That was entertaining. Especially because it was james' pov. 9/10 : )Author's Response: Thanks so much! I had so much fun writing it! Report Review
I like your fic! I just loved James's reaction! :-)Author's Response: Aww, thank you so much! Report Review
Aww, I really liked this. Your James and Albus are exactly the way I imagine them, and it was very cute how Albus just couldn't get the words out, haha. ^^Author's Response: Thanks so much! It means a lot to me that you enjoyed it! Report Review
I loved this so much this is just the perfect way for Al and James to act and it was so sweet! It really made me feel their emotions great job!!Author's Response: Thanks so much! Report Review
This I like. Adorable and sweet and the way James and Al played off each other was good.Author's Response: Thank you so much! The spin-off novel is in validation right now. So, you should definitely check that out when it's up! Report Review
You should definitely consider writing a spin-off! I'd read it. :)
This was one of the better one-shots I've read, and trust me, I've read plenty. I only really have two concerns, and they aren't big ones. My first is more of a petty thing that probably only bothers me. I'm not a big fan of writing in second person unless it's kept consistent and for a stylistic reason, to strengthen the piece. In the very beginning, you say, "I think you could've assumed." To me, I find the use of second person unnecessary there. But as I said, it's petty and doesn't have to be changed. It's more of just a personal preference for me rather than an actual error. My second concern is the ending. It sort of...falls flat? Sorry, that's a bit harsh. I think the phrase I'm looking for is "falls short". It just seems kind of anti-climactic, you know? It's not bad--definitely not, because I love your one-shot--it just could be better. However, if you do decide to do a spin-off, then the ending doesn't even really matter, because this one-shot just ends up being a sentimental little snippet from the story. So do the spin-off. :)Author's Response: Thanks so much for thinking it's good enough for a spin-off. If I would write it, this would kind of be like the preface, and then the novel would start with Al running to his dorm or something.
Concerning the second person thing, I do tend to have James talking directly at the reader, just because I feel as though it allows the reader to feel more connected to the character. However, I think I've grown away from that, actually. It is a bit unprofessional.
I made the ending the way it was to represent the idea that it really isn't a big deal - that after people know, everything's pretty much the way it was before it was told. Nothing really changes, you know? And also, I couldn't think of anything else that would've happened. I don't know, the ending just felt right to me somehow, though I totally respect your opinion regardless.
Thanks for reviewing! And btw, I already started on the novel! We'll see how it goes. :) Report Review
Definitely not boring. Entertaining in the extreme. I think that deep down James is a mature person, it just doesn't turn up very often... but in the cases that it does it would always have something to do with his family. (If you understood that sentence you deserve a medal). Nice story.Author's Response: Ah thank you! James is mature! He just rarely ever shows it! And I understood it; you're awesome. Thanks again! Report Review
Awh, I really adore their relationship in this. It's so realistic because we see how they're awkward at the beginning and it grows into showing us how Albus trusts James, then goes awkward again at the end haha :) but brilliant job, this is certainly unique.
Laurie.Author's Response: Aw thank you thank you thank you!!! I'm really happy that you liked it!! :D Report Review
This was worthwhile. Good reading, my friend, good reading. Only I found one mistake, you said James should get a metal instead of a medal. Anyhoo this was well written and the timing and dialogue was perfect. I liked reading it.Author's Response: Thanks so much! And that error completely escaped me.
I'm glad you liked this! :D Report Review
I really liked it, it was pretty awkward but it was portrayed really well and realistically. But I loved how James didn't seem to care what Albus had to say, even though he kept saying that it was a big deal, because that's pretty much how big brothers are all the time. I thought you did an amazing job with this one-shot, and I thought it was a great idea!Author's Response: I made sure I wrote this as awkwardly as I was capable, because that's what's most realistic in that type of situation! :)
Yeah, I really do like James in this and how he turned out. I was really proud of him. :)
Thanks SO much! And I'm ecstatic that you liked it! Report Review
This is nicely written. It dealt with an issue that I don't usually read in fanfiction, and it addressed it more thoroughly than any slash fanfic I've ever read. You really know how to set a scene, too. Great work!
AetherAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! Yes, I really felt like this idea for a story had to be written well, or just not written at all. And I'm glad you liked how I set the scene and story and such!
