Oh that was a really nice one shot
It's funny to think that percy marries someone he met on Facebook Report Review
OH, that was adorable! I loved it! I have a rather soft spot in my heart for Percy, and the idea of him sitting there, trying to figure out how to "double-click" was so funny! I also loved the way you brought Audrey into it. (I've always kinda thought she might be a Muggle as well.)
Isn't it funny how some things just become part of our lives, and vocabulary. As I was reading this it occured to me how strange it could all be to someone who doesn't know about it. Sites, and pages, and "go to" a page. How do you "go" to a page, and shouldn't a page be paper? LOL. You did a really good job showing that!
Thanks for the fun read!Author's Response: Thank you, I'm glad you think so! :) It was quite funny to write as well, a Pureblood trying to figure out Muggle technology. That's great to hear, I couldn't resist doing that ;)
That's funny indeed... you're right, it's so normal for us to just go to a page, it's almost unthinkable that there would be people who have no idea how to do so. That made the writing process very interesting as well ;) Thanks, that's good to hear! I'm glad you liked it!
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I Like the idea of percy struggling with the internet. Reminded me of me when I first sat out to surf the net (though I did expect him to disconnect himself a few times). I of course am much better now (wouldn't be here other wise). Funny, couldn't help laughing a few times at Pecy's antics. Give us a few more stories like this. 10/10Author's Response: Thanks :) I'm glad you liked that idea! It was too good to pass up. That's a very good point you make there... but well, he was in an internet cafe so the internet's all around, no? :P Haha, that's good to hear - it was supposed to be comical!
I'll definitely try my best!
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ahaa, that was real good. It made me laugh :) And i think it's great that you made Audrey a muggle. Gives a little twist to the storyline. D'you want to read my first fanfiction? It's called the Untold Story of Chloe Bonaccord. A Sirius/OC. R and R :) xxxAuthor's Response: Thank you :) I'm glad it made you laugh, and that you liked that little twist :)
Just a heads up - you're not allowed to ask for reviews in a review (and I mean really; if the staff finds out, you can have your warn level raised and eventually get banned). Just so you know :) I don't know if you're on the forums, but if you want people to review your stories, you can post in topics in the reviews offered/wanted section there ;)
Anyway, thank you for your review :) Report Review
This was such an awesome story and great idea! I loved it. It wasn't really funny, yet I found myself laughing anyway!Author's Response: Thanks, that's good to hear! And I'm glad you loved it :D Haha, that's a great thing about Percy - he can be so dry at times that it becomes funny anyway (at least in my experience).
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What an interesting way for Percy to meet Audrey! I love this pairing, just wish you could write more in this one! :)Author's Response: Thank you, I'm very glad you think so! I have to admit, I haven't read a lot of stories about this pairing, but there's so much room for interpretation ;) I'm sorry about that, but I'm glad you liked it anyway :)
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(Prize review #3)
Wow, what an interesting story! And ironically, I read it while talking to a person I've never actually met before on facebook... xD
Anyways, this is a very well-written story, with many humorous parts (like trying to see the resemblance between a computer mouse and Scabbers). I thoroughly enjoyed myself when reading Percy's little online "romance" and I'm more than glad for him to have met a Muggle Audrey. We don't hear of an Audrey in the books, do we?
Good job characterizing Percy. It sounds just like him to think of himself as the important one when he gets the job of looking at Facebook... xD And the idea of him meeting his future wife through "his very important, Ministry-appointed job" is just brilliant!
Thanks for the great read!
~ AdrielneAuthor's Response: Thank you, that's great to hear! Haha, that's pretty ironic indeed!
Oh, thanks! I'm glad you thought this was well-written! No, we don't hear of an Audrey in the books, and I thought it would be funny to make her a Muggle - imagine Arthur's reaction! It's good to hear you enjoyed yourself while reading this :)
I'm glad you liked Percy's characterisation :D And you may be very right there - the cauldron bottom report was oh so important as well, wasn't it? And thanks!
I'm very glad you liked it, thanks a lot for your review! Report Review
Loved your story!
It was great!
I loved how you incorporated facebook into it, and in such a way that it was very interesting!
And i LOVEED YOUR LAST LINE!
Audrey.. great ending :)
great story!Author's Response: Thanks, I'm glad you think so!
It was lots of fun to try to incorporate facebook in this, since that's not really the first thing you think about when thinking about the wizarding world ;)
Haha, that's great to hear! I'm glad you liked the ending!
