Reading Reviews for Serpentine
  
36 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Number_One_Ravenclaw_Forever The Stone Wand

12th July 2012:
Very nice improvement!!!(: (10/10)

~Number_One_Ravenclaw_Forever

Author's Response: Thank you, I appreciate the review!

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Review #2, by Number_One_Ravenclaw_Forever Supper Shenanigans

12th July 2012:
Hmm? Not as good as the first chapter... (9/10)

~Number_One_Ravenclaw_Forever

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Review #3, by Number_One_Ravenclaw_Forever Prologue: Not Gryffindor

12th July 2012:
Loved it! I can't wait to read more!!!(: (10/10)

~Number_One_Ravenclaw_Forever

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Review #4, by MoonLily_ The Stone Wand

12th February 2012:
I really like this idea, a stone wand would be very different. I like that Harry hasn't told his children everything.
Your story is very well written, it's not bulky and I like the flow of it. I hope for a lot more of this story :)

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Review #5, by LadyL8 The Stone Wand

22nd August 2011:
Hello again :D

Firstly, this is my new favorite chapter. I really loved it. It was just so sweet. I loved that part where she gets her wand. That brings back memories of the first HP movie.

Im sorry I dont have too much to say about it. I just dont know what to say. It was really amazing. Once again, nothing to complain about. I really enjoyed reading this story. Keep up the good work, and I hope you will get many reviews. You deserve that :D

Im sure I will review on some of your future chapters, so you will see me again. Until then, good luck :D

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Review #6, by LadyL8 Supper Shenanigans

22nd August 2011:
Here I am again.

Firstly, this went back in time, right? Im not misunderstanding something, right? Tell me if I am.

Anyway, I really loved how this chapter was written. The siblings were in-character and I loved how they were fighting all the time. In fact, I though the whole Potter-family scene was brilliant and realistic. It was just so well-written. Reminded me of my three siblings...

I also loved how you wrote Ginny and Harry. They just seemed so realistic and believable, yet you could see they had matured. That was great.

This was really good. Good job :D Keep up the good work

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Review #7, by LadyL8 Prologue: Not Gryffindor

22nd August 2011:
Hello. LadyL8 here with your requested review.

Firstly, wow! That was quite a unique plot. I have seen next gen stories before where Lily II was placed in Slytherin, but never have I seen one where she asks to be placed there. That was all new to me, but I enjoyed it. I have to admit that I always imagined Lily II in Gryffindor, but this really worked since the hat said she shouldve been placed there. She just asked to not be placed there instead. Wow. I really loved it.

I also loved her conversation with the sorting hat. It just seemed so realistic and believable. I just loved it.

Wow. Keep up the good work. I have nothing to complain about at all. Good job :D 10/10

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Review #8, by MyMyMiss Supper Shenanigans

14th August 2011:
*Plays scary music* dun dun dun.

I'm Baa-ck..

Okay, so this was an awesome chapter! The way you describe things make you feel like your really in the story, you have alot of potential to spread it further but your doing a marvelous job at it!! ^.^ I really felt like I was Lily when Ginny was talking to her Slytherin daughter.

Also may I just mention that I think the twist you put on this story is fantastic!! I like seeing Main character in another house other than there respected canon ones, *inserts heart here* As most people assume she would just be in Gyrffindor like her brother's, so that's where she gets placed,, mm love it!! >.<

Anyway, this chapter was really humourous James spilling about Albus and Hannah was just pure genius, and really quite amussing, I liked how Harry let them go for a while and then decided it was his turn to have a few pennies worth, that was very Canon like. As Harry never took sides between Ron and Hermione when they where fighting, he would just wait a while befor intervening that was awesomeness!! *Audiendes appluades here and I throw the roses here*

Clearly all three kids are very close which I think is great. :) More more, must read more.

10/10 for this chapter...

Forum Name: MyMyMiss
House: Slytherin.

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Review #9, by MyMyMiss Prologue: Not Gryffindor

14th August 2011:
Hi there, MyMyMiss from the Forums here with your review ^.^

I think you did a very good job at presenting the first chapter of your novel and set up a really good intorduction. I was a little confused at first :/ but I remembered your summary and then it all clicked into place.