Thanks again! Report Review
It was really good. I guess this is kind of a continuation of "Summer Screw Up". Maybe you should join the two stories.Author's Response: Thanks! I'm so happy that you enjoyed this, though they're two seperate stories. ;) Report Review
Ok so was it the most awkward thing to him because Albus has made such a big deal out of it? If so, then that's really cute :)
"That would've been so much easier to deal with." Does that mean that in the future it's gonna be hard for him to accept it? I mean, naturally it will be, but will it be easier for James than say, any other brother of any other gay person?
Also, does the fact that he shares his name with another gay person have anything to do with you making him gay? It's interesting because I was just reading the epilogue, and it seems that out of the kids, he's the softest :) Not to say that that will create anyone who's gay, but it makes the most sense I spose.
Overall I thought this was a cute idea, and the way James reacted to it was really nice :) I think this was a good idea for a one-shot, and unique.
There were some problems with word choice however, for instance, "the curiosity was flickering something wild inside me." I think the word you might've wanted to use instead of "flicker" would be "ignited?" There are some word choice problems, but save for those, I get the general idea, and it's very cute :) keep up the good work!Author's Response: It was awkward for James because, as brothers, it's not really easy to talk about things like that anyway, let alone sexuality. That's true for any brothers, I think.
I don't think it's the fact that it will be hard for James, rather that it will be...stranger and a bit more uncomfortable to get used to. Like I said in the story, James has had no experiences with Al's situation, so obviously it will be difficult for him to get used to the fact.
Actually, that's not the reason at all. But, now that I think about it, that's rather clever, considering Jo has stated that the original Albus is gay. That's a great connection that I wasn't in on. Haha. And, I always thought Al would've been different from the rest of the family because he'd probably look a lot like his older brother anyway. I'm not sure what I'm trying to say, actually.
Basically, I made him gay just for character experimentation. :)
I'm glad you liked it! Yes, it is quite unique, I suppose. But originality is always a good thing!
Igniting would probably be a better choice of diction for that sentence, but I really didn't put too much thought into the diction of the story; my main intent was to convey a somewhat believable reaction from James.
I'm so happy that you enjoyed this! It means a lot! And thanks for the review! Report Review
Hello. :) I started with reading and reviewing your story because the truth of the matter is, the plot grabbed me and shook me and didn't let me sleep last night. I was thinking about how he would tell James and I would like to say you did very well. The idea for this one-shot is one that I have never seen before and I would most definitely read more one-shots where Albus tells the rest of his friends and family. It would certainly be interesting.
Now onto the characters. I love how you didn't just make James automatically okay with it. He questioned it and was speechless, but not in the least bit angry. And Albus. You really showed his emotions without overdoing. I understood he was nervous without you mentioning it a thousand times.
You did so well with this that I don't really have any tips or ideas on how to improve. Your dialouge was perfect, your characters well rounded, and grammer wasn't a problem at all. I didn't notice anything off the bat and it would take a bright green highlighter and lots of time to find a mistake in conventions.
It was all in all a fantastic read and will be going into my favorites. I would enjoy seeing more of your work in my Review thread. :)
--MorganAuthor's Response: Whew, I'm relieved to hear that you like this. This is quite an original idea and I was worried readers wouldn't take onto it well. Having Al tell the rest of his family is a good idea. I'm thinking sequel... ;) But we'll have to see.
One of my pet peeves is when the characters are too flat. I mean, even Voldemort, one of the most evil characters ever written, had traits that made him somewhat human. It's just natural for characters to be well rounded. And I'm so happy you thought mine are!
Thanks for the excellent review-and the favoriting! You made my birthday! :D Report Review
This was definitely.Different from anything I have ever read before.But, different in a good way. It made me laugh! And the ending was very well done. I had always imagined Albus as one of those 'Players'. But, not so much anymore. Wonderful story! Its inspiring in an, awkward sort of way! lol!Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review! It means so much to me. :) I was actually nervous about posting this, but now I'm glad I did! Thanks again. And, no, I always thought James would have the player position covered in the Potter household. lol. Report Review
Although I don't really like the idea of Al being gay, I thought it was beautifully written. Really descriptive and good use of literary devices. The personalities seemed on spot too. Great work!Author's Response: Thank so much! I was actually hesitant on clicking on this review because I knew people would be critical of this. But I'm so glad you liked it! It really means a lot!! And for some reason, Al being gay just seems right to me. I'm strange. lol. Thanks again! Report Review
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