Brilliantly done story. Nice twist on the D/Hr marriage deal scenario. Report Review
The story is really good... A little like a wonderful caricature of intimacy on ff but it's still goodAuthor's Response: Haha, by no means do I think this is a very original story idea at all. I am glad you still think it's decent and haven't butchered it. Thank you :) Report Review
interesting. A bit vague on Dramione but other then that it was great :D
dont let the fact that ppl dont review stop you from writing :)
so yeh i hope to see the next chapter up soon. Great story Idea btw :DAuthor's Response: Yes, I sort of got writers block and went off on a tangent in this one.
Thank YOU for reviewing. It really does to help me every time I consider quitting to know there are people who do actually read the story.
It's hardly an original idea, but I'm glad you're not disliking the few twists I've made to it.
Hope you continue to like the story =D
-HoneyBabyDarlin Report Review
Gonna go read the next chapter but first:
this is one of my fav dramiones!
Plz plz plz continue! It's so well structered and I'm looking forward to more!
I hate begging but this is too good to pass up!
(another thing- where did u get ur banner?)Author's Response: I got the banner done at TDA by an artist named socal
A favorite dramonie? You must not have read very many of the genre then!
I hope you continue to like my story and consider it begging worthy. It'll kick me in the butt the next time I consider abandoning the story.
Thanks for being a fan XD
-HoneyBabyDarlin Report Review
I need another chapter! I was dreading the end of this one and now that it's here I'm totally hooked. Please get another one out!
This one was very well written, but I can't wait for the one were Lucius and Narcissa find out just who this mystery woman is, and when Draco possibly does begin thinking of touching Hermione even when out of the cameras view.Author's Response: I'm writing the 5th one where Lucius and Narcissa discover the identity of their sons girlfriend right now. As for the Draco and hermione getting closer...well, you might have to wait a bit longer for that one ;)
Thanks for the review! Report Review
It's really good!
Gonna go read the next chapter! :)Author's Response: Thank you, I hope you continue to be happy with it :) Report Review
This is SO good!
PLZ continue with it! I beg of u!
It's really well written and ur dialogue is very well spaced.
Thanks!Author's Response: Aw, thank you. I've never really thought that I was a very good writer with the actual mechanic, so that means a lot! I am working on the 5th chapter as we speak! I hope you continue to like the story! Report Review
I'm rereading this before I read your latest. Yes, I like it. And this is the most articulate and passionate anyone has ever written Ron. I like it.Author's Response: Thank you! Ron is actually one of my favorite characters, so I'm a big defender of him in the Dramonie stories. I'm sorry I've taken so long! I'm emberassed to say that I had to re-read the story before I could even write the next one. Thanks for being a fan! Report Review
Is something wrong?
Why did she say that?
Oh... you need to write more...
i may die...Author's Response: I just quickly wrote a new chapter. Though it really isn't going to explain all that much.I suppose you'll just have to keep reading *insert evil laugh* Thanks for the review; I hope you continue to like my story! Report Review
MORE SOON PLEASEEE :)Author's Response: I'm sorry! I just rushed out a new chapter though! Report Review
Ahhh, this story keeps getting better and better. XD I love it!
I actually could only spot one thing that confused me or that I didn't get, and that was when Draco kept referring to his father as Lucius. He always called him "my father" in the books, except once when he got emotional and all mad at Harry and called him "Dad." Of course, he's an adult now, so that could definitely change, but I was just wondering if you had a particular reason in mind for that?
Other than that, a whole mountain of love. I liked how there's still so wide a gap between Muggleborns and purebloods at the Ministry, I mean, just 'cause Voldemort's gone, doesn't mean everything's suddenly fixed... and you showed it really well with the contrast between their offices. The entire thing was just very realistic, with Ron and Ginny and then with Draco. I can't even list all the things I liked. XD I liked all of it.Author's Response: Personally when I read the 7th book I noticed a shift in Draco's behavior and the entire power-structure of the malfoy family. I think Draco grew up a lot during that time, and that he grew apart from his father quite a bit. The fact he now calls him Lucius was intentional and I'll show the strained relationship between the two more clearly later. Thanks so much for the review! Report Review
A lot of things that I liked about this chapter. First of all, I just liked it generally. I was finding your plot a little unbelievable in the first chapter, but somehow, I buy it a lot more after this one. I think it's because the interaction between Hermione and Ron is very real, and that helps draw me into it. The characterization was very good, and like I said, I feel a lot better about the plot at this point.
Parts that I liked particularly well: Hermione tried not to think about how he wasn't even the best at love. I read a slight subtext about the bedroom into that, which I enjoyed a lot, so I hope you meant to put it there. XD I also liked the list of how everyone else was clicking that came directly after that, because it was at that point that I really started to wonder about which one Hermione is going to ultimately choose, and that's exactly what you want your reader to be worrying about.
