Okay this really, really spooked me. First of all, how can he not know that it's scary to have your husband-to-be make you a coffin? And why do they have an axe? Is he trying to kill her or something? If I were in Lily's shoes, I would run away. I like how you wrote the story too. :D

Author's Response: Yes, it is rather creepy, haha! Lorcan's people skills are obviously a bit out of order here. Don't worry, killing her would be the last thing he'd do - they simply have an axe around the house because he's technically a carpenter by trade, so he can use it to chop up wood. Perfectly innocent...almost, haha. Thank you very much for reviewing! ♥

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This was caw-ray-zeee good! It starts off so beautiful and simple and bright - you've done such a good job of painting Lily and Lorcan's relationship, and the life they share together. They are so adorable together. And then, Lorcan hits us with it - the coffins. Um, creepy. Actually makes sense for Lorcan though - he's Luna's son, and I see a lot of her in him here, although you've still made him his own distinct personality. I can totally see him doing this thinking he's doing something really nice and thoughtful and completely missing out on the social cue that THIS IS CREEPY. Lily's reaction sort of gives me flashbacks to The Shining (have you seen/read it? HERE'S JACK). Not that I really blame her - I know I would not handle this sort of thing well. Dunno if I'd go all axe murderer on the coffins, though. At the end, we are still left with a sort of creepy suspenseful "How is this going to effect their relationship?" type vibe, even though at the very beginning of the story we get our "happy ending" - they do get married, they have kids, they get past this. Very much a fan of how you sort of inverted things like that too. All in all, reallly good. Very jealous of your skillz.

Author's Response: Yes, it does smack a bit of the *bright music in a major key* 'Lalalala, I am Lily, life is super-dooper, here is my beautiful boyfriend Lorcan and - oh.' *music modulates through several minor keys and finally rests on C# major, lots of dissonance, a big gong in the background* and etc.

And, yes, reading this back, someone really ought to shake Lorcan by the shoulders and teach him how the world works.

OOH YES THE SHINING. 'Here's LILY!' Ah, I see it now. At the time, though, I hadn't read it, although I did see the Simpsons spoof of the episode? Perhaps I was subconsciously influenced by it. (Inception~)

Lily's got Ginny's fiery chaser blood in her...that is really the only excuse for the coffin smashing I can come up with ^^

Yeah, for once I did actually intend a happy ending. I know, me and happy endings really don't go. But I thought a huge bloodbath of an ending would kind of ruin the vibes and be a bit OTT. Plus Lorcan is actually a fairly decent guy. Just a bit creepy.

Thank you very much for the review! ;D

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Okay, again, you did amazing and again I ask you what place you ended with this. It is so different from what I am used to. But I don't hate it! :D I think this part is sooo great:

My breath was ragged. They were finely built, I’ll admit to that, but my heart was thudding out a frenzied tempo as my imagination ran away with itself. Here were two coffins, built like people, side by side like husband and wife. His and hers. Till death did them part.

Well, done! Review 4/5

-Xxx- sweetlovelygirl

Author's Response: It is a bit...strange yes, (: I did really enjoy writing it and I'm glad you liked it. Thanks again for your reviews - I really like hearing what people think of my stories. Thank you!

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This was super creepy...but wow! Cool. Lorcan didn't ever strike me as morbid ever but this changed my mind! There's more to the Scamander twins than I thought! Good job!

Author's Response: Super creepy was my aim, so it's good to hear that's what you thought ;) I dunno why I picked Lorcan - the challenge was to write a dark romance fic using some of the 'ignored' next gen-ers, which included Lorcan. I think I chose him because I like the name (: Thank you very much for the review!

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This is such a hauntingly beautiful piece. The writing is flawless and it drew me in from the first sentence. The song is so eerie and you did a good job fitting the story to it. Lorcan's obsession with coffins... oh my. I have to admit that when Lily left her bed in desperation I almost thought that she would trip and fall and die or something so that it would be ironic in that, in running from the coffin, she would actually end up needing it sooner >_

Author's Response: Baha! That would be one whole heap of irony if she actually popped her clogs while trying to smash up her coffin. Lorcan would probably be torn between celebration and grief; he'd probably lay her in it going 'do you like it? Is it comfortable?'

No, that's too weird, even for him. Aaanyway...

Thank you very much for the review! Yeah, the song is pretty eerie. Florence before the machine actually used to sing at funerals for a living, apparently, so, er, symbolism for you there!

Thank you very much!

PS.

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Wow. This was really unique and extremely well written. The lyrics really fit well within the story and weren't distracting at all (as is so often the case with songfics).

I love the portrayal of Lorcan as an undertaker who sees nothing at all strange about building a coffin for his future wife. He definitely inherited some of his mother's oddity. I can completely see where he is coming from, but can also definitely appreciate how creeped out Lily got. His reaction to Lily destroying the coffins was kind of darkly humorous.

You definitely nailed the dark romance aspect of this challenge.

Author's Response: Yeah, it is rather odd, isn't it? I think I'd definitely be creeped out by the thought of someone building me a coffin. Lorcan's gone wrong a bit there.

Thank you very much! :)

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I love this song, it's a neat story!

Author's Response: Ditto about the song, and thank you! Glad you liked it (:

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Oh, dear, that was intense. That was so emotionally draining! Lily, so desperate, and Lorcan, not being able to see how it affected her. I mean, he saw, once she was with the axe! Oh the axe! That was scary, it was almost as if Lily was trying to keep herself from drowning in the fear of death. Lorcan and her are totally different people, I mean, he's embraced it so much-he made COFFINS for himself&Lily after all!-while Lily, she's just trying to see life in everything! AAAH, the descriptions were breathtaking! It was almost as if I was there! You're such a talented writer! :D 10/10

Author's Response: The intensity of the intenseness was pretty intense, I'll admit that. Intense stuff. It was pretty emotionally draining to write, too, seeing as most of it was done in the wee hours of the morning before a particularly important week of exams.

