Reading Reviews for Breathe
  
18 Reviews Found

Review #1, by slytherangoddess Never a clean break

18th April 2012:
wow... that was really good! definitely had my hear wrenched throughout the whole thing. The emotions of Ginny were so easy to relate to it kept me reading completely through. Great job!

~SLy

Author's Response: Thanks for reading :D I very much appreciate hearing your thoughts.

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Review #2, by Person Never a clean break

10th September 2011:
Aw! You really did a good job with this, one tiny big thing though, Ginny would never break up with Harry, she loved him sense she was little. Read book 6 if you want proof!7/10

Author's Response: Thanks for reading.

This is a songfic, meaning that I had to kind of bend the characters around the song lyrics, and this song doesn't end happily.

However, I have to disagree with you on the fact that Ginny would /never/ break up with Harry. Yes, she loved him, a lot. However, I don't think she's the type to stick around forever in an unhealthy relationship. And the one in this story is pretty unhealthy.

That being said, it's a fanfic and is a bit out of canon, but I like to believe that this is the wake up call that Harry needed, and he is able to pull himself together in time to win Ginny back.

Anyway, thanks again for reading and for leaving a review.


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Review #3, by Levana Never a clean break

3rd July 2011:
Wow that is amazing! 10/10

Author's Response: Thanks for checking this story out :) So glad you liked it!

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Review #4, by Storyteller Never a clean break

10th February 2011:
Wowzer. Love the song, love the singer.

Love the fic, and adding it to favorites

Author's Response: Taylor Swift is really growing on me. Her songs are just so easy to write songfics to because they already tell a story. Thanks so much for reading, reviewing, and for the favorites add! And, as a shameless plug, I've written another Taylor Swift songfic to 'Love Story' if you want to check that one out too. :)

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Review #5, by spencefa Never a clean break

25th December 2010:
that was also very good.

Author's Response: Thank you for all of your reviews :) I'm glad you enjoyed my stories!

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Review #6, by massieblockrox Never a clean break

28th November 2010:
Great job! I really liked how Ginny was mad about how Harry had been out of touch with her when he was hunting horcruxes. It was sad, though, but I guess thats the point. The letter at the end almost made me cry!

10/10!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! Yeah, this story is a bit on the sad side, I'm glad that things worked out much better for Ginny and Harry in canon than they do in this story. They've definitely got some problems they need to work out. Thanks again for your review!

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Review #7, by saraie12 Never a clean break

28th November 2010:
I LOVED this-- finding a good Harry/Ginny fic is a hard thing to do, and this didn't disappoint. Have your heard her new song Haunted? When I heard it, I IMMEDIATELY thought of them, either at the funeral or on his birthday. Well, I gues any Taylor Swift song could go, since they're all awesome. Great story, I loved it so much!!

Author's Response: Thanks for reading! I'm so glad you enjoyed it. I actually wrote this for a challenge, and it was my first attempt at a songfic. I wasn't really a big Taylor Swift fan, but her songs lend themselves so well to fanfiction since they all tell stories. I've kind of fallen in love with her music a bit. Pretty much every song of hers immediately makes a fanfic pop into my head :P I've actually got a Ron/Hermione story up that's a songfic to 'Love Story' if you're interested.

I actually hadn't heard 'Haunted' but I went and found it. It could make a good Harry/Ginny piece. To me, it sounded kind of post-war...like Ginny had already lost him once and thought she had him back, but now is losing him again, but I think you could make it work at the funeral or his birthday too...especially his birthday, I think. You should run with that, see what you come up with. Let me know!


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Review #8, by Pacific Wizard Never a clean break

19th October 2010:
Oh my. Your story broke my heart and that's the reason it was so good. Won't say anything more than you accomplished what you set out to do in this fanfic. You are gifted. Well done. PW

Author's Response: It broke my heart a little to write this, actually. However, I like to pretend that Ginny leaving sparked Harry to break out of his funk and he pulled his act together, then, a couple years down the road, once they both had some time, they got back together. :) It makes me feel better to think that there is still hope for them.

I really appreciate your review! Thanks for reading!


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Review #9, by TheOne Never a clean break

26th September 2010:
Oh this is sooo beautiful! You are an excellent describer, this whole fic was playing like a movie in my head... no it was playing in my head as though I was living it... i was holding back tears at the end! You should put a kleenex warning on this! It flowed well with the song and the "I'm Sorry" at the end is very very effective for this fic. Thanks so much for linking this to me! I did enjoy it very much. Keep on writing!

