So, I decided to read some of your other stuff since I liked "Coming Out" so much, and I'm glad I did.
I usually pass up on Victoire/Teddy stories--I'm not exactly sure why, but I do--but I figured I'd give this one a chance. And, once again, I'm glad I did.
I liked how there wasn't really anything romantic about this; just two friends, trying to cope. I find that...deeper, you know? My favorite part was when Teddy was all like, "They're not my parents." The second I read that I thought, Yay! Angst! My favorite kind of story. I do have one little issue, though. Since Lupin and Tonks died on the day of the Battle of Hogwarts, wouldn't everyone know that date? I figured it'd be like, a national wizarding holiday, or something. But oh well, that'd ruin the story. So forget I ever said anything.
All in all, this one-shot was great. :D I love your writing!Author's Response: I suppose everyone would know about that date, but I guess Teddy would feel more connected to that day, you know? More than most people, I mean, since he lost both parents.
I'm so happy you liked the story! Honestly, I was just trying to portray an unconditional, honest friendship. I hope I did it justice. :) Report Review
Aw Jeremy, this was really beautiful! You did an excellent job portraying Teddy and Victoire's relationship, as well as Teddy's feelings about his parents. I like how you didn't have him go overboard with the sadness (i.e: depressing and emo) like most author's do. They usually either make Teddy way too moody and dark, or go the complete opposite, and have him all upbeat and happy, forgetting about the fact that he's an orphan. But you didn't do that, so hurray for you! It was a perfect balance of angst and longing, without the story being horribly depressing. And therefore, your result is this beautiful one-shot that makes me feel all warm and cozy inside.
PS - that's one nifty banner you got there, lol.Author's Response: Thanks so much! I feel like Teddy could be a very powerful character, which would make the relationship between Teddy and Victoire that much more interesting. I agree that Teddy wouldn't be totally dark and emo. I mean, neither his dad nor mom was like that. Even Remus tried to be happy every once in a while. ;)
I'm glad you liked this! Haha it is a lovely banner, is it not? I swear whoever made that banner is a creative genius. ;) Report Review
Aww, that was so cute :) I liked it.
10/10Author's Response: Thanks so much! Report Review
I truly loved it.Author's Response: Aw thanks so much! You're a legend. :) Report Review
Aww this was so sweet. I felt like I was really there because the imagery was soo good.Author's Response: Thanks so much! Report Review
I rather liked the atmospheric feel of this story, the sights and the sounds, you know what I mean? I think it added a lot to the narrative pathos, which is great. Strangely, reading this reminded me of a novel I'd read a couple of years ago - On Chesil Beach by Ian McEwan, and I kept thinking that something is going to go horribly wrong between Teddy and Victoire, lol.
Generally speaking, Teddy/Victoire or Teddoire, to use the fanfic neologism, has failed to grow on me. I don't hate it as much as I hate Scorose, but I see them as this couple who rush into things only to later realise that they have no compatibility at all. Don't ask me why this notion has cememted itself in my mind, I'm just weird like that. But I liked this enough. I thought you did a splendid job in capturing the nuances without directly spelling them out. The restraint and subtlety in the way you dramatised the friendship and tenderness and the undercurrents of amorous tension was wonderful.
I found it a little off that Victoire would call Harry and Ginny his 'parents', presuming that it was Harry and Ginny they were speaking about. It seemed a little insensitive to me, especially seeing that Victoire's birthday falls on the same day as Teddy's parents' death. However, I did really like the fact that there was no long, wordy speech about death or about Teddy should cope or anything; that Victoire allows him NOT come to terms himself was something which I found both considerate and thoughtful. :) Which is something one doesn't see often. In short, I wish more people who write Teddy/Victoire give me a rationale underpinning the plausibility of the ship rather than ram fluffiness/dreaminess down my throat.
There were a couple of minor grammaticsl errors, there used instead of their and suchlike, but it was nothing very distractive and a second skim through should help you comb these out. :)Author's Response: The descriptions in this story were what drew me to write more until I was finished. I've never read that book, but I suppose I'll take your word for it. And I actually was planning on something bad to happen, but it didn't fit quite as well as I liked; so I took it out. I might make a sequel or turn this into a short story if I feel up to it.
Writing this story, I really felt like it was the little things that would bring out the most impact on the reader. So it was something I emphasized a bit. I have to say I'm flattered that you think I wrote them well. :) And this is my first Teddy/Victoire, and I think I'm hooked. I really am excited to write them more so I can explore their relationship more thoroughly. :)
Honestly, while writing this I had completely forgotten that this story would also take place on Victoire's birthday. So, for all intent and purposes, her birthday is some other day. ;) And going by what you said, I wrote this story with the full idea that I wouldn't use too much dialogue; that their movements and the setting would help carry out their emotions instead. And yeah, I can't see Victoire or Teddy being fluffy in any way; especially Teddy. I hate when people make their relationship a carbon copy of Fleur/Bill. So, that's why I wanted to write a more introspective Teddy/Victoire, to change things up. ;)
Yeah, those grammatical errors will be gone once I find time to go through and edit.
Thanks for the really detailed and honest review! It really means a lot! Thanks again. :) Report Review
Amazing! The description of the seashore is beautifully done. The hurt and pain that Teddy is feeling is perfectly portrayed (in my opinion) as is the sudden anger in Victoire.
The characters emotions are excellent (as mentioned above) and centering the story around Teddy and how he deals with his parents deaths is a great idea. It gives new meaning to the relationship between Teddy and Victoire and makes the story all the more poignant.
Only 1 grammatical mistake, in the last paragraph, second sentence you have written 'lied' instead of 'lay'.
The description is very poetic and gives meaning to the story as in part a metaphor for the characters emotions. Beautiful.
scorpiusandroseAuthor's Response: I'm so glad you think the story makes sense! I was worried it was a bit too rushed...but I'm happy you didn't think so!
Yeah, I'll fix all the grammar mistakes when I decide to go back through and edit this.
I'm ecstatic that you think my story is good! It's really flattering. :)
Thanks again! Report Review
This is so bittersweet! I love it, I really do! I love how you've set this up. The setting is so perfect, and you describe it so well that I feel like I'm there with them! It's great!
Just a few notes;
You've done a good job describing Victorie, but we don't really know what Teddy looks like. Of course, he can change his appearance, but what does he look like then?
When he says "There not my parents" it should be "They're" instead of "There"
"Will you lie with me and just forget the world?"
What a PERFECT line. Ah! I love it!
You've done a brilliant job with this, Jeremy! I loved reading it! :D
-MadiAuthor's Response: Thanks, Madi!! I'm so glad you liked this! Yes, the setting is my favorite aspect as well.
I probably should have offered some decription of Teddy, but I didn't think it was all that important. Considering he can change his appearance, I suppose people would infer from the story that he was more on the darker, angstier side. You know? I left it up for interpretation.
And I know, I saw that mistake, too. It makes me mad. Grrr.
I KNOW! I love that song! And, I listened to it while I wrote this story. :)
Thanks for the review! It means a lot! Report Review
wow, that was such a cute story, especially the ending. It doesn't matter if he knew them, it's still pain, just like Harry felt throughout his life. Great job!Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you liked it! Report Review
Oh wow. This is really beautiful, there's nothing else really to say but that. I have always imagined Victoire and Teddy to have had a friendship before and theirs in this is really touching.
I noticed one mistake, however, in the sentence 'There not my parents' I believe it should be 'they're' or just 'they are' instead of 'there'. It's an easy mistake. Other than that, there's nothing, love.
- Aly.Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm glad you liked it. :)
Oh, I can't believe I missed that! Ah well. I suppose it is an easy mistake.
Thanks again! Report Review
I loved it!!! I didn't see any grammatical errors or awkward spots that need fixing. I think their personalities were spot on, or at least the way I pictured them to be. Also the setting and mood of the whole story was beautiful and almost had a dreamy quality, that I really enjoyed! Please keep writing other stories! I'd enjoy to read them.Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm glad you enjoyed this. And I have many more stories that you could read. :) Report Review
This was a really good story! It was sweet, describing Teddy's sorrow for the family he never had. It was well written with no gramatical errors which made it easier to read - very well done! Cheers!Author's Response: Thank you! I'm really glad you liked it! :) Report Review
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