I would like to make a suggestion if you don't mind and that would be to perhaps describe where they are, even if its just the first line of your story something like - Everyone sat in silence watching as the hat set delicately on the young girls head. - Something alone those lines to break down the scenery and explain a little more of where they are.

I like how you italiced everything Lily was saying, because generally its the Hat that people Italic when their writing Fanfiction, *Audiences applauding here^.^* I really do believe you have set up a great little introduction too what I can tell will be a wonderfull story ^.^

Reading on ...

8/10

Forum Name: MyMyMiss
House: Slytehrin.

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Review #10, by Illuminate The Stone Wand

11th August 2011:
:D Hi! I think you've been pretty inventive with the whole stone wand thing, very interesting. I figure it could perhaps be broken or damaged more easily than a normal wand, and I guess it is a little cliche that your main character gets a new special wand. But other than that, I love it! Great job!

You could add this to your last chapter to bulk it up a bit, just a suggestion :)

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Review #11, by Illuminate Supper Shenanigans

11th August 2011:
:) Hi again! I know I said I'd only read one chapter at a time but I'm intrigued :)

I like the characters here- they seem very like themselves and how Harry and Ginny would be as parents. I also think your Albus and James are both very in character. I think perhaps you could add a bit more description to add to the atmosphere, and your spacing is a little off. Other than that, great job :)

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Review #12, by Illuminate Prologue: Not Gryffindor

11th August 2011:
:) Hi! This prologue definetely makes me want to read on. You've already proven in this chapter alone that your Lily is driven and strong, with already effective character development. I like your Sorting Hat, too.

Great job! 10/10.

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Review #13, by Arithmancy_Wiz The Stone Wand

7th August 2011:
Hi, Salad. I'm here to fill your review request. I've read all three chapters but am just posting one giant review. Hope that's okay.

My first impression is that I really like the idea for this story. I don't read a lot of Next-Gen so I don't know the "typical" set-up but I like that Lily asked to be put in Slytherin as opposed to being placed there unwittingly. The opening chapter made a good contrast to Harry's sorting in HPatSS - him asking for anything but Slytherin, her asking for only Slytherin.

You mentioned the Potter family dynamic in the request so I'll focus on that next. Overall, I thought it was very natural. I don't have brothers myself but this is certainly how I imagine them to act at this age. The squabbling in chapter two was realistic and I loved that they have somehow found Harry's map, keeping it a secret between the two (and then eventually three) of them. Harry and Ginny didn't play a big role but I liked them as well. I liked the moment they shared in the shop about Harry being an old man. As I said, I don't read a lot of Next-Gen but I didn't find your setup cliche at all.

I always try to provide some critique in my reviews so I'll move on to that next, though only one thing really jumped out at me as being a bit "off." While I really liked Lily's reasoning for wanting to be sorted into Slytherin, I thought she was a little eloquent in explaining it, considering her age. It's been awhile since I've been eleven but I'm not so sure I was out to change the world at that age. It might be a bit more realistic if her reasoning was more grounded, say, she saw a kid being picked on for being Slytherin and she wanted to prove those bullies wrong - or maybe Harry told her about Snape and she wanted to be like him. Some sort of singular event that pushed her into her decision as opposed to just a more general sense of worldly injustice.

Thanks so much for the review request and best of luck as you continue the story. Thanks for sharing!

A_wiz (RC)

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Review #14, by adluvshp The Stone Wand

5th August 2011:
Hello there once again!

Well I like this "stone wand"! Sounds cool to me. It is quite a twist to see that Lily is 'special', that she has this certain determination. I also liked the idea of Madam Ollivander, a nice touch to the story there :)

Overall this was a nice chapter that made a good read and sparked curiosity too. Albus and James have got the marauders map, haha, I wonder what the three siblings will use it for.

I am kind of excited to see things unfold when Lily gets to Hogwarts. I am sure it is going to turn even more interesting then :D

All in all, I enjoyed the story so far and will keep an eye out for the next chapter.