Author's Response: Thank you for the review! I'm really glad that the fic seemed realistic and descriptive. I appreciate your feedback :)

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Review #10, by Salogel Never a clean break

15th August 2010:
Wonderfully written! I love this song, and I love this story. Great job!

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing.

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Review #11, by maskedmuggle Never a clean break

7th August 2010:
Wow. This is such an amazing songfic!
I really really enjoyed reading this.
The lyrics go in so well with the story, and the whole thing is just really well written!
Amazing job!

Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing! I appreciate your kind comments. I'm glad you enjoyed it :)

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Review #12, by MidnightBlue_x Never a clean break

7th August 2010:
Hey, This is ElysiumJayne from over at the forums. I'd like to thank you for entering my challenge in the first place. This amazing is just...wow. I really love well...everything about it. Especially how you've fitted the lyrics in. So once again thanks for entering. Can't wait to see more from you in the future.

x Ely

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm so glad you enjoyed it and thought that the story matched the lyrics well. I enjoyed your challenge! I'm not sure I ever would have ventured into the territory of songfics without it :)

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Review #13, by Arithmancy_Wiz Never a clean break

30th July 2010:
Hello, singy. I'm here to fill your review request. Before I launch in, I just wanted to remind you, like I said in the review thread, I'm providing mainly critique here, so fair warning.

Overall, I thought this was actually very well structured. I'm not a big fan of one-shots or song-fics but you crafted this piece nicely to fit both genres. Either you're a good planer or have a natural talent for laying out your stories. It's broken up nicely, has a good mix of dialogue, monologue and action, and good bones like sentence length variation and good word selection.

My main critique on this would be the on the characterization/plot. I'll start by saying I don't think either were bad. Not at all. I just didn't feel like they were as strong as they could have been. And I lump them together here because I think they are too intertwined in this piece to really tease apart.

For me, it felt a lot like this could have been any couple breaking up. There are parts that are obviously uniquely Harry/Ginny ("I waited five years for you to realize that maybe I could be more than your best friend's little sister. Then I waited while you sought out the horcruxes..."). But aside from that, it feels like it could have been Ron/Hermione breaking up, or any other couple. Other than "not being ready" there wasn't a lot of information on why Ginny had to leave that night, that moment. What was the final straw? What made this break-up all about Harry and her? For example, you say toward the end she's "loosing herself." Perhaps you could have built on that. Did she turn down a great quidditch coaching job because Harry needed her at home? Did Harry turn first to Hermione instead of her for comfort when he got bad news? What would finally scare or chase away Ginny - a very strong person - from someone she's loved for so long?

I'm just picking examples here. Clearly, it's up to how you see Ginny and Harry as characters and as a couple. And I'm not suggestion this piece needs a great deal of exposition or relationship analysis. I just think this would have been a bit richer if you went beyond the surface of a "break-up is really hard" and showed the reader how it could have turned out for these two people specifically. You already included a flash back. A few lines there that showed the reader just what was really going on that night could have gone along way to showing why Ginny - normally strong willed and determined - was so broken down, and why Harry - a person who is brave and sacrificial - could have allowed himself to fall apart and bring Ginny down with him.

Thank you very much for sharing your story with me and volunteering for my new reviewing experiment. I'd certainly be happy to review another piece sometime if I haven't completely run you off. Happy writing!

Author's Response: I'm pretty sure that no one has ever called me Singy before :P Meh, whatever works.

Thanks for the compliments on the structure. I had never written a songfic before, so I wasn't really sure if it was working well.

I think part of me really wanted to write kind of a generic break-up story. Kind of a, 'yes, he's 'The Chosen One' and she's a professional Quidditch player, but they're still normal people have have to deal with normal life occurrences, such as having their hearts broken.

And, honestly, the way I saw it was that there wasn't really a major event that triggered the breakup. It was more that Ginny just realized one day that this was her life, and it wasn't at all what she wanted it to be. I'll definitely work at giving their relationship a bit more depth, though.

Once the queue is back up, I'll be working on that, as well as trying to make Ginny's character a bit stronger and less weepy.

You have a point about Harry. I'll see if I can do something to address that.

Thanks for your review! It was really helpful to hear so much constructive criticism.


