Reading Reviews for A Perfect Mess
  
15 Reviews Found

Review #1, by LilyFire Of Secret Passages and Porcupines

14th April 2011:
Aww.. this is so cute. I love it. Please tell me you'll right more and update soon?
~LilyFire

Author's Response: I have a half-finished fourth chapter sitting around. I'll be sure to work on it soon! :)

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Review #2, by LilyFire Of First Years and Spaghetti

14th April 2011:
i like Annabelle better for Annabelle! Haha, I still really like this story.
~LilyFire

Author's Response: Yeah, I do liek the name Annabelle a lot better. Maybe just because it's grown on me after writing, but I prefer it. Thanks! :)

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Review #3, by LilyFire Of Prefects and Quidditch Talk

14th April 2011:
I like it. I really wanna see what happens with Charlie and Tonks!
~LilyFire

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! :)

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Review #4, by rotter Of Secret Passages and Porcupines

27th December 2010:
i like this story, I think Chralie/Tonks is a very underrated ship. I do like you're original characters too. I wonder if they might get together.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review and I'm glad you liked it! As for the OCs, you'll just have to wait and see. ;)

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Review #5, by nextgenoration Of Prefects and Quidditch Talk

29th November 2010:
Cheers! It's Ash from the forums! A holiday review. ;)

This is really interesting! I found myself quite intrigued by the summary, and even more so by the writing itself. I thought you made nice, round characters. I particularly liked Jude, for reasons unknown to myself. It's just a good character.

Did you win the challenge? It seems like you did a pretty swimming job to me!

And I love, love, love seeing people take two characters that you don't imagine as having any connection and putting them together! It causes for some interesting events!

cheers! ash

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review! :) The person who gave the challenge never announced a winner, so I'm glad that you thought I did good with this!

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Review #6, by MidnightBlue_x Of Secret Passages and Porcupines

22nd November 2010:
Hey There, I'm here (again) for your review.

Sorry this one took so long, I was sure that I'd finished your three reviews but apparently not. This is a great chapter, it's good to know a bit more about the characters and everything! You're an amazing writer, but I'm sure you get that a lot, so keep on it.

x Ely

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I'm glad that you liked it and that you think am amazing! :)

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Review #7, by Ginny45 Of Secret Passages and Porcupines

19th November 2010:
Hey RandomRed here.
I really like how you have mention the secret passageways. Many people don't, I think people just forget they are there sometimes.

Your story is developing well, every chapter is paced well and lets a little bit more information out. Your characterisations are the same you let them develop every chapter.

I couldn't see any major problems. So your doing fine :D
Hufflepuffs have such a hard time. Haha

All in all I really like this chapter and again it makes me want to read on. Just yell when your next chapter is up :D
Ginny45/RandomRed xxx


I really like how you ended it. With Adam admitting he likes Iris but his friend comes first. I know there will probably be more to that storyline but it shows he is loyal.

Author's Response: Thanks so so so so so much for the review! This just makes me really happy, because this will be the 200th review I have recieved! :D Thanks for reviewing this!

Anyways, I'm glad that you liked this. I agree, the secret passages aren't written about a lot, and that was one of the reasons I decided to include it.

Yeah, I really liked how I ended it, so I'm glad that somebody else did as well! :) Thanks so much for reading.


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Review #8, by Ginny45 Of First Years and Spaghetti

25th October 2010:
Hey RandomRed here again :).
Your characterisations continue well, there is nothing I could fault them on. I am so glad you didn't call her Clara, this is my own fault though. I have a book where a character is bullied by being called Clara Cow and now that is all I can think of when I see that name.

I think your description of the Common room was really well done and your mention of the tiara, which I wasn't expecting, but made me smirk. Knowing what happens in the 7th book.

I am kind of curious about why her and the other Ravenclaws don't get on. However you plot is growing at a steady pace and it works well.

I really like these little details, that I realise people will think everyone puts in, but they don't. LIke her pajamas make her feel warm and things like that, that show bits of her.

