Ooh, another awesome chapter! I love how your chapter names end with an adjective sort of word. First interesting, then indescribable. I think it's a good idea, so if you keep it up it would be really interesting. I love the characters here, once again characterised so well. All the dialogue is quite humourous and keeps the reader entertained and engaged.
I found one mistake, "Girls love this book. It’s like a drug to him." Shouldn't it be, 'It's like a drug to THEM."? Anyway, it was funny and clever to include Twilight into it! I thought the one thing wrong with this chapter was Joseph waking up at 8:45am when the chapter previously said the boys never woke up before noon. Everything else was perfect though, and it's nice to see Nicholas having some feelings for Anna.. romance! :)
Altogether though, a very nice chapter! I'm sorry if I came off a bit critiquey, since I seem to be doing that alot… but yeah, I liked this a lot, so I hope you write some more chapters and finish the story some day! :) Report Review
A great starting chapter! I love the idea of your story. The whole four friends, four houses thing. All your characters are great. I love how Anna now has a friend in each house, all because of the Slytherin racism, that's still going on. You wrote it very realistically, and all the situations in which she made friends with the others was pretty interesting.
The one thing I'm not sure about is Joseph. It just doesn't seem right to have an 11 year old kid asking for a girl to make out with him… but I guess it's fundamental to the plot! I loved Katy's line, "What does that even mean?" That was funny. And also, that veela line was a great idea, and I love how Anna says she only gave him confidence, he was a heartbreaker already.
Altogether though, I'm very intrigued. It's a great idea. And I'll go read the next chapter now - because this is well written and I enjoyed it! :) Report Review
Another good chapter. Again I think another read through would be a good idea, there were a few typos or extra words here and there. One in particular that I noticed was when you said "She was a Squib, but Joseph made it a point not to tell other people know that." It should be either "made it a point not to tell other people that" or "made it a point not to let other people know that." Other than that I think the chapter is quite well done. Seeing the story from each of the character's POVs is a very clever idea. Sometimes I feel like Nicholas and Joseph are the same person. There personalities are very similar, minus the fact that Joseph is sort of a player and Nicholas is not. This might also be due to the fact that there were times when I became confused as to who was talking. Sometimes you used the word 'he' too many times and I became confused as to whether it was Joseph or Nicholas was talking. I would like to see more dialogue between the characters so that we can see more of their personality in the way they talk and not just in the things that have happened to them, plus from what I've seen so far their interactions are quite enjoyable to read. I like that you've made Anna's character still quite Slytherin-like even though she has all of these friends from different houses and is quite unbiased. I'm enjoying reading this story very much I can't wait to see what comes next.Author's Response: I'll have to look into that stuff soon. I probably didn't re-read it after I wrote it. But thank you! :) Report Review
This is an interesting story. I would recommend another proofreading as I noticed a few typos throughout the chapter. They weren't anything glaring that drastically interrupted the reading of the story but it's always a good idea to get rid of them anyway. There isn't much to say as it's only the first chapter, I'm definitely interested in the story itself. I like that there is a group of friends, one from each house, and that Anna actually went out of her way to make sure that she got a best friend from each house, it didn't just happen to end up that way. There isn't much about their personalities just yet, just what Anna thinks about each of them, and how she remembers them when they were all in their first year, but the flashbacks are a very clever idea to give the readers insight into the other characters. Your descriptions are really well done and your writing style keeps me intrigued in the story. So far so good.Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing! :) Report Review
Love the way the story's unfolding. It has a good pace and doesn't seem rushed, I like that and their personalities remain the same as before there aren't any weird jumps or anything. But there is one spot I noticed where you made a tiny little mistake. "Nicholas breathed heavily, glaring at Nicholas." Just some little spots like that, but not to many, I love the story and please do write more!Author's Response: haha ooh I just spotted that. my bad :) thanks for reviewing! Report Review
The idea of the story is good, and I love the way you introduced the characters and their personalities. There are some grammatical errors and weird sentences that seem out of place but only like two or three, so it's not bad. Sorry it took awhile for me to review! It'll take a little time but I'll review all your chapters! Love the story and hope that the plot that follows is good!Author's Response: Thanks so much! And don't worry, I'm just glad you're reviewing in the first place. :) Report Review
Oooh, I love this story already. Update soon!
Nicholas seems like such a brilliant character. I can't wait to see what you do with him. He has all the sarcasm and the wit to tear down anyone.
Anna, love her. I think that's about it. She can win any argument, I can see that already (although I think that Nick may give her a run for her money).
Remy is adorable. She seems so loving and caring. She would do Joseph good, but then Nick and her would make a calming couple. I'm not so sure of the sound of this Tyler guy though. :P But you never know. You can't judge a book by it's cover.
Joseph. He's a hunny-bunny. A player with a big heart. I bet he's going to break a few in this upcoming year of theirs.
I can't wait for more.Author's Response: Thanks so much! It took me awhile to fully characterize each of my lovelies, but I'm glad with what the outcome is.
I will update soon! :] Report Review
Told you I would look it up ;)
(I'm Amberfire from the forums if you don't remember me... lol you probably still won't even remember me ahah)
So yeah anyway awkwardness aside. I likey!
The OC's all seem very interesting, it will be interesting to see the friendship between four so very different people. I liked the way you worked the meeting of the four friends into the story :) It flowed really nicely.
I also liked the descriptiveness (hey its actually a word!! cool!) at the beginning with the chairs; I could imagine them both sitting out in the sun very clearly :)
Nicholas seems like such a cool cat! I can't wait for the next chapter to meet the guys; it seems like they'll be quite amusing :D
Next chappie soon pleeease! heh heh :D
Amberfire (...I'm always worried I've spelled my name wrong and didn't realise... you ever do that?)Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading! :)
I agree, Nicholas is certainly quite interesting. And you will get to read about both of them in the next chapter, once it's up (it's already written, I just need to validate a few more things). It's in Joseph's POV, but Nicholas has a big part in it.
Thanks again! Report Review
I'm liking this story so far! You've got a great mix of characters and personalities, all of which I love! The difference in them will make for some interesting conflicts ;) The guys in particular; I think I'll be getting a lot of laughs when they come into the picture.
Can't wait to see where it goes!
P.S. IAN!!! Nuff said haha :)Author's Response: Thanks so much! :) The second chapter is already written (which is in Joseph's POV) so I'm sure you'll get some kicks out of that one. I'll be putting it up after I get my Percy/Hermione one-shot validated.
Thanks for reading! Report Review
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