Aww, that ending was so cute!
I think I got to see more of Elena's character in this chapter than the first one. I still have no idea why, but that chapter just throws me off. >.<
I thought the whole confusion thing was hilarious: she doesn't want him so he starts to leave, he doesn't understand so she starts to leave--it's called communication, people! So glad they finally did, haha.
I'm a little curious as to how Peter's little date went. He was pathetic, too, right?
Which reminds me, that last line about them being pathetic together was adorable. It's all so cute! I love fluffy stories, hehe.
This was really nice. I enjoyed reading it!
DemAuthor's Response: Thanks so much! I'm glad you think so!
Okay :) I should definitely have a look at that, but it's good to hear that there seemed to be more insight (right?) in Elena's character here.
I'm glad you liked all the confusion; it was quite funny to write as well. Yes, communicating can sometimes be pretty hard ;)
Yeah, you're right. It's officially on my to do-list now, haha.
Aw, thank you. I'm glad you thought that was adorable, and that it's all so cute - that was exactly how I wanted it to be.
Thank you, and that's great to hear! :D
Thanks a lot for all your reviews!! Report Review
Ahaha, I like Davies. He's incredibly cute when he's all nervous. Especially since he seems so cool on the outside. It's nice to get an inside look to the way some people think.
I think I liked this chapter more. I'm not sure if it's because I like Davies's character better than Elena's, but I dunno. I just liked it more, haha. Yay, I'm so helpful, I know.
The plot certainly thickened a bit more, what with Davies's friends disappearing for lunch. I wonder what Elena is going to do when she finds out they're having lunch alone!
I love how Davies thinks he's such an idiot for not realizing that Peter wasn't her boyfriend. That part actually made me giggle a bit, haha.
Hmm, well on to the last chapter!
DemAuthor's Response: Thanks, that's great to hear! I like to think so too ;) And I'm glad you liked that!
Well, it's always good to hear what people think, right? So it's definitely helpful in some way :)
Oh, his friends are weird, but their disappearance was very convenient :P
And that's great to hear :D Haha, I'm glad you liked that part so much!
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Hey there! DemetersChild here from the forums with your long awaited review! Sorry it took me so incredibly long. Honestly, I can't believe I'm answering review requests during NaNo, but I'm a little tired of writing and I thought reading would help refresh my creativity a bit. :DDD
You didn't really point out any specific you wanted me to talk about, so I'll just go through the usual.
Plot: Simple enough--girl likes boy, etc. It isn't anything special, but it doesn't need to be. :D At least Davie's (sorta) asked her out! xD
Flow: It seems to flow pretty well. There weren't any huge gaps or anything jumpy. The only part that gave me problems was when Davies was telling her about Peter asking Susan out and her commentary between his sentences. I think there was a mix up of quotations there because I couldn't really tell what she was thinking and what he was saying. Maybe if it was separated out into paragraphs it'd be a bit less confusing.
Grammar: A-okay! Besides those crazy quotations marks. :P
Characterization: I never really got into Roger Davies, but he seemed to be portrayed really well. Smooth, kind, but a bit of a player. I didn't get to really see much of Peter, but obviously he had enough guts to go ask Susan out. As for Elena, I'm not sure what to think of her. I didn't feel like I really got to know much about her character from the chapter. Which is odd considering it's in first person. She just kinda seems...there. And maybe that's how she's supposed to be? I dunno.
Overall, I enjoyed the chapter pretty well! On to the next one. :D
DemAuthor's Response: Oh, wow! Thanks! I have to admit, I kind of forgot that I even requested these reviews, so it's a nice surprise! :D
I'm glad you liked the plot so far :) You're right; for such a short story, I didn't really want to use a complicated plot full of twists and everything that comes with it :) And yes, he did!
It's good to hear that the flow seemed alright too, and it didn't really jump around :) I see what you mean - I just re-read a bit of that conversation and... ouch. Elena's commentary makes it kind of hard to read indeed. I'm thinking of re-editing everything in the Christmas break (or whenever), so I'll definitely do something about this. Thanks for pointing it out, and sorry for the confusion!
I'm glad you thought the characterisation of Roger was good, so thank you! We don't see a lot of him in the books, so it's fairly easy for different people to interpret him differently, so it's good that you can see this interpretation happening. I hadn't even thought about that, but I think Elena is indeed mostly just... there. She doesn't stand out very much. Haha, thanks for all the insight!
Thank you, that's great to hear! And thanks a lot for your review! Report Review
Heyyy! Yay for updating!!
I thought it was a nice way to conclude it, because of how obsessed they were with one another. It makes sense for them to not realise that the other could be in any way in love with them. So yes, I did like it! I thought it was very sweet and adorable the way they got together. Since this is a short story, I suppose how quickly they got together is fine and you're right, they have liked each other for a long time. So it's not entirely unrealistic :) Erm, the story flowed along very nicely and your grammar and such was pretty flawless. Or at least I didn't notice any glaring infraction so kudos for that! I truly enjoyed this story. After I read this, I went looking for more Roger Davies story and unfortunately, found none. Although, I didn't picture Roger this way, I still really liked how you depicted him. Elena is also a very likable character and very relatable! Erm, what else is there to say? I'm not really sure what else to say except that this chapter is super cutee!! And I wish I could re-favourite you again XD... Great job!!
xAuthor's Response: :D Thanks, I'm glad you're so excited!
Thank you, I'm glad you liked that. I couldn't not give them a happy ending ;) I'm glad you thought that made sense - maybe another interpretation of love makes blind?
It's good to hear you didn't think it was too rushed. They've liked each other long enough!
I'm glad the flow seemed good and there weren't any glaring mistakes. And that's great to hear too, thanks!
Really? None at all? :( He's so much fun to write! And that's the best part about minor characters, don't you think - that you have quite a wide range of how to portray them. So I'm glad you liked my portrayal of him, and you liked Elena as well. It's good that she's relatable :) Thanks!
I'm glad you think so! And thank you, that's great to hear!
Thank you very much for your awesome review! XD Report Review
Woohoo, and then they kissed. Honestly, I thought that it was a bit too fast, but i'm sure that there should be more after this, else you wouldn't put it this fast. Thanks for the update :)Author's Response: Yes, indeed they did!
Hm, that's too bad. They liked each other for quite some time now, so I think they waited long enough, no? Besides, it was only a kiss (and a hug). You're right about the fact that a lot more could happen after this, but not in this fic, I'm afraid. I hope you liked it anyway :)
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Aw, he likes her too! I really wasn't expecting that, but I'm glad he does. It's cute that they obsess over eachother without knowing that the other is obsessed with them as well!
Haha I can't wait to see how lunch goes. Please update soon, I really like this story (:Author's Response: Yes, he does :) It's good to hear that you like that, even though you weren't expecting it. Yes, the whole situation is a little unfortunate, but I'm glad you think it's cute :)
I'll try to update as soon as possible, and thanks a lot for your review! Report Review
Wow!! I love it!! That is tooo cute, the two of them being obsessed with each other and not even knowing it! Awe, I'm really enjoying this. It's got the right amount of humour and cuteness. Again, I have no criticisms whatsoever on your grammar, etc. I just want you to update now! I really like Roger's characterisation and how he thought Peter was Elena's boyfriend. I also like how oblivious the two are. You've done a great job with developing your characters and making their feelings sound believable. I was a bit wary that they both might be in 'love' with each other already, but maybe that's just the cynic in me talking. I really can't wait to see what happens on their "date"! Do update again and I'll definitely review Chapter 3 when you've got it up!
10/10 xAuthor's Response: Thank you, I'm glad you do! I didn't think Roger would generally be portrayed as someone obsessed with a girl (this whole obsession thing kind of fits your name, doesn't it?), so that seemed like a nice way to go :)
Ah yes, they're very oblivious! And poor Peter, getting dragged into the whole ordeal like this, no? :)
They think they might be in love with the other - of course, there's no way to prove whether or not they are, but it might also be their huge obsession or anything like that. To them, it's love, to you, it could be anything ;)
I think I'll update this as soon as the story that's in the queue now gets validated, so chapter 3 should be up soon, I hope! I'll be looking forward to your review, then!
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Wow! I cannot stop grinning like a fool! I absolutely loved this!! It is so cute and funny and realistic! I'm honestly so excited to read what happens next!! I have no criticisms for your grammar or punctuation or anything. The dialogue seemed realistic and your OC seemed perfectly realistic as well. I think Elena is just adorable. Her and her obsession with Roger! I've always wanted to read a Roger Davies fic so I'm glad you asked for a request! Ah, okay sorry, I'm rambling. I really enjoyed this!! Going to read Chapter 2 now!
10/10 xAuthor's Response: :D That's always good to hear! I'm glad you liked it that much, and I'm also glad you thought it was realistic!
Haha, yes, Elena... she's pretty obsessed, as you already knew ;) But it's good to hear you think she's adorable, I hoped she would come across as such.
Really? Well, that's good, then :D I don't really see too many Roger Davies fics on here, but maybe I'm not looking in the right places.
Thanks a lot, I'm glad you enjoyed it! And thank you for the review! Report Review
Haha, I loved this! Even if we don't want to admit it, we all have those crushes we get a bit obssessed with (though maybe not to the extent that Elena was!) so that makes her relatable.
I thought the whole thing was just adorable. How she daydreams about his perfectness and all that- it's the total school girl crush taken to the extreme.
I'm excited to see how the lunch with the Ravenclaw table goes down. I was a bit suprised when Roger asked her, but I was glad that it happed. And I thought it was cute Peter's girl was Susan! & that she said yes (:
Over all, great chapter. Your writing flows nicely and your characters seem extremly real; a tough thing to achieve in fiction!
PS. This is the first time I've ever read a story about a romance with Roger Davies, how sweet! (:Author's Response: Thank you, that's good to hear!
Haha, I know. Elena might be a little... over the top indeed :D I'm glad you thought she's relatable.
Oh, thanks a lot :)
I'm glad you're excited for that! Well, Roger has his reasons for asking her :) I'm glad it happened as well! And thanks! I figured I'd better use a canon character than an OC to make it, perhaps, a little more relatable.
Thank you, I'm glad you liked it, and that you think the characters seem real! :D Thanks a lot!
I don't think I've read a lot of fics about a romance with Roger Davies either, to be honest. He may not be very popular, I suppose ;)
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So, Roger actually likes her as well. But problem is, neither realizes that their crush aren't one-sided after all. Well that's interesting. Thanks for the update :)Author's Response: Yes, he does, and no, they don't, sadly :( I'm glad you find that interesting :) They'll find out soon enough. And you're welcome! Thank you for the review! Report Review
I thought it was kind of cute that Roger likes her as well, though I find it slightly cliche myself. I hope that they both find out that the other likes them soon, or else the pressure of it is probably going to kill both of them, haha. I like how you made their characters: Elena, the not-so-typical fifth year Slytherin Girl; And Roger, the normal, makes-girls-swoon, regular fifth year Ravenclaw. Good job, I like this story!
-ronhermione4evrAuthor's Response: I'm glad you think so; yeah, I figured it might be a little cliche to have him like her back, but I'm all for happy endings, so he simply had to ;) And don't worry, they will find out soon!
It's good to hear you like their characters (it's just that they're seventh years, not fifth years, but that doesn't matter too much, of course :) ), and the story as well!
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I'm so happy for Elena. I mean, at first I guess she feels lonely after she hears that Pete has asked out Susan Bones, but that was a squeal moment when Roger Davies invited her to have lunch with him! I love how she starts hyperventilating when he asks her to lunch, it's just like any other sensible girl who has a crush would. Great chapter, and I can't wait to read what's next!
-ronhermione4evrAuthor's Response: Ha, I'm happy for her too :D I simply couldn't leave her to have lunch by herself, all alone... so Roger had to come to her rescue, which, of course, he did! I'm glad you found her hyperventilating believable, I was hoping already that people wouldn't find that a little too much or something like that. Thank you! I'm glad you liked it, and thanks for the review! Report Review
This is a great start. I like that she doesn't like the 'death eater' stereotype of the Slytherins because they honestly couldn't all be bad. Her feelings are completely believable. This seems to be a great start to a great story(: Keep it up.
~LilyFireAuthor's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you think so.
I agree, not all Slytherins could be that bad. The (few?) people who become a Death Eater (or a Dark Lord) are probably a minority, but they're the only ones you hear about. And while she had to be a true Slytherin, I didn't want Elena to be all too evil :)
I'm glad you think her feelings are believable, too; I was afraid it was a little too much, but it's good to hear that it isn't. And I'll try! Thanks! Report Review
XD Hilarious, interesting and just fun to read. 10/10 You totally NAILED the fan-girl character! :D Elena's "hyperventilation" while near Roger Davies was especially funny! lol (we've all been there haha).
PS I would love it if you would read any of my stories! :DAuthor's Response: Oh, thank you! I'm glad you think she's convincing as a fan-girl :D And I agree; we've all been there at some point, although I don't hope that we've all been as extreme as Elena ;)
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Ahh yes, I love it so far. We never really got much out of Roger Davies except that he was handsome and a playboy, but it's really interesting to see your take on him. Elena is a sweetheart, too, and good for Peter! I thought Susan would turn him down (when I think Peter, I think Pettigrew) but it's good that she didn't!
Can't wait to read more. Update soon! :)Author's Response: Thank you! That's good to hear :D
I'm glad you like Elena, I had a nice time writing her :) Haha, well, I'm sure there will have been more Peters at Hogwarts! But you're right, I think most people will instantly associate Peter with Pettigrew. And it's supposed to be a happy story, so of course Susan wouldn't turn him down ;)
I'll try to update soon, but I can't promise anything. Thanks for your review! Report Review
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