'it was almost as if Lily was trying to keep herself from drowning in the fear of death.'

I'd say that that was exactly what I was trying to convey, so thank you (:

And Lorcan is a bit of a weirdy guy. In a lovely way.

Thanks for the review! I'd give it 10/10. It's made me rather happy (:

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I found that creepy and amazing at the same time, which is a really odd combination. The writing itself was amazing, and I loved the way that the emotions were conveyed, the way that the characters behaved. I just found the plot..really, really creepy, but still amazing, if that makes any sense at all. :)

Author's Response: It makes perfect sense. And I'm going slightly red here. Thank you so much for the lovely review! :)

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This was quite beautiful! I loved it! (Though, I do have to admit it does seem to eschew a certain amount of angst, it doesn't dwell in it.)

The characterizations were brilliant. I loved how you made Lorcan so different from the average person and yet easy to relate with, at points.

This was beautifully gothic and sinister, and I enjoyed every bit of it. I think my favorite part of it all is that you know she still marries him despite the fact he had creeped her out with the coffins (but I think anyone in her position would). I adored that she destroyed the coffins, but all he can say is, 'Maybe I shouldn't have shown you them.' You think? xP

That is beyond weird, Lorcan. Beyond.

I don't mind that you picked Lily to talk about, in addition to Lorcan, because she seems to be an overlooked heroine. Most people want to write about Rose, Dominique, or Victoire. Especially Rose. Many people forget about Molly, Lucy, Lily, or Roxanne. Instead they focus on Rose or their OC's which is more than a bit annoying. So this piece was like a breath of fresh air.

I also adore that Scorpius wasn't mentioned. So many people make him the epitome of the next generation hero, and he's used time and time again. I'm so glad that you picked Lorcan, instead.

I didn't find any grammatical, spelling, or any other errors to speak of; so kudos there! You don't know how much I appreciate that, really.

Lovely work!

♥
Linders

Author's Response: Eek! Thank you (: I was worried that it was a little angsty, but I'm glad that you like it!

Oh and, by merlin, Lorcan is a bit of a weirdy guy in that aspect. Sensitive, but blunt as a particularly blunt axe at the same time. It's a brill song and I've been meaning to do something with it for ages, and the story basically follows the lyrics - except Florence of Florence and the Machine had more luck; her boyfriend told her he couldn't go to the cinema with her because he was building a cofifn for a photoshoot :)

And Lorcan is a really lovely name. It's one of my favourites. I'm a tad odd like that. Anyway, in the first draft I did actually have something like 'Rose, my cousin, tangled up with the Malfoy kid...' and then I struck it off. Naah, he's had too much glory in fic.

Thank you so much for the review! It's absolutely lovely, you've just made my day very good indeed :D

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I LOVED this! It's such a brilliant idea and you pulled it off really well. The whole thing was so gothic and sinister, and both of the characters were so interesting - Lorcan saw nothing strange or morbid about any of it because it's just a way of life for him, and so he was pretty calm the whole way through, and then Lily started off all chirpy and cheerful and then by the end was a bit mad and coffin-smashing. Brilliant!

Your description was lovely, as well, and the first and last lines were really amazing. The first completely grabbed me and made me want to read on, and the last was just so chilling! Very creepy. The title was really great, as well - also very attention grabbing.

Fantastic stuff. I really loved it :) (even if I am a bit spooked now :D)

Author's Response: Thank you! Well, Lorcan is one cool guy in this. Completely oblivious to why Lily might be scared when he builds her a coffin. I was telling my mum about the basic plot and she was like 'what? If someone made me a coffin I'd run away, very very fast!' so I wasn't sure whether this was believable or not, but I'm pleased to hear that the characters turned out alright (:

Oh, and the last few lines were actually the first things I wrote. I struggled with the beginning for ages - the final version was my fifth draft of the opening, phew! As for the title, well, that's a really good song, I'd recommend that you listen to it if you haven't already (:

Thanks muchly for the review! :)

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Ooh, this was good. Creepy in a lovely way. And I have to say, I adore the people you used as your characters for the banner. :)

Author's Response: Creepy and lovely? I feel like I've achieved something (: Well, it is a creepy but lovely song, so I tried to sort of bring that out in the piece.

The actors are Aaron Johnson and Kathryn Prescott (who plays Emily in skins). I had them in my stock folder for ages and was like, hey, let's make a banner! So I did. Wow, that was an interesting story.

Thanks for the review! (:

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Oh, it turned out more than ok. I loved this! It was way beautiful, and I loved the poem aspect of it. You have some really beautiful descriptions, and I think you had a really good balance of horror, without going overboard.

As far as pointers, sometimes you use really big words. Like, diaphanous. It's not a big thing, because you can still get the idea, but it kind of took me out of the story. I'd actually love to see this story continue, haha. Anyways, I loved it, good job!

Author's Response: Oh, thank you! I was really, really keen to get in those whacking great extended metaphors about death and marriage (:

And, whoops, that's me being a prat :') I should probably re-think that., maybe switch 'diaphanous' (wow, that really is, erm, obscure) for 'flimsy' or something. I'll bear that in mind (:

I've got no plans to continue this particular story but Lorcan's definitely on my list of characters to write in the future. He's got such a lovely name!

Thanks for reviewing! :D

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