I really liked this chapter. It seems like an important turning point for Lucy. She acts like herself and confronts her problems. She takes action. I love that. And I love that she has some friends again.
Also I can now understand why Remus was mad at her. He was upset and didn't want to fight with her anymore. I'm so happy that they're not fighting anymore and that he's going to open up to her :)
I find it strange that Sirius doesn't know at all what's going on with Lindsey. But that's probably part of her whole anti-marauder thing. I really am curious though as to why she was angry with Lucy to begin with. Was it because she really does have feelings for Sirius?
And then there's David...he's noticed that she's wearing the ring around, yet he doesn't reveal his identity. Does he doubt that she would feel the same had he revealed himself? I don't quite understand his thoughts there.
I really do like this story and I hope that you can update it and Mute soon!!!Author's Response: I love Remus, and I couldn't keep Lucy stuck in a pit. I also didn't want her sad life to drag on :/
David definitely is my biggest problem to deal with. He wants Lucy, but she rejected him for so long, and now he's afraid she's forgotten the night at the Ball.
Thanks :) Report Review
Wow that chapter was intense! It sounded like everyone was treating Lucy unfairly. Lucy had a right to be mad, Remus, not so much. David was the one who hit him, not her!
I still love them all though :)
Lindsey is definitely the lowest on the list right now, though. Even past Sirius. Best friends need to be dependable despite petty jealousies and arguments. Lucy was always there for her.
I loved it :)
Please update this and Mute as soon as you can!
(I imagine that's sounding pretty old by now lol)Author's Response: I think they all are just tired of the drama and want their life to go on. They're blaming Lucy.
Me too :)
I feel exactly the same way. Her shallow side is coming out and she's looking for a change. She's also a little jealous ;)
And I think you'll be happy to know that I'm ALMOST done with the next chapter of Mute. It is intense, and I love it. Report Review
Great chapter :)
I liked reading from Lindsey's POV and the part with Dacid was really cute :)
I wish he would just tell her it was him.
Please update this and Mute soon!Author's Response: I know! He just can't wait in the sidelines while he watches her life jumble up. It sucks.
Thanks :) Report Review
I love CUPCAKES. lol.
In this chapter I really liked Lindsey. We got to see her as a very loyal and good friend, which I liked. We didn't see a lot of this before because they were so busy, apart, or Lucy was jealous.
Obviously Remus has reason to feel guilty but I'm glad he did what he did because it just didn't seem like Sirius and Lucy were meant to be...but maybe I'm wrong. They were only together a couple weeks.
Overall the chapter was just...dreary and sad. Which I think was the rift thing to do. They should feel that way. Of course that's not really the most 'fun' part of the story. It's essential and I think you did it wonderfully!
David is such a nice guy...
Please update this and Mute!Author's Response: I enjoy reading your reviews. A definite self-esteem booster.
Remus had good intentions, as we all do when we do stupid things. I honestly feel bad that he had to go through such measure though. Thanks! Report Review
AWESOME chapter! Definitely one of my favorites.
I wish Lucy would like Remus. Or David. Sirius is really stupid and I definitely think he loves Lindsey, if anyone. He knew exactly what she would've wanted James to do and the whole walnut thing...he's in love. And poor Lucy keeps getting mixes up with the wrong guys while the right ones wait in the wings.
I love the drama and romance :) and I love seeing it all pan out.
It's really well-written and I don't think I have any criticism for you!
It's really fun to read :)
Please update this and Mute as soon as you can!Author's Response: Ahhh thanks! I really enjoy this story and all of the drama, something I'm definitely lacking in my own life. Report Review
I've said it before, and I'll say it again! I LOVE REMUS. :)
talk about adorable. And sweet.
It made me so mad at Lucy when she ruined the woke Remus moment by peering over at Sirius. He's kind of a tool.
But I did like his toast. He's a good friend.
I really loved this chapter.
The short revelation from Remus' POV reminded me of David's revelation at the masquerade ball. I loved it. It was short, emotional, and well placed. It adds a climax nothing else can :) so well-written.