Again great chapter. :)
RandomRed/Ginny45 xxx

Author's Response: Thanks for the review and sorry for the late reply! :)

I'm glad that you liked the description of the common room. Yeah, I smirked a little when I wrote it. ;) I'll probably explain more about her other roommates in a few chapters, so don't worry!

I'm glad that you liked it and I'll definetly be telling you when chapter three is up! :D


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Review #9, by Ginny45 Of Prefects and Quidditch Talk

25th October 2010:
Hey RandomRed here from the forums :)
I have never really read this ship before but it is really good. I had never even thought about it to be honest. I really like Charlie though, as a character and a Weasley. Your characterisation of him and Tonks is really good, even though we don't see much of Charlie in the books.Your original characters, as far as I can see all have distince voices. No Mary sues here.

My favorite part of this chapter has to be the ending. The last two lines just,in my opinon, sum up what most students must be feeling going up to the castle. It really made me like this chapter.

Just a point a found about Charlie whilst I was checking something else. He is always Hungary like Ron, or the other way round. It was a smart idea because it brings the mind back to the original books.

I think being the daughter of Rita Skeeter is such and original idea and the little dialouge between Bill and Annabelle was sweet.
You have a great start to the plot without giving too much away in the frist chapter. :)

Really good :)
RandomRed/Ginny45 xxx

Author's Response: It's good to know that my characters are believable, since that is what I worry about the most. I'm glad that you liked the ending. :) Thanks for the nice review!

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Review #10, by LivingFairytale Of Prefects and Quidditch Talk

19th October 2010:
Hey! It's Livingfairytale from the forums with your requested review. Here we go!

First of all; I never read a story with Tonks/Charlie as a pairing, but after reading this, I think they'd make a good couple, haha. I know already pointed this out already, but I really think you some of the OC characters need some fleshing out. It's hard to relate with them because we know so little about them except for their names.

I liked the whole 'plotting thing'. It was brilliant. Dora & Charlie do sound like an old married couple! Your characterization is really good; this is exactly how I portrayed Tonks to be. Charlie is really in character, too. I can't judge about the other characters obviously, because they're not canon. Your plot is going smoothly as well; nothing to complain about. I do think your story can use a little bit more description- you use a lot of dialogue, which is really good, but sometimes you need a bit more description to keep it in balance.

I really enjoyed reading this chapter. If you want me to read & review more, feel free to request in my thread. You're doing an amazing job so far, keep it up!
-- Livingfairytale

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I'm glad that I made the Tonks/Charlie relationship convincing, I guess! ;) Also, thanks for your opinion on the characterizations!

I'll probably be back asking for a review on the next chapter. Thanks for the advice and the great review!


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Review #11, by MidnightBlue_x Of First Years and Spaghetti

16th October 2010:
Me again.

I defintely think Annabelle suits her better than Clara. I think you should introduce the characters, like what colour hair too they have, any other outstanding features so that readers can picture them. It's up to you though. Well thanks again for requesting and keep writing!

x Ely

Author's Response: Ha, yes I think that Annbelle does suit her better. :) Once again, I'll look into what you said about describing my characters. Thanks for the reviews and I hope you enjoyed! :)

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Review #12, by MidnightBlue_x Of Prefects and Quidditch Talk

16th October 2010:
Hey I'm ElysiumJayne and I'm here for your review.

I'm a massive fan of Charlie/Tonks, ever since I read this cute as one-shot about them but I think your story really has potential to become great. The only thing I think you should change is maybe introduce your OC a bit better, I just feel like we don't know anything about her really but that could be coming in the next chapter, I don't know so if it is ignore that. Anyway, yes this is great. Thanks for requesting.

x Ely

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I'll look into what you mentuioned abotu introducing my OCs better. :)

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Review #13, by krissyanne426 Of Prefects and Quidditch Talk

23rd September 2010:
I really liked this!

First of all, it's super-well written. If you don't have a beta, then props to your editing skills. It's not hard to follow, and your grammar is good, and it's first and foremost, an enjoyable read.

