17 Reviews Found

Review #1, by PaulaTheProkaryote O.W.L.s

11th October 2016:
Let's just casually skip over how it's been almost three weeks since I was meant to pop in. Sometimes I forget I have a thread at all!

Well, as expected, I again loved the story. I'm starting to get disappointed that you seriously never fail to disappoint. HOW DO YOU WRITE SO WELL?

I love minor(ish) characters and I think you've again, really nailed Barty Crouch jr. I like the introduction with Thorfinn and the friendly back slap brotherlyness of it all because it's so hard to picture him as a real person. He must have been though! I mean you don't spend all of your time coming up with ways to murder, right? And I like the idea of adding something to potions because it feels right. It reminds me of cooking dinner. A dash of garlic because it feels right. Then again if you consider it more like a chemistry class that wouldn't be the best way to go about it. A dash of HCl because it feels right. Oh, I'm dying with laughter now and I know there's no acceptable reason to be. It's fine. I'm just losing my mind.

I like in the first section where he's saying he wants to go into politics but "do it right" and then he follows it with getting rid of the mudbloods. It's such a funny statement in such a dark manner and I feel like it has mirrors to our current political state not just in the US, but also in other countries.

I knew it was her at the first hem hem. UGH UMBRIDGE GET OUTTA TOWN. I like the interaction with her because it feels so much like OOTP. It's straight from her characterization there and it's so well written. In my head I'm seriously just cheering him on with the imperius curse. I think that was a perfectly viable option.

AND MOODY. What a fabulous Moody. Might I request that if you get a chance and your muse is low that you grace your readers with a Moody centered story? That would be such a delight to read! I narrowed my eyes suspiciously at the owl patronus for just a moment but the explanation provided was magnificent. I loved it.

I also liked the remember what it was like line knowing that it would have to happen again at some point considering GoF. I loved that tie back!

Welp, I wish I had something to critique but you didn't leave me anything to pick at! I think the characterization of all of your characters was above and beyond brilliant! It's definitely one of your strengths!

Author's Response: No worries about how long it took to review, it took me a while to respond. Sorry for the delay.

I wrote this story when I found out that Barty had received 12 OWLS, more than even Hermione and it made me think about how even brilliant people can be evil or ignorant. I knew when I wrote it that it had to feature a duel with Moody to tie it together with GoF.

Thanks so much for characterization comments, I actually feel I struggle with emotion from characters, so I've only been having you review my best stories, and I do think this is one of my best.

The scene with Umbridge, I wrote as 'fan-service' to give people a chance to see someone get something over on Umbridge.

Owls are vicious predators, and even more, this was OWLs time, so I though the callout was appropriate.

Ohh, potions. I have written this in several stories, notably one with Snape and Luna, where Luna is doing this and Snape is mocking her while she's doing it, but at the end, she makes a good potion and Snape points out that it's a proper way to be a potion maker, and any idiot can just follow directions.

Thank you again for your kind reviews and good words. I appreciate them.

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Review #2, by PhoenixPulse O.W.L.s

8th February 2013:
Oh my goodness, this was so good!

The character of Barty Crouch Jr. has always intrigued me, and it pleases me to see a well written story of him on here. There's barely enough of him to read! To be honest, as sadistic as he is, I personally love him. He's my second favorite Death Eater, second to Bellatrix. (The fact that he's also played by David Tennant...oh gawsh!)

Anywho, I liked the little interaction between Umbridge and Crouch. When you started describing her toad-like qualities, I couldn't help but snort. And Crouch using an Unforgivable on her! But what I couldn't get over was that little scenario about the Doe, the Stag, and the Fawn. The imagery was powerful, and I can truly feel the insanity(?) that Crouch harboured. The way he described it...it was chilling.

And I loved his interaction with Moody. Of course it wouldn't end so well with Moody at the end, but when you flash forwarded there, my gawd was that haunting!

You portrayed Crouch's character perfectly, and I applaud you for that. His patronus though...an owl. That threw me off, but now that I've read this, I can totally see how that fits.

It was a remarkable read, thank you! And I favorited, just to let you know. :)


Author's Response: Sorry it took me so long to respond to this review. I haven't been around much lately at all. Thinking of starting up again, so I popped in. I'm so glad you enjoyed this story.

I really like that you noticed what was going on with his foretelling. Thank you so much for the kind review.

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Review #3, by alias093001 O.W.L.s

11th August 2011:
This is twisted and dark, a nice insight into Barty's character.

