Reading Reviews for In the Palm of Sin
  
37 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Pretense Of Perfection Temptation in itís highest level

7th July 2014:
Hi again,

Another super interesting story! Very enjoyable read overall.

I noticed a few spelling and grammar errors, but nothing major. I think a good beta could help you to make this story beyond amazing, and help to polish it up a bit.

I really liked Ishani's character. She portrayed the very essence of teen spirit, being angsty and lusting over someone that doesn't even know your name.

I like how she compares him to Sirius. Regulus is such a complex character, and even though he didn't make a real physical appearance, you really kept his characterization spot on, in my mind at least.

I think a lot of your word choice was awesome, and you did a great job setting the tone of this one-shot. The comparisons to Regulus and sin were very original and unique, and a brilliant idea if I do say so myself. I really like how you made her the Patil twins aunt, it ties the story nicely to canon without being cliche or unbelievable.

Great job!!

---House Cup 2014 Review---
Pretense of perfection, Gryffindor

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Review #2, by patronus_charm Temptation in itís highest level

1st February 2013:
I saw that this was a Regulus story, and truth to be told, I've never read one before, as I much prefer Sirius out of the Black siblings. So I've kind of ignored poor old Regulus but here's my chance to find out more!

I liked the way you described him as sin, as I guess that's how most people view Sirius as, well sin for his womanising. So I liked how you drew parallels between him and his brother, as a lot of people tend to forget that they are in fact incredibly similar!

But then you show that though they may appear similar on the outside, they are very different on the inside, and I liked the way you showed the differences, as I thought that was a very effective and different idea, I've always thought Regulus was rather mysterious, so I was glad to see that included in the list. I'm guessing the ice is referred perhaps to an icy heart? It would be nice to see if you did another one-shot, and give the reason behind his coldness:)

I loved how you made Sirius ask her out, as it was an interesting twist, as most people would probably die if he asked them out, so for her to reject him, in favour of his brother was a very original idea!

I'm guessing as her surnames Patil, she may be related to the Patil twins?

Overall I thought it was a great story, especially as it fitted into 500 words, and that's an incredible feat, as it really captured my attention, I loved it, is all I can say really!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review. I'm sorry for the late response.

Cleo


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Review #3, by Debra20 Temptation in itís highest level

31st January 2013:
Hey there Cleo. I'm here from the Snakes Review Swap.

I must confess that of all your stories this was the first to draw my eyes because of the summary. You have a talent for writing catchy summaries. All of your five stories look very tempting and I hope that I will one day have the time to read them all!

Sirius and Regulus. I devour any and every story I encounter that features Regulus. He played such an important role in the Harry Potter books and yet he is scarcely portrayed in fanfictions. I find him a very attractive character, despite the small number of facts we have about him.

I liked the desperate tone of the girl. These 500 words transpired her burning desire to be with him much more than 2000 would have. You could feel that she observed him from afar for a long time now, that she craved for him for too long and that she was on the verge of doing something reckless to get his attention. The fact that he didn't pay her any attention in turn only deepened and hardened her quiet resolve to catch his eye. At least that's how I felt it.

It was quite an impressive read. Very deep, very fiery, very intense. The three words that describe this little one shot to me :) Well done!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review. I'm sorry for the late response.

Cleo


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Review #4, by daretodream Temptation in itís highest level

5th August 2012:
Hello!

So I really liked this one shot. I think my favorite thing about it was the repetitiveness of it all. Not that the actual lines were repetitive, but there was a familiar sentence structure throughout that really tied the whole thing together.

I also loved that this one shot revolved around Regulus. I think that he isn't mentioned nearly enough in fan fictions, and when he is, he is often used as a less important accessory to Sirius. You created dimension for a character so frequently overlooked.

I also loved the tie in of the familiar family of Patil. To me, OC characters tend to work best and be at their strongest when they are someone connected to characters that we already know and love from canon.

I think you did an amazing job of getting a lot of emotion across for only 500 words. I can't help but think that the "Every Word Counts" challenge must be such a struggle. Not so much writing a piece that fits the parameters, but writing a beautiful piece that can stand alone as well. I think you managed this fantastically.

