Like this :) Good job. Report Review
Great first fanfiction! Congratulations. :)
I love Hermione's point of view in this one-shot. It was a great choice going with first person, and you provided a moving little peek into Hermione's thoughts during this Hallows moment. I suggest you fix the spacing issues, since that can be a bit distracting to the reader. It can be really annoying and frustrating getting it to work when you're using italics, but in my opinion it's worth it. Your writing style is excellent! I'm excited to see what you write in the future. 10/10
AetherAuthor's Response: WOW! Thank you! I got inspiration for this late at night as I was going to sleep and scribbled it down (I only changed it after that because it wasn't quite 500 words) so I'm not sure how I'm going to replicate the quality of this one for my next fic!
I've left you a comment on the forums about the spacing - I wasn't exactly sure what you meant.
Thanks again! =)
This was really great! I loved the beginning especially. The dream part about the meadow I found a little cheasy, all with the running towards eachother.
You use really nice language and this story was just the right length for me at the moment. It took me a while to figure out that you had jumped forward in time though. I was like "Is he already back?!". ^^
This was a really appreciated story! You should get summary for it and a better summary, perhaps a quote from the story. Maybe you could use the opening paragraph as a summary also:
My mind was spinning out of control. This couldn't be happening. But I should have expected it - the clues had all been there. I ran outside, calling his name, because he couldn't have gone far. No answer. Gone.
Or maybe this one?
But there was still hope. He could still come back. He could still find us as long as we stayed here. We waited. We dragged our feet. We double and triple checked everything. Then we could wait no longer and disapparated. He's gone. Forever.
/JollyAuthor's Response: Thank you for all the feedback! Especially the ideas for the summary - I wasn't sure what to put because I didn't want to give away immediately what part of Deathly Hallows it was, but I didn't think of including an extract from the story.
Also, sorry you got confused about the story jumping ahead timewise - I tried to focus on Hermione's pain and sadness instead of including the storyline of canon. I'm not much of a writer normally, so I hope I got that ok.
Thanks again! =) Report Review
This was a really nice story... and your grammar is far better than mine:D
Well, you expressed the feelings very well. Should get a 10/10...:B
Keep writing... :)Author's Response: Thank you so much! You are my first revewer ever! *Gives vitual cookies* =) Report Review
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