Reading Reviews for Afflicted
6 Reviews Found

Review #1, by forsakenphoenix Afflicted

7th August 2011:
So this is my first Astoria/Draco fic! I love the devotion and love that Astoria feels for Draco. It's interesting though how she feels so much for him and is so concerned about being there for him but earlier, she kept calling him a monster. I'm not sure if it was just a general term to refer to the werewolf or if she truly thought that Draco was a monster. I would have liked to have more background on how he got attacked in the first place, as well. Maybe we don't get that because the story is told from Astoria's point of view and there's very little to no dialogue in this fic. It would've been interesting though.

I like that they don't have a perfect relationship; that Draco argued with his mother because his mother didn't want him to marry Astoria. I liked how Astoria was silently gloating that she got the boy over Pansy. Draco, from what we see through Astoria's eyes, is well-done too. He's still fighting against old prejudices that some write he lost during the war. It's hard to forget how you were raised so I like that you didn't make Draco this humble, kind man who changed completely after the war.

I wasn't sure if it was intentional or not but you refer to Lucius and Draco as both human gargoyles. It's a weird term to read twice in a fic, but it helps the reader draw comparisons to the aloof, stoic behavior of both father and soon.

Throughout the story there was commas in places they shouldn't have been or places were commas should've been added. It disrupted the flow of the story a bit. There were some grammatical errors here and there too that could be fixed up with a quick edit.

Aside from that, no major errors. It was an enjoyable read, and being able to read about Draco and Astoria's marriage and the newest challenge they must face was definitely unique.

forsakenphoenix (Ravenclaw)

Author's Response: Hi,
Thank you so much for your review, I'm so sorry it's taken me this long to reply, that's pretty bad of me I know!

This was my first Draco/Astoria fic as well, I decided to go into writing it without having read anything else or actually having never written one before because it's really not a pairing I'm comfortable with so I wanted to try something new. I think when I wrote this I wanted to write the perspective of a woman who loved him, and then when he was changed she still wanted to love him but couldn't help but think his condition would change him into something she didn't know how to love anymore. Hopefully that's not too confusing, really I just wanted to portray her not knowing what to think anymore, considering being a werewolf was seen by some as this awful thing, it was hard for her to watch the man she loves become one.

I decided to do little dialogue to focus on her thoughts, the fact that she doesn't know why he was attacked really adds to her confusion and her changing opinions. I thought about writing a sort of sequel type piece from Draco's perspective but in the end I decided it just wouldn't work considering I wanted it to be a bit of a mystery and a focus on Astoria and her questioning of the whole event.

I don't know why, and perhaps it's because I've read differently now, but I always imagined Astoria as having the ability to be the sort of person Draco's parents wouldn't want him to marry, but he would fight for her because no-one who loved him fought to stop Lord Voldemort using him during the war. I don't think Draco really had the potential to be perfect after the war, so that's really the main reason I wrote them the way I did, with a relationship that was far from perfect.

I did mean that description of them both intentionally. I wanted to portray them as similar in appearance in a way, but at the same time them being so different. I actually spent ages trying to figure out how exactly I wanted to do that and for some reason that's how it turned out.

I really need to go back and edit this, seeing as it's a year or so old now, but I'll probably get a beta to take a look over it as well.

Thank you so much for your review!

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Review #2, by Bitterblue Afflicted

14th May 2011:
Reveiw swap! Okay so the reason I chose this stroy was because of the beautiful banner and captivating summery and both seem to do truth to this marvelous one-shot. The way you caught Astoria's emotions made me feel like I was in the room with her, experincing her vivid and empty emotions. Your writing truly is beautiful and this plot was so originaly, I actually beleive it could have happened. There were a few grammar errors but nothing a little beta couldn't fix. Great stroy, 9/10.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review! I'm so glad you enjoyed it, I often contemplate this piece, I usually only write Dramione so I often find myself wondering why I decided to pick a canon pairing for this one single story, but I just felt it was the perfect situation to throw Astoria into, that and what little we know of her makes her the perfect person to perceive Draco through in terms of how he's changed since the war.

I should probably get around to having this beta-d as you've suggested :) It's been up for so long I'd almost forgotten that I never used to have anything beta-d at all. Although hopefully I'll see to that sooner rather than later.

Thank you for your beautiful review, I barely know what to say to all the beautiful things you've written, but I do truly appreciate them. Thank you once again,
- In The Shadows I Dwell

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Review #3, by blueirony Afflicted

19th August 2010:
In the space of a one-shot, you managed to introduce an entire character and relationship to me and I'm reeling a bit from it. In a good way, of course!

I like that you didn't make Astoria and Draco have a perfect relationship. As much as I would love them to have one, it seems a bit more realistic for Draco to still be fighting his inner demons, well into the future.

You absolutely nailed both characters in this. And it's amazing how you did it with Draco's character, considering this is third person over Astoria's shoulder! I really could feel his helplessness and his desperation. I also could really feel Astoria's helplessness and her desperation. It was really something special.

I liked the lack of dialogue in this. There was a lot of back-story but it really fit the mood of the story.

What struck me, above all, was Astoria's unwavering love and devotion to Draco. That warmed me inside and, as horrible as some of the events were in this, it was just lovely to see to what lengths Astoria would go to to ensure Draco was safe and happy.

This was a really lovely one-shot and one you should be proud of.

Joop :]

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review!

This was my first attempt at a piece that wasn't Draco/Hermione so I was really unsure how it was going to go. However, I'm glad you liked it.

My main goal was to create something really different and to explore the change in relationship dynamics due to lycanthropy, which always fascinated me in the books as we know so little about it.

A few people have mentioned the lack of dialogue, I don't know what it is but I have a fondness for using next to no dialogue, although perhaps then my other nature is to use far too much, it's the script writing I swear... But in the end I'm really happy with how this actually turned out and I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Thanks once again for taking the time to review. :)

- Ashlee

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Review #4, by Northumbrian Afflicted

18th August 2010:
I'll start by admitting that I don't like Draco. He's a Muggle-hating racist, a coward and a bully.
The idea of infecting him is a good one, and showing the effect of his condition on his family through Astoria is clever.
I like your descriptive passages Astoria, it seems to me is an intelligent, passionate woman locked in a marriage with a silent and surly man. It's interesting that she betrays the same Pureblood racist sentiments as Draco does, thinking that her husband, the man she loves "would be a monster for the rest of his life". It's a shame (in my opinion) that you don't show us Draco's reaction to his condition.
It's difficult to judge Draco's mood because you give him no dialogue, in fact this is a story in which no one speaks. So far as I can see, the only dialogue is:
"Welcome back." She whispered. "I love you."
I'm impressed! Because I've tried to write a story without dialogue and I cannot do it.
Several sections in this story make me wonder how you are trying to portray Draco. He is unemotional and aloof, that's very Draco, and very Lucius. For that reason I get little sense of what attracted Astoria to him. I'm very curious as to why, and how he got attacked, too. This story leaves a lot of interesting questions.
Finally, a couple of things which made me stop.
I'm surprised that one of the only two Death Eaters to escape Azkaban got invited to balls.
There are no graduation ceremonies in British schools and it always (slightly) annoys me when they are included. JKR had the end of year feast, but no ceremony.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your lovely and extremely helpful review! I was actually not aware that British schools did not have graduation ceremonies, where as here, they are a rather big deal, particularly at my school where the whole affair is stretched out for about a week with so many different dinners, balls and presentations I barely can remember them all! I shall bear this in mind for when I write another fic involving one who has graduated.

I actually have a fondness for pieces without dialogue, I've never really known why but I just love writing them! Perhaps because I can go off on descriptive tangents and never have to worry about coming back to a starting sentence and to me this just seemed better off without it.

My initial idea was to create this fic, and then work on several sort of spin offs about how they came to be together and how in the future Draco's lycanthropy affected them however, I'm still trying to weigh that possibility up against all my other fics which I'd rather finish first. However, I intended for him to be a mystery, perhaps as I felt he had to be hiding something from Astoria to be bitten in the first place... Well, that's what I hoped to portray, perhaps he came across as more emotionally confused than I hoped! Although one of the spin offs was planned to be Draco's reaction.

I did really enjoy writing from Astoria's perspective however. I've never been fond of her myself, however she just seemed to take on a life of her own and I really wanted to show a side of her that I gathered might be more rare to see. I think Draco in the end would have needed someone like her to balance him out, although that is simply my belief, there is only so much Draco one can take!

I would like to thank you for your extremely helpful review, I guess the saying 'You learn something new everyday' has rung true for me today already! Thanks so much :)

- Ashlee

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Review #5, by purplewings721 Afflicted

17th August 2010:
Wow, it's a shame that there's so little reviews for this piece. This is the first Draco/Astoria fic that I've read (I tend to stray from stories that center around the Hogwarts Era characters) and I must say that I am definitely impressed. I really loved the characterization of Astoria, and I also enjoy how she's not the typical Pureblood housewife. She was a very interesting character to read, as well as her relationship with Draco. I like how even though Draco is a werewolf in this, it's not all cliche and hyped up, like every other supernatural creature fic. You did a very good job writing about the effects lycanthropy has on a family, and I applaud you for that. I also enjoy the twist of Scorpius being in Gryffindor - that was another first for me, which I enjoy.
This was rather sad to read, but it had that hopeful touch to it, that makes it beautiful. Keep up the lovely work!
-Camila :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your lovely review. In all honesty, I have never read a Draco/Astoria piece in my life, however, the pairing suddenly came to mind upon hearing the song I was given for the challenge and I simply couldn't deny the urge to write a werewolf-Draco piece any longer. However, my main goal was to explore the change in family dynamics as a result of lycanthropy and I'm glad that really managed to show. I'm glad the piece didn't come across as totally depressing, I do try to give a slight hint of hope in there most of the time. Thank you so much, once again for your brilliant review. :)

- Ashlee.

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Review #6, by Lena Knight Afflicted

26th July 2010:
Hey wow, your description in the first few paragraphs was awesome! It really helped set up the mood of the story, and your word choice (He was stoic, and Astoria wondered how he could seem so unaffected by this all.) was really good too.

On that note, I would like to refer you to a creative roleplaying site called Rocky Mountain International (www. rmimagic .com). From this story it looks like you'd fit in wonderfully with the other creative writers there, and I think they need staff member right now too. You should definitely take a look. :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review! I'm glad you enjoyed the descriptions. I'll be sure to check out the site if I find a spare moment, however currently I'm rather busy with a large work load and several writing commitments outside my fanfiction work. However, if I do find a spare moment I'll attempt to stop by! Thank you so much for your review! :)

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