer to read Marauder Era fics instead of writing them because I wasn't sure I would do it right. But when I was assigned Hestia, for some reason the only person who could have fit with her was Sirius.
I haven't seen many people write about her either, which was the whole point of this challenge...to write an obscure character.
I'll admit that I put a little of myself into that falling scene. I hated walking across the stage at grad but I didn't fall, thankfully.
Thank you so much for your review =]
Lia. Report Review
Argh! Horrific graduation moment; my sympathy goes out to poor Hestia. Here with your requested review; sorry that I couldn't have gotten this to you sooner, you know how crazy life can get at times. Anyway, enough about me, let's talk about Hestia, she's much more interesting.
I love reading stories that focus on the minor characters of the series. It's very refreshing to gain an insight into other elements that JK only brushed upon in the books. In my opinion, Hestia was never given much of a purpose in the series, considering the fact that she was a member of the Order of the Phoenix, so it was nice to read a story from her perspective for a change. We know very little about her character, due to the fact she isn't in the books much, but judging from what I do know of her character, I think you've pretty much hit the nail on the head; expanding her persona in the process. She's still the same respectable, goody-two-shoes that we all know and love, but you've given her additional traits which I think really fit her age. For one, she comes across as quite timid and nervous, which I find a useful quality to possess, strange as it may sound. I also like the fact that you've made her a Hufflepuff; most people assume that all of the Order members were Gryffindors, so I'm glad you took the realistic route with Hestia; it's nice to see some house unity, particularly around the House Cup time of year.
Whilst we're discussing characterization, let's talk about Sirius. Wow, you made him a real heartthrob in this little one shot! You were so descriptive when it came to his looks and his behavior that I was almost mimicking Hestia with the crazy heartbeats and all. Lol, am I scaring you? Honestly though, I think you did a really good job of keeping him in character and also modernizing him to fit the teenage age. A seventeen/eighteen year old Sirius is a character JK very rarely gave us a glimpse of, which is why I love the marauder era so much. I also really liked the chemistry between Sirius and Hestia, have you considered creating this into a novel, because they're the exact type of couple I'd love to read about. By the end of the one shot the story seemed unresolved, which created a really good effect but left me thirsty for more.
Taking a glance at your areas of concern, I was careful to pay close attention to the plot, flow and grammar. I'll start with the grammar because I'm going for a sandwich structured review, heh.
Your grammar overall was very good, and I found that your words flowed really nicely together. However, I did come across two typos that can easily be fixed.
"And since when were you Gryffindors' so deceiving?"
There shouldn't be an apostrophe after the 'Gryffindors'.
'She wasn't they kind of girl to be tied down but neither was he. '
I think that 'they' should be 'the'.
The flow of the story was really good, nothing seemed out of place and I think you constructed the plot in a very effective way. There wasn't a moment whilst reading the story that I wasn't bored. It was a really enjoyable read, and this is definitely going into my favourites.
Feel free to request again, I'd love to read more of your work.
Katie (Jane_Volturi)Author's Response: Hiya Katie
Don't worry about the lateness, I'm a bit late in replying to this anyway. Yes the grad scene, I hated to have to do that to her but it would have been very interesting to have her not fall, after all her anxiety and such.
I love minor characters as well, it was the purpose of this challenge actually, to write a snapshot of their lives - it could be about anything at all. I always felt that they had their own story to tell - their feelings, their perspective, their lives...what were they really like? Things like that. Her character was one that I had forgotten was even in existence, like you said, she wasn't given a purpose.
I guess for Hestia, I took my inspiration on who I pictured her teenage self would be (i.e. The image on the banner [Alexis Bledel]) and perhaps even from me. I get what you're saying about those qualities, yes they can be very useful but at the same time, they can hold you back. Yes, I really hate that stereotype. It's just like how a lot of people think all of the Death Eaters were Slytherin. I'm always for house unity...I really dislike prejudices.
LOL! Yes you are scaring me! I had to read this over to see what you were talking about. I guess again, a bit of this came from my experiences. I think Sirius would've been a tad bit more mature when he wasn't being a bully. I usually like reading Marauder Era Sirius as well. I haven't thought of making this one-shot into a novel but when I read your review the first time, I had thought about writing a companion to his, about 15-20 years into the future when he gets out of Azkaban and Hestia joins the Order. It's something for me to keep in mind though.
I hadn't exactly planned to have a decent ending of sorts where they'd ride off into the sunset together or something. Nothing really ever happens like that. You can have a moment like what they had by the tree but then reality kicks in again and you get sidetracked. Hestia had her doubts and Sirius had been trying to keep his feelings at bay as well. They both did not want to destroy what they already had, their friendship but sometimes it's too hard to fight what your heart says.
Ok, grammar. I'll go and fix those, thank you :)
Thank you so much for your review. I really appreciate it!
Hey, Leslie from TGS here to review as requested! I really enjoyed this nice little one-shot. You did a great job characterising Hestia and her relationship with Sirius (and I like what little bit of his characterisation that we saw as it matched up with what we know of him). I'm a fan of minor characters, they're just not explained enough in the books and it's nice to expand more on what their lives at Hogwarts and beyond may have been like.
As for the plot, I thought it flowed along smoothly and went well with the narration and dialogue. I liked how you started it out at graduation and kind of went back to explain how the pair had first become friends, right up to the kiss. It was well paced and thought out. Over all, great writing and keep it up! Feel free to come back to request from me anytime! :) 10/10Author's Response: Hiya Leslie!
I'm glad you enjoyed it. I loved writing Hestia actually. Her nervousness at graduation mirrored my own experience except the fact that I didn't fall. I think for once Sirius deserved someone like her or perhaps she deserved someone like him. I adore minor characters and revel in the chance to write about them without anyone telling me that it's not right :P
I honestly had some trouble starting this story. I wrote a few paragraphs before deleting everything and starting over. It's a good thing I did too. It was something I didn't want to be long-winded either. Oy, I'm happy you think it was well paced too. =]
Thank you so much for your review!
Interesting story. Poor Hestia. That must have been rather embarresing, falling in front of everyone.
I liked the idea of this, how Hestia knew that Sirius went through girls like that, but she couldn't help herself. I think that's a diferent idea, and I liked it. Sirius nd Hestia were really cute together.
Your flow of this was good. I relly like flashbacks, and I liked how you used it to sort of move from one place to another without just using something like 'soon they were farther away'.
As I said before, interesting idea, I didn't notice any grammer or spelling mistakes, and I liekd the characterization of Hestia. Great job! ;)Author's Response: Hey moonbaby11,
Ah Hestia. I hated to have to do that to her but it was necessary. It's one of the most humiliating things in the world, I think.
You know, I think Sirius had his own reservations. Maybe for once it was nice to have a platonic relationship with a girl and he just didn't want to ruin it. And yes, Hestia had different reasons for suppressing her feelings too. *sigh* well, you see how that worked out in the end.
I'm glad you thought it was interesting =]
Thank you for your review!
Lia. Report Review
Hi there! Schoenemaedchen here from the boards with your review.
So what can I say...you're a natural!
Everything I loved about this story was how utterly natural, sincere, and wonderfully written it was, really!
--Which I hope answers your question about flow, at least.
First, I absolutely love stories about those...not-so-common characters. There is so much creativity possible and I think you really pulled out all the stops.
As for the plot, seemed flawless to me. All probable, all natural, and amusing and entertaining to read.
Now I will talk about all the loves!
I also love the graduation scene. Priceless. I remember being terrified of falling...really. Of all things to be worried about, I love that it centered around the silly, and the flashing knickers! Classic scene, but not overdone or cliche in any way.
I think every interaction you write between Sirius and Hestia is great as well. Sirius is totally the type to bring the laughs out of somebody TRYING to wallow in self pity. I love moments like those anyways, because that is what friends are for!
You also wrote the kiss scene quite nicely! I enjoyed reading it :D
The ending line is also phenomenal. I feel like it was the perfect ending to this one-shot.
In conclusion, I really enjoyed this piece :) Keep writing great stories like this and come visit my review board again should you find the time!
-schoenemaedchenAuthor's Response: Hiya =]
Lol, thank you :) I'm thrilled that you loved the story.
As you would've seen, I wrote this for a challenge. I love all minor characters and even the obscure ones (as was the challenge title). I love that you can make up a little world just for them and how they would have interacted with the more known characters.
Ahh graduation. I was afraid of falling over too, knowing who I was graduating with + all their parents + teachers. I know I would've felt MUCH worse than Hestia did. Thankfully I didn't. I teetered my way across the stage, got my scroll and hurried back to my seat. I still cringe when I think about the experience too and let me tell you, I was so glad to be back in my seat, that way the dreaded heels came off!
Yes he is! I was debating using Remus instead but obviously I went for Sirius in the end. I think Hestia was trying a bit too hard too :P
Ugh, the kiss scene. I was worried about that, I'm not too big on romance but I'm glad you enjoyed it.
The last line.thank you! You've been too nice!
Whenever I'd like another review, I'll definitely swing by.
Thank you so much for your review!
This was a beautiful story! It had me captivated from the first sentence on. Your flow is amazing, the story itself is beautiful, and you're an amazing writer! The vocabulary, sentence structure, and grammar all are well done, and it doesn't seem rushed when I read this.
The characterization seems real, and the plot in general about Hestia/Sirius makes a lot of sense. It didn't seem abrupt, and your transitioning was very well done! I really, really enjoyed this story!
When Hestia fell on the floor, I felt sorry for her, and I immediately felt I could empathize with her. It was really nicely done. And, honestly, I can't find anything to smite you on! :) I enjoyed each and every word of it.
And the ending, that was incredibly well-written as well! I like how you ended it. It was a sweet story which had me smiling in the end. Great job! :)Author's Response: Aw, why thank you :) I was rather worried about the flow as well as the transitioning between present and the flashback.
Hestia shared my unease about my own graduation actually. I was afraid I'd fall over while teetering my way across the stage. So I felt for her too when she did; that's one of the worst things that could happen to anyone at one of those events.
I am particularly proud of this story. I consider it to be the first decent piece of romance out of the three I've written so far.
Thank you so much for your lovely review =] It means a lot to me.
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