I liked it; a very good beginning I'd say. You write very well, it's easy to follow. I look forward to where you're taking this story.
- SexyDoorFramesAuthor's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing! I'm glad you like the way the story is going so far! I hope I live up to expectations as to where the story is going in the coming chapters!
~ DragonSlayer Report Review
Hey! Your story has had an intriguing start. You've got a lot of emotion, which is good, but be careful of switching tenses too much without giving it some sort of "tag." It's easier to read when you use things like "...she thought" or put the things in first person in italics. Or make them their own paragraph. Otherwise, it can get confusing.
In terms of direction, make sure you avoid cliches, though this seems just fine so far. :) Like, don't have Draco and Hermione fall too hard too fast.
And remember that suspense comes when your audience knows more than your characters. I would highly suggets you let your readers in on what Hermione's problems/lies were in the next chapter. Frustration occurs easily when a character keeps referencing something SO big and so important, but we don't know about it.
Keep up the good work!Author's Response: Hi! Thanks so much for reviewing! I really appreciate it!
Thanks for the tips and for your thoughts as to which direction the story should go! Don't worry, I won't make Draco and Hermione fall too hard, too fast, I personally don't like those types of fanfics because they aren't believable.
I'm planning on telling the readers what's going on soon, most likely the next chapter. I just needed to set down the foundation in this one. So, you will find out what's running through Hermione's mind soon!
Again, thanks for the review! Report Review
Depression! Great topic. and a difficult one as well, but I think you have and ace under your sleeve so I will wait and see... LOLAuthor's Response: Thanks for approving of my topic choice! Yes, I guess you will wait and see. I just hope I don't let you down when it comes to expectations! Report Review
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