The only thing about the story so far that's bothering ms is that I really don't understand Lindsey and how she sees their friendship and the characters around her. She seems sweet and silly, but I don't know much about her. Besides James, we know her the least so far. Maybe you could add more conversations with her to show her personality?
I expect you want her to be msterious though.
Please update this and Mute soon!Author's Response: Thanks :) It's so nice to hear that sometimes, it really makes me want to continue writing. I was almost done with this story, wanting to just slap on an ending so I can mark it complete, but I really want to finish it the right way.
Lindsey probably is the one character I want to be masked. I don't want people to really feel like they know her until she's at her most vulnerable.
Thanks :) Report Review
Loved the ending! It's so mysterious...and sneaky...and a little scary. Which is perfect lol.
And, wow, her sister is a piece of work.
I also loved the part about the snow. It made her seem innocent and sweet and childlike. And Sirius is confusing. I feel like he does have ulterior motives, like Lindsey said. I'd rather Lucy liked Remus or David... And I definitely think Lindsey likes Sirius. Maybe she didn't before, but I think she does now.
And the part about forgiving Sirius...I got the impression that it had something to do with how Lindsey acted, but I can't quite place it...or am I totally off?
Please update this and Mute as soon as you can!
Please update this and Mute soon!Author's Response: We all can't help who we love, the unfortunate truth of life. Lol you'll just have to see :)
Thanks! Report Review
Wow what a cliffhanger!
I don't know why, but it sounds like he's going to kiss her!
I loved Remus in this chapter :) he's the intuitive, true friend. So caring and sweet.
And Sirius was interesting here too. He got all soft... :)
I liked this chapter a lot :)
Although I don't really understand why Lucy sort of separates herself from her friends so much? Or was she just innocently wrapped up in her thoughts?
Please update this and Mute as soon as possible!!Author's Response: Lucy likes being in her own world. She also feels like when she's trapped in her thoughts, she won't be judged. Lindsey is extremely quick to judge, so she has to hold back a lot.
And I love Sirius :)
I feel really bad for David. He's so sweet :)
And I'm kind of confused about Lindsey...here David made her sound like she's manipulative? You know, 'controlling'? It has a negative connotation and before I thought Lindsey was just kind of silly and pretty nice. She helped Lucy look for Mr. Mystery and they're best friends...so was David exaggerating? Or does their friendship have flaws like that?
Also, I wish you would've included the conversation with Remus because we haven't seen much of him so far. Directly, that is. So far we've just heard memories of their meetings. I'd like to see a conversation between them.
I'd also like to read from Lindsey's POV to understand her better. Unless the other view of Lucy and their relationship is meant to be a surprise?
Also, I thought it was really funny when you mentioned Lucy writing please go away! On her essay and sinking her nose lower and lower. I thought it was an adorably childish moment :) sounds like something I might do lol.
Please udate this and Mute soon!Author's Response: David and Lucy have conflicting views on Lindsey. Both have their reasons and they both have a touch of truth, however they are slightly exaggerated. Just like if you were to really dislike something you would present an argument that makes them sound worse than they actually are.
I love Remus in this story, and I have plans for him, I just don't want to give too much away :/ And I don't think I could portray him the way I see him in my head.
Haha, that's also something I am guilty of doing *she sheepishly admits* I pulled a lot of encounters from my life into this. My own personal touch of sorts :)
Thanks! Report Review
It's my favorite too!
Absolutley beautiful! It was so romantic and so tragic!
David sounds like the sweetest guy ever. I wish Lucy would just give him a chance.
I LOVED how you wrote about the two of them at the lake and then, after she left, came back around to his POV. That couldn't have been more perfect! I could picture his face and his feelings so clearly...it was just so romantic.
I find it odd the way you portray Lily Evans...is she (or Lucy's opinion of her) going to change during the story? If not, why did you choose to portray her this way? Did you dislike her in the books? Or did you just want a different route? I'm very curious about that. I am fascinated by the relationship James and Lindsey will have, though. :)
When you were talking about the dresses being 'rumpled' I think you meant ruched?
I also found this sentence intriguing: "What interesting things could happen when people don't know who I am?"
