I quite agree with you- this is fantastic. Honestly, I've never read a better take on Snape's feelings for Lily. They weren't light and happy and fairy-tale-ish. They were dark and deep and sometimes evil. But they were still love.
Fantastic chapter! I loved how you connected the two chapters with the mention of the Swelling Bludger.
classicblack Report Review
Awww I liked this. It was quite adorable and I liked that it took until the end of seventh year for Lily to finally start seeing James in a different light.
How interesting... Hufflepuff won the Quidditch Final...
Loved the chapter! It was really quite adorable (I think I already said that) and fantastic. Not too mushy, which was nice.
classicblack Report Review
Ooh, what a wonderful idea. Linking the love which James and Snape bear towards Lily to the song, Heaven's Light/Hellfire (which is from the Hunchback of Notre dame, right?). It's so clever. It fits the characters, and their relationships so well.
I have never read a story in which it deals with both James and Snape, and is not some washed up love triangle. This actually explores the feelings that they have, without making it a sort of drama in which Lily is some flaky, femme fatal who knowingly plays with their hearts whilst they continually fawn over her. This makes it so much more real, so much more deeper than that. This has a depth that is not easily found. And that you, and I quote, are 'on the fence' is absolutely ridiculous. This is unique, wonderfully written and in my eyes, completely brilliant.
I adore the way that you have written James and Lily into it; her showing a different side of herself and him letting down his guard so in turn, he too reveals a side of him she might not otherwise see. A more vulnerable side, one that is past his usual facade of arrogance and mischief. And the part in which he saw his reflection, and thought it to be a ridiculous joke by her, made me smile. Of course the ending made my poor little shipper heart explode. His description of how her touch affected him, and the sweetness in which she said good night. I am such a sucker for good Lily/James moments.
I've literally just finished the second chapter, and oh my god, it is brilliant. You have written Snape just as well as you have written James, which is rare. It really is. You capture the mind of Snape's longing and add an eerily touch to his hopeless desires. The paragraph, 'It was a traditional fairytale that she wanted, not the Greek tragedy he offered. Even so, she was still his siren, her song echoing within the darkest corners of his mind, lapping his spirit in a fatal lethargy. He would have heeded her call, if only she allowed him to.' is just pure brilliance. I know that I repeat that word a lot (brilliant, brilliance...) - but that doesn't make it any less true. I reckon it makes it even more so, haha.
I'd best stop now. I always go overboard on my reviews, which always casts the impression that I am complete mad and ramble, or am lying, or taking the piss. It's ridiculous because, perhaps besides the first one, it's not true. I know I ramble, but I ramble the truth and I like people to know that what they've written is good, even if it is long-winded and, like I said, a pointless ramble-fest. Just - don't be doubtful about this. It's excellently written, a unique idea and from what I can see - completely without mistakes/grammatical errors.
Allie x.Author's Response: Oh wow, my immense apologies for not responding earlier to this. I was just so overwhelmed by such an awesome review! Don't worry, rambling reviews are the best kind ;) (to me anyway.) Yup, the songs are from the Hunchback of Notre Dam, one of my favourite movies. When I heard it a year or so back, I knew I had to write James/Lily/Snape based on the song, it's like it was written for them hehe.
I definitely wanted to explore the deeper dynamics with the overlapping relationships, there's alot of material to work with. The best friend who's in love with you turned enemy, the enemy who turns into your boyfriend and eventual husband. JKR has got some wicked sense of drama hehe.
James and Lily constantly bickering then BAM! falling in love, while dramatic, struck me as very tiresome and tedious. I wanted to try a softer, more subtle approach to the relationship. Their one-shot was meant to capture a seemingly quiet moment but one filled with little threads that will eventually form into love. Hehe, thanks for the ego boost :p. I was on the fence because I was aiming for Heaven's Light's writing style to be similar to Hellfire, a poetic narrative or monologue or something rather than what it eventually turned into, a regular-styled story. It has grown on me over time and it does have the right amount of fluff, humour, romance and angst I was hoping to achieve. But I am beyond relieved and happy you enjoyed it so much. Hahaha! The mirror revelation was one of my favourite parts to write. It was so vivid in my mind, I almost half-hope/wish it were canon. You'd have to have a heart of stone not to love James&Lily moments, hehe.
