What fun! I really enjoyed Ron and Hermione's banter, and the proposal was spot on. There's no way Ron would have pulled off an eloquent proposal. :-p I thought you gave him just the right amount of fumbling without going overboard. The last line was really great as well.
I really enjoyed this. Great job. :) Report Review
That sure was funny!!
From cleaning a garage to proposing her?? :O
Ron sure is weird...but well I had never expected him to be elaborate...something awkward was always that I had expected from him!!! :P
And "the duck thinks quack"? how do they know? :P
Anyways great reading the story!!
~CessZ Report Review
Aw, that was adorable (:
The parts with the duck made me laugh.
'Arthur felt that the time was right to again ask a question of growing importance. "Now, could someone please tell me why my rubber duck was in the sink?" '
-This part especially made me laugh because it's typical Arthur that the rubber duck would be of more importance than his sons engagement haha
10/10, I can't believe this is your first try at writing a romantic scene! I thought it was wonderful (:
-Ronsgirl29 Report Review
Well, if by "really romantic" you mean soppy, tear-jerker make-out scene, NO, you did NOT pull that off. If by "really romantic" you mean BLOODY HILARIOUS, LAUGH OUT LOUD, ADORABLE SCENE, then YES, you DID pull it off! Great job! 10/10Author's Response: Aw, thank you so much for the review! The tear-jerker thing was actually what I was hoping to avoid to a degree. ;) I'm thrilled that you found it hilarious and adorable! That is definitely what I was going for. :D Report Review
Hey there, this was quite interesting. The title and summary pulled me instantly, of course, but when I got the line I thought it almost felt... forced. Like you were trying to hard to match the title. It was really the wording, nothing big. This part simply felt a little awkward: "I wasn’t thinking a duck's thoughts. I was merely describing what I thought a duck’s thoughts were." It could've been, "Yes. Yes I am imitating a duck's thoughts," and it would've sounded more, flowing, I guess. Just my two cents.
Otherwise, I loved it. You had the characters down perfectly, with Hermione bossing Ron around kindly, and Ron trying hard to be romantic, getting a little sidetracked, but being romantic anyway. And the last line put it all together: What's the use of romance when a Muggle duck is floating in the dishwasher? :P Nice work on this, it was very sweet.Author's Response: Thanks for the review!
Hmm, I see what you're saying with the line. I always struggle for titles, and this was written for a challenge, so I probably rushed the thought process for it more than I usually would. The challenge gave me the duck-though line--it felt awkward when I stuck it in there, too, but it was the line I was given.
I'm glad that you liked it and that you thought the characters were on. :) I'm always nervous about writing any member of the Trio. Thank you again for the review! Report Review
Heh, I love those discovering-Muggle-object fics 8D All your dialogue is hilarious and I can really imagine everything going on! It's a bit rushed after the proposal, like where you said "Suddenly, out of nowhere", it really did seem almost too abrupt! I'd love to see the parts when Arthur comes home expanded. Heh, Mollywobbles.Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! Haha, I'm glad that you liked the dialogue and found it realistic! I agree with you--that part is a bit rushed, so I'll be editing it soon.
Thank you again! Report Review
Hello there, schoenemaedchen here from the boards. Once again, SUPER SORRY that I missed your post. I truly didn't mean to. As I've already said in a PM to you, feel free to tell me another story to review, to make up for my mistake, because I do feel bad and want to make it better!
So, on to the review. I really like the concept of this story. I am a huge fan of Ron and Hermione stories that aren't purposefully set up in this huge romantic pre-planned situation. To me, that's just not Ron and Hermione. Here, you've set up a situation that I can plausibly see the two doing and you've turned it to a romantic totally Ron and Hermione moment. So you really have got me happy based on this fact alone.
I also like the dialogue you have between Ron and Hermione, it really is spot-on!
That being said, I've seen a lot of small details that I wanted to bring to your attention that might improve the overall story. To me, this one-shot is great, but it feels a little rushed.
This is a rather short one-shot, which is totally fine, but there are parts where I think it jumps from one moment to the next too quickly. For example, when the duck flies through the window and breaks it and Molly cries out in Anger. You kind of just leave the situation and all of a sudden Ron is proposing. I like that you've had Ron propose in an awkward situation and out of nowhere, but I don't believe that Molly would have just yelled without coming to scold, or that Ron and Hermione could ignore it so fast. I could see Ron proposing after this fact was taken care of, though. Just a thought.
My initial reaction to the end of the story, when Arthur comes home, was that it was a little bit rushed. I can't exactly tell you why, perhaps it was this line: "After many more tears on Molly's part and growing excitement from both Ron and Hermione..." This line seemed rushed to me. I feel like so much happened in this time, knowing the Weasley family, why don't you write about the festivities? I don't think Molly would have let the evening go without a festive dinner of some sorts? Or having friends over... I think that would make the "Tell me about the duck" thing even better, especially with a bunch of clueless guests going "huh?" at the table. I mean, its possible in all the excitement that even Arthur initially forgets about it, and then remembers when he sees it sitting somewhere. This is just a suggestion, but I think it would avoid the, in my opinion, somewhat abrupt end.