It was the tone that got me- it sounds doubtful. Like she honestly doesn't expect anything, when if found in any other context it would sound sarcastic. I thought that was a funny piece of irony combined with foreshadowing :)
AND it's a rhetorical question. If that were a quote we had to analyze at school, our class would have a field day lol.
So, props to you for an awesome sentence :)
And that was a BRILLIANT chapter.
Learned so much about everyone and it was so well written. A well-deserved 10. (and I don't give that out often)
I can't wait to read more!!
Please update this and Mute as soon as you can!
:)Author's Response: Aw thanks! :) I was debating over revealing it was him, however I ultimately decided to because I could play with him a little bit and create empathy with him. He can come off as a bit of a bad person sometimes, but he really has the best at heart.
Lucy has a negative outlook on certain people... one of them being Lily Evans. This is just how she sees her. Sometimes her judgement can be clouded, and her feelings of Lily will definitely come into play later on and give her more reason to hate her.
Maybe, I couldn't find the right word :/ Lol thanks for that!
Haha thanks! This is honestly a lucky accident :)
This review made me smile! Thanks! Report Review
I liked this chapter, though it was pretty sad. Lucy seems to be feeling pretty angsty and jealous and I'm afraid this will cause her to make poor decisions...I felt so bad for her when David said he liked Lindsey. I am wondering, though, if it's all in her head that guys only like Lindsey? Because you said they're very similar, they only look different. I'd think someone would like her too...
Also I'm curious as to whether Lindsey is going to remain mostly the perfect one or if you're going to add some complexity to her and maybe write from her POV...
I think the story is going very well. I am hoping to read about some good things happening to Lucy, though, because it seems a little dreary and I feel really bad for her.
Please update this and Mute soon!Author's Response: Lucy represents the bad side of all of us- We all get jealous and envious of other people, even our best friends, and I wanted her to seem like a good person who really lets her thoughts get the best of her.
In a way, it can all be in her head, but also Lindsey is more outgoing and Lucy can be more timid when talking to people she doesn't know.
Thanks! Report Review
I've been reading Mute for a while now, and I figured I should try reading your other stories while waiting for an update since I love your writing :)
I think this story seems very promising. You have a lot set up and I'm excited to see how things will play out. I loved the flashforward in the beginning and the cliffhanger at the end- they really add to the mystery.
I don't usually like the story-telling mode of filling the reader in on the background, but I think I'm happy that you did it because now the story is in motion right away. Also, you were very concise and the transition into the scene worked well because I had a clear view of her mindset at the time.
I like how you expressed a lot of internal conflicts Lucille possesses. It makes her a more complex and interesting character and it helps mento sympathize with her. She seems really sweet overall. I hope you do a chapter from Lindsey's POV so I can see her insight as well :)
Please update this and Mute as soon as you can!Author's Response: Aw shucks :)
I like setting up all of the characters in the beginning and telling the readers about their life, however I've tried to get away from that as I can see how it would be boring to some people.
Lucille, to me, isn't sure what she wants or really even thinks.
I'll try :) Thank you! Report Review
OMG! Each chapter keeps getting better! I can't wait to see what happens at the meeting! Please update soon :)Author's Response: Thanks :) I'll update in a few days, promise! Report Review
It won't let me review again on Chapter 13 so i decided to leave this little comment on here.
Your writing is amazing the first person that reviewed on Ch.13 is insane! I understand Lucy and sympathies for her and how hard all this would be.
Please don't listen to some bogus reviewer like that. Your writing is simply amazing and i can't wait until you upload more.
People are just rude sometimes.Author's Response: Aw :) After that last review I definitely felt a bit worse, but this made me smile! I realize some people just want to cut people down to make themselves feel better, and I'm totally over it. I'll put the next chapter in the queue right now just because you reviewed. Thanks! Report Review
I just found your story today and its so good :)
I love your writing and just all the drama that is going on with all the characters. Diffidently one of my favorite fanfics that I've read. Please update soon and keep up the great work :DAuthor's Response: :) Next chapter in queue! Report Review
I must admit that I find Lucy rather annoying and I can't really sympathize with her at all, because it really does sound like she is madly jealous at Lindsey for reasons that are childish and hates her supposedly best friend. I just find her to be quite mean.