Thank you for the lovely read! 10/10

~Cassie

Author's Response: Hi!

Thank you I'm glad you enjoyed it! Well for a story this small you kind of need a familiar sentence structure otherwise you will write too much or too little. Anyway I'm glad you liked that!

I agree with you on that. He's often overlooked or used as a less important accessory to Sirius. While he sounds like a fascinating character who did an extremely brave thing.

I agree with you! Also seeing we don't know many characters from that era it would be a total waste not to use any possible family connections and it makes the story seem more realistic.

I agree it can be a struggle, even if you do have that 500 words, you still have to write a story with only those 500 words (exact). Thank you I'm glad you think so!


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Review #5, by CloakAuror9 Temptation in itís highest level

19th July 2012:
Hey there!

Well, wow, that was really interesting! Ishani as the Patil twins' aunt. Totally cool. I love how you described everything about Regulus and Ishani's longing for him. I can only imagine how much she must've ached for him, poor Ishani.

You did a really good job with keeping everything to the point though. From the start, everything was just right off the bat and you were very consistent with it until the very end. This is such a great story! I really enjoyed reading it! :3 Great job!

Stay awesome,
Izzy xx

Author's Response: Hey,

Yeah I love canon-ishm and why not the Patil twins' aunt whaha. Yes poor Ishani but nobody can get all they want in life. I'm sure there are dozens of girls (and boys) around the world who long for someone who doesn't notice them.

Well I could only use 500 words so I had to stay to the point. Thank you!


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Review #6, by thesinandthesinner Temptation in itís highest level

10th April 2012:
Short, passionate and carefully controlled. Great one shot!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for taking time to review!

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Review #7, by BrightStar Temptation in itís highest level

7th September 2011:
hey!

I'd say you did really well in the hooking first scentence challenge, I was really captured from the start - from the summary.

Your writing style was so addictive, well done! You got into your characters mind so easily, really admirable. The idea she hated him because she didnt hate him.. thats so often true isnt it?

Well done overall. I hadnt read anything like this, so im glad i read this.

Author's Response: Hello,

Sorry for the late response but exams got in the way.

Thank you so much! Well often that is the case I truly believe there is a thing like that.

Wow! *blush* Thanks once again!


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Review #8, by SexyDoorFrames Temptation in itís highest level

12th August 2011:
Hello! This was amazing! I really enjoyed this from the start to beginning, it captured me from the most amazing first line as sin is something I find really interesting to read about. You have such a good writing style that is enjoyable to read through, it's fluid and there isn't any awkward pauses or sentences. I like your comparison with the brothers. I think you've truly got that part down right. In all, I loved this.

- SexyDoorFrames, Gryffindor.

Author's Response: Hey! Thank you so much for taking time to review! I'm glad you thought this was amazing. Also I think you mean you enjoyed it from the the start to the end or not ;P

-xoxox-

Cleopatraa


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Review #9, by CheeringCharm Temptation in itís highest level

11th August 2011:
Your writing is catching and the way you place the words and the sentences are to use the word for Regulus words, sensual, this piece really captures the feeling of being in love, a passionate kind, and it must be so hard for her to feel so small and unseen... especially being asked out by his brother.
I quite liked this piece it tells more than just the feelings described :)

*hugsies*

CheeringCharm Hufflepuff

Author's Response: Thank you so much for taking time to review this! It truly sucks that she was asked out by his brother and not by the boy she liked. Yiks that one has to truly hurt , don√ʬĬôt you think? And you it must be hard for her to feel so small and unseen

-xoxox-

Cleopatraa

PS: *hugsies back*


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Review #10, by leannemariesnape Temptation in itís highest level

11th August 2011:
Wow. You have these short one-shots down to an art! I loved this one too. The repetition made the story seem more intense, and made her love for him seem even more passionate. It was romantic, and passionate as she described him, and I loved how she hated that she loved him (I hope that made sense, lol). I love the inclusion of the name Patil; it was a very clever move, which kept it seeming more realistic. I did notice one tiny little thing and that was: why did she fell in love with Regulus? which should be fall, which I'm sure you know already. Very good :)
Leanne (leannemariesnape, Hufflepuff)