Your writing style is good, and as I already said, the plot seems cool.

Good-o!

10/10

Cheers!
AD

~~

End of An era Review Extravaganza: House Cup 2011

Forum Name: AditiDraco95
House: Slytherin

Author's Response: Thank you very much for all of your recent reviews! I'm so happy to hear that you've enjoyed the read so far. Can't wait to update with even more twists and turns!

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Review #15, by adluvshp Supper Shenanigans

5th August 2011:
hey there, this is AD here again.

I got a bit confused at the starting because in the previous chapter Lily got sorted and in this one she's not, but now it has all clicked together :)

I like James and Albus' characterization, it seems quite realistic. And you have written harry and ginny well too. Thumbs up :)

I like the direction in which the story is headed, as I said before, a very interesting plot.

Overall it seems good, and I am now moving on to the next chapter.

10/10

Cheers!
AD

~~

End of An era Review Extravaganza: House Cup 2011

Forum Name: AditiDraco95
House: Slytherin

Author's Response: Thanks for letting me know about the slight confusion at the beginning. I wonder if it was too distracting? Lately I've been thinking about getting rid of the prologue, but it's also a great hooking start...Hmmm, must think more about it. Thanks again for your reviews!

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Review #16, by adluvshp Prologue: Not Gryffindor

5th August 2011:
Hey there!

This is AditiDraco95 from the Forums with your requested review.

Wow, a different story. Man, I have been saying that a lot in reviews today because I came across so many unique stories! I have read about Rose being in Slytherin, about Albus being Slytherin, but this is a first!! Kudos for the awesome plot idea. And it is very noble what Lily is doing, getting sorted into Slytherin because she wants to make a better reputation for the house. I just hope the poor girl gets accepted in there. I like your plot and characterization so far. Also, the sorting hat was nicely written.

Also, I didn't spot any technical/grammar mistakes :)

Keep it up!

Overall seems like an intriguing story. Good job!

Thumbs up!

10/10

Cheers!
AD

~~

End of An era Review Extravaganza: House Cup 2011

Forum Name: AditiDraco95
House: Slytherin

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the lovely, prompt review! I get more and more excited each time someone tells me they've never read a Slytherin Lily before! Really appreciate your comments.

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Review #17, by forsakenphoenix The Stone Wand

4th August 2011:
Ah! They have The Map! Love it. :)

I adored the scene in the wand shop. Everything about it was perfect - the dialogue, the imagery. I love how Mr Ollivander's niece is now the proprietor and she's all about the experimentation. I let loose a great big Ha! when I read the little insert about the vegan fad. Then Lily buttering Harry up - so precious. "Is it working?" Hahaha.

I did notice a little bit of an error:
Jamesí head appeared beside Ablusí in the doorway. - poor Albus's name had an oops!

I still love the dialogue between the children. It's exactly how I imagine siblings who are close friends would act.

I'm really enjoying your story so far. Excellent job! :)

forsakenphoenix (Ravenclaw)

Author's Response: Ooh! Nice catch, thank you! Poor Albus' name got splinched! :) I'm happy that the new Ollivander is a rewarding character to read! I figured that it was Mr. Ollivander's time to go, but finding a suitable replacement was definitely difficult. I figure her eccentric personality would help draw attention to Lily's wand, which is just what I needed... Thank you very much for your thoughtful reviews, and especially for pointing out my typo. They're my pet peeve!

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Review #18, by forsakenphoenix Supper Shenanigans

4th August 2011:
This chapter was just so light-hearted and made me grin like a fool. I adored the easy banter between siblings! It reminds me of supper at my own house when I was younger. I like how supportive Harry is no matter what house she's placed in. I know it's canon because he says something similar to Albus in the epilogue, but it's still nice to see it in the context of the story with Lily instead. Ha, and then James said he wouldn't talk to her if she was Sorted into Slytherin, but Albus said he would and James wasn't one to talk because of Jananine. Like I said before, I don't read much Next Gen, but I haven't read a story yet that writes the dynamics of the Potter family so well. I love it! I wonder what James has up his sleeve...guess I'll have to read the next chapter to find out! ;)

forsakenphoenix (Ravenclaw)

Author's Response: Thank you so much, again, for your review! I'm really pleased you enjoyed the tone of this chapter, especially since it's such a change from the prologue. And its especially encouraging to hear that the family's dynamics are working well. I've struggled with striking a balance between the general consensus on what the family would be like and creating my own original interpretation of their relations with one another. Some cliches are so deeply set, and I'm trying very hard to rid the nextgen Potters of them in this story, without losing their essence. Thanks again for your lovely reviews!

