Wow. This was really good, if incredibly sad. :/ I'd never heard of this fear before, but the thought of it is terrifying; the fear of one's reflection? Horrible.
This is one of the best Fred-centric stories I've read; you captured the loss, the absence of one's twin, so well.
-Jasmine Report Review
Hi Jasaline! I'm doing your requested review now! ^__^
Okay, I'll admit that this is tough for me to review, only because I can't be as unbiased with you as I can be with people I don't know. It's a little hard for me to be harsher for this reason, but I can try. :P
So, firstly, at the very top of your story, under the title, you wrote "he had this habit of breaking mirrors". It doesn't have anything to do with the story, I know, but it feels a little superfluous because you have your story right under it. :P
On to the actual story now!
It's pretty well written and it is a plausible concept. It's a bit darker than what I think would be realistic, only because most of the Weasley family ended up happier than you portrayed them. But it's really interesting - I would've never thought of George hating his own reflection, but it's so obvious that he would see Fred in it, of course! The style of the story worked for it - very daydreamy and distant, which made the reader feel a certain disconnect. So well done there. It works for this piece, but as a reader who has read all of your writing to date, I would advise you to branch out a bit more. Your syntax is generally pretty stable throughout all your writing, so try something new.
The only problem I have with this story is that not enough happens. You describe a condition, show it, then describe it, then show it some more. It's an interesting enough story, but the repetition feels a bit much. There is not enough going on here. It is an interesting interpretation, but there is no plot to it. I'm not saying that every story needs a plot, because it doesn't, but there isn't entirely a perfect pacing in this. It is too slow. George, as a character, remains too static and too flat. There is not much of a characterization to him other than that he is jaded and hurt.
"Well, at least, she was doing her makeup." - this line breaks the flow. It's kind of sarcastic and humorous and that doesn't blend as well with the rest of it.
"His laugh does not smile and his smile does not laugh." - I can see what you were going for, but the comparison doesn't really make too much sense.
Okay, that's me done trying to be "harsh". XD I really love that you take on subjects that are different for Post-Hogwarts though, and I wish I could think of such concepts. Really, this is well-written and shows why you got promoted.
Just work a bit more on style - making it more distinctive - and on branching out. Keep your own narrative voice out of the story if it is a darker or more serious theme because that gets in the way of the presentation of it. Perhaps a bit more description wouldn't have hurt. I caught the repetition of the "suns and moons" thing again, so definitely try new descriptions.
I enjoyed this a great deal and I hope that it helped you at least a little! :D You're a good author, I hope you know! I know that it's a bit annoying when you request a review hoping to improve and you get zero constructive criticism, so I tried with this one.
Keep writing! You'll only keep improving! ^___^
Celeste Report Review
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