words cannot express how brilliant this story is. bravo/a to you, a fearlessly unapologetic writer. Report Review
Hey me again. Another review here.
I like the contrast between The passion and the burning hatred that Hermione feels.
Again with the last part. You really have a talent for ending stories.
I like how you have used less dialouge, it shows talent as a writer to not use dialouge.
Anyway I really like this story. It just seems different for some reason.
Ginny45/RandomRed xxx Report Review
Hey RandomRed here with your very late review. I am sorry but my computer broke :/.
Anyway on with the review.
My favorite part of this whole story is the last paragraph. You get so much into it in a way that draws the chapter to a close.
Your characterisation is all in all good a few times you slip but no one is perfect and it makes it realistic in a way.
Why I like this Dramione more than most other is the fact you don't change Draco because ok he may change but not too much.
I didn't see spelling or punctuation problems and you flow is really rather good. :)
Ginny45/RandomRed xxx Report Review
Oh wow, what an ending. What a powerful line! I really loved the conclusion to this. Sometimes, even when two people do love each other (in some way, however messed up) they can't be together. Hermione and Draco are perfect for this kind of love.
"...you're the man I want to want." -- The conflict! Ahh! This is so relatable. Something you want to want but you know it's wrong so you don't truly want it. So complicated.
You have a beautiful way with words, as well. Your descriptions are magnificent. Everything just flows together.
-Dem- Report Review
DemetersChild here from the forums with your review!
Interesting, very interesting. Honestly, I used to hate Dramiones, but I find they can make a really good read. This was definitely one of the good ones.
Not our families, not your precious little friends, not him, and never you. -- I love this line. I could really feel the emotion behind the emphasized words.
I didn't really see any grammatical errors, so we'll just skip that bit. :D
Hmm, the plot caught my attention and kept me wondering. A lot of things were left unclear, which is a good thing in this case. The entire circumstance to their relationship was not revealed, but it didn't need to be.
The contrast between their thoughts of each other was very powerful. Hermione realizing how much she hates Draco and Draco realizing how much he loves Hermione.
I truly enjoyed reading this. ^^
Dem Report Review
*Sobs* that was really depressing. I think most short stories are, actually. I might go read some Founders' Era stories instead. :S 10/10 though.Author's Response: Thanks for the review. Not sure whether you liked my story though, but thanks anyway. Report Review
Ouch - she doesn't like him. But hey, he doesn't like her either, so that's okay - well, it's bad :SAuthor's Response: Thanks for the review. Hope you enjoy the next chapter. Report Review
Oh My Merlin. That was amazing but very sadening. I would love to hear more but its the end of the story xAuthor's Response: I'm really glad you enjoyed it, and actually took the time out to read it. Thanks a lot for reviewing. Report Review
Hi there! Schoenemaedchen here from the boards :)
I like that you did go through with the experiment with the "dramione" relationship here, because I think you did an excellent job, even though you say you were only "having fun".
The writing, the grammar, the plot...etc is all very well written.
I'll say the flow is only OK...The story is dealing with a lot of emotions, a lot of back and forth, not just to the dialogue in the past. The flow is by no means bad either, for me it was just so-so because it felt a bit repetitive.
That point aside, I really enjoyed the flashback and thought you wrote a fairly spicy scene while keeping it tasteful, something not easily done and something very important for this website. Well done!
I also wanted to mention, in conclusion appropriately, that you have very powerful endings. I love this line at the end of chapter 1: "live that life that you were so ruthlessly eager to prove yourself worthy of and Iíll go back to destroying it." I was like...DANG GIRL :D
I also enjoyed how you set the scene with Hermione leaving right before the battle of Hogwarts...very nice!
Thanks for sharing the story, was a joy to review :)
-schoenemaedchenAuthor's Response: Thank you for such a thorough review, it really did touch upon everything which was necessary. I'll have another read through and check out the flow, thanks for mentioning it, I'll go back and check that out! Wowee, I'm glad you think my endings are powerful, that's a massive compliment! Seriously appreciate it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the ending because I think it leaves it open for the audience to interpret what happened next. It's not just the end of the story, because something totally catastrophic is just beginning, too.
Thanks a lot for the review, it was really useful. Report Review
I loved the ending-especially the final sentence-It had begun. That was extremely powerful and it had a very cold and emotional sentence. There could have been a bit more dialogue but as a whole it was a very good chapter!
LpF123 xxAuthor's Response: Thank you for the review, I appreciate it. I'm glad you enjoyed the story because that of course is my main aim. I thought the last sentence would be very fitting as it conveyed that Draco and Hermione are really not meant to be together, and that Draco is far too selfish to be able to commit to her - so he got his revenge.
I thought that I ought to put less dialogue in this chapter because the previous one was dominated by it so I wanted to break it up, but thank you for your opinion and thank you for the review, it's much appreciated. Report Review
I think that Draco's character was portrayed brilliantly I also like how you made him look cold yet you could also make him look vulnerable at the thought of Hermione being caugh and killed. The desciption was brilliant and went so deep with simplicity. The setting was also shown quite well. The Dialogue was done well because it's how they would speak to each other and their reactions to each other too. I think Hermione was excellent especially how her reasons were so in depth.
LpF123 xxAuthor's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed this first chapter and you thought that every aspect was done well! It's great to hear that I'm doing a good job and that people are actually enjoying it. People have commented that they like my Draco and this is a massive compliment because he's not the easiest character to write because he doesn't seem the sort to love, if you know what I mean, so it's good that I'm doing him justice.