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Review #19, by forsakenphoenix Prologue: Not Gryffindor

4th August 2011:
This prologue is so intriguing! What an interesting premise! I don't read much Next Gen fics but the ones that I have read usually put one of the boys in Slytherin, but never Lily. Even the Sorting Hat agrees that she's Gryffindor to the core.

I find it interesting that Lily wants to be in Slytherin to redeem the students of the fallen House. She'd be better suited for Slytherin if she did it to get something out of it, I would think. I'm not sure I'd consider wanting to make a name for herself as her getting something out of the deal.

It's unusual how you have a prologue with just dialogue between Lily and the Hat but it works very well.

This was my favorite line: "I put him where he belonged. The parts that were calling to Slytherin were not his own." It's funny how the Hat says this yet it places Lily in Slytherin though she's entirely Gryffindor.

Like I said earlier, this is definitely a very unique plot and I'd love to see where you go with this. :)

forsakenphoenix (Ravenclaw)

Author's Response: Thanks so much for your very thoughtful review! I'm definitely thinking of going back and cleaning up some bits in the prologue when I get the chance, but at the moment I want to go with the momentum I have in adding new chapters to this story. You're a very observant reader!! A lot of the discrepancies you picked up on are actually going to be very important in the course of the story. Lily has more than a few tricks up her sleeve.

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Review #20, by academica The Stone Wand

24th July 2011:
YES! So excited to see all the trouble they'll get into with the map. I love the idea of a new kind of wand with a liquid core; I will be curious to see how it affects her magical aptitude. Also, Muggly sounds adorable :) All in all, this was really well written with a good amount of description, and I can see the characterization of Lily beginning to shine through little by little. I'm very excited to see what will happen next. Great job! :)

Author's Response: I'm so happy to hear you're enjoying the little details. They're fun to think of, and they'll be even more fun to play around with in future chapters. Thanks so much for taking the time to review!

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Review #21, by magicmuggle01 The Stone Wand

24th July 2011:
I knew it. Somehow they've got a hold of the mauraders map. Are they going to take it to school with them? I ask myself. 9/10 and please update soon.

Author's Response: We shall see! I'm working on the next chapter and will have it in the queue as soon as it feels ready--hopefully within the next couple of days. With any luck, it might be posted this weekend! Thank you so much for your reviews! Much appreciated.

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Review #22, by magicmuggle01 Supper Shenanigans

24th July 2011:
Oh oh what are those two planning. Probably not good. 9/10.

Author's Response: :) Indeed, they DO know trouble.

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Review #23, by magicmuggle01 Prologue: Not Gryffindor

24th July 2011:
I loved the beginning of this story. In many ways I find it differcult for a Potter to be anything else but a Gryffindor. But you never know, this might be an interesting twist. 9/10 and onto the next chapter.

Author's Response: Thanks so much! The whole Potter=Gryffindor thing is really what brought me to this story. I love messing with expectations! I'm glad you found my story.

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Review #24, by vintagemagic Supper Shenanigans

19th July 2011:
I'm intrigued by this story, wish there was more of course. I will keep an eye out and let it join my favorites :)
Good job so far, I've read a few too many fics with simple errors, so this is refreshing.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the kind review, and the favorite! I've got another chapter in the queue at the moment, should be out in a couple of days, fingers crossed!

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Review #25, by academica Supper Shenanigans

18th July 2011:
Ooh, what's James got hidden up his sleeve? But never mind that, at least until the next chapter. Cute little introduction to the dynamics of the Potter family. Hope you continue soon! :)

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! Next chapter in the queue...you shall soon find out!

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