I love the idea of Charlie/Tonks. I adore Charlie, and I think he's totally under-represented. I mean, I just picture him as like, the most gorgey of the Weasley boys, and he'd be all buff from working with dragons. I just think he'd be epic. So I love that you chose to write about him. In comparison to his family, we really know very little about him. I really like what you've done with him. He seems like a great guy.

Even more so, I adore you Bill!! He's so perfect! And adorable! And I want Anabelle to be with him so bad. Really. He's fantastic.

I like Anabelle, too. I suppose that's you? I guess I would just reccommed that she not plot too much and infuriate her friends. I know that sometimes it seems like a good idea, but sometimes it's rough! So just be careful.

Overall, I think this is a general improvement, though it certainly wasn't bad before!

Good job!
Kristen=]

Author's Response: Hey, thanks for the review! I know what you mean about Charlie being un-represented. He never really had a story to him, like all the other Weasley's did.

Yeah, Annabelle's me. ;) I'll try to be careful with that bit, so thanks! :)


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Review #14, by foundriapenguin Of Prefects and Quidditch Talk

18th September 2010:
Hey Kenn! This is Jordan :D For some strange reason my account keeps logging out whenever I go to this page, so don't worry, it's the real me!

Okay, well, I'll just jump right in with typos. You loathe them, I loathe them, I'm sure we all loathe them. Proofreading is hard to to do when half the time you're imagining how you're story looks and how it's supposed to sound that you don't notice the typos. Here are a few I found. Some of them aren't even typos; I think I just half beta-d your story, LOL.

"I don't think I've ever heard the Hogwarts Express (be) this quiet."
"Hey," Charlie snaps(.), glaring at her." Take out the period there.
"You know what, I thin(k) I'm in."
"So, what happened while I was gone(.)" There should be a question mark in place of the period.
"I think you"ll do (good) well."

OK, now let's move on to the plot. I think this is a nice beginning to a story. You creatively introduced your character and not just set it out like a dinner plate in front of the reader. It's more fun to discover more aspects of the story as you continue through it, you know? :D Admittedly, the idea of people setting up their friends is kind of cliche, but you seem to be adding twists already. I mean, I've never read a story about a daughter of Rita Skeeter! I think she's my favorite character so far!

To tell you the truth, I'm not too reliable at judging characterization. :P All of your characters seem to be fine, lovely ones so far! This is a very progressive start to what looks like a very intriguing story, Kenn! Tell me when the next chapter is up, alright?

~Jordan (;

Author's Response: Thanks for the great review Jordan! :)

I know, I've never really seen a daugter of Rita before, but I figured I needed a woman that would be around the right age ot have a child during that time. I'll definetly request another review when chapter 2 gets posted! :)


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Review #15, by Jessabelle Of Prefects and Quidditch Talk

18th September 2010:
Hi there! C: Jesi here with your requested review!

I think this is an excellent first chapter of what is sure to be a very entertaining story. Your characters seem like they are all very well developed, from what I can tell just in the first chapter, and I especially like your protagonist. Annabelle is almost innocent in regards to her feelings for Bill, and it's very refreshing. I also really like the way you gave a few details from each potential romance, but still managed to keep the information load light enough for the first chapter.

Your grammar and spelling were nearly perfect, I only caught a few little things so good on you! (:

"You know what, I thin I'm in." - 'thin' should be 'think'

"I think you'll do good." - 'good' should be 'well'

Those were the only two I found, and I read it twice so I sincerely apologize if I missed anything.

I really enjoyed this chapter, and I think this'll be a great story if you keep at it. I hope you finish it so they can all have happy endings and all that fluffy stuff. P:

Oh right! Just as an extra tidbit:

“Yeah, but when you bend the truth backwards and it breaks in half in your hands, is it still the truth?”

This line was great- very insightful and shows a lot about Annabelle's character. She seems like an interesting girl!

Thank you so much for requesting, I really hope I helped you out! Please feel free to re-request if you have any questions or a new chapter you'd like to be reviewed. :D Thanks again!

Jessabelle

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for the really nice review! :) I'm glad you enjoyed this, and I'll definetly have to fix those typos. :P lol Yeah, I really liked that line. It's one of the lines that didn't change form my original version of the chapter! ;)

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