you are an amazing writer. seriously this is one heck of an original effort. a great beginning backed by a solid development of the plot.
you see fan fics are my staple diet.my escape from the reality...i have come across too many stories with some great beginnings and abandoned later. i seriously do not wish the same to happen to this one.
i saw another of your stories which gives me the hope that you are still active. i would love for you to finish this one...for me
yours sincerely Report Review
Well, the Minister did ask for her to come - he should have known that she'd want to bring her people and who those people were. But the glamour should do the trick... one can hope so at least. I can see why you like Ratford, who's as good as his name for being a crawling rat. :P He, Serefina, and Gustave are larger-than-life characters, almost cliched, but defying those same cliches. It's a fantastic adventure story for those same reasons - it follows similar lines to classic action/adventures, but does so in a refreshing way.
And now to wait until the update comes. *sigh* You've left off at a good point here, introducing the main characters and problems, then leaving off just before they start on the job. I still wonder how Wesley's going to come out of this alive - he's so out of his depth here, and if the manticore or Serefina & co. don't get to him first, then the Minister will. ;)
Loving this story - it's definitely among my favourite WIPs at the moment! ^_^ Report Review
Oooh! Very exciting! It was like being in a pirate's den, and Wesley pretty much did everything possible to infuriate them while never actually meaning to. XD Poor guy, he's very much out of his element here, and I can see how he's more of the paper pusher than a beast hunter. But hanging around with those two for even a short time will hopefully help him out a bit. ;)
Loved this chapter, though that was no surprise. Your descriptions are perfect in that they're incredibly vivid, but you never go overboard with them - you show the reader just enough, then let them do the rest themselves. I felt like I was there in the Gilded Lily, watching all of this happen and feeling it too - the smells, the dim lighting, the texture of the worn tables. It's brilliant how you're able to make everything in the story come alive.
With one of your French lines, the last one that almost got Wesley killed, it probably should be "vos" instead of "vous etes" - "your alcohol" instead of "you're", one of those insane English grammar confusions. You likely need to double check my correction, though, as I don't trust my French that well. :P
Off to the next! It'll be painful waiting until October for an update afterward, but I'll still be looking out for it. ;) Report Review
Oh lord, she's a scary one, even more so alive than in the "story" Wesley read in the first chapter. She does seem like a character out of an old storybook - like a pirate crossed with Lara Croft - and I've never seen a character similar to her ever. I'm curious to know more about her and her history, if that even matters - to her, I'd guess that everything is about the present, what she can catch next.
One danger I can see in this story is that Serefina could easily outshine and overpower Wesley. I like his character so far, but he needs to buck up a little as the story goes on. :P I'm sure that you have this in line already, though - I just have to wait and see how you'll further develop him. :)
I have one other question that perhaps you could answer: when is this taking place? It has a vintage flavour to it, but that's something I've seen in your style, too, so I'm not entirely sure. I'm not desperate to know, only wondering about how and where this fits into the wider Potterverse.
As always, love the writing, the love the ideas, and love the originality. If you can spare a little of your imagination, please send it my way. ^_^ Report Review
This looks superbly exciting! :D The first part was thrilling, but in the way that an action film is - you know it's too unreal to actually happen, but you still love reading it. I can see why Wesley thought it was so ridiculous, especially with the things he's gone through because of this manticore. It seems that if he can't catch/control that beast, no one could, at least in his opinion. I wonder if that's true or not. ;)
I can't think of much else to say other than express again how much I enjoyed reading this. It's a unique story, for one, and you're also the author, which is another bonus. You've got an intriguing plot, great characters, and a huge amount of potential here. It's always exciting to find another adventure story on the archive, so I'm definitely looking forward to reading more. ^_^ Report Review
It took me two paragraphs of the intro, not even the story to decide that your the best writer I've ever seen here - . If the two characters you started with here are your creations and not Terry P's that is.
I've never seen anyone on this site so capable of creating characters, if these are yours..hell, if these are yours you are close to the best writer I've ever read period and I read about 50 novels a year (I'm a train commuter).
If not, well, you still plagerize well, which is an admirable and valuable skill of writers and not just fanfic writers. All the best stuff is some sort of spun plagerization redetailed.Author's Response: Sorry for the lateness of the reply >.< But if it makes up for it, YOUR REVIEW JUST MADE MY DAY!
OMG Thank you for that compliment! Seriously! I - floored and can't complete sentences-
Yes, the two main characters are all mind. In fact, they are all my OCs (except for Spavin, who is actually canon in name but practically OC in characterization). Terry Pratchett is more of a style/tone inspiration for me. How he meshes adventure and humor so well. Of course, I'll never be able to measure up to that, but your compliment makes me feel like I'm not shaming him as much as I think I am.
Again, thanks so much! ILY! Report Review
Awe, Rita! I love this chapter as much as I loved the last one. And I do love Crawley, he's an interesting bloke with a temper to match any Weasley! lol
Anyway, as I read this, I found some sentences that seemed odd to me - mostly because it appeared words were missing. I'm not entirely sure if you meant it to be that way or not, but I thought I'd point them out in case they were indeed missed in your edits.
First: Wesley tried is best not to shrink in embarrassment. I believe this was meant to be his best not is best.
Second: the man had a sizable stomach to hold the all the booze he'd no doubt consumed the whole time he was there. I think there is one too many The's in this sentence.
Third: but Gustave quickly picked up like a daisy in the meadow and put him back in his seat This sentence seems like a word is missing. I'm assuming Gustave picked Crawley up, but it really doesn't say.
Fourth: I won't go to England, even for all the money on the world I think this sentence meant to say 'in' the world not 'on' the world.
Fifth: Crawley shakily extended hand towards the bowl Shakily extended his hand? Was that what you meant?
All in all I loved this chapter and hope you don't mind me pointing out those five mistakes? And, the King's a wizard? I really like that addition - or does he simply know about the wizarding world? I think Wesley, the poor dear, needs a break from all these ruffians! I really like him and I feel bad for him, what with being called a monkey and all.Author's Response: Thanks so much for this awesome review Len! I really appreciate it .
I'm glad you liked Crawley too. Writing this story, I expected to love Fiametta the best, but Crawley was just so much fun to write and he gets on Wesley's nerves so. I think it's the fact that he gets on everyone's nerves but can never be expelled from the group due to his usefulness :D
And thank you for the edits! Dang my eyes miss so much! I've edited them in. Eternally grateful.
As for that, nope. Sorry. King's not a Wizard. However, the HP books state that the Heads of Government knew about these things, about the Wizards and their existence. And since the King is the other half of the UK's government, I figured why not let him handle some of the messes as well.
Wesley will never have a break from the ruffians. Well, in the future, he tries but fails miserably. Tis his lot in life, I suppose.
Again, thanks so much for the review! *hugs* Report Review
Haha! I'm not surprised Serafina scares Wesley, she scares me! I loved this chapter and the last. It's such an interesting and refreshing story to see someone hunting the wild things that most wizards only hear about in tales. I can't wait to read more and find out how they capture (or kill) the Manticore. I'll definitely be looking forward to the next chapter :D Report Review
Highly entertaining and very oiriginal. Just the type of story I like. Definite favorite.Author's Response: Thanks for the reviews and the fave! Glad you like it! Report Review
Still lovin it! I can't wait to see how the plot plays out!Author's Response: Glad you liked it :) Thanks for the review! Report Review
I find this interesting so far! I think that you're writing is excellent and you definitely reeled me in with this first chapter :)Author's Response: Ohh! Thanks so much for reviewing! I really appreciate it :) Report Review
Rita, you genius, you've done it again! You'd think I should be used to it by now! :P
I love Serefina so far, of course! A lovely mixture of blunt, brave and vicious, but I can sense she has a distinct stubbornness. I can definitely see that interfering with her working with Wesley to catch the manticore - that is, if she/the Ministry can compromise on the details of the capture. Anywho, Spout-Hole Spavin's nickname still has me giggling, and I just love the characterizations of Scamander and Fiametta - and this only the second chapter!
Lovely as always, Rita! Can't wait for the next one ♥
Zinny x Report Review
I don't know how you do it, but whenever I finish reading a chapter of yours - be it any story, and admittedly, I haven't read everything you've written, but even with fics which I start reading feeling a bit sceptical, I always find myself smiling or bursting with excitement. Everything about your chapters - they way they're formatted, the cast-list (which I'm seeing quite a lot off late but remember first seeing it in a chapter of Wasteland), the voice... everything seems so perfect. I'm generally not someone who enjoys reading lighter fics - I don't write them myself because I'm rubbish at it, and also because I read so many of them every day that they kind of leave a bad taste in my mouth - however, you manage to pull these off with such aplomb and verve. I wouldn't even pigeonhole these lighter stories - Spin, Tricks of the Trade and this - as 'humour' stories, because there is a certain underlying and idiosyncratic voice and style and just a distinct leitmotif common to all thse which is distinctly 'you' - which encompasses the sentences, the characters, the wit, just everything. Your style is more cinematic, in that it's very visual. I feel like I'm seeing these things and not just reading about them, which is great because it makes the reader connect well with the story. And this fic is no different. All your characters are so alive and exuberant and so colourfully characterised that it's almost infectious.
You've mentioned in my thread this is a historical, but it didn't seem so, to be honest. It might've as well been Lorcan Scamander and not Wesley, I don't think the story would've seemed any different. Which - as far as I'm concerned - is a good thing, because I don't read historical fiction much. But was wondering if Wesley is related to Newt Scamander - Rolf's grandfather?
Anyway, so this was wonderful and seems absolutely promising and can't wait to see where it'll head. Report Review
Holy crap, you -need- to update this story now! The writing is so beautiful and eloquent. It flowed together seamlessly, the characters are all well rounded, and to top it all off, it's actually interesting!
The bit at the beginning definitely reminded me of a legend of sorts, which seems to be its purpose. And Wesley seems like he's going to be an awesome character. I can't wait to get to know him, and Serefina better. I can certainly see some comedic relationship dynamics.
The plot is something I've never seen before, not in HPFF anyway. Though the feisty foreign girl/proper Englishman has been done before. Of course, there's nothing wrong with that. Archetypes are archetypes for a reason. ^^
Of course, I'm not even sure that Wesley is a "proper Englishman", though his name certainly fits one. I look forward to seeing what happens between them.
Hmm, I really can't think of anything to criticize except that this first chapter isn't nearly long enough! And you haven't updated yet. >.>
Everything is amazing! I may just have to just out your Author's Page to see if you have any other wonderful stories posted. :DDD
DemAuthor's Response: Hey there Dem!
Thanks so much for this amazing review :) I really appreciate it.
I'm glad you like the characters and the plot. I definitely see what you mean about the foreigner/proper gentleman trope. Hopefully, though, I can spin it in a different way. In my own way. Because Wesley is certainly a proper english gentleman...but can be persuaded otherwise come the right circumstance.
Again, thank you for this amazing review! Shall re-request when more is up. Report Review
This story idea is just completely unique in my mind. You do a great job of establishing Fiametta as somewhat of a legend/farce. I was kind of disbelieving that I was reading about hunting in the magical world, but at the same time intrigued. Letting the reader kind of adapt to reading the same account that Wesley reads and finds to be trash.
The situation that Wesley is in also sounds very promising for good drama in the future. I think so far his character is developing nicely.
I love, love, love the phrase And this was why they called him Spout-Hole Spavin. Not only did he have the physique of a fully grown whale, but he could also crush you with minimal effort. It made me snicker and want to keep reading! ;)Author's Response: Thank you so much for this review! I remember asking a review from you back when I still had Taste of Ashes up and seeing you open a new thread up, I instantly jumped at the chance to get another review from you :)
I have to say, you are very spot on as to Fiametta. Her exploits have become such of a legend that one has to doubt if she's even real. Its characters like Wesley, with their healthy cynicism, that I hope will keep the reader grounded despite the obvious mystique about her character.
Haha! Ironically, that line was only added in final editing XD I only found out that Spavin's nickname was "Spout-Hole" during prepping the story for posting. The mind boggles with nicknames like that XD
I'm so glad you had fun with the chapter! I'll definitely re-request when the next chapter is posted...which might be earlier than the slated time XD Report Review
DarkRose from the forums here! :D
Awesome opening chapter! I think you've got something completely original here! I've never even considered a story like this! Great idea!
I absolutely loved the line, "Fact and fiction had long blurred into a single, grand legend about a woman and her insatiable thirst for the cold hands of danger." Incredibly well-written.
The entire chapter, in fact, was very well done. I liked your descriptions and your characterization. This story shows a lot of promise.
Good luck, great job, and keep up the terrific work.
--DracoFerret11/DarkRoseAuthor's Response: Hey there! Thank you for the review!
To be honest, I have actually no idea why I even considered hunting. I just knew that I wanted to make a sort of Indiana Jones. That was how the idea started. But I didn't want her to be an archeologist or anything too complex or anything I'd read so I kept searching through some stuff about the period (1900's) until I came upon famous game hunters. I knew then that Serefina was born to be an amazing hunter. It was also inspired by Terry Pratchett's books. Humor in fantasy. Innovations on archaic industries and such.
II think that line sums up Serefina the Legend quite well. But as for Serefina the Real Person, maybe not so much :) You'll just have to read on to see what kind of person she really is.
Thank you so much for the review! I really appreciated it :) Report Review
Well I have to first of start with how you start this piece, it all odd and mysterious, for this draws the reader in, well done. You then get somewhere it keeps me gussing are they going to make it, to jump to the next secen or person, when you said that Wesley was the only person left I though the other has died but then you send him out to get her to join the Minstery.
Overall I thing this is a great way to start for you leave me asking to question that I need to find out and want the next chapter. You have stated the plot yet it hasnt started till the last couple of para so I cant really coment but I can say that this is a very different idea than I have seen around. I also like how Wesley is one to think about his thoughts before acting and he keeps in to lines in how to acted around the Minster, will he stay like this with others or is this the trait that will change as he does in the story?Author's Response: The excerpt part of the story was actually an after thought. That "excerpt" was supposedly the actual beginning of the story. But I found that it had something lacking. And then Wesley's character was invented and I knew that Serefina was no longer the voice of the story. Just the subject of it. Decided to keep the beginning though, but only as a written story about Serefina.
Yes. Wesley is among the last of the Trappers (the Beast Division) left. He's actually more of an administrator rather than an actual Trapper. But the high mortality rate of the job (ever since the arrival of the manticore) made it easier for him to climb the corporate ladder so to speak. Now that they're running out of men, Spavin has decided that other means are necessary. Hence Serefina :)
As for Wesley's actions, I think he'll always be that type of character who thinks before he acts. Especially when dealing with other people. But everyone has buttons to be pushed and come the next chapters, Wesley slowly loses that grip he has on himself :)
I'm so glad you liked the story! Thank you so much and will be certain to re-request come the new chapter! Report Review
Wow. This was...incredible. I love how it's original. I felt as though I was reading a real, published book, instead of a fanfiction. Bravo.
I mean, this is such a unique idea for a story! I'm a bit confused on the time frame, though. Would this be in the past, with Wesley being some great-great grandfather of Lorcan and Lysander, or on the future and vise-versa? I'm just curious is all. Bloody brilliant story, either way.
As for grammar and flow, it was all immaculate. It really felt like I was reading the workings of a published author. It had such a style and flair to the writing, and the characters are OC's but so original and full.
UPDATE, because I think I might be hooked. And I'm really excited to see where you take this.Author's Response: Ahhh! I'm so flattered. Seriously. That comment made my day :) Thank you/
Wesley is actually the older brother of Newt Scamander, who is Lorcan & Lysander's great-grandfather *i think*. But anyway, yes. He is Newt Scamander's brother. Which is ironic since Wesley "hunts" creatures while Newt studies them XD
Again! Thank you so much! I am so glad you liked the plot and the characters. As for the update, I know I said I would post it at July 16, but I am so excited by all of you guys that I just might post early XD Again, thank you so much! You rock! Report Review
I love the beginning of the story, the picture actually sets up the mood of the beginning - dark, mysterious, and very intriguing. Is Welsey Scamander a made up character or in the books? Maybe I'm thinking of Weasley...Anyways, I like the sense of urgency you've put in this first chapter, I love it when writers just get into the story and not spend too much time introducing things.keep writing!Author's Response: Thank you so much for this review!
Wesley Scamander is an OC of mine. He's the great-grand uncle of Rolf, actually. He's the older brother of Newt Scamander, Rolf's father and the twins' grandfather.
I am so glad you liked this chapter! You're awesome XD Report Review
I like this. It gives a good opening to the story, and sets up a strong plot line. You have a very nice writing style, that I enjoyed reading and good character introductions!Author's Response: Thank you for the review! Glad you liked the story! Report Review
I think this is a really clever idea for a story. It's very unique and definitely interesting to read. Your writing style is amazing, you drew me in from the very beginning with your vivid descriptions. From what I've seen so far I love the character of Selefina, a totally hardcore girl that's gotten her name in legends for her feats. I can't wait to see more of her actual interaction with people outside of the hunt. The minister seems like a total tool and its great, having a character that the readers love to hate is always great to read. I really look forward to seeing the interaction between Wesley and Selefina since they seem like totally opposite personalities and I think it will be very interesting. I think you're definitely on the right track with this story and you should keep going with it.Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing!
Glad you like the story XD I really appreciate it!
I actually wrote this story imagining that the "excerpt" was the actual start of the story. Serefina in the jungle, hunting some beasts (before she gets a letter from the Minister of Magic, asking for help with their pesky problem). But it never seemed to fit. Then Wesley came to mind. Once he came into the picture, Serefina's character changed and the excerpt no longer fit her. Though it did fit the fictional her. Hope you'll like the real Serefina as much as the fictional one. Crossed fingers, I hope you like her better XD
Again, thank you for this amazing review! I'll be sure to re-request when the new chapter is out! Report Review
I found this to be very interesting and can't wait to read more of it when it's up! :) The beginning really drew me in, as it seemed ot have a lot of action happening.
Your character of Wesley seems to be very interesting, and I can't wait to hear more about him. The minister also seems like an interesting character. I like how you characterized both of them! :D
From what you have so far, that plot seems really interesting. I can't wait to see wht happens when Wesley meets Fiametta, as it seems he doesn't really liek her.
Anyways, great start to what seems to be a great story! :)Author's Response: Thank you so much for the prompt review! I'm so happy you like it :) I really appreciate it. Next chapter should be coming soon. I'll be sure to re-request if you'll let me. Report Review
Seriously Rita? SERIOUSLY?
How are you so brilliant? I don't know how you keep on pulling out brilliant story after brilliant story, but this looks absolutely EPIC, so much fun and is, as usual, incredibly well written. I was a little skeptical about a female hunter in this time period but you absolutely won me over, and I'm loving how it isn't too serious either :)
Finish a few stories and I promise to build you that shrine.Author's Response: Cup-of-Jo! ILY!
You know what, change the references to me to references to you and you'll have it straight! But despite your confusion, I thank you anyway :) You're such a doll and I'm just glad I won you over with my female hunter XD She's a little firecracker and is going to provide Wesley with oodles of trouble in the coming chapters. Just you wait and see.
Ha! I'll do my best :) Thank you loff! *squishes* You're awesome! Report Review
Rita, Rita, Rita, it is SO unfair how ridiculously talented you are.
The moment I saw Richard Coyle on the banner, I had to read this. I know, I know, that's sort of shallow, but I also knew this was a Rita original, so I knew I'd be in for a treat regardless of who was on your banner. Suffice to say, I was right - and way beyond! I loved the opening excerpt; the action was very intense! And oh my, I can already tell that I'm going to love Wesley, which just so happens to be the name of one of my favourite television characters of ALL time. Not that that matters, of course, but whatever. :P
Seriously, though, I'm so so excited to see where you go with this, especially if you're listing Terry Prachett as an inspiration; I love that man!
Fantastic job, darling. Sorry this review made little to no sense. ILY! ♥Author's Response: Molly! Molly! Molly! Right back at you! You have no idea how talented you are as well, so that makes it mean so much more when you compliment me like that. It would make Shakespeare blush, believe me XD
Not shallow at all. I have to admit, banners affect my reading too. Guilty pleasure I suppose XD See, first while I was writing, Wesley was such a serious, straight-and-narrow character but around the fifth chapter, I realized that was what made him so humorous and who better to play him than a comedic genius XD
I am really happy to hear that you like the story. I've spent a lot of time on it and I'm just glad to finally have it out and about. Going Postal and Guards! Guards! really put me in perspective for this story. Without them, I don't think Pest Control would have come out in it's true form.
Hope to see you soon! This was an amazing review. More to come in a week or so! ILY you too! Report Review
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