Brilliant, I wasn't expecting to enjoy a dream sequence so much - will definitely be reading more of your storiesAuthor's Response: Thank you. I'm glad that you liked it and thanks for taking time to review! :) --Jenna Report Review
Wow. I'm not really good at reviews and don't really know what to say other than it was a wonderful story. I really love the idea of it being a dream and him dealing with all these 'inner demons' so to speak.
I really enjoyed reading the progression of the dream from the nightmare to something more pleasant to something not so - very well told. I could imagine it myself. :DAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! You're very kind and thanks for taking time to review! --Jenna Report Review
This is so good! You probably get sick of hearing this, but wow.
Don't ever stop writing.Author's Response: Thank you so much!! :D --Jenna Report Review
Wow. The only word I can think of is WOW. What a wonderful story! If I could, I would give you at LEAST twelve stars! Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful! Just fantastic! Brilliant work, keep it up!!!Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad that you liked it. You're very kind. :D --Jenna Report Review
It was very nicely done. Very deep. A lot of emotions. I really could've cried. I love it! (sigh) I miss Lupin and Sirius so much already. You portrayed it really as if it were true. A really nice job.Author's Response: Thank you so much! That was very nice to say. :D --Jenna Report Review
Loved it loved it loved it loved it loved it.Author's Response: Thank you so much. :D --Jenna Report Review
(Prize review #1)
I really like your style. You write with a lightness that only comes with writing a lot. And that's a very good thing, because it also adds to the characterization of both the Marauder-era and the Hogwarts-era characters.
I love the idea of writing about Remus revisiting his school days in his dream, meeting the then-innocent Sirius Black, being seventeen again... And the way Remus couldn't understand at the end? It made my heart ache. I wanted to go into the dream myself, smack him across the head with the book and give Sirius a big hug.
Great story, really - I couldn't have hoped for a better one myself! And now on to the other ones!
9/10 - VERY good job!
AdrielneAuthor's Response: Wow, thank you. That was really kind. I'm glad you like it. :D I can't much think of what to respond to it, you're just so nice. --Jenna Report Review
Great job! I really enjoyed this! You did a great job of making this story really ABOUT something; it wasn't just a silly one-shot for a challenge, it actually incorporated topics relavent to the book, and I totally felt as if I could place it somewhere into actual story canon. I liked your characterizations of Remus and Sirius, too. They felt realistic and true to the books, while still delving a little bit more into their personal lives/thoughts (maybe just Remus's thoughts) than we get to see in the books. Really well done :) Thanks so much for participating in my challenge!Author's Response: Thank you so much. I'm glad that you enjoyed the story. :D This was probably the most challenging challenge I've gone for, so thank you for making such a great idea. :D --Jenna Report Review
Hey! This is mizzxpearl from the forums with your review. :) Alright, well I already wrote this review up once but it didn't post, so lets give it another go, shall we?
Once I started reading this, I was instantly hooked! Your writing is really good - there were barely any grammitcal mistakes or anything. Just because I was being nitpicky, I did notice just a couple of things. Once was right here:
The seventeen year old boy began to age with every word he spoke until he once again the thirty-three year old aged Professor in a shabby brown suit.
I believe you're missing a 'was' there. :) I think it should be ...he spoke until he was once again the thirty-three...
or even... he spoke until he turned back into the thirty-three...
Also, like I said, because I pretty much hunted for grammitcal errors in this, I noticed one more small thing. Right here:
Don't think about those pictures, don't think about those newspaper articles or anything that you've been told the last twelve years, just talk to the seventeen year old Sirius Black.
It's a bit of a runon sentence. Maybe you could try a semi-colon, or even split it up with a period. :)
The only part that made me confused a bit was why he thought that Hermione was arrogent and a bit annoying. Since everything in his dream was true to some level, it just didn't seem to make much sense. Remus seemed like the kind of guy not to judge and definitely not against a book worm, since he, himself, was one. But of course, that's just my opinion!
Anyway, enough of that! This was soo originial! I've never read something even close to this before. The part where Sirius asked Remus whether or not he honestly thinks he could have killed James made me shudder. It was nice to know that deep down, even if it was subconsciously, Remus knew that Sirius was not the traitor.
So, anway, like I said, this was amazing! You have a HUGE talent at writing...keep at it! :DAuthor's Response: Hello! Thank you for coming by. :D
You're right, I am missing a 'was'. I'll read over that sentence a few times, try out a few things, see what works to make it less...runny. Worst part, I can't even fix it until the queue opens. *writes it on Post-It* Thank you. :D
Well, I really used more of the tone from the movie with the Hermione thing. The way he sounded when he said "You really are the brightest witch..." in the shack. I figure that no matter how tolerant he was, he still might find her behavior a bit annoying, at least on the inside. His image of Sirius, the boy doesn't hold back opinions, so it's like his inner thoughts. I don't have a for certain though, it wasn't a main focus on my part. I might consider taming his snap out a little, maybe tone down the harsh.
Thank you so much for your help and your kind words. Very much appreciated. :D --Jenna Report Review
Hello! I'm here from the forums with your review.
You were asking me in particular about anything being overdone or bad - I didn't find anything. You took one of my favorite quotes from Dumbledore and turned it into something wonderful. Yes, it's a bit unreal here and there, but it's a dream. We're in Remus' head, so there are bound to be a few strange ideas in there.
As for characterization, you nailed both Remus and the young Sirius. The most touching part to me was the conversation about the Potters taking Sirius in as their son. I could just -feel- Sirius' emotions, and I'll admit that they made me tear up a bit. Remus' doubts about his friend and what happened..well, that also got to me.