I actually really like Lindsey in your story, simply because it is easy to sympathize with her and she isn't insanely jealous or anything.
I am sure you mean for it to come out differently, perhaps even opposite, but it just doesn't and I think that is sad if you wanted it differently.Author's Response: Gee thanks? Maybe you're just taking it in a different way than most people do. I ask for constructive criticism- not a review that leaves me feeling like the story I've invested so much time in is 'sad'. I'm sure you mean to come out differently, but you don't and I think that's really, truly sad. Please, don't leave a review if you're not going to give me suggestions to improve my story, because I know I have plenty of room for improvement, as I'm sure you do as well. Report Review
An excellent update. A bit short, but I'll take it. The story seems to be coming along quite nicely, and I really can't wait to read more!
Lucy and Lindsey's relationship gets a bit deeper in this chapter, and despite my dislike of Lindsey, I feel like this is important. Her loyalty to Lucy is admirable, and she sort of unintentionally risked her own embarressment for the sake of her friends well being. I guess I might be warming up to her, slightly.
Lindsey's conversation with Lily was also another twist I definately didn't seem coming, although it does move the story along nicely. I feel like now that she may not blame Lily as much for her and James' relationship falling apart, she can start to move on.
I really wish David would just get it over with and tell Lucy that he was the masked man at the ball. The suspense is killing me!!
Update again soon, pretty please (:Author's Response: Yeah, sorry about the length. I cranked out what I could at the time to appease you guys, but now I have a nice footing on it and I'm a bit ahead, so updates should be soon :)
Thanks for noticing! I was trying to show Lucy wasn't just Lindsey's minion, they were friends. Lol, but I wouldn't warm up to her too much just yet. You'll see ;)
Ah, I love David. I kind of have a plan for how that's going to happen. Mum's the word!
Thanks so much! Your review made my day :)
~xoxostarstruck~ Report Review
The chapter was excellent. I can't wait for more!!!Author's Response: Thank you! I'm posting the next chapter as soon as the queue is open! Report Review
Cupcake. And please update again soon!
Good, dramatic chapter. Even though I really don't like Lindsey, I'm starting to sort of feel bad for her.Author's Response: I'll try! I've been in a major writer's block these past few months, and school has been hectic. (Finals, blegh!) So I hope now I have a few fresh ideas! Report Review
Makes you almost feel bad for Sirius in a way that Remus betrayed him like that, although he certainly did have the power to stop it. Poor Lucy though. She obviously really likes Sirius and he just stomped on her heart. I bet they'll get back together!Author's Response: Fingers crossed I'm not in a bad mood when I write that chapter! Report Review
Loved the snowball fight! Poor Remus and Peter.
The Room of Requirement huh? Interesting twist. You don't often hear about this room in Marauder Era fics, since it isn't on the Marauder's map and everyone assumed they never discovered it. I personally like to think of them more as having discovered close to every secret the castle has to offer!Author's Response: Same here! Ah, the Marauders. My favorite group of boys Report Review
I really don't like Lindsey at all. And Sirius certainly is a bit of a jerk in this chapter.
Lucy also mentioned something about global warming, and I could be completely wrong, but I don't think that they were too worried about things like that in the 70's.Author's Response: What can I say! Um, I'm not too sure myself :/ But I think you're right. Report Review
Your writing is very good, but it doesn't really sound very British. I have this problem myself, but a good substitute for kissing is snogging obviously.
I'm glad Lucy is finally goingto figure out who her mystery man is, although I bet she doesn't like it to much!Author's Response: I've noticed that. These past few months I've been working on it in a few other stories (not yet released!) so hopefully when I write the next chapter for this it sounds more authentic! Report Review
Interesting turn of events. I thought David liked Lindsey though? And I'm so glad we finally got to find out who the mystery masquerade man was. Keep up the good work!Author's Response: Word vomit, we all experience it at one point :) Report Review
Good chapter! I really don't think I'm a big fan of Lindsey though, I must admit.
The mechanics of the story look good so far, I noticed a couple of typos, but nothing major. Update soon!Author's Response: Thanks! I really don't care for her much either. People like that you would just like to erase from the story altogether! Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection