good stuff need to read more! Report Review
uh just one question RON AND DRACO! WTF!!!Author's Response: I must admit I was a little crazy when I made this chapter. I'm debating between keeping it in but not so random or just cutting it out and adding flirting. I used to like this pairing but nowadays, it's not too appealing to me. I had slash warnings, mind you. *wicked grin* But thanks for reading. I like reviews like these, still! Report Review
Not that thers anything wrong with gays but that was creepy.Author's Response: As I said to Olivia, I used to like this pairing, but it's not so appealing anymore. The lion and the serpent sounds kind of fun to play around with. I, myself, am not homosexual, but I have friends like that, and I can't say I have anything wrong with it. Love is love. Nobody can stop it, and I think it's beautiful. Report Review
Pretty good story so far! I hope Hermoine and Draco don't become more than friends -- there is already an overabundance of Dramoine stories on this site! And I hate them with a vengence!Author's Response: I would have to agree with you so much, but it's quite possible. I hope it doesn't make you not read.
I'm quite in love with Rose Weasley's character (especially after reading 'Delicate' by padfoot4ever) and I would never take her away. Ron/Hermione forever! Report Review
Pleaseee Update sON!
I realy like it!!! =)Author's Response: thanks. will do! Report Review
You have some very nice ideas here, and this could shape up to be a very compelling story. My advice would be as others have suggested, slow down, get more into Harry's head, be a bit more descriptive and remember that you may know exactly what is happening and where, but the reader doesn't unless you tell them. I like the real somber feel you are giving the characters, as they are all obviously dealing with great tragedy, and trying to cope... but I am sorry, I just don't bye Molly Weasley as a drunk... at least not without some character build-up to explain why and how. It is totally inconsistent with the Molly of the books. Perhaps if you had strung it through a few chapters, and dropped in hints, like a history of alcoholism in her family, or giving it too us slow with a bottle of cooking sherry that is disappearing far faster than it should. something to ease us into it all.
I repeat, I do like some of your ideas and I would like to see where you are going, but please slow down and give us more of what your are intending.
And by all means - DO KEEP WRITING!!Author's Response: Thanks for the suggestion! That will come more into play near Christmas time of their year. Report Review
Hmm. I didnt expect that ending. You're like M. Knight Shyamalan. :DAuthor's Response: Oh thanks! That's a big compliment! :) Report Review
Whoa! So much has happened here. This is interesting! Stop running so fast.
I understand. You are very excited about your story and want to get it down. It's lovely, but do it a favour and slow down. Show, don't tell. For example:
"It was strange to be here, standing in the Dursley's kitchen and holding Ginny's hand. He'd been so unhappy here, had spent all his childhood straining to get away from here, but now he found it hard to leave. He took Ginny upstairs, showed her his room, the window he'd escaped from in 2nd year. He showed her Dudley's room, stood uncertainly on the threshold of his aunt and uncle's room. Then downstairs again, to Mrs. Figg, and Ron and Hermione standing wide-eyed in the sitting room.
"You all right?" Ron asked.
Harry nodded, said good-bye to Mrs. Figg, and left her with her ghost."
Ok, so this is my writing. You would do it much differently, of course, but by slowing down, you can help us experience what Harry is feeling, AND get us all freaked out about the murders and the ghost. KEEP WRITING!Author's Response: Thank you so much! I love your suggestion and I need to write more!! Thanks! Report Review
Lovely idea, and as there were a lot of loose ends between Harry and the Dursley's, I think it is interesting to take him back here. I think you could slow down a bit, and give us some more. This is under 600 words; you could take it up to 2000 and not have us getting bored. I want to read more about Harry's thoughts. I want to see more about Mrs. Weasley's mourning. You tell us that Harry is doing Fred's chores, why not show us what those are? Settle yourself behind Harry's eyes and show us what he sees; show us what he thinks. Put us in his head.
I have only one complaint: why shouldn't Teddy be raised by his grandparents? They are his family. There must be a good reason for this. What is it? And, honestly, unless it is an essential part of your larger plot, don't put it in here. It's unlikely that Harry would have the time for an adventure if he's at home raising a one-year-old.
I am very curious where the Dursley's are. I am curious to see a reunion between Harry and Dudley. Keep writing.Author's Response: Alright.. thank you for the review and the suggestion! I know I sort of need to write more about this stuff. Thank you so much!! Report Review
This was a really good start! You know, I think after the seventh book readers thought, "oh life is great for them now! They might be a little sad because of the deaths but everything is fine now." I don't think we realized that it would obviously be hard for everyone! So I think this is good! :) favoritesAuthor's Response: thank you!! you don't know how much that means to me! Report Review
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