Snape waking Remus up also got to me, but in a different way. I WANTED him to be able to get the truth out of Sirius, that he really didn't sell out James and Lily. We know it eventually happens, but it was still a real desire after the progression of their conversation.
In all, I really loved this. There's more I could pinpoint, but I think that broadly covers what you were asking for. Hope the feedback helped. =)Author's Response: Thank you so much for coming by. I appreciate the time. It certainly helped. :D It killed me to write him being woken up, but I really wanted to leave it at that place where he was doubting the things he had been told and thought. I read back through the scene in PoA with the shack and I felt that his acceptance and realization was so understanding that something already had to have been making him lean that way. I wanted to sort of aide in his acceptance. Again, thank you for your time!! --Jenna Report Review
Hi! Ilia here for your review. Thanks for requesting. =)
I really liked this. You have a way of setting scenes up for great things, and then you take them to placed beyond what I imagined. You really know how to get people to see and hear what you want them to. I could see this piece as a movie in my head, with sound effects and all. For example, when clowns were discussed and a red nose appeared on the nose of the werewolf, I heard a little squeak. How did you do that? Whatever you do, keep doing it. It's brilliant.
As a dream this worked beautifully. Have you seen Tim Burton's Big Fish? This piece reminded me of that film. There were lots of things that wouldn't normally work, but you kept with the same tone, so they did. It was sort of like "This is how it is, so you can deal." I love that. It shows that you are confident as a writer.
I especially love the bit at the beginning when Hermione asks, "What's wrong, Professor?" I love the way you handled that scene because it shows beautifully that when she asked that, Remus heard 'werewolf.'
The only thing I have a problem with is here: Loose the wolf suit, Moony, we have business to attend to, Lose. Loose is the opposite of tight.
This is a really great read. It's like a roller coaster ride through the mind of someone who has a serious mental illness. The pacing was great and the plot was fabulous. You should be proud.
Keep up the good work and have fun ^_^
.:.Ilia.:.Author's Response: Thank you so much! I haven't seen that movie, but I will check it out now. :D Loose! Gah, you know that is the WORST word I write. I think I always write it wrong, like every sinle time I do something. *goes to edit* Thank you for pointing that out!!
Thank you so much for your time and your kind words. So appreciated! --Jenna Report Review
Very funny! A bit confusing but that means nothing :)Author's Response: Thank you. It is a dream, so it should be a bit confusing. :D --Jenna Report Review
I am here with your review :)
I'm fairly new to the challenges over on the forums, but you deserve to win it. This was a really nice piece which was completely plausible and well-written, not to mention emotional. Making Lupin the main character was a great idea, especially with the setting you wrote him in. It was different to read one where he was actually teaching DADA, but you made it work brilliantly.
I thought Lupin's characterization was perfect. He was humble, nostalgic, and all the good things Remus Lupin should be. I especially loved the beginning where he was turning into a werewolf and Harry wouldn't leave; it was very Lupin-ish to tell him to go away, even when transforming into a savage beast :p
The dream sequence was awesome. I felt like I was in one of those Goosebumps stories and everything was out of whack. Considering some of my dreams are as random as Remus' are, it'd be fair to say it was believable. You laid out familiar signs in his life; the Marauders map, lycanthropy, and Sirius Black; and jumbled it all together in a heap of dreamliness. But I'm ranting.
What really made this story was Sirius. It was enticing to see that Remus had his doubts about his character, but also very sad. It must be awful to believe one of your best mates killed your other best mate, whom he regarded like a brother. At least Lupin used some of the logic in his dream to realize (however little) Sirius' innocence :)
The only problem I found with this was Snape's attitude. Yes, he loathed Lupin with every fiber of his being, but he kept held in for the sake of Dumbledore. It didn't ruin the image of the story, because this story is brilliant, but it kind of left me confused. Then again, "You don't belong here," is a Snape-ish thing to say.
I really liked Sirius. He was quite his own character- hard, considering how many cliches there are for him. He is what JK Rowling would have seen, I think, and that drew me deeper in the story.
Sorry this is a glob of ranting...I just woke up :0 Keep up the good work and keep on writing :)
-Sap.Author's Response: Thank you so much for coming by and for your kind words. I didn't technically choose Lupin, but I was SO happy when I drew his number. :D
Goosebumps! I loved that show so much. That was off the point. LOL Ummm, oh, thank you. I really wanted to find a balance between "crazy and unpredictable" as dreams are and still have it tell a logical, and understandable story. So I'm glad that it came across.
With Snape, I really wanted to capture that same snide attitude he had towards the Shack scene, because I see this as taking place just a bit before that. Plus, the way he was always telling Dumbledore that Lupin was probably helping Sirius, so in a way, Snape believes at this point that Remus is trying to help Sirius Black into the castle to get to Harry. :D
*blushes wildly* Thank you for that. I really think that keeping him out of "relationship mode" kept me from falling into those Sirius-Cliche traps. It was like pulling teeth to not make this into a Remus/Sirius because it just feels so natural I've been doing it so long. :D
It wasn't a glob. :D Thank you again for your time and giving me a HUGE smile right as I'm getting up. --Jenna Report Review
I loved at the beginning how you slipped in things like Hermione saying werewolf and then saying she said professor, it was had a really unnerving effect like in a nightmare.
Thanks for letting me know about your story, I'm really glad i read it.Author's Response: Thank you. I certainly hope that it helped you out at all. :D --Jenna
I look forward to seeing your entry when you get it up, I'll check out the thread for your entry. Report Review
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