Author's Response: Hey!!
Nice to see another review of you again! I√ʬĬôm glad you enjoyed this one also. Well it makes sense to me I believe there is truly a thing like hating the one you love. So it made sense to me ;P . Thank you! Well why make up some name when you can use family members of canon character ( who you could easily make up) Oh really did I make that stupid mistake *blushes* I looked right over it then. I will change it as soon as possible thank you for pointing that out. Also thank you so much for taking time to review!
-xoxox-
Cleopatraa


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Review #11, by Ronsgirl29 Temptation in itís highest level

10th August 2011:
Hello there! Slytherin Thursday :)

This oneshot was amazing! I love your comparison of the two brothers. It's an interesting way to think of them, because in a lot of stories people make Sirius the 'better' brother. But I guess it all depends on perspective, since this is coming from the girl who loves him after all.

Unrequited love always gets me, loving someone who doesn't love you back is heartbreaking, and I think you do a wonderful job of really capturing the emotions that go along with something like that.

Great job!
-Ronsgirl29 (gryffindor)

Author's Response: Yeah Slytherin Thursday! Couldn√ʬĬôt we have this every week!
Thank you so much! Well I tried to be as objective as possible I mean Regulus did end up doing a very brave thing in the books. But yeah it comes from a girl in love with one of them so it√ʬĬôs probably not that objective.
Thank you so much!
-xoxox-
Cleopatraa


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Review #12, by WeasleyTwins Temptation in itís highest level

10th August 2011:
Hi, WeasleyTwins here for the review extravaganza!

So, I decided to go with this piece of yours. Why? You used the word 'sin.' I know that sounds utterly crazy, but I love the word sin, especially when it's used in that sexual, 'this is wrong' sense. I love how you used the word 'sin' and the name 'Regulus' to really bring your point home. You've taken that unrequited love theme and really dug deep - I like that. Your emotional descriptions were very well-written. Overall, I think you've got a fantastic fic here, for sure.

WeasleyTwins
Gryffindor

Author's Response: Hi WeasleyTwins!

No it doesn't sound weird to me because I also love the word sin. ( That's the reason I used it). Thank you so much and I hope you enjoyed it!

-xoxox-
Cleopatraa


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Review #13, by Celtic_Dreamer7 Temptation in itís highest level

8th August 2011:
Ohh. I can totally relate to how she's feeling. But we won't go there, lol. I love your descriptive details of her thoughts and feelings. I love how you compare the two brothers and how they were so different. I wish you could expand this and make it a novella. I would love to read more. Great job and another great read!

~Celtic~
Celtic_Dreamer7
Slytherin

Author's Response: Hello Celtic!

Well she wanted to date one brother and another brother wanted to date her ( for awhile) so a comparison was a must in my mind and I wanted others to know how I viewed them both. I will consider the idea maybe I will in the future.

-xoxox-
Cleopatraa


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Review #14, by slytherinchica08 Temptation in itís highest level

8th August 2011:
I really liked this a lot! Your summary really caught me and drew me in. I loved the description you had through out this piece it was really well done. Also I thought this to be an interesting idea about Regulus. That Sirius was a rebel but Regulus was sin. Altogether I thought that the piece flowed really well together. The fact that there was no talking didnt detract from this piece at all.. I actually feel that if there would have been talking that would have detracted from the piece a bit. I think you did a great job with this idea and it was very well written in my opinion! Great Job!

~Slytherinchica08~
~Slytherin~

Author's Response: Well hello there fellow Slytherin!
I√ʬĬôm glad you liked my story! Well yeah everybody always thinks about Sirius and how he√ʬĬôs such an rebel so I thought if he√ʬĬôs a rebel then his brother is sin ( and sinfully hot). Well I wanted to focus more on emotion so that was the reason there was no talking. Thank you so much for your lovely review!
-xoxox-
Cleopatraa


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Review #15, by ariellem Temptation in itís highest level

8th August 2011:
I liked the mysterious air of the whole story, especially the fact that you didn't reveal the main characters name until the end of the story. Great job :).

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review! Well I'm glad you liked that part ;D

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Review #16, by Hyenni Temptation in itís highest level

8th August 2011:
aaand another review, coming your way, because i can't resist a little bit of Regulus...

She was addicted to a kiss that never blessed her lips.

how do you come up with these killer lines? i honestly can't work out how you do it - they're not abnormal words, weird sentences, but they just make so much sense in such a perfect way that it blows my mind.

and awh, if only she'd gone out with Sirius. but that's not really how this kind of thing works, is it? you've got such a raw, powerful emotion in this and it really came across - well done!

Hyenni101, Slytherin (:

Author's Response: Well hey nice to see you again Hyenni101 !
Well Regulus is just really irrestible (sp?) isn√ʬĬôt he
I√ʬĬôm glad to say how did you put it again that you like those killer lines of mine *blushes*
Well it would have been better for her if she did like Sirius instead of Regulus but apparently she wanted sin and not a rebel. Well thank you so much for your lovely review!

-xoxox-
Cleopatraa


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Review #17, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Temptation in itís highest level

6th August 2011:
When I saw your one-shot was only 500 words (well 534 I believe) I had to read it because I have never read a fic (in my memory) that has been that short. I'm glad I read it. It was very...poetic. I felt her urge, the desire. My heart started to beat rapidly in my chest because I could feel her addiction and her pain, the need.

I'm really impressed. Thank you for asking me to check out your one-shots.

Author's Response: WEll it is 500 words the other 34 words belong to the author's note. Thank you so much! I'm glad I could have that effect on you.

Thanks *blush* No thank you for taking time to review!


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Review #18, by Bookworm045 Temptation in itís highest level

5th August 2011:
Really intense, actually. The whole, consuming feeling of her feelings for Regulus, paired with the fact that they were unrequited feelings just captured me from the beginning and carried me through to the end. Poor Ishani, she really did mess up falling for the Slytherin Black brother. But then again, there are people you want to love, and there are people you cna't help but loving no matter who they are or what they've done. I really liked this, though I was hesitant at the begninning, because it was just incredibly well written, and very poetic and beautiful. You really are an incredible writer--thank you for your works. (:
-Katherine045 (Slytherin!)

Author's Response: Hey you! I'm glad to see you once again it's really weird but I didn't expect you actually though you reviewed all my work so far. Yeah poor Ishani unfortunate she didn't fall for the Gryffindor Black brother instead of the Slytherin Black brother ( what are you talking about you wrote it your self Cleopatraa * slaps her head*) WEll yeah you can't help who you love. Thank me for my work. No thank you darling for such fantastic reviews!!!

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Review #19, by NaidatheRavenclaw Temptation in itís highest level

4th August 2011:
500 words of pure brilliance. I cant even imagine writing a story with only 500 words. And the amazing thing is that you got your point across so well in the 500 words. Every word must have been chosen so carefully, but it wasn't thrown together. You didnt give me short, empty sentences so you could get content in. You gave me really descriptive sentences, and still got your point across. And that, to me, is what the Every Word Counts challenge is all about! The first sentence of this was most definitely hooking, so good luck with that challenge too! You really did a fantastic job with this :D
-NaidatheRavenclaw, Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Thank you so much for taking time to review! You review truly made me happy (blushing) I√ā¬īm glad you enjoyed it so much!

xoxox

Cleopatraa


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Review #20, by Sakurasou Temptation in itís highest level

4th August 2011:
Firstly, let me congratulate you on such a great oneshot in such a small amount of words. Usually one shots this short leave me feeling a bit underwhelmed, but this one definitely did not.
I think you characterised Regulus really well, the way he is described as cunning and willing to use his mind or body. I think that fits him perfectly.
The actually wording of the story was delightful, I especially liked 'She was addicted to a kiss that never blessed her lips. Addicted to a touch that never caressed her skin.' this line. It was delicious!
The only critique I have is that this line; He even didnít know she existed., doesn't quite make sense, I think 'even' and 'didn't' need to be swapped.

Excellent oneshot overall :D

-SakuraSou
Hufflepuff

Author's Response: First thing first thank you so much for taking time to review my story. Thank you so much! I'm glad this one-shot didn't make you feel underwhelmed. Well yeah he is a Slytherin and a Black haha. I'm glad you enjoyed that particular quote seeing it's also one of my favourite. I will check it out in other words reread the whole story and change it. Thank you so much!

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Review #21, by adluvshp Temptation in itís highest level

4th August 2011:
Hello there. This is AditiDraco95 from the forums with the review you requested.

A quite intriguing start to the story. There are mostly fics in which girls are in love with Sirius, but this one is quite unique. Nice plot idea here :)

I like how you've given this as a sort of introductory chapter rather than directly plunging into action for the main story. It would be interesting to see how it unfolds.

I have some pointers here, firstly the grammar. Mostly it is okay, but in a few places you have the tense wrong. Your story is narrated correctly but in some places you have used the present tense which is used with the first person while your story is in third person. I think a quick read through it and you will find the errors yourself and fix them. Or you can get a beta :)

Also, I think it would be nice to have more description of Ishani. Like you have described Regulus, describe Ishani too.You can have her comparing herself to some other girl who she envies, that way readers can picture her.

Overall I think the story has a good base and you are doing well.

Good job!

8/10

Cheers!
AD

Feel free to re-request!

~~~

End of An Era Review Extravaganza (House Cup 2011)

Forum Name: AditiDraco95
House: Slytherin

Author's Response: Hello AditiDraco95 thanks for taking time to review.

Well yeah I though his little brother also deserved some loving. Thanks! Well I have to look into the tenses/grammar issues unfortunate I find it hard to spot my own mistakes. Well seeing as it was for the every words count challenge I didn't find place to insert that in the story I was only allowed to use 500 words. Thank you so much once again for taking time to review also good luck with the
End of An Era Review Extravaganza (House Cup 2011) perhaps I shall also compete


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Review #22, by silverstarletworld89 Temptation in itís highest level

5th May 2011:
First off, Bravo for having such a captivating one-shot that is less than 600 words. I don't know how you do it, I really struggle cutting down my chapters. I really enjoyed how you described Ishani to hate Regulus but she doesn't really hate him, she just hates the fact that he doesn't notice her. It kind of reminded me of the film 10 things I hate about you. I really enjoyed this story I thought that it was very well written =).

Great Job!
Silverstarletworld

Author's Response: Thank you so much for taking time to review I'm glad you enjoyed it. Well I have the same thing. It had to be exactly 500 wirds so I had to cut down to whole time. Well I have actually seen that movie and I get what you mean although I didn't think of that before.

-xoxox-

Cleopatraa


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Review #23, by LilyFire Temptation in itís highest level

5th May 2011:
It's...wow. Very...well, I don't know how to describe it, but it's very good. I was a bit surprised at the Patil thing, thinking of the twins mom, but then you said it was the aunt, and I find that better, somehow. It's a great story, and it draws you in.
~LilyFire

Author's Response: Thank you so much for taking time to review I"m glad you enjoyed it. Well yeah I thought most people would be confused over the Patil thing but Patil is theri last name so I thought it had to be a relative of their father so why not his sister.

-xoxox-

Cleopatraa



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Review #24, by SeverusSnape15 Temptation in itís highest level

22nd April 2011:
I'd say that this one is just like Pursuing the Unattainable, but with different characters. You may want to shy away from that a bit, and give each of the stories their own place. I don't really see a plot...but It's kind of interesting, because I see Regulus as unloveable, and evil...at times.

Author's Response: WEll in a way they are similiar ( desire, lust, etc.) but in this story my character suffers from an one-sided love she never got him while in the other story they had a relationship but he killed her because she broke it off ( because they were against each other in the war) but that's my opinion so you don't have to agree with me but I still hope you enjoyed it.

-xoxox-

Cleopatraa


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Review #25, by LiaVave Temptation in itís highest level

14th April 2011:
Omg! I love e beginning of this I hope u decide to further your story

Author's Response: Well maybe I will but it's still an one-shot at the moment.

-xoxox-

Cleopatraa


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