This. Was not. Ron and Hermione. Was it? What?? Report Review
Well, this is emotional isn't it? I love how you described the feelings and setting, I really think it was well done(: Love it. Report Review
Wow... This. Was. Just. Fucking. Amazing.
Seriously. A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. Report Review
WOW! That is all I can say, other than the fact that I am shocked perhaps at the tragic nature of this piece, however more so the fact at the same time we are never told who these two are, yet at the same time we can easily gather it from the information you have provided. Although the story centers entirely around a couple having sex at the same time it is not graphic, but is strangely romantic despite the darkness behind it all and in the end it's almost so tragic I felt as though I would cry for the woman trapped beneath her dead lover, which is not the ending I was expecting.
Your writing really brought the story to life, the characters in particular although nameless each had a presence of their own in this dark little piece, I wish it were a little longer that is my only thought, perhaps as I thought the end came almost too quickly for them. Yet at the same time, the contrast between death and the unfinished at the end really added to the overall emotion of the story which in the end was extremely deep and the story lingers with you for a while after reading, the tragedy that the woman would lose her lover so soon staying with the reader long after the completion of the piece itself.
Well done on yet another brilliant piece and I look forward to reading more of your fics in the future!Author's Response: Wow is all I can say to such a great review! Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it. I know it was short, but I hoped that an awesome reader like you would be able to see the story I didn't write. I'm glad you could see the tragedy of this.
Oh, my goodness. It's SUCH a great compliment to hear that it was not graphic. I was terrified that the story would come off as distasteful because of the plot, but I'm so thankful it didn't come out that way.
Thank you so much! I really appreciate your review! Report Review
Wow, that was just amazing.
I'm practically crying; the thought of Hermione trapped beneath a dead Ron breaks my heart. Those two belong together, so one without the other is just an unbearable thought.
Great oneshot, the way your writing flows amazes me.
10/10Author's Response: Thank you! I'm so glad you like this one. It was a really artsy, experimental type of thing, but it makes me so happy to see that you like it =) I had the image of Hermione beneath Ron's dead body and I thought it would be a great idea for a one-shot, and I'm so glad you like it as well. Thanks so much for your review! ^-^ Report Review
Hey Illia! It's Broomsticks from the forums with your requested review. I'm really sorry for the massive wait, but I'm finally here to review your story!
I really liked the style in which it was written, the way it seems as though someone is telling a story. It is very poetic and fluid, I think the short length of the piece really adds to it. It's breif and dramatic and full of emotion ^_^
I loved how though it was about 'mature subjects' (teehee), the way in which you approached that was very subtle and sensitive. It focused less on the physical aspect and more on their emotions for each other, which made it seem more poetic :) I thought some of your descriptive phrases were really lovely. To name one: "Sweat droplets gleam on his forehead in the moonlight." I picked that one because it painted a very vivid picture in my mind :) The imagery and writing was really beautiful and you created a very strong scene.
I know this is AU and it is a story where you have to focus more on the skill of the writing and the idea than less on how accurate it is to canon. It's hard for me at first to believe that Hermione and Ron would have time for this moment, but then I vanquish canon from my head and it's a very beautiful story idea. I love how you mentioned they had spent years hesitating and now they had to be together for the moment which might be their last. I really like the idea and the emotion. I feel like Hermione and Ron wouldn't spend much of their teenage lives fighting against Voldemort and then decide at a crucial moment to go off into the grasses, however the way you write it explains their reasoning behind it and I think makes it more believable. I think you wrote this AU piece very well :)
The only part which I didn't believe was that the hooded figure spared her life. I just can't see a death eater having mercy. I know that the idea of the story is Hermione is left alone afterwards but I just think the reasoning 'out of pity' didn't seem to fit in with the rest of the story.
As you don't mention who is who, apart from mentioning background behind their relationship and that they bickered before (which was a lovely touch!), this piece is actually transferable from couple to couple.
I like how you gave a bit of background to them anyway without mentioning who they are.
It's very dark but the poetic quality makes it very beautiful :) It's romantic, but not in a fluffy way.
I don't think canon Hermione would do this, but the way you reason their haste and desperation to be together makes me think that maybe she would. I think for that reason the ship is very well written.
- Vivid parts/Favourite parts
Oooh the ending! I love that contrast of a deed left unfinished, and then the victory of the battle and the difference between Hermione and the cheering crowds. Very vivid and a powerful ending!
I didn't notice anything, seemed pretty tight to me ;)
Overall, I think this was very well written and you captured a lot of emotion in a very short one-shot which is something you should be proud of! The only thing I question is the death eater leaving her out of pity, otherwise I think this is a really lovely piece.
Hope this review was useful :) Thank you for requesting and for writing. ^_^Author's Response: Wow, thanks so much for such an in-depth review!
I was really feeling artsy when I wrote this piece, and it's good to know that it translated nicely to the reader. =) I'm glad you liked the way I wrote this! It was rather liberating, actually.
I see exactly what you mean. It's not very realistic for a Death Eater to show pity. Thanks for pointing that out! You've given me an idea for how to change and fix it. Thanks!
Thank you so much! This review was very helpful ^-^ Report Review
That's really the only word I can think of to describe this story. Just... wow. It's a story centered mainly around sex, but you haven't made it really graphic, which is lovely, because I think it would be awkward if it had been more graphic, not to mention against the ToS... You know what, I'm just going to stop there.
I do have one question. Was this their first time? It's not really important, but you kind of hinted it as both ways, and I'd just like to know. (:
I like the contrast, of the 'victors' and the 'woman'. I assume this is Ron and Hermione, though I only know because of the banner and the line about them fighting when they were young.
I like that this is translatable across pairings, though. It's kind of a 'love is universal' thing, and I like that you had them have their moment even in the midst of death.
The ending made me want to cry, and that's all I'll say on THAT subject. Though I do want to know where it goes from here... I suspect you've left that open-ended on purpose, however. ;P
Another great story. (: It's not my favorite by you, but it was certainly enjoyable to read and fantastically written. (:
-JasmineAuthor's Response: Look at you, surprising me with these awesome reviews!
This piece is definitely an art piece for me. It's an experimentation. I had never written Ron/Hermione before, and I wanted to try it out in a different environment.
It was their first time. Their first and only =P
Yes! Love is universal. That's exactly what I was trying to get it. Thank you so much for picking up on that ^-^
Thanks so much! Your reviews are making me so happy ^-^ Report Review
that was very good, very well written.Author's Response: Thank you! ^-^ Report Review
Hi there, schoenemaedchen here from the boards for another review :)
So, you almost fooled me with your story description as being drama and romance.I definitely think you need to add "dark" to this, because its extremely dark! It's just, I was expecting something totally different when I started reading and I think it can be a bit misleading.
That point aside, I think the structure of the story is concise and fluid, which is very important because it isn't very long. I think, if I can summarize this way, it's short yet sweet.
The descriptions/poetry/imagery were well done and created a good image for the reader.
The only thing I question is your referral to " a child was not their intention". At first, I didn't think about it, because we know R & H have kids, but then I remembered this is AU and you really don't mention the kids anywhere else in the story. So I was wondering, are you trying to say H gets pregnant or that they were already pregnant...or perhaps even that they already have a child...or maybe even that this is an act of love in haste and not an act of child production... I could interpret all of these possibilities. If you're trying to say that she will be with child after the act, I might mention it somewhere subtly in the end, because this bit confused me somewhat and doesn't entirely seem relevant to the rest of the story.
Another spot where I would look at editing something stylistically at the beginning. I was confused reading this line:
"while good battles evil and evil puts up a strong resistance"
At first I had to read it twice because I read good as an adjective here and not as a personified concept. Here you could easily capitalize Good and Evil as entities. Good, when standing alone, is really only an adjectives and adjectives usually don't battle things :-P So, here a stylistic capitalization would really help and I think look really cool. You already kind of do it later with the word "Unforgivable".
Aside from the points I mentioned, I found the story interesting and intriguing to read. I liked it for what it was. Usually I'm not into this genre so much, but I think for such a dark scene, it was well written and a good one-shot.
Hope I've given you some helpful insight!
-schoenemaedchenAuthor's Response: Thank you! That's a very good point. I didn't think of possibly giving readers a false idea of this story... I'll definitely add a Dark genre to it. Thanks!
It's such a nice compliment that you added 'poetry' in there. I really appreciate it. The point of this story was that it was supposed to be like a poem. Thanks for picking up on that =)
By that line, I meant - just as you said - it was an act of love in haste and not an act of child production. Sorry that wasn't clear.
That's a good point about that line. I didn't consider that. I'll change it to eliminate confusion. Thanks for pointing that out =)
Thank you so much! I really appreciate your review =) Report Review
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