I find the prediction in Barty's Divination exam rather interesting: a representation of the Godric's Hollow confrontation. I wonder, did Barty know before it happened? Was he aware of Voldemort's destruction before anyone else?

The duel between Barty and Moody was definitely the best part. Like an early look into how Alastor was taken down in August 1994.

alias093001, Slytherin.

Author's Response: I always sort of pictured Barty Jr. as a mad Hermione. He's brilliant, but very unhinged. Mad people are traditionally seers, so I liked the idea of him having some talent there that he didn't realize. Yes, it was definitely Voldy killing Harry's Parents at Godric's Hollow.

Glad you liked the duel. I wanted Barty to make a good showing, but not be able to overcome an Auror at his age.

I really appreciate the review and the nice words.

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Review #4, by Alysea O.W.L.s

16th July 2011:
Interesting, I like what you have so far. =)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the nice review.

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Review #5, by JohannaMarie O.W.L.s

24th February 2011:
Wow. I just have to say how great that was. The crystal ball that predicted voldemort's first downfall, and the connection between moody and crouch. plus, just the fact that umbridge got her memory wiped and imperio used on her was nice :)

Author's Response: Thank you very much for the review. I'm glad you enjoyed what you read. I knew that Umbridge would be excellent in this story as someone who was grasping and ambitious and who needed her comeuppance by a person even more evil and twisted than she was.

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Review #6, by GubraithianFire O.W.L.s

11th January 2011:
Hi, Carl! It's Gubby with your review.

I'm going to do concrit first (not much, though!), just to get it out of the way. The only real problem - and I thought it was a sizable one - was your dialogue, which read as a little stilted to me. Maybe part of it is that this is an era I'm not used to reading, but it didn't read organically to me. Lines like this - Dadís a bit harder to fool, but heís so blinded by his own ambition that he canít see whatís under his nose - don't seem to be something that Barty, even as a dangerously intelligent and unbalanced person, would say to his friend, even one who knows his otherwise hidden opinions. I didn't feel that sort of stilted sense in the Umbridge and Moody sections, because he is speaking with an adult and is trying to hide his sympathies, but returned in the last section. Again, much of this may stem from Barty being insane, believing himself to be on some dramatic pedestal, but that was really the only aspect of the story that didn't sit well with me.

You said wanted to know if you showed Barty's psychopathy enough and I think you absolutely did. Because I get distracted easily while reading, I had to check to see whether these were his OWLs or NEWTs. The focus in fanfic is on NEWT-level students, and I expected that to be the case here, and would have found it easier to accept a psychopathy that pronounced in that age. Realizing that this was a fifteen-year-old who was Imperius-ing a proctor and holding his own with Moody really unsettled me. But what I remember now is that Barty was maybe nineteen when Voldemort killed the Potters and he joined the Lestranges on their attack on Neville's parents, and so I can see why you chose to set this story at this point of his life. Yes, I was unsettled - somehow I always imagined a more pronounced, sudden "fall from grace," as it were, and this very early example of his behavior surprised me - but it was a good kind of unsettled. I like seeing that level of thought in a story, especially one with such subject matter.

You also asked about the characterizations of Moody and Umbridge, but again, I feel like you did really well there. Me being dense, I didn't realize that it was Umbridge until she said so (I saw the Hem, hem and thought, That's convenient, then saw the toad and thought, hmm..., and...), but looking back, it makes utter sense that she be there in this time and be desperate to climb the Ministry ladder. It's amusing to think that she started out as a lowly examiner - also telling considering her time as Headmistress - and was already so ruthless. Her section, as I'm sure you intended, was the one where Barty's crazy really revealed itself. I actually felt sick to my stomach at him forcing her to eat flies - that's such a vindictive thing and yet it makes so much sense for a (crazy) fifteen-year-old to do. Moody was also done well, but what really showed me his true colors, so to speak, was his line about knowing that Barty was hiding something. After seeing (or rather, being told; interesting how you don't really show him doing any of this) him do all of this seriously advanced magic, a la Tom Riddle, it's good to realize that he wasn't pulling things off as perfectly as he would like to. Moody would not be taken in by a fifteen-year-old, although it does make me wonder what he did after this encounter. He couldn't have forgotten, and wouldn't have ignored it, constant vigilance and all... but...

And this is why I always like being introduced to stories like this. They make me think, they show me a missing part of canon. It's always difficult to make something fit into canon, and this has done so quite well. (:

Author's Response: Wow! Thanks so much for the concrit. Looking back at it, I can see what you mean about his dialogue sounding a bit stilted, especially with his buddy. Thanks for pointing it out. I will probably go and edit this. I should start working with a beta again, I think. You're right that at the end, he has more than a touch of the 'megalomaniacal villain' (I will tell you all my plans and then kill you; oops you escaped, etc.)

