the first story i read @ hpff :') like like likeAuthor's Response: hehe, thanks :D Report Review
This is AditiDraco95 from the Forums with the review you requested for. Sorry about the wait!
Hmm, your fic was quite intriguing. Very believable and realistic enough.
Dom's torn emotions and not feeling anything, it was depicted quite well.
Poor Vic's condition was also realistically portrayed.
Though I don't believe how Bill could cheat on Fleur, they have always been so much in love, so maybe you should change this tiny fact here. Instead you could make it,
"Dadís fighting with mom all the time, mom doesnít want to listen." and all. That would make it a bit more realistic.
The mess they feel they are in right now, the very imperfect life they are leading, its all very well-written so congratulations on that! =)
There are a few minor grammatical errors here and there, but I guess you could ignore them, or get your story beta-read by someone =)
Apart from all this, I don't there are any flaws in your story.
Good characterization, nice plot line, believable scene; all in all good job! =D
Hope I was of help!
ADAuthor's Response: oh, hi again! :D
great to all the things you pointed out, thanks :D
hm... i guess you are right. It just doesnt feel like a Bill-ish thing to do. So yeah, I do need to change that... i guess he would try to keep Fleur in check of her uptight french tendencies and she's just too stubborn to try to fix them. sound better? :)
yes, yes, yes, getting a good beta is in my to-do list. swearsies! and thanks so much! Report Review
Thre words: I LOVED ITAuthor's Response: aw, thank you! :D Report Review
Deep words, once again, deep.
You're amazing, you know that?Author's Response: thanks SO much! i think you are my favorite reviewer of all time :D seriously. im jumping off joy :) Report Review
Hi hi hi!
So, I really like the whole premise of this. I'm seeing it as kind of a "beauty doesn't give one everything" type thing. :D I LIKE. Maybe work the theme in a bit more? Just as a suggestion.
Also, the whole part about Dobby being buried there? I think it would be better if you added a bit more detail than just saying that it was the first sign, or if you took it out. Because most readers see Dobby as a good thing, so you might want to think about that.
:D good job! :DAuthor's Response: thanks so much! and yes, i notice i have to work on the angst a bit. ill see if i get around to that. and dobby... well, i just figured a dead thing buried there sounded creepy, but of course dobby equals good. So that must be changed. anyways, thanks! Report Review
Wow this is really powerful! I loved the way Victoire was trying to be all innocent and saint-like and Dom just saw right through her. I love Teddy and Dom and to read them like this, it's detressing but you made this so amazing that it's ok! I liked the way you gave everyone in the family a problem. From Bill's infidelity to Louis' invisabilty, it was great.
8Author's Response: thank you so much! that was really nice i apreciate you reviewing :) Report Review
I absolutely love your writing, Marla!
The poor family has horrible problems.. (except maybe Louis, he's just quiet). VictoirexTeddy still sounds cute, but Dominique's thought that it might not even be Teddy's child makes it sound that they're both sluts (not to mention Dom being a drug-addict while also smoking weed and cigarettes).
And then Bill cheating on Fleur..
I think people on this site must think you only write sad, depressing (yet awesome at the same time) stories! xD
I absolutely [opposite-of-hate] it! I've been re-reading it at least 3 times already as well :)Author's Response: thanks so much! i love this story too! i feel like they just cant be all perfect, you know? Report Review
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