Really? That's so kind of you to say. They are such polar opposites, James and Snape, and yet they still somehow managed to fall for the same girl. Thank you so much for saying I've written both of them well. I actually really loved writing Snape's part, suprisingly enough, though I didn't managed to go as dark as I would have liked to. I wanted to go all-out dark lustful villian mode and it somehow came out slightly sympathetic. Aaah, it's like you're using Legilimency on me or something. That's my absolute favourite part of Snape's story.
Nah, I love this review to bits! Once again, I apologize for my lateness and for not doing this brilliant (:P) review justice. Thank you so much for your praise, it means so much to me!
~Misty Report Review
This is awesome! I love the part where James in the 1st chapter freaks about his reflectioon. In this chapter I love it when you find out Snape sabotaged the bludgers not like Mulciber or what ever that other persons name is.Author's Response: Hehehe, thanks so much! I'm glad you enjoyed the little twist. One of my reviewers suggested I find a way to tie the two chapters together and I felt this was the best way for me to do so. Report Review
I loved this
I once wrote a song fic with Hellfire from Disne using Snape's anger and frustration, it seemes to fit so well doesn't it
Ohhh I really wish you wrote a sequel
I loved thisAuthor's Response: What a coincidence ^_^. It's like the song was written specially for him, I honest believe that hehehe. That's really sweet of you to say that but I don't think a sequel would be too plausible. Then again, never say never...
Thank you for the review! Report Review
-glomps- -glomps- glomps-
I misssed your writing and I squealed when I randomly clicked over to your paged to find out that you had completed this because James' part had been so sweet so I was intrigued to find out Snapes' view.
I feel so bad for Severus. And his thoughts were so spot-on in my mind. I feel like the short nature of each thought and the brash, hurt nature that seems to lash out would be perfect for him. If they had been long eloquent sentences, then I would have been confused. I think your style was spot-on!
Common. Vulgar. Weak. Licentious. Man, what powerful words and repeating them twice was just genius, Mist! I think you did an incredible job giving us some real insight in his mind and his perspective.
I think Snape was definitely warped but at the same time, I feel like it is totally justified considering how he was treated by the Maraduers and how he felt his relationship with Lily went. I think you created a beautiful balance by creating a believable Snape that isn't too whiny nor so cold-hearted you don't feel any sympathy for him.
I LOVED IT MISTY! And I can't believable that you wrote that in only two hours! Complete insanity. You are incredibly talented my love and I have no reccomendations for improvement. I would be very proud of this.
LindsAuthor's Response: LINDSEY!
My apologies for this late response. I've been absolutely buried in RL but as always, your review brings a big smile to my face. Forgive me for the AWOLness and for this sad excuse for a response.
Hehehe, you're just saying that because of what I said in your 'cosmos' review ^_^. But thank you so much for saying that nevertheless, it means more than I can convey. I tried not to overthink this too much. The thoughts just flowed out on to the keyboard and I'm so happy it translated well.
Hehehe, I'm afraid I can't entirely claim those words. They're from the song 'Hellfire' in the Hunchback of Notre Dam. Now that you pointed it out, they do fit the Marauders quite well eh?
Common: Remus (being poor)
Vulgar: James but could fit Sirius as well.
Weak: Peter (for obvious reasons)
Licentious: Sirius but could fit James as well.
It's interesting that you could still emphasize with him. I was aiming for a totally unsympathetic, twisted Snape but I guess you can't really help feeling for him, as you mentioned. He really is quite the anti-hero.
THANK YOU LINDSEY! I won't repeat myself, as have in so many of my other review response to you, that what you have to say about my writing means so much to me. Gah, that was a moment of craziness. I was lying in bed and suddenly this surge of inspiration hit me and I HAD to get it down, sleep be damned xD. You really are the loveliest of the lovely and no, that pun will never wear out its welcome, just like you love.
Love you too!
~Misty Report Review
Her head looks rather uncomfortably slumped on the headrest of the chair while her body is in the foetal position, an obvious effort to get as comfortable as she could.---Fetal position lovebug ;).
MISTY! *tackle hugs* Oh darling how I've missed YOU! And I was entirely too thrilled to scamper over to your page to read something new of yours! You know how much I like new stuff--and your stories are like new shiny toys to admire and play with (in my mind of course).
You never fail to write convincing characters. That is no less true in this story, my love. Your Lily is breathtaking; the entirety of her subtle but true nature really gives me goosebumps. You did a really honor to her and did not create any illusions or false truths about her; well done.
James is a chap worth being friends with. His endearingly amazing and shocked nature in this is too cute. You did not get too cliched with this or go too out of the box. You walked the straight line of pure brilliance :)
The sprinkled mentioning of Padfoot was really fantastic because second to James' great love of Lily that we all know about, I always knew that Sirius and James had a touching bromance. Their friendship ran deeper than most authors are willing to include and you implied the nature of it without a single piece of dialogue from Sirius--genius!
The exploding bedpans was the perfect touch; a giggle with a cute sigh afterwards to an overall heartwarming part one. You certainly achieved some fluff heaven here, Mist. You are loved and missed!
LindseyAuthor's Response: Will fix that soon, thanks dear :).
LINDSEY! *gets tackled but doesn't mind one bit* I miss you too! Hope you're well ;). Aaaw, a flattering metaphor if I've ever heard one. It's entirely my pleasure to churn out as much material for all to (hopefully) enjoy. Then again, I could say the same about your stories ;).
Eeep, really!? To be honest, I struggled quite a bit when I first started writing it but once I got in the groove, it was a lot of fun to write, especially their chemistry. Oh, and Jame's misery xD. I'm so sadistic haha! I think I put a little bit more effort with Lily because I always felt her character comes across as a bit too idealised in a lot of fanfiction. So I tried to keep her canon by remembering two traits of hers: her kindness (as said by everyone who knew her) and wit (from Slughorn). Bromance! Hahahaha! I never thought of it that way but you're absolutely right! Theirs is legendary, second only to Harry & Ron ;).
I can't help it, I always get the biggest grin when I read your reviews =D. They never fail in brightening up my week! As are you, me amore. Thank you so much for another spectacular review.
Hugs & Love,
Misty Report Review
Here from the forums to review :)
First of all, I really liked the plot of this! The bludgers with the swelling solution was a good idea and James saving that girl shows a different side to him than what Lily might expect. And the idea for your whole story, Heaven's Light and Hellfire, two different sides, is very clever. I liked this chapter, it definitely fit in with the Heaven's Light theme. I'd be interested to read the next chapter, so I hope you're writing it.
The first thing that struck me when I read your piece was your way of writing in present tense. And one of the first sentences, "Alright, bad idea. Note to self, donít move unless you want an excruciating pain to course through your entire body." was a bit confusing, because you've written it in third person, but that line seems remarkably first person-ish - (Note to self). Maybe you could change it to something like, "A note to remember, don't move.." Also, you don't really need an 'an' before the excruciating pain. Just, "want excruciating pain" would make more sense. So, about the writing style, it works well. At the beginning I was trying to figure it out, but as it went on, I got into it.
The dialogue is great. You got across a sense of their relationship without them arguing. I liked their conversation. You kept both of their characters real while writing dialogue that I can believe they would've said. So your characterisation was great. Lily got to see a different side of James, so you explained why she could be there. And mentioning Lily's boyfriend and his reaction to James is another plus. The story definitely flowed, I didn't find any disruptions.
Spelling/grammar/punctuation is perfect really. Couldn't find any mistakes at all!
Overall, a clever idea for a two-shot, to show two contrasting themes, ideas. I'm not sure whether the second chapter will be a continuation of this story, or a completely different one? Your summary suggests a completely different one, with Snape I think. It's just my opinion but I think it would be cool if you could find some way to link the two chapters together. Well, I enjoyed reading that, and I liked it! This review is long, but I hope it helped in some way or another!
- maskedmuggle / Charlotte :)Author's Response: Hiya! :)
Sorry it's taken me awhile to respond, I wanted to wait til the queue opened so that I could edit the story, which I have you to thank. A few other reviewers have also commented on that sentence and I always promised that I would edit it but I never got around to it because truthly, I was stuck on how to fix it. So your suggestion was incredibly helpful, thank you so much for that! :D
I didn't explicitly say so, but the swelling solution was meant as a Marauder prank gone wrong hehe. Thought it would be amusing to have one of their own pranks backfire on them. The girl saving was a nod to Harry's heroic tendencies, something I like to think he inherited from both his parents. To be honest, I did struggle a little bit with the Heaven's Light theme, wanting to find a balance between being too cheesy and being too subtle so it's great to hear it worked out well.
You have no idea how happy I am to hear that's what you think about the dialogue. When it comes to dialogue, the first thing I always keep in mind is realism and believeability. I'm sure they argued every now and then but I find it hard to believe that every conversation was a screaming match then BAM! they fell in love. I wanted to take a more gradual approach.
Yup, your guess is correct ;). The next chapter will involve Snape and will be a darker take on his love/lust/obsession with Lily. I was leaning towards making it post-Hogwarts, when Snape is a death eater though I'm still working out how to go about it. But your suggestion about linking the chapters together, while I wasn't going to intially do so, has struck a spark of inspiration. Dunno whether I should reveal here and spoil it for anyone, hehehe. But thank you so much for this amazing review, I really appreciate your contructive criticism, it was really helpful.
~Misty Report Review
hi this is Estelle Black with the review that you requested a while back, i am so sorry for the delay :/.
Well i must say this is a very beautiful and touching story James and Lily make the cutest couple.
loved this story thank you for requesting.
Estelle :)Author's Response: Hiya :)
It's perfectly fine. My own apologies for my equally late response. Thank you so much for taking the time to review, I really appreciate it!
~Misty Report Review
I officially love you for naming this fic after my favourite song from my favourite Disney movie! You are now Totally Awesome! ;)
Anyways, this was a really interesting story. I thought you did a good job of characterizing James and Lily. You had a couple grammer mistakes in there, and your tense jumped around from present to past a little bit, but over all it was really good! ;) James seems to be very chivelrous. :)Author's Response: Aaaw, thank you! Woo-Hoo! Someone else who loves that song/movie! And here I thought I was being dark and morbid.
So happy you thought so. Argh, I always seem to have trouble with that, I'll make sure to read this over in order to catch them ;). What girl can resist a knight in shining armour? Thank you so much for taking the time to review!
~Misty Report Review
I loved it! It was excellent! Aw, Lily and James... They're my favorite. It was very unique and extremely well written and I'll definitely come back to read more in the future if you post it :) The only thing is "foetal" is spelled without an "o". I think that was just a slight typing error because it's the only problem in the whole thing. Good job!Author's Response: Wow, thank you for the prompt review, wasn't expecting it hehe. Unique? That's one of the best compliments you could have given me, it's something I constantly strive to be. Hmm, I'll check out the typo, thanks for pointing it out. Again, many thanks for the review! I'll definitely let you know when the next chapter is up ;)
~Misty Report Review
Hello there, schoenemaedchen here with your review from the boards.
So, I must say, I really loved the interaction here between James and Lily. It is absolutely realistic! It's energetic, playful, a slight hint of bickering, yet flirty! The description is great, the similes, the references...all quite brilliant.
On to my second point, which I'm rather neutral on, is the tense you've written the story in. Society is kind of against you here, writing in the present tense, as most fiction is often written in simple past. You have to be careful writing in the present tense, though, because I saw one place where you let a "you" slip in.
Second sentence: "Note to self, don't move unless you want an excruciating pain to course through your entire body." This disrupts the flow, because its a tense conflict, perhaps you meant it to be dialogue, or thought...(for which you could put it in italics)...Whatever the case, it's unfortunately positioned in the first paragraph which might turn people away from your story when instead it should be grabbing them in. I hope I make sense :)
Yeah, so writing in Simple present...like I said, I'm neutral on it. On the one hand its something different. On the other hand, it's so different that its sometimes distracting. I would be interested to know why you chose to write in the present tense...I've had this a few times before, and honestly, one person didn't even know they were doing it. So...curious I shall remain, until you reply.
Otherwise there was a small...canon-esque comment I had. James refers to the Marauders openly in front of Lily. It's possible he told Lily about the Marauders...but I hardly believe he would have done so until they were very close. I'm sure that James, Peter, Sirius and Remus didn't use their Marauder names openly. I think it was more their ...secret society thing. This is however a relatively small detail, and depending on how much you like canon, is up to you on how you want to handle it.
So I wasn't so sure at the beginning of the story, like I said, this present simple gets to me (Even more because I teach grammar to Germans all day long!) but by the end you had my interest 100%, the dialogue and characterization really drew me in :)
Great job, post for another review when you write more!!
schoenemaedchenAuthor's Response: Hiya! Thank you for taking the time to do this, I really appreciate it =).
I'm so happy (and honestly, very relieved) that you think that as that was exactly what I was going for. I highly doubt they'd bicker and scream 24/7 so I wanted to show that a subtle little spark does exist between them, even before they got together.
Ah, that 'you' was an oversight on my part because I was initially going to write second-person pov but changed my mind when I felt it wasn't going well. I'll be sure to change it.
As for why I used present tense, there are a few reasons. It was a bit of an experiment as I've only ever written it once before and wanted to try it again, just to stretch my writing muscles if that makes sense :p. It was also, like you pointed out, a way to be different and I do understand if it isn't everyone's taste.
As to the 'Marauders' comment, I read somewhere that they rather openly refered to themselves as the Marauders though I'm not too sure about the nicknames. I would guess yes though, since Snape knew about it, as evident in OotP. That's how I interpreted it anyway so I guess to each his own. :)
Again, thank you so much for your detailed review! It was very helpful.
~Misty Report Review
Hi RandomRed here from the forums with your review. :)
Here,"A classic in the annals of Marauder pranks". Sid you mean Annuals?
This is such a sweet story. At first when you were describing the room I was like where is that what has happened!?
I like the causal banter between them as well and you do have an attention to detail on most things.
My favorite part had to be the description of Lilys boyfriend though.
You characterisation was really good both James and Lily read like James and Lily. If that makes sense.
All in all a nice sweet one shot about Lily and James before they got together. :)
xxxAuthor's Response: Hiya!
Nope, definitely meant annals. It's another word for archives, records, etc ;).
Hehe, yeah, I wanted the reader to feel what James was feeling as he's waking up, the disorientation of waking up in a strange place and not knowing anything.
Believe it or not, that was a very last minute addition. As I was copying and pasting this into HPFF, I added in the description for the fun of it so it's amazing to hear that was your favourite part =D.
That's great to hear as I'm a stickler for canon, even if we don't really know that much about them.
Thank you so much for taking the time to review!
~Misty Report Review
I really like this
and not only is it good, it is well written
like realy well written
I'm excited to see where you take this. =]Author's Response: Really? Aaaw, thank you so much! You have no idea how much of a relief it is to hear that.
~Misty Report Review
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