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Review #14, by hp481516 Never a clean break

29th July 2010:
That was so beautiful, sad, and amazing! I love this song so I decided to listen to it while reading this and it made it more sad. I loved this song fic! Awesome job! :)

Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing! I'm really glad you enjoyed my story :)

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Review #15, by You Know Who Never a clean break

29th July 2010:
I don't usually go for these sort of stories, but you did a great job with balancing the angst. Here's a quote for some other story idea; 'Tis now the very witching time of night,
When churchyards yawn and hell itself breathes out
Contagion to this world."
William Shakespeare

Author's Response: Thanks again for your review :) Glad you enjoyed the story and didn't think it was too angsty. That's a pretty great quote. We'll see what happens.

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Review #16, by EmmaRose58 Never a clean break

29th July 2010:
Very nice. Song-fics are incredibly hard to write so good job on that one :) I've always loved Harry and Ginny together but as you pointed out in the story, it would take awhile for things to be back to normal after the war, and this kind of just defines one of the things that could happen to keep them apart. I mean obviously, they can't just be all happy go lucky afterwards. Breathe is one of my favorite songs ever :) and I listened to it while I was reading the story so that definitly added a better tone for me. Anyway, good story! :)

Author's Response: Thanks for your review! This is the first songfic I've ever written, so I appreciate your comments. I'd actually never heard the song 'Breathe' before I entered this challenge, but it's really pretty...sad though. Harry and Ginny are one of my favorite couples, but I sometimes think that things just moved too quickly for the two of them. Thanks again for reading and reviewing!

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Review #17, by schoenemaedchen Never a clean break

23rd July 2010:
Hi there, schoenemaedchen here for a review.

So I'm a bit surprised...but I really, really enjoyed this! I say this, because I'm usually a huge canon fan, but somehow I like this alternate reality. I find it to be a very probable even (dare I say it) somewhat better reality.

You basically cover, in a nutshell, what I think is the main problem with Harry and Ginny's ship in the book. I actually was a little...I dunno what the right word is, but surprised somewhat that JKR put the two together. I never thought they quite fit. I always thought that they had more of a brother-sister kind of relationship. I didn't like that Ginny spent all that time "waiting" around for Harry, and that all those "fateful moments" from their childhood (the rescues and special moments) ended up being the reason for bonding them.

But I digress...as I'm getting a little wordy here. I really, really liked how you portrayed the break up here. The song works well, and I like how you've split it up between the verses yet have been able to keep the flow going, kudos.

The writing is great, you were able to really grab my interest for all parts and not once was I distracted by any details.

If I was allowed to be picky, you do like to begin a lot of your sentences with conjunctions (And, But)...which is technically an English no-no. However, I think stylistically it can be done from time to time...just don't over abuse it. Remember to always ask yourself if the conjunction would fulfill its original purpose better (as a connector).

There was also a part where you start the sentence three times in a row with "She". Again, it can be a style thing, but changing it up is very important too. I want to bring it to your attention, but don't let it overwhelm your personal writing style (which I really, really enjoyed in this story!!)

Also, you didn't capitalize your chapter :) You have "Breathe: Never a clean break"...Always capitalize chapters (So...Breathe: Never a Clean Break). This is a good life lesson that I like to share, because my boss at work chewed out another translator I worked with for not doing it.

Thanks for the truly enjoyable read! 9/10 :)

-schoenemaedchen

Author's Response: Wow, thanks. That was extremely helpful. I'm pretty much a stickler for canon myself, but you definitely have a point about Harry/Ginny. I love them as a couple, but think there would really have to be some changes in order for them to work long term. At some point, their relationship has to be on another level. Maybe this story isn't so AU...maybe it's just a wake-up call? Or maybe that's wishful thinking :P

You are definitely allowed to be picky :) I appreciate that. I do have a tendency to write in a lot of short, choppy, sentences. One of my betas would hound me (in the nicest possible way) about that in another story. I've got a beta lined up for this one, so hopefully that will be helpful. It definitely is my style of writing, but I also definitely overuse it. I'll go back through and look at that, plus correct the chapter title :P

Thanks again for leaving such a wonderful and thorough review. I appreciate it immensely, and will probably be stalking your review board :P


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Review #18, by Sarah Never a clean break

21st July 2010:
This was really pretty!! Dark, but beautifully written. It's a perfect song for it, and I think you got their characters right. It just makes me sad that you don't have them together again, but it wouldn't fit the song. Again, beautiful job! 10/10!

Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing! I've never written a songfic before and I was kind of concerned about it, so thanks for your kind words. I'm really glad that you think I got the characters right. I'm a bit unsure of my characterization of Ginny, so it's nice to hear that you think she's true to character.

I like to write things that are canon compliant, so maybe this is the wake-up call Harry needs, and he and Ginny can still end up together. ;) Thanks again for reading and reviewing!


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