I liked this part too: Which is how Hermione Granger, proud feminist..., had been slaving over a hot stove waiting for Ron to arrive. (Although I do think the part that I left out could also have been left out in the story - it just didn't really seem to belong there.) It really shows how Hermione is having to make concessions in her relationship with Ron, which, although very realistic and normal in a real life relationship, clashes with her perception of all the other couples they know. However, I do think it contradicts with a few things later on, where Hermione says, "You don't OWN me, Ronald Weasley. I'm not your daughter and I'm not your wife." Implying that he will own her, but only after she becomes his wife, which I don't see Hermione or any other feminist agreeing with at all. Also, at the end, when Ron says, "I will let you be..." which is exactly what Hermione was angry with before. My personal opinion is that you should either reword that to, "It's okay with me if you...," or something similar, or have Hermione be inwardly annoyed at the wording, but bite her tongue for the sake of peace in their relationship.
And that's all. XD As always, I hope you find at least some of it helpful, and I'm really looking forward to reading the next chapter.
- EvanAuthor's Response: The whole owning bit was actually a really good observation. I meant it to come more off as "I'm not tied to you in any way and don't owe you any real consideration in my life decisions" but you're right: that's not how it came across. I'll need to fix that when I get the chance. Though I do think Ron would have "allowed" her too. He seems like he'd be pretty old fashioned about gender roles. Thanks so much for the review! Report Review
First of all, something I really liked: the whole bit about the ugly duckling, and how you made a point of her not having had any sort of dramatic transformation. I think it could have been worked in a bit more smoothly, but I like it anyway, and it definitely belongs there, especially the line about finding another awkward little goose and going about their ugly little goose way. It made me smile.
Actually the same reaction applies to the whole chapter. I liked it, it made me smile, it was a little rough-edged in places, but the ideas were good and I liked it. That part gets mentioned twice because it's important. ;)
I think the roughness will probably just naturally improve as you write more and become more confident, but the parts that I noticed the most were the ugly duckling bit (it didn't really strike me as the first thing she'd think after a marriage proposal, so maybe you could start with her thinking about it for some reason before the proposal, and then you can still tie it in a little later with the another-awkward-goose comment - although that would mean giving up the draw value of the attention-grabbing first line, so you'd have to balance pros and cons there) and also that Draco's plan could have been made a bit clearer. As I understand it, he does not ever mean to marry Hermione, he just wants to pretend that he will, so that Lucius will withdraw the marriage requirement on inheritance. I do realize that there's already the sentence where he says to just pretend to be his fiancÚ, but... I would just feel more comfortable with it if somewhere in there someone actually laid out the entire plan, rather than it just being sketched by a lot of different individual comments. Also, perhaps you could sort of imply that this was Draco's plan all along? Because it doesn't seem like the sort of thing that would just spring to mind spontaneously, but I could definitely see Draco already knowing what he wanted to propose (pun intended :P ) and then just sort of stringing Hermione along for a bit before laying his cards on the table.
One last thing would be that I don't think the MLE actually make laws, I think they're just the police, pretty much. Isn't it the Wizengamot that makes laws? We didn't see very much of the Ministry's inner workings in the books of course, but I doubt it's the MLE.
All subjective suggestions of course, so take it or leave it, but I hope you find at least a bit of it helpful.
- EvanAuthor's Response: Thanks so much. I agree that the ugly duckling bit now in hindsight seems a bit forced. Actually I meant for Draco to be sort of vague and suddenly leap to an odd conclusion. Hermione is going to find out a lot more about what really happened that night Draco approached her for a favor later in the story.
I'm not sure who actually makes the laws; I don't think it was ever clear. I did, however, find several sources that said Hermione switched careers because she wanted to stop purebloods and their horrible behavior by making more regulations...I'm not sure if what I came up with is strictly canon, but it's close enough for me to leave as is.
Thanks so much for the advice (har-har). It was really helpful! Report Review
I can't wait to see what you do with this story. It's a good start to what I think will be a good story!
-LauraAuthor's Response: Thanks! I just finished the next chapter, and I'm looking for the flashdrive I have it on so I can submit it ~ haha. Hope it continues to be a good story Report Review
Very very nice! I think you're going to go far with this story:) Anyway.
Plot: Nice. I love the Hermione/Draco contract marriage plot and by the looks of it you've set it up in a very new and orriginal way! If you write this right, it won't be cliche at all. Just make sure you don't take the easy way and keep it very your own!
Charactorization: Ron is definetly my favorite person in this particular story. Well by means of charactorization that is. I think you did a good job with his character, how he argued and fought but eventually (as always) Hermine won out!
Setting: You have many different scenes so far and I like each of them. Only thing I might add is a tad more description. You have great character descriptions but your setting lacks in comparison.
Mood: Romantic-- I can't wait to se where you take this! Your keeping Draco + Hermione incredibly slow and I like that-- one thing though is Draco isn't insulting Hermione really... well not as much as I'd imagine. Other than that LOVE IT.
Well I'm excited to continue to read this! Added it to my favorites so I can keep up with it. I thought about reading your story a while ago but I didn't because it only had one chapter up and I was looking for a long read. I was thrilled when you asked for a review and I remembered this. I enjoyed it.
--dark markedAuthor's Response: Thanks. In reality- totally forgot that I should have Draco saying mean things. But I'm just gonna say that it was because he was trying to win her over~ shhh!
I did try and take the marriage plot a little different as I don't like the people making Hermione an auror. The one thing I hate about Dramonie's is they just seem to fall into eachothers arms, and I didn't want to do that. On the other hand, I don't want to bore people by taking much too long!
I know- I *REALLY* need to work on setting description. I suck at it. Every time I try I end up with a lame paragraph on the room just chunked in.
Thanks so much for taking the time to review this!
Hope you continue to enjoy it =D
-HoneyBabyDarlin Report Review
Hi! Here for my last review!
A lot happened in this chapter! I liked your Ginny, I thought she was funny. It could have done with a little description of her though, to sort of make it feel like she's not just a passing voice. And another thing that bothered me is when Ginny offered to lend Hermione her clothes, but they don't fit. Er, can't they use magic?! That's probably the one thing in the fic that has been forgotten about- the fact that they are all fully qualified witches and wizards, who have wands.
Anyway, apart from that, well done! You have potential!Author's Response: Well, I didn't know how to go about explaining the dress thing without sounding weird. I always imagined Ginny has having quite a muscular more athletic boyish figure, and Hermione being slightly more curvy due to her lack of exercise. I'd meant her clothes would be unflattering on Hermione, but I suppose I failed at =P
I have been told that I tend to write a screenplay (lots of dialogue from floating voices). I'll try and make sure to work on that.
Thanks so much for taking the time to review all these chapters =D Report Review
This chapter was much better!! I really enjoyed it. The action sort of picked up here, so I felt like I was sort of going with the flow, not actually aware that I was reading it.
Your Ron is a bit too romantic here I think- although romantic Ron is not bad, it just seems like he'd be a bit more stubborn and make outrageous claims rather than scream and shout and go upstairs. That being said, your Hermione and Ron really do seem made for each other, so well done for writing a compatible couple. Maybe Draco will change that? :)
I'm off to find out! Well done again!Author's Response: Well, okay, excuses excuse with me...BUUUT...there's going to be like a big Ron blow-out later, and I didn't want to have Ron coming off as some giant drama queen.
So I decided to just have him be a tad sweeter than a canon him would be, so that later it evens out.
Oh, I *definetly* see Draco rocking the boat -insert evil laugh-
Thanks for reviewing, very helpful!!! Report Review
Hi! Here for your reviews!
I think this opening chapter is quite enjoyable!
I think you could have added a little more description of what happened with Ron and her from graduation up until the proposal. With Harry aswell- I get the feeling that he's quite important to her too, and after all she DID abandon her last year of education in DH, so I think that she would at least give a little info on Harry and her other friends. There's an issue with grammar too, you tend to give Hermione's reactions in the same line as Draco (or someone else) speaks, so it sort of confuses it. It should be in a seperate line.
On the good side of things, your humour is great! I definetely laughed out loud a couple of times. Your Hermione is great and I actually like her a lot more than the canon Hermione!! Draco seems quite sexy too, actually. Again, you should add more description, so we get the vibe that he's sexy but completely impossible to deal with, lol.
Wow, I've rambled! Anyway, off to the next chapter! Well done!Author's Response: I'm hoping to go more into the past in a sort of flashback type thing, though I suppose you're right that I should have at least had a hint of it in the beginning.
I actually was rereading what I'd written a while ago, and even I couldn't tell who was talking because one person was saying it and in the same line the other character was reacting. And I wrote it! Bah~ MUST STOP!
Thanks again for reviewing~! Report Review
great chapter, i'm really liking it, still a few mistakes but nothing too noticeable.Author's Response: Yea, until I can find a beta *hopefully soon*, I'm just counting on the fact the mistakes don't take away from the story too much. Report Review
And so they reminded each other of what they head together.
This here is the only mistake i saw, lets see if you can figure it out. Great chapter.Author's Response: Rrrr, I hate when I mispell but it doesn't highlight cause it's technically a word. Thanks again! Report Review
I love it! truly, however it needs some work. You use words in sentences that don't fit for the sentence. I saw too many to put in here. Do you have a beta yet> Because if you do not, i strongly suggest you get one. great job you will hear from me again.Author's Response: Yes, I know! I'm TRYING to find a beta, but no one seems to want to do it =/ Thanks! Report Review
:) "The Lamb and Cow"
Very niice. I like it.Author's Response: Haha thanks. I was hoping someone would catch the name :) Report Review
Very fun storyline and I like your writing style. Thanks so much - and keep writing!Author's Response: No, no, thank YOU so much. I'm not the biggest fan of my own writing style, but I sure am glad you are! I'll keep writing, and I hope you keep reading. Thanks! Report Review
This is a great and original story! I'm so torn about whether or not I want her to end up with Ron or Draco.Author's Response: Aww thanks! That's totally what I was going for! I always thought it was so weird that Hermione just like, drops Ron for Draco ater 10 minutes. I wanted to show her struggle to decide between the 2. Hope you continue to like it! Report Review
I realy liked it! All I would say is to edit it a little bit more and you got yourself a winner.Author's Response: Thanks! I know, my story so far is *really* rough, and I'm trying to work on it, buuut. I'm hoping I'll get better eventually. Report Review
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