Thanks for the review. Report Review
ohmygod! i've got chills!! i'm not even joking, this is amazing! everything about it, from the flashback to the very end with draco was just simply amazing. you made us feel for them and their ordeal, and wow, this is heartbreaking! absolutely change nothing... so good, so depressing, and just what an interesting idea! great job, really!Author's Response: Oh wow, thank you so much! It means a lot that people are actually enjoying what I write - a massive confidence booster! I'm so glad that it's touched you because that's essentially my main goal as a writer. It's lovely that you could post such a nice review. Thanks! Report Review
this is really well-written, engaging, dark, and torturous. i love how it doesn't claim draco to be anything more than what he really was in the original books.. as i said, it's very torturous, the way they both have to face reality about their affair and reality. it's great! at this point, i don't see anything wrong with this chapter so amazing job! xAuthor's Response: Wow, thank you so much for this review! I'm really glad you're enjoying it so far. No, my main concern was that I wouldn't get Draco's character just so, and I figured that if I was going to write a story about it then I wanted to do it right, so I'm glad you think I did his character justice!
Thanks a lot for this review. Report Review
I didn't exactly understand Hermione's change. In the italicized parts, she shows that she is completely in love with Draco, but she looks like she hates him in the rest. I guess this is the part before Deathly Hallows takes place, and I can't even imagine the pain that they most be feeling. Really dramatic, and well written. 10/10
-ronhermione4evrAuthor's Response: The flashback was the point where she was completely blinded with love for Draco, where she had such a burning passion for him, and I wanted to show the intensity of what they once had through the use of a flashback (the italicised parts). Although in the rest of the story reality had definitely taken its toll on Hermione and made her realise they could never have a relationship.
I'm really glad you enjoyed how dramatic it was and that I managed to get what they were feeling across to the audience. This is a really great review and I'm so glad you enjoyed the story! Report Review
This chapter was slightly chilling. It struck me as so sweet that Hermione wanted to protect her friends and even give up everything to keep them safe. When Draco was talking about "him", I can be sure that it was Ron, right? I also find it really sweet that Draco cares about her, though it seems a bit out of character for Hermione to hate him with that much of a burning passion. It's like the tables were turned, and now it's Hermione who's prejudiced. Other than that, it was a hooking chapter that made me want to read more!
-ronhermione4evrAuthor's Response: Thank you for the review! Getting Hermione's character right was massive to me, so I tried to make it clear that she's concerned more about her friends than anything else, and that her friendship with them would always mean more to her than their affair. I'm sorry that you feel that I went out of character with her hatred towards him, but in my opinion she's definitely shown a lot of hate towards him in the past (she punched him in the face, haha) so I wanted to make that as clear as I could. But I definitely appreciate your comment and will look over it again. And yeah, the person she was talking about is Ron.
Thanks a lot for reviewing. Report Review
This had me close to tears. Oh, I loved it, and I love the quote of course, and I even- despite not usually liking it- love this pairing. Today, at least. Brilliant grammar, and your descriptiveness... oh, my goodness. I could feel everything. The emotions were real, and a few tears dared to drip after reading this. Truly beautiful.
Thank you so much for doing this quote and my challenge justice. :)Author's Response: Oh wow, I'm so pleased that you enjoyed it! Unfortunately it's easier writing the story than writing the response to a review - I hope it feels adequate because I want to convey how gratifying it feels to get a review this positive (and one from my main clientele, the challenger herself!)
It's wonderful as a writer to be able to evoke such emotions in the reader. It's a massive confidence booster because for the last couple of years I've just had little to no confidence as a writer and reading this review genuinely lights a fire inside to keep me writing.
Funnily enough - I'm not a fan of this pairing usually, either! This is the first time I've embarked on a Dramione story, I just thought the quote fit those two perfectly and thought I might as well give it a try (nothing to lose, and all that).
Thank you for the brilliant review, and of course, thank you for posting the challenge - my will to write would still be laying dormant if it weren't for your Gilmore challenge. So most probably, I owe it all to you.
LMV Report Review
I randomly stumbled upon this little gem in Recently Added. What caught my attention was the title: Call To Arms. Maybe I'm naive, but it just sounds smart, you know?
As short as this was, and as cliche as the concept may be (don't get me wrong, not ALL Dramione is cliche, but I've just had a few too many bad experiences with it...), you executed this perfectly. Loved the pacing and characterization. You know when you start reading something and you can tell immediately if the author is a writer? That much is very clear here.
I loved every little bit of dialogue, but the last line was the best. I'm just curious: Is that really the end?!? It was so short, but like I said, perfect. I love that it's sort of an ambiguous ending. (I should come up with another word beside 'love,' shouldn't I? Although it is eerily befitting.) I see that besides saying Completed, it's also classified as a Short Story, so maybe that isn't the end, in which case I'll have to check back.
Anywho, thank you for posting this, and I hope you keep contributing gems like these to HPFF. It was a pleasure to read. :)Author's Response: I one hundred percent agree that the whole concept is extremely cliche - I've personally never been a Dramione fan purely for this reason, but for the quote I was given I thought Dramione was the only ship that would work to my advantage. I'm glad you like the title, I thought it was quite fitting. And no, there's one more chapter to come! It's currently in validation so I hope you check back to read it! I'm very pleased you enjoyed my story and cannot believe that you think I'm a good writer - I deleted all my stories because I thought my writing was just horrific and this is the first thing I've posted since then, so it's definitely a confidence booster.
Thank you for the review, it brightened my day.
Sophie. Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection