Wow. I thought this was amazingly written, and (even though it's for a challenge) extremely original!
The writing is simply wonderful. You've got excellent writing skills! The characterisation of your characters were great. I loved the whole plot. And the ending was a complete surprise, but awesome! Go Dumbledore! And the owl thing was a really nice touch.
This really was a very wonderful story I really enjoyed! :)Author's Response: Aww, you made me blush. I'm very glad you enjoyed it. I was so excited when I realized that sticking Percival Dumbledore in could work for the time period, because, let's face it, who doesn't love the Dumbledores? hehe =) Thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
lovely piece you have. I love the part with Percival Dumbledore :)Author's Response: Thank you very much. =) I'm glad you thought it was lovely. Report Review
Chilling (no pun intended, haha.) The way you portrayed the Dementor was brilliant; exactly how I'd imagine they'd be and how JKR described. I like how she was the only one in her family to have seen it - it added to her confusion but somehow made her work up all the courage she had and be brave. I see a little Gryffindor in the making here!
Also very well done was the conjuring of the Patronus and her surprise at what she managed to do. Tingling sensation... yes that is definitely fitting and I love how it focused right at her centre before she released it.
What an original idea having a Muggle-Born girl suddenly discover the Dementor! And a nice little touch having Percival Dumbledore also present and then telling her to expect an owl - cryptic to Cora and her family and that is a very Dumbledore-like trait.
This was very good, I loved it and I will be adding it to my favourites :)Author's Response: Thank you very much. =) I'm glad you liked the characterization and everything. I'm so excited that you're adding it to your favourites. I'm glad you liked the patronus and Percival's cryptic message... I thought he could be a little like his son in that aspect; leaving things up in the air and not really explaining what he means. =) Thanks again! Report Review
Hi there! I'm sorry that it's taken me so long to review your entry, but thank you for entering and completing my challenge!
I love how you wrote this with OCs--and I loved Percival's appearance at the end. I thought that the characterizations were perfect, and that you captured a Muggle family around that time really well.
I could picture the whole of the story perfectly, your description was my favorite part of the story. The dementor especially, and the scene surrounding it. It was so eerie, I could really feel Cora's fear with everything and her general confusion.
I was only confused by one part--is Cora discovering the physically 'first dementor' or is she the first person to have an encounter with a dementor? Also, did she produce a patronus from her chest or did Percival cast it?
I was just a little confused by it though, but overall it was a fabulously well-thought out story, and a very enjoyable read. Thanks again for finishing my challenge! :)Author's Response: Hi. Don't worry about taking awhile, I've been known to take awhile to review stories too at times (especially during the summer). Thanks for all of the good comments. Cora is the first person to have ever seen a Dementor, which is why Percival has no idea what the thing was. It was the first one to be found, so they assume it is the first of the entire horrible species. The patronus was Cora's; like most little witches and wizards she did magic under duress. In her situation, it was just a little more trouble than most. I hope that explained everything, thanks for the review and compliments. Extra thanks for favouriting my story. =) Can't wait to see how the challenge wraps up! Report Review
I think you responded very well to the challenge. You did have very few details to work with, so this is basically just like a work of original fiction with a few spare Harry Potter facts. I think the idea of having a young girl see them was very interesting, and I like the way Dumbledore shows up toward the end. Very well done! :)Author's Response: Thanks. You're right, there wasn't a lot to work with but I tried to incoprorate as much canon HP as I could (Percival, owls, and obviously Dementors!). Thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
wow, i really liked it. I loved the suspense, and how you described the dementor. It was really well written, especially the description of Dumbledore and Cora. I look forward to reading more of your work!Author's Response: Yay, my first review for this story! Thanks for reading and reviewing. I'm glad you enjoyed it, it was more difficult to write than I was expecting when I came up with the idea because of all the OCs. Thanks again! =) Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection