Love it really good:) also love the fact that Lily Evans in your banner is Lily from HIMYM!!!-(I'm a huge fan) anyway this is really cute and I can't wait to carry on reading.Author's Response: Thank you! And yes, Alyson Hannigan (I think I spelled that right, but I could be wrong) has always been my Lily. I can't picture her as anyone else. Thank you so much for reading though! I hope one day I can continue writing this story.
xxEnigmaticEyes16 Report Review
Ah Sirius reacted just the way I imagined he would to the break up. And, like the situation with Cadence, I am having a bit of a hard time believing how easily Ivette's plan is coming together. I get that it's just a story (and yours at that) so I probably shouldn't be so adamant about my opinion, but hey, that's what these reviews are for, right?
I'm not sure if you're giving the characters more than one chapter from their POV, but even if you're not, you've set up some good personality information about them. In the short time we get to look through their eyes we actually learn a lot about their feelings and opinions of the situations at hand and I really like that.
I really think this is one of the best changing POV stories I've read on hpff! The writing is so well done, and I haven't actually read any plots too similar to this which makes me sad that you don't have more reviews :(
Can't wait for the next update and you can expect more reviews from me in the future! I hope you don't run in to too much writer's block and get another chapter up soon!
- ToReleaseMeAuthor's Response: Haha, does that mean I got Sirius right? I was so worried about him not sounding right. Yes, this part of the story has been really easy... hm, I guess I should think about that in chapters to come. Originally this was supposed to be a short and simple story where the end was where the real surprises came, but now that I'm doing everyone's pov I'm not so sure what going to happen anymore. Plus, I intend to give everyone two chapters.
Thank you so much for your kind reviews! I really enjoyed reading them. It might be a while for the next chapter because I have been kind of stuck with James, and writing quidditch, and what I want to happen. I really should try to get back to it, but first there are some other things I want to write. Maybe next year I'll be able to get to it.
Again, thank you so much for the reviews!
xxEnigmaticEyes16 Report Review
I'm here again! Haha you're probably sick of seeing my name in your reviews by now.
Poor, poor, naive Cadence... She really doesn't have a clue, does she? I do like to see her character more affected by her decision to dump Sirius (crying in her dorm room, etc.) because the last chapter made it seem like she wasn't so devastated about it.
This was a short chapter, so I don't have too much to say about plot or characterization really. I'm sort of wondering if Cadence is going to play a larger role in this story than I originally thought she would. Is she going to think that Ivette and Chelsea want to be friends with her after this? Or will she learn about their scheme if (and when) Ivette hooks Sirius?
I'm interested to keep reading (even though there's only one chapter left until I've run out! Oh no!) haha
- ToReleaseMeAuthor's Response: Haha, I'm not sick of you. I love reading reviews and replying to them, especially because it really helps me sort out my own thoughts on the story and characters, and build ideas from those thoughts.
Yes, poor Cadence. She does not have a clue. I think in the last chapter, because it was written by Ivette, it didn't really focus on Cadence (obviously), plus she might have been in shock, just a bit. Here, it's really sort of sunk in.
This is a short chapter. Probably because if I wrote any more whining I'd punch myself or seriously annoy the readers. Cadence will end up playing somewhat of a larger role, at first she was just going to be strictly minor, but she doesn't just give up without a fight. But I can't give it away before I've even written it. It could still turn out completely different from my plan.
Thanks again for the reviews!
xxEnigmaticEyes16 Report Review
It's me again with your next review!
Ok, so I'm actually very interested by this chapter because it makes me change my mind about what I've previously said. Seeing things from Ivette's POV, I think she actually needs Chelsea more than Chelsea needs her. She appreciates Chelsea more, I think, and I don't get the feeling that she thinks of Chelsea as a lackey like I previously thought I would. I like reading Ivette's POV, actually. I find her quite funny with her insults of Cadence (who reminds me so much of Lavender it isn't even funny).
Now about the plot. I find Cadence's ability to believe Ivette and Chelsea somewhat unrealistic. I was surprised that she didn't just deny it, get angry and storm out. Maybe she's not aware of how manipulative and mean Ivette and Chelsea are? Having Cadence believe the girls' claim about Sirius really does help the plot move along faster, but I find it hard to believe.
No spelling mistakes, grammar is near perfect, once again. Oh, and I like your story title, I don't think you need to change it :) Looking forward to the next chapter!
- ToReleaseMeAuthor's Response: That's very true. Chelsea might be fine on her own but Ivette is in need of an accomplice. Turns the tables a bit. I remember thinking about how it seems like a sort of tug-of-war of who really has the power in their friendship. I'm glad you found her insults funny. Although I see the connection I did not base Cadence off of Lavender... well, maybe unintentionally I did now that I think about it, they are very alike.
I'm sorry you find Cadence's ability to believe Ivette so unrealistic. She is not aware of how manipulative Ivette and Chelsea are (not yet anyway). Ivette's manipulated tons of people but she rarely ever gets caught doing so, so it's not really known that she's manipulative. And Cadence is supposed to be dumb and gullible, making her easily fooled.
Again, thank you so much for the reviews! I really appreciate them.
xxEnigmaticEyes16 Report Review
Hey it's ToReleaseMe with your first review!
I'm actually surprised that I haven't found this story yet, but I'm glad that I did. The first chapter was very well written, I couldn't find any grammatical or spelling errors, so good on you. It was a good length as well, not too long and not too short. It also jumps into the plot rather quickly, which is nice and makes readers want to know what's going to happen next (thankfully you've got the first few chapters up so I won't be kept waiting too long).
Now about Chelsea... at first her personality wasn't exactly clear to me. She seemed almost tired of Ivette's games in the beginning, but as she explained herself more she seemed more into the plotting and scheming. I'm not sure if you intended for this change to be apparent or not. She's almost a sad character; Ivette is clearly a controlling friend and it seems that Chelsea puts up with it so she can have a close friend at school. Don't get me wrong, I think Chelsea is a real character and I do actually like her from this chapter. She sort of reminds me of Amanda Seyfried in "Jennifer's Body" (rubbish movie, by the way lol) but a little more confident. I did like how her personality switched towards the end as she was becoming more interested in Ivette's plot.
Now Ivette is set up in this chapter as a cold-hearted girl who gets what she wants in any way necessary. If this is the explanation of her personality from her BEST FRIEND then I don't want to hear one from an enemy. It'll be interesting to see how she feels about her own manipulative ways (if she even realizes just how manipulative she is) in a chapter with her POV.
Overall the first chapter was well done. You gave the reader enough personality to form an opinion about the characters (whether it's the right or wrong opinion I'm sure we'll find out later) and enough of the plot to keep them interested in continuing reading. I'm excited to get on with the rest of the story :)
- ToReleaseMeAuthor's Response: Heyyy! Yay reviews! Although, of course, I asked for them, but anyway, still exciting. Anyway, glad you couldn't find any grammatical or spelling errors considering how many times I've read and reread and edited this chapter. And yes, I've made a point of having shorter chapters than I usually write for stories, but that might change later. Some characters are more important or have more to say than others. And yes again, it does jump right into the plot, as I intended from the beginning for this to be a short story and not a novella/novel, the first time I tried to write this, I sort of planned out everything I wanted to happen.
Chelsea is a difficult character, I think, for readers to figure out. A lot of people have told me that they really don't know why she's friends with Ivette or what her motive is. She's tired of Ivette's games but at the same time she seems interested in them. I tried my best to portray her as merely acting to please Ivette, but that doesn't seem to be hitting home a lot. She is a sad, but likeable character, even though she invents herself in Ivette's plans, but she does so mainly to keep Ivette happy. But I don't know, there's clearly something keeping her attached to Ivette.
Haha, that's a good point. If Chelsea is her best friend then what do her enemies have to say about her? I suppose you will eventually find out, if I ever write more chapters, but lately I've been stuck with this story.
Thank you so much for reviewing. I'm really glad you like it so far and I can't wait to read your other reviews!
xxEnigmaticEyes16 Report Review
I love this story so far! It's really unique. I can't wait for the next chapter!Author's Response: Aww, well thank you! I'm sorry it's taken me so long to update the next chapter, I've been having difficulties and then that just leads to procrastination, but I HAVE NOT given up on this story just yet so keep a look out for the next chapter. It might be a while though. Report Review
Wow I actually really like this :D Ivette is such a bitch but I love her haha:D I feel so sorry for chelsea for some reason i think its because shes like a follower to Ivette and doesnt have a backbone because she stopped eating hen Ivette did.
I also feel sorry for Cadence obviously! but then again I dont like girls like she is.
Update again soon :D
-SiriuslyRedPadfootAuthor's Response: Aww, thanks! I guess I can understand why you'd feel sorry for Chelsea. Ivette is a bitch. And it seems to be a mystery as to whether or not Chelsea actually likes Ivette or if she's just following her because she's afraid of what Ivette will do to her if she doesn't. She's clearly a little scared of Ivette, but she's become so good at acting the way Ivette expects her to act. Between the two of them, I think it's kind of a "who knows who better?"
Cadence is... I'm not sure about Cadence. I'm not sure I developed her properly now that I think about it. We'll see how that goes. Report Review
He didn't seem too upset by Cadence, which I can't be too surprised since he is a boy! He also doesn't seem to have a clue to what Ivette is planning which could be good or reaally bad! Anywhoo I loved the update as usual an I can't wait for the next despite how long it shall take!(:Author's Response: Haha, yes. I've never really written him before and I had some trouble trying to figure out how I should write him. I think I've added an interesting twist to his character though. But you're right, he doesn't really care for Cadence, and he has no idea that Ivette is planning anything, which, like you said, could be good or really bad. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I hope it doesn't take too long to write the next chapter. Report Review
I love it so far :) I think you're doing a wonderful job with what I've set forth in the challenge.
I love your characters. They're very unique and different, and believable. Your plot is very good too, and I can't wait to read the rest of it!
~LilyAuthor's Response: Thank you! I'm working on the next chapter, but I'm having some trouble trying to find the right way to portray Sirius for this particular plot. Report Review
Awhh poor Candence! I feel bad for her but I suppose it had to happen & she's right, if Sirius did reaally care then he would of ran after her or maybe he was just in a state of shock? Idk you're the writer, and an excellent one I might add! I'm also thrilled to see an update an I hope there is more coming!(:Author's Response: Aww, thanks! Yes, it really did have to happen. I have a feeling I'm going to run through each character twice though, so you will see her again. Report Review
I really like your story...very good, can't wait for the next chapter...update soonAuthor's Response: Thank you! I am still working on the next chapter, but it's at least halfway done. Report Review
Love, love, love this. Very intriguing, very different to any other marauder story I have read.
Sirius point of view next i'm hoping? Can't wait for the next chapter! xxAuthor's Response: Thank you! I didn't like this last chapter very much, but I'm glad you did! Yes, whether or not you have figured out my pattern so far, yes, Sirius' pov is next. Once I finish writing it. Report Review
I personally like the title(:
Good chapter, I'm really starting to favor Ivette character more. Probably cause she seems like she has more of a secret past or something. I don't know maybe I'm imagining it haha but its a good chapter an I couldn't find any real errors or maybe I wasn't looking for them close enough? Haha who knows? Can't wait for the next chapter!Author's Response: Thanks. I may keep the title, because I really don't know what else I would call it. It's very well hinted to in the first chapter and it's how the story begins so I probably won't change it.
You're the second person to assume Ivette has some dark or secret past, and I don't know if she does, or if she's just mean. I haven't thought that out yet. Thanks so much for reviewing! I hope you keeping reading. Report Review
I like your writing style, it has a good flow and makes me want to keep reading. Your story sounds original an I'm really curious to know where you go with this an how you plan on ruining sirius(: I love him but I love stories like this aswell. Can't wait to read the next chapter!Author's Response: Thank you! This story is definitely nothing like anything I've ever written before and I'm glad you like it. I love Sirius, too, but not all stories about Sirius get to have happy endings. Report Review
ooh please u need to write more!! this is rlly good, i like the plotline so far and the characters r developed well. i wud advice u to tell a bit of a story why ivette is like that, becuz i rlllyyy want to know. keep up the good work!Author's Response: Thanks! I'll take that into consideration. Ivette's history isn't something I've really thought about but I'm sure other readers would like to know what made her that way as well. Report Review
Excellent begginning, I really enjoyed it. This seems like it's going to be a really story. I like your characters so far, they're really interesting! Your flow is excellent and I couldn't spot any mistakes.
- SexyDoorFrames/KeelyAuthor's Response: Thank you! I most definitely want to continue this story someday soon, especially because it's the first one I've ever actually planned out ahead of time. I'm glad you like it and thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Oooh! I like stories like these! Update soon! 10/10
Mini.Author's Response: Thanks! I'm working on it. Report Review
I'm intrigued XD also I got a hell of a surprise when I clicked in and saw that the main characters name is Chelsea, that's my name too haha! I would love to see how this goes, so update! 10/10 ^^
XOXO WildFlower!Author's Response: Thank you! You know, that coincidence seems to happen to me a lot. There's always someone who's like, "Hey, that's my name!" Report Review
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