I'm glad I unsettled you. He was brilliant. He had more OWLS than Hermione (12 according to his dad!) so I expected him to be super-brilliant. I wanted to show him exceeding his grasp with Moody early on, but then showing him how much he knew later, so I'm glad that came through. I like writing the minor characters and giving them some flesh.

I'm glad you liked the characterisations. I knew I had to have Umbridge trying to climb the ladder and have Moody seeing Barty Jr. for what he was, so I'm glad that came through too. The fly-eating came organically; I thought it was something that a 15-year old would do. If he had been older, it probably would have been more horrible and not 15+.

As for after the encounter, I think that Moody always had an eye out for Barty Jr. but it took a while to catch him. It took someone else selling him out to give Moody what he needed. I like the idea of someone brilliant getting the best of Moody.

Thanks so much for the long review, and especially thanks for the CC. Nice to get a good, meaningful review.

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Review #7, by ABG O.W.L.s

30th December 2010:
Nice story. Interesting take on Barty Crouch's past and nice way to tie it to the "present," so to speak. Keep it up!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your nice review and I'm glad you enjoyed the story. I knew I had to write about Barty when I saw the prompt for the challenge.

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Review #8, by SaphireSmiles O.W.L.s

25th October 2010:
This is very powerful writing. I loved it. It's so dark and evil...and completely on the nose. FANTASTIC job. :)

Barty Jr. is really vicious. You added just the right amount of details and summed him up perfectly in my opinion.

I hope you're still writing! 10/10!

Author's Response: I'm definitely still writing, I just wrote a little bit for 'Bodies at Rest' today. I'm glad you liked Barty's characterization. It was actually kind of tough to tone it down to 15+ for this challenge. I really wanted to go with an M rating.

I picture Barty Jr. as very sociopathic/psychopathic, so the viciousness really goes along with that. I tend to write sparsely most of the time, so hearing that I got enough details in makes me happy.

Thank you so much for reviewing and making this old man's day.

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Review #9, by hufflypuff O.W.L.s

13th September 2010:
wow, that was really clever. i love how you reveal barty's character through little moments, like with the kid and the porcupine, and the scene with Umbridge was great. 10/10 :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the nice review. Yeah, it's definitely a character piece more than anything.

Glad you liked Umbridge getting her comeuppance a little bit.

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Review #10, by Babylon O.W.L.s

23rd August 2010:
This was a great story with a nice portrayel of Barty Jr. I really don't have much insite to add the other reviews seem to have covered all the bases, but I am surprised that no one else found it amusing that Barty made an accurate prediction of the down fall of lord Voldemort and that Umbridge dosen't believe that it's true saying it's a lie just like she denied the return of lord V.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review. I'm glad that you liked the prediction that he gave during the practical for Divination. I picture him much like Hermione, thinking that Divination is rubbish, so I liked giving him a true prediction. Thanks for catching and commenting on it.

I love trying to capture a character, and I'm glad you like the characterisation of Barty.

Thanks again for the nice review.

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Review #11, by serena_lilian_snape O.W.L.s

27th July 2010:
wow i love this! amazing interpretation of barty, i like how the exams tie into his death eater days.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the nice review. I'm glad you enjoyed how the story tied back onto itself and the interpretation of Barty Jr.

I truly appreciate your kind words.

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Review #12, by WeasleyGirl03 O.W.L.s

15th July 2010:
Amazing! You totally hit Barty Crouch Jr's quietly evil personality on the head :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much. Quietly, sociopathically evil is what I was going for, so I'm glad you enjoyed reading this.

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Review #13, by The Dark Temple of Light O.W.L.s

14th July 2010:
Barty Crouch Jr. is so cold, isn't he? But I did like how you portrayed him here. I loved how the story came all the way around until it was Barty in power...especially the line "You should remember what it's like to duel a fully-fledged Death Eater, Alastor." Anyway, it was a great little story!

Author's Response: Yeah, I meant him to be a cold, sociopathic person, so I'm glad that came through. Thanks for noticing that I tied his duel with Alastor into the line he told him later. I'm glad you enjoyed the story.

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Review #14, by daliha O.W.L.s

11th July 2010:
Very good characterization. It makes them all believable especially Moody. The whole Defence Against the Dark Arts examination was also interesting especially how Barty uses that against Moody. Plus I think the title is quite clever. You're a very good writer so this is a favorites.

Author's Response: Wow. Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm flattered that you enjoyed this enough to favourite it.

I definitely intended for the Moody/Barty battle to come full circle and I'm glad that showed. Thanks also for the nice words on characterisation. I always sweat that, so validation feels good.

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Review #15, by Blissbug O.W.L.s

28th June 2010:
Hi Carl, I'm so glad to have gotten here at last, I've been looking forward to this read.

I have to say that I'm impressed. Really impressed. Your specific points were about characterization, showing versus telling and...flow. Or was it plot development? Blast, now I can't remember. I'll just address both and hope that works :)

Despite the fact that I keep seeing Doctor Who as I read (damn you David Tennant!) I really enjoyed your characterization. Not once did I question it, because it felt natural, authentic and completely unforced. I did for a brief moment wonder about how talented Barty was (he performed a whole gambit of very difficult spells, which makes me wonder one, where did he learn them, and two, would he be that naturally gifted and curious as to dedicate himself to their mastery). But then that seemed to fall into line rather nicely, so it wasn't an issue, just a curiousity.

The only place where I saw showing versus telling was in Barty's duel with Moody. I would have definitely liked more description -- even a few monosyllabic words would have worked -- but I worry that more description would have killed the pace, which would definitely be regretful. Even in this case of showing versus telling though, it still seems to work. A touch more description would be lovely, but isn't strickly necessary.

Lastly, flow and plot development. I liked the flow, even the jump in years at the very end was excellent handled. As a reader I moved right into it very naturally, and the pace of the day dominant through the writing was subtle but effective. The plot also seems to be deceptively simple, but you handled the undercurrents very well. You had a clear unwavering sense of direction and as a reader I never onced questioned that.

Over all this was a really delicious read and I'm glad you requested in my thread. Feel free to come back! 9/10


Author's Response: Wow! What a very kind review. I had started feeling unsure about the piece because it had been posted for a while and had no reviews.

I always thought that Barty Jr. was a genius and also very self-motivated in the way a lot of sociopaths are. While he has a friend, he would also betray that friend if it benefitted him.

I'm so happy that I got the characterisations right. I always worry about that. I'd never written Moody or Umbridge before and I was concerned (I write Snape poorly, so I didn't know if I could pull off Umbridge).

I see what you mean in the duel and I'm not sure how to correct it. I might go back and take a look at that when I'm done with my next chapter.

I must admit that I have a weakness for vignette type stories and the coda at the end falls into that, but I thought it was necessary for closure of the story.

Glad you enjoyed it and thank you so much for the kind review.

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Review #16, by Reveille O.W.L.s

26th June 2010:
I have chills. You made Barty more sadistic than in the books, but still true to the Barty we know. You canon characters, specifically Moody and Dolores are absolutely spot on. (: I love that you created a history between Moody and Barty; and the fact that Moody had his number from the very first second.

I absolutely love the ending. The whole scene is so perfect, and you couldn't have closed on a better note. ^^

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review. I'm glad you enjoyed the ending. I definitely wanted to show a darker side to Barty Jr.

I'm also happy that I got the characterisations right. I always like to have canon characterisations, even when I have an AU story.

Thanks again for the nice review.

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Review #17, by Abhorsen O.W.L.s

24th June 2010:
First review! YAY! And oooh was that spooky. I think you absolutely nailed the characterization in the entire fic. Moody and his 'constant vigilance', Dolores and her corporate ladder climbing, and most of all Crouch. You've made him slightly more of a sadist than we saw in the books but truer to the sense of character that JKR gave us whiffs of. I really enjoyed the whole interplay between him and Moody during the DADA final - and that Moody was on to him. It seemed to me that that made a lot of sense, because Moody couldn't have possibly been a good investigator without sensing something was wrong there.

I will tell you that I wasn't immediately gripped at the opening. And I don't really know what to suggest to help you out there, but I thought I should tell you that I felt that.

Good job. 9/10

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review. I appreciate that you took the time to read and review my work.

I'm glad you enjoyed the characterisations and thought I had them down okay. I wanted Barty Jr. to come off more as a 'serial killer as a youngster' type, so if you found him more sadistic than in the books, I got that right.

I see what you mean on re-reading the story about the beginning. I meant it to parallel the canon scene with Severus coming out of his testing and getting bullied by the Marauders. But, I see it's just a bit of a slow start to the story.

I'm especially happy that you liked the interplay with Moody and Barty Jr. I really thought that Moody and Barty Jr would know each other and that Moody would be suspicious of him.

Thanks again for the first review.

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