Okay, other than that, I had one other little area where I want to be picky and challenge you a bit. We have a triple threat adjective here..."strange". You've managed to use it three times in three, consecutive descriptive sentences.
"It was the first time he'd really looked around the garage in detail, and he was amazed by the strange things that those Muggles could come up with. And they were all so varied and strange. He had never, ever seen such a contraption like the strange, leafy thing that hung from the rafters"
This really popped out to me, but mostly because there are so many words that you can replace for this adjective. I think you can have so much fun with the description here by choosing a wider variety.which I must also add, I really loved the description of Arthur's shed...I've always wondered what it must be like. Take it and go crazy with it!
Other than that, what an awesome concept for a story. I know I had quite a few CC points, but I think you have the perfect set up here for a great Ron and Hermione one-shot. Maybe you agree with my points or not, that's your prerogative, but I do want you to know I truly did enjoy it!!
Maybe I'll hear from you soon for more one-shots or so, I did enjoy your writing style!
-schoenemaedchenAuthor's Response: Like I said in my PM, thank you for such a wonderful review. :)
I'm glad that you liked the setting and dialogue--I really haven't written an scene that is obviously romantic and I was rather nervous about this one, so I'm happy that those aspects of it worked.
Hmm, I see what you're saying about the part with Molly's yell being awkward...I'll definitely go back and see if I can wrap it up a bit better. Oh, and I agree with the other part being rushed. I was never really satisfied with that part of the story, and after hearing another opinion say the same, I'll definitely take some of your suggestions into thought and change it up a bit.
>.< I have no clue how that strange-times-three part snuck its way in there without me catching it. It'll be changed for sure, thanks for pointing it out.
Yet again, thank you for the review. It's exactly the kind, CC-wise, that I needed, and it has definitely helped a lot. :) Report Review
This was really sweet! Honestly, I had no idea what it was going to be about...I just read it because the title sounded interesting. =P But I really liked it. Good job! =)Author's Response: Haha, I'm glad that the title drew you in, and thanks for reviewing! :D Report Review
That was cute. The proposal was sweet and surprisingly really Ron like. I mean, I think it would be so like him to propose at the most random moment and that he would stumble and stammer while doing it. I hope you'll write more Ron and Hermione stories because you are good at portraying them.Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing! I'm glad that you thought the proposal was in-character for Ron, I thought it might be a bit too much in some parts. And thank you! Ron and Hermione will definitely be making their way into some of my WIPs in the near future. :D Report Review
This was a reay good story! I really enjoyed all of the conversation between Ron and hermione. You're a great author and I think you should definatly write more.Author's Response: Oh, thank you for reviewing! I'm glad that you liked it, and thrilled that you liked the conversation. :D
And I definitely plan on writing more! Thank you for the compliment and for the review. :) Report Review
Hi there! it's Miranda from the forums with your review!
So you said you wanted to focus mainly on characterization which is perfect for me because I am absolute rubbish at grammar and punctuation haha.
So far I like the way you have portrayed Hermione and Ron, especially using them, their thoughts and reactions to give wonderful imagery for the scene.
I like the way you have Ron completely intrigued by all the Muggle stuff but completely impatient with a chore...I think you have nailed his character in this one paragraph so excellent job with that!
And without Arthur Weasley even being there you have wonderfully demonstrated his character and quirks with describing the garage..and it's completely endearing and very talented of you to be able to do that!
The dialogue you have used really helps flesh out their characters, and I found myself laughing and I could really see the scene in my head.
I loved that Hermione charmed it where as Ron was simply acting it out. I still see Hermione as an eager eleven year old wanting to learn everything magical and do magic when ever possible...and of course I would feel the same way.
Just my opinion so please don't be too offended, but I personally can't imagine Hermione calling Ron, Ronald every other word. You have over used it a bit, and though Hermione does scold him, it sounds bit like she is his mother haha.
Ron's proposal was very cute and lovely..and so..typical Ron haha. So excellent job with that.
I liked how the duck drew everything together, it was a nice way to tie everything up.
It really was not too fluffy in any means, the only part that I could see people thinking that is with the proposal, but even in my mind it came across as thoughtful, cute and lovely not sickly sweet fluff so no worries about that.
I am not the biggest fan of Hermione and Ron (though I do like them) but this was wonderful to read!
Great job! Feel free to re-request in the future if you would like!
xxAuthor's Response: Thank you for such a lengthy review!!
I'm glad that you liked the first two paragraphs; they're kind of what gave me the impression/idea for the story, and they were the most fun to write. Oh, and I'm glad that you thought I captured Arthur's character without actually having him in that scene...to be honest, that wasn't on my mind while I was writing it. :)
Another thing I was worried about being too much or stiff was the dialogue, so I'm glad that you liked it. Again, Hermione and Ron's attitude towards playing with the duck and their backgrounds didn't even cross my mind, but it really works, and I like it! So thanks for pointing it out. :D
Oh, I see what you're saying about Hermione overusing Ron's full name...I'll go back and change it so it's just once or twice. ;) I'm *so relieved* that you liked the proposal...I felt awkward writing it, mainly because I hadn't written anything like it before--but thoughtful and cute was what I was going for, so I'm happy that it came across that way.
Thanks again for the wonderful review! It's helped a lot. :) Report Review
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