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Great ending :) I was kinda expecting the Audrey part but it wasn't that obvious at all! And how stupid Ron is oÔAuthor's Response: Thank you! I'm glad that wasn't all too obvious, that's good to hear. Yes, Ron wasn't having such a great day, I guess ;)
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Hello, schoenemaedchen here from the boards.
Well, first, I have to commend you for taking on this challenge. I couldn't have written it. Though I must give it to foundriapenguin, she had a pretty great idea. (She Betas for me, so I'm also quite partial!)
But on to your story. I think Percy is the perfect person to throw in a situation like this. It almost actually fits, canon wise, with his post ministry job. I also think Percy is insanely fun to write and putting him in a Muggle intense situation is just a golden opportunity to write about.
The general style and concept of the story is also completely awesome. I was not even initially thinking about the connection that it could have with Audrey, you did that so cleverly! The development of the story was great.
I did think the flow had some bumps in the road in one or two spots. I think this is mostly due to the fact that you're describing how to use a computer, which is really something that most everyone can do, but technical instructions are actually one of the most difficult things to write. So trying to explain what Percy is doing is easier saidthan actually done. So sometimes I thought the directions were a bit choppy.
The best example I can think of to explain what I mean is where you mention the email addresses. I mean, I understand why its relevant that he knows that for this story, but I thought it slowed the flow down , and while your story is more about social networking than computers in general, you could almost do without it. Just what I think though. :) You must decide!
I was also confused on the paragraph about the ministry's own internet page. I wasn't exactly sure what you were talking about or what its relevance to the story was.
Other than that, though, I really loved the facebook chatting that occurred. The way you did it, you do have to focus on reading...it's a bit disorienting, but I actually like it that way! That's entirely how facebook would be to someone using it the first time. I'm thinking of the first time my parents used facebook...oh goodness! So great job on that.
So, there was one other small thing and then I'm done. :) You switch back and forth from dialogue to inner-head monologues, to descriptions, and sometimes things seem to get a little wordy here and there. I found one sentence in particular: "She, for it was a young woman of about his age, had sent him a personal message (for which Percy was quite grateful, because, if his thinking process was correct (which it usually was), Ron wouldn’t be able to see this, and therefore, he would not be able to tease him about it), asking him why he had added her."
It's a really great sentence, but it overloaded me and is approaching run-on status. Just watch out for those, maybe one quick read through again, or even a quick Beta for the story.
Other than that, what a great contribution to the challenge. I really, again, loved how you incorporated Audrey in! I don't even think you need to have that Author's Note at the end of the story referring to Audrey, be proud of this achievement, don't feel you need to defend it. For all we know you've just discovered how Percy and Audrey met ;)
Thanks for sending this story along for review.
Hope I could give you some insight!
-schoenemaedchenAuthor's Response: Hi! Thanks for the very long and detailed review!
Thank you, I wasn't so sure myself if I could do it, but then this idea popped into my head and it was lots of fun to write!
Percy was great to work with indeed; I wanted to write about him but I didn't know what, so it was quite a coincidence that I had to write him for this challenge :) And I figured that Percy would return to the Ministry once the war was over ;)
Thanks, I'm glad you liked the style and the concept, and I was already hoping that people wouldn't be bothered too much by the fact that I kept writing 'the girl' instead of just saying her name.
Yeah, I'm not too much of a computer wiz myself, but it seemed odd to have Percy already know how to use a computer or to just skip that part, so I felt like I had to write about that for a few paragraphs. I hope it didn't mess up the flow completely. The same was actually the case with the email addresses; I almost forgot about them, but then I remembered that facebook asks for an email address, so Percy had to have one to keep it realistic. It would've taken much too long if he would've had to create his own email account (and that would've slowed it all down even more), so that's why I incorporated the ministry's internet page. If someone had already made him an email account there, he wouldn't have to do it himself. I'll see if I can make that a little clearer when I edit the story :)
I'm also glad you liked the facebook chatting; I got my own account 2 months ago (yes, I'm a little behind) and I'm still figuring it out :P
Ah, yes, that sentence. I see what you mean. For some reason, half my stories have a sentence like that, going on and on without a break. I'll chop it up when I'm editing this, thanks for pointing it out.
Again, thank you! Haha, yes, who knows. Who would ever have expected that from Percy... ;)
Thanks for the great, long and insightful review! Report Review
Hahaha, I can totally imagine Percy trying to use the internet. So funny! Good job!~JaymeeAuthor's Response: Thanks a lot